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BPAL Madness!

Failmingo

Lab Staff
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About Failmingo

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BPAL

  • Favorite Scents
    The Great He-GoatBaron SamediKnucklebonesThe Knave of HeartsBlack ForestLeopold Freiherr Von TsemekwesThe Hierophant and The Empress

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  1. Elizabeth has contributed three talismanic oils for the new S+S drop celebrating Exalted Luna! Details below. https://sphereandsundry.com/offerings/exalted-luna-bpals/ PLEASE NOTE: These oils are not a substitute for therapy, medical care, or mental health care. HORN OF LILY This oil was crafted to help fortify mental stability, intensify concentration, and help gain and maintain control of one’s own thoughts and, consequently, actions. This is not an oil of mental agility; rather, it is an oil of deliberate thought, calm reflection, and the serenity of mind required to make wise decisions. This oil helps to quiet unnecessary noise, soothe agitation, and cultivate tranquility of mind. Peppermint essential oil and leaf from the TAL garden (Mentha piperita), Austrian thyme essential oil and leaf (Thymus vulgaris), lemon balm essential oil and leaf (Melissa officinalis), jasmine absolute (Jasminum grandiflorum), rose hips from the TAL garden (Rosa rubiginosa), star anise essential oil and pods (Illicium verum), sage leaf from the TAL garden (Salvia officinalis), clary sage essential oil (Salvia sclarea), juniper berries (Juniperus communis), cornmint essential oil (Mentha arvensis), hyssop essential oil and leaf from the TAL garden (Hyssopus officinalis), burgundy pitch (Pini burgundica), elder blossom CO2 extract (Sambucus nigra), white oak bark (Quercus alba), allspice berries and essential oil (Pimenta dioica), clove essential oil and bud (Syzygium aromaticum), and wild harvested California black pine needles (Pinus jeffreyi). HORN OF OAK An oil with a multifold purpose: enhancing physical strength, cultivating a hearty constitution, and establishing a foundation of financial stability. This oil was crafted to strengthen physical strength and endurance, build the groundwork for long-term financial wealth, and solidify financial and physical balance. It is an oil for financial investments and investments in your physical health. Cedar leaf and essential oil (Juniperus monosperma), rose absolute and rose petals from the TAL garden (Rosa damascena), wild rose petals from the TAL garden (Rosa nutkana), holy basil (Ocimum tenuiflorum), fig leaf, twig, and root from the TAL garden (Ficus carica), dragon’s blood resins (Dracaena draco and Daemonorops draco), rose hips from the TAL garden (Rosa rubiginosa), sage leaf from the TAL garden (Salvia officinalis), saffron threads (Crocus sativus), moonflower petals from the TAL garden (Ipomoea alba), red lotus petals (Nymphaea rubra), frankincense essential oil and tears (Boswellia sacra), Moroccan chamomile essential oil (Ormenis mixta), wild-harvested California black walnut leaf and bark (Juglans califomica), white oak bark (Quercus alba), juniper berries and essential oil (Juniperus communis), wild-harvested coast live oak leaf and bark (Quercus agrifolia), wild-harvested valley oak tree leaves (Quercus lobate), calamus (Acorus calamus), hyssop essential oil and leaf from the TAL garden (Hyssopus officinalis), nutmeg essential oil (Myristica fragrans), wild-harvested dandelion leaf and root (Taraxacum officinale), burgundy pitch (Pini burgundica), clove essential oil and bud (Syzygium aromaticum), Irish moss (Chondrus crispus), cinnamon bark (Cinnamomum verum), patchouli root, leaf and essential oil (Pogostemon cablin), butter CO2, Guatemala balsam (Myroxylon balsamum (L.) Harms Var perierae), fir needle essential oil (Abies balsamea), and pine essential oil and needles (Pinus sylvestris). This oil is not vegan, as it contains CO2 extract of butter. HORN OF ROSE While Horn of the Lily soothes the mind, so does Horn of the Rose soothe the heart. This is an oil of stability and grounding that assists in emotional regulation and soothes turbulence and cools passions in order to help facilitate equilibrium, balance, and integration. Rose absolute and rose petals from the TAL garden (Rosa damascena), wild rose petals from the TAL garden (Rosa nutkana), angelica root and essential oil (Angelica archangelica), Ecuadorian palo santo wood resin and essential oil (Bursera graveolens), orris root and butter (Iris pallida Lam.), champaca absolute (Michelia champaca L.), ylang ylang essential oil (Cananga odorata var. genuina), helichrysum essential oil (Helichrysum italicum), lavender buds and solvent-extracted absolute (Lavandula angustifolia), Seville lavender essential oil (Lavandula stoechas subsp. luisieri Rozeira ), rose hips (Rosa rubiginosa), oakwood absolute (Quercus robur), benzoin gum (Quercus robur), hyssop essential oil and herb from the TAL garden (Hyssopus officinalis), ), burgundy pitch (Pini burgundica), clove essential oil and bud (Syzygium aromaticum), Scotch pine essential oil (Pinus sylvestris), wildharvested Eastern white pine needles (Pinus strobus), whole jasmine flowers (Jasminum odoratissimum), jasmine absolute (Jasminum grandiflorum), and Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab rose vegetal musk.
  2. Failmingo

    Glowing Vulva at Ryogoku Bridge 2024

    I had no recollection of this from the original release, and thus have no basis for comparison. From a bottle-sniff alone I wouldn't have thought much of it: creamy and wispy, faintly pink at the edges, all in a relatively unsentimental way: comforting without being particularly inviting. I think it must be one of those scents that's densely packed together like an accordion, expanding once it makes contact with air, because within a few moments on the skin I felt like someone in one of those cinematic dolly zoom shots: Each of the listed notes has deepened somehow, unfolding dimensionally. I'm getting several layers of cream, a polished wood base, and a scattering of pale floral bokeh twinkles. I truly went from a "meh" in the first two minutes to finding myself continually distracted by this scent over the next two hours, because of how seductive it was. I kept catching myself thinking it was a scent someone else was wearing. Nope, that's me! In the drydown there are elements of overlap with other creamy scents I love: Melon Cream Cake, and Noisy Goose Moon. This one is more grownup, I suppose, a bit more wistful, less overtly foodie. Really happy I gave it a try, because I've been so buried in Shungas that most have only gotten a superficial sniff so far.
  3. Failmingo

    French Tickler

    I smelled this immediately following Edible Panties -- comparable in terms of red fruit and pink pepper, but WHOOSH what a difference that pom makes. Almost concerningly dark! Who hurt you, pomegranate? You get a sense of candied sweetness and spice around the edges trying to liven things up, but there's no avoiding the deep burgundy abyss at the center. I agree that it's reminiscent of Pomegranate Ink! But with a more playful twist instead of doubling down on the inky darkness. The depth of it seems quite secretive and personal compared to a ribald Edible Panties adventure. French Tickler is more of a special occasion lover: recesses are plumbed, real feelings are felt. Grows more serious as it dries out, but never quite loses that juicy tartness. Almost a blackberry? Divine. Candy is dandy, but this is some ADULT FRUIT.
  4. Failmingo

    Edible Panties

    Galen and I were just laughing about how fruit roll-up-y this is in the bottle. It has that sticky humidity, I can practically HEAR the ripping sound of the roll-up peeling away from the clear plastic. This is maybe the most immodestly sugared-up strawberry I've had the honor of encountering in a BPAL... almost like a daiquiri or a sundae topping. And same with the cherry, it's downright lurid. On the skin the peppercorn really elevates this blend. It's still fruity to the point of utter lasciviousness, I'd say maybe even downright TACKY. But the pepper corn gives it an arid quality and also a bit of mystery, the kind that makes it possible to show one's face in public even when dressed like THAT. It smells to me the way I think girls (and others, ahem) in the '80s fantasized about smelling when they grew up. And you know, maybe some actually dared to, and then some of us didn't. But it's never too late! I'm turning 45 this year, and suddenly it seems alarmingly possible that I'll show up to my birthday party smelling like Edible Panties.
  5. Failmingo

    Heart-Shaped Hot Tub

    There's absolutely nothing about this list of notes that suggests I would find it enticing. And the Hair Gloss iteration of this scent was so MUCH TOO MUCH that I don't think I even tried it on. However, tonight I was playing the fun game of just grabbing bottles and blind smelling, and this one demanded a skin test. I would have guessed some kind of deep, resinous cherry or pomegranate (perhaps because I knew French Tickler was somewhere on this shelf). I didn't track anything especially floral in the bottle. I tend to avoid wine scents, but here we are. That was the fruit I was catching, and the red musk has really worked it into a dark lather. Truly just a breath of magnolia hanging in the air around it, incredibly apt for the scent concept. It's not "soapy" and it doesn't smell like bathwater or bubble bath, more like an environment that sets the stage for both cleanliness AND filth. It kind of alternates between hard and soft, gauzy and gleaming, romantic and pervy. As that rich redness gradually calms down, I can appreciate the more refined contributions of oudh, benzoin, and magnolia, but... it's all still very impure. We all know that tub is gonna see some action. In my imagination, the heart-shaped hot tub itself is in the center of the room, with everything else built around it. The scent is constructed accordingly. In short: is it possible for a scent to give both fancy hotel vibes AND sleazy hotel vibes? That's what I found here. And I guess I like wine now!
  6. Failmingo

    Rhubarb Custard Muffins

    This is the most rhubarb-forward fragrance that I, personally have ever smelled! In the bottle there's a lovely gradient from the sharp, almost vegetal dark green to that twinkling ruby tartness, surrounded on all sides by soft piles of custard -- plenty of reassuring sweetness to support the more forbidding tones, just the way you'd want in a quality rhubarb bake. I don't get the cake part as much until the oil is drying on the skin, and even then it just serves as a lovely, crumbly platform for the tangy rhubarb enjoying its moment in the spotlight. There's a lovely interplay between the coolness and warmth of these various notes, kind of the way something will still taste "baked" even though it's fully cool to the touch. If someone didn't know this was rhubarb, I have no idea what they'd guess it was... but it's definitely distinctive, appealing, and suggestive of something tantalizingly edible, without overpromising in terms of sweetness of intent. I've found this lasts decently long on my skin! I'm excited to layer with some rose blends (particularly Roses, Pearls, and Rubies, which has a less-prominent rhubarb note) and some strawberry blends (which are often too sweet for me to fully enjoy).
  7. Failmingo

    Snow Moon Lunacy is Live!

    We've done it! 🥶 Here's everything that's included in the latest Lunacy launch: https://blackphoenixalchemylab.com/product-tag/lunacy-february-2024/ All of the current Lunacy products can be browsed together here: https://blackphoenixalchemylab.com/product-category/a-little-lunacy-limited-edition/
  8. Failmingo

    Pistachio Ambrosia

    In the bottle this tracks so cleanly to the fluffy salad I remember eating at family functions, it's kind of astonishing. The twinkles of pineapple juice and kind of husky nutty scent of the pistachio and coconut, floating on a sort of blandly creamy cloud. The blandness is part of what's so appealing about it, I wish I could describe it better. That's how it was with the ambrosia itself: nothing I ever craved or requested, but I did enjoy eating it, exploring all the flavors and textures. On the skin it's surprisingly mature, possessing a startling sensuality and longing. The nutty notes have real oleaginous richness and depth that offset the unseriousness of that pastel tutti-frutti color palette. It reminds me of an illicit encounter during a party, perhaps in a bathroom or closet, with the sound of other people's laughter and gaiety audible in the background. It also seems like authentic tiki bar time travel! If it wasn't for these distinctly vintage-y associations, I might have sworn it was a Shunga. Over time I found the orange outlasted the pineapple, but otherwise it remains silky green and nutty to the bitter(sweet) end.
  9. Failmingo

    Fancy Pups

    I reviewed this in quite a bit of detail on an Instagram Live session, but then... the Live crashed and it wasn't able to be shared. So I'll try to recreate my thoughts here! Upon first sniffing the bottle, I died a little because there is such wonderful overlap with Nobodies Watching Wrestling -- the black leather & strawberry lip gloss scent which I've been enjoying for many years. However, the difference in complexity is startling, and instantly elevates Fancy Pups to a higher tier of enjoyment. There's a smooth, creamy, oleaginous pinkness that I associate with Millennial Pink, but also these sparkling tropical fruit notes that seem realistically juicy and tart. The leather, which remains present at all times, is sleek and elegant, but there's a distinct sweaty or polluted quality (the tobacco, surely) to it as well. On the skin it's a real party. Galen described it as "Vegas-y." It's successfully genderblind IMO, very playful and bratty in its ambiguity, rolling back and forth between sweet and stern, coquettish and brazen, pastel and pitch black. That mango/papaya color palette really defines the scent as much as the sweat-slicked leather does. It stays and stays on me -- if I wear it in the evening, I can still faintly smell it when I wake up. In short: Fancy Pups is what Fancy Pups NEEDED to be. Bravo!
  10. Failmingo

    Green Maraschino

    This one might not be an easy sell, since the combo of cherry and mint makes it impossible to escape a certain amount of "cough drop" associations. But Green Maraschino is more complex than that, and rewards a deeper sniff! My immediate thought when smelling the bottle was that there's actually something grassy to it. The freshness of the mint, the bright acidic tartness of the lime and yuzu, the lushly glowing sweetness of the cherry... kind of a lot going on! But my first impression was chlorophyll? Which is oddly fitting given the color palette. Am I crazy? I am not a great lover of mint smells, and the peppermint immediately grew stronger when freshly applied to the skin. This was a bummer, but I'm glad I waited it out! Within a few moments it calmed down quite nicely, and the sharp citrus seems to throw the furthest. I was also fascinated to discover that the lovely cherry sweetness remains relatively understated, rather the way it would in a cocktail garnished with a maraschino. No boozy notes are listed, but there's something about the whole package that suggests a fancy cocktail at a '50s nightclub, poured from an aluminum shaker. I would savor a drink that tastes the way this scent smells: cold, refreshing, not too sweet. I never quite get that grass blast again, but there's definitely something about the citrus and peppermint pairing that evokes a wet, glittering green. Some of the things I love about Green Maraschino are exactly what might read to others as "Welcome to the Halls of Medicine," but I think the tartness really turns it into something else, and I'll be excited to wear it out on warmer evenings.
  11. We’ve been releasing this special Leap Year scent ever since 2008! But this time we’re going to keep FREDERIC around a little longer than usual, so more of you get to enjoy him. ⚓️ https://blackphoenixalchemylab.com/shop/a-little-lunacy-limited-edition/lunacy/frederic-2024-perfume-oil/ Alas, poor Frederic the Leapling! — bound to the merry Pirates of Penzance until his twenty-first birthday. As his birthday comes around only every four years, so does his scent! “Victorian whimsy and piratical romance: a reluctant seaman’s chypre sloshed with a mix of bay rum, patchouli, amber musk, dark woods, tea rose, and red currant.”
  12. This weekend will be the latest blood milk event at Sphinx & Snakeskin, and they'll be unveiling the following new scent: MIDNIGHT SNOWFALL Frost-dappled night-blooming petals, Oman frankincense, champaca orchid resin, and opium tar accord. Updates and info about the event can be found here: https://www.instagram.com/sphinxandsnakeskin/
  13. Everyone here likely already knows that the Lupers have landed, but here's my belated official post about it! https://blackphoenixalchemylab.com/product-category/lupercalia-2024/ https://blackphoenixalchemylab.com/product-category/novel-ideas-for-secret-amusements-2024/ Here’s a cross-section of the collection's contents: 🫀 Main Category Lupercalia - Reunite with old friends and lovers from Lupers past, or cruise for new ones! Here’s where you’ll find the HEART BEET scent we designed our announcement around: “Raw, wet beets, pulsating blood musk, and raw wild ginger.” 🫀 Box of Chocolates - Our latest sampler full of treats like WHITE CHOCOLATE AND TARO CREAM are so decadent, you’ll be tempted to taste... but these perfume oils are for external enjoyment only! 🫀 The Amphibian’s Lapidary - Five chromatic variations on our fairytale blend ROSES, PEARLS, AND DIAMONDS, inspired by different precious gems. 🫀 Our Lady of Pain - For the first time in over a decade we’re revisiting “Dolores”, Swinburne’s 1866 poem of tormented longing, painstakingly interpreted through scent. 🫀 For Entertainment Purposes Only - This 2018 series inspired by popular grownup novelty items rides again, accompanied by ribald illustrations by Drew Rausch. We’ve even compromised our constant “Perfume, not poppers!” messaging by adding a new fragrance called VIDEO HEAD CLEANER. Please sniff responsibly, ya freaks! 🫀 Shunga 2024: Novel Ideas for Secret Amusements - A shining star among BPAL’s annual collections, this series of perfumes, hair gloss, and atmosphere spray is inspired by Edo-era illustrations of adults enjoying themselves (and each other) very adultly. If all this has left you feeling dirty, please also note that a major Bath Oil restock occurred simultaneously with this update. So get your mind out of the gutter and into a steamy tub where it belongs. Consider inviting a friend! Happy Lupercalia season, everyone! 🔥🫀🔥
  14. It behooves us to inform everyone that we're headed into another round of price increases on the website as we set the stage for Lupercalia. I don't have concrete figures yet, but I'm happy to get out ahead of this change and help explain it. There are two areas where BPAL refuses to cut costs: 1. The quality of our ingredients, since our products are absorbed into the skin. 2. The integrity of our labor practices, which include providing our small crew of employees with a reasonable wage and benefits for those working full-time. As a result, these are our two greatest expenses (and I'll add that they're expenses that many of our competitors are NOT shouldering). Our standards are higher, our operation and output are larger, and we have a much more established reputation to uphold. I'll also tell you this: BPAL's chiefs have avoided adjusting prices fairly for years, fearing it would alienate members of our community -- folks who have gotten used to spending a certain amount to enjoy our products, who have come to evaluate our output through a very specific lens. I've spent years trying to polish that lens, updating everyone on the reality of our situation, highlighting the differences that make our company unique among other indies, and helping guide customers to the most affordable options. But the larger truth is that BPAL's tried-and-true economical model has continued to evolve drastically in recent years, just like that of every other small business. Many of our key ingredients have *doubled* in cost. DOUBLED! These are specialty components with no acceptable substitute. They are what make certain blends so beloved, and make exciting new concoctions possible. There is no "reasonable" price increase that could possibly make certain products profitable again, nor can we retire or replace them without losing something essential to our identity -- hence the need to raise prices across the board. We're determined to maintain a stable, continuous scent library while also exploring new vistas in fragrance. I'm sure we'll be exploring income streams that don't rely as heavily on global imports of extremely precious substances. We're daring to be optimistic about our prospects as we continue settling into our roomy new facility in Philly -- thankfully now one of the few variables in this equation that ISN'T bleeding us dry. The cost of BPAL's labor isn't something we consider it tasteful to complain about. We've had meetings with industry professionals who were taken aback by our insistence on producing wares here in the US, under our direct supervision. And as someone who's worked full-time for the Lab since 2016, I'll tell you some things about this aspect of the business that Beth, Brian, and Ted would never think to say: BPAL's ethos is directly drawn from their own personal experience working terrible, labor-exploitative jobs... and also from really great workplaces they were fortunate to be part of. As a worker, this has been a transformative experience for me, and I've seen it have the same effect on my coworkers. We are determined to be the company that folks have always believed we could be. Still, this has often resulted in all of us (including myself) doing the jobs of many more people to offset steadily increasing expenses. The gradual price hikes instituted since 2020 were just band-aids helping to stave off catastrophe. We knew it even then, but Beth has a personal horror of blowback from testing our core customers' loyalty. She wants everyone to get the version of BPAL they love best, and has sacrificed mightily over the years in order to keep everyone as satisfied as possible. She will hate me telling you this! But I can't stress enough what a difference it makes to work for and alongside someone who actually cares this much, even as I worry about the toll this can take on a person. I'm newer around here, which helps in terms of presenting facts a bit more plainly: it's not 2004 anymore. The world has changed, the perfume industry has changed, economic realities are continuing to evolve. The dream of providing a wide range of safe luxury products that satisfy sophisticated palates, obscure tastes, international fandoms, and niche interests doesn't run on dream-dust alone, and we are embarrassingly sans trust fund. Even if we had an angel investor or corporate buyout to fall back on, the very first thing they'd do is look at the books and insist on raising prices AND moving production abroad. I think the best way I can put this to old BPAL heads is: you want more Carnaval Diabolique? You want an exciting range of new licensed products, or expansions of existing ones? You want more deep cuts from past releases to resurface? Reformulations of lost greats? More jewelry? More imp packs? A better website? More original storytelling? The magic key to all of this is Beth regaining the freedom to be a creative dynamo working at the height of her powers. We simply can't get there without hiring more people. We can't hire more people unless we raise prices. I've done my best to encourage Beth and Brian through all this, making a case for what their work is really worth, helping them trust that customers will continue to see the value in it. And of course, it will fall to me to advertise all these qualities which make BPAL so special -- which can sometimes be easier with new folks who are seeing us through fresh eyes. Think about what it means for someone in 2024 to stumble across this resource for the first time... a huge playground of high-quality scent opportunities rooted in something positive. Ethical, inclusiv practices, presided over by actual human beings who have somehow managed to madly pursue their artistry THIS far. We recently found out that we've been nominated for a corporate licensing award for our work on the TOMIE fragrance. We're also going to be featured in an upcoming ELLE. article about the niche perfume boom. As I put it to Beth: these seem like nigh unthinkable career milestones for an old-school goth crew. And we're still gathering steam, capable of so much more. And our products still (and will always) cost far less than those of the brands we consider our worthiest competitors. So with all of this to consider, we urge everyone to keep an open mind as new prices take effect. We've made it this far together, and we're committed to being realistic in our pursuit of keeping the good times rolling.
  15. A new book project called ANIMALIA is being Kickstarted by Century Guild, and we've created a perfume blend that can be added onto any pledge tier for $20/each: DRACO "Come not between the dragon, and his wrath: a rolling crack of Daemonorops draco and red peppercorn, billows of incense smoke, honeyed Cambodian oud, blackened oakmoss, flame-gold amber, a delicate membrane of leather, and a curved, sharp sandalwood claw."
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