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  • Silvertree

    Mod post: No wishlist posts in blogs

    By Silvertree

    Please be aware that we do not permit swap-related content on profiles or in blogs. Please post this content only in the For Sale, Swaps, and Wanted forums, or in the Wishlists topic. ~from Swapping 101  Thanks!
    • 5 comments
    • 5,891 views
This Old Snark
 

A Sense of Place

Purely through serendipity, Snarky was directed to the site of one Walt Lockley (link to his site, here's his Wikipedia user bio). She needs to find out more about this man.   She read about the history of the Garden of Allah in Hollywood and thought of Valentina when she read the following passage:   Snarky doesn't even know if anyone else gets excited about things like this (she has only recently been reminded of her own love affair with the built environment), but she just had to share that tidbit.
darkitysnark

darkitysnark

5
This Old Snark
 

The Blackening

(New pics posted in Snarky's BPAL Member Gallery. She's having trouble linking to them directly ATM.)   Snarky has posted picks of The Blackening.   The dining room was originally a cranberry red, which looked very striking next to the neutral gray of the living room.   Then the Snarks up and painted the living room candy apple green. In combination with the red, they were then faced with Christmas on Acid.   So... they decided to put down an equally bright and cheery orange to complement the green only... it didn't. At all.   Then The Mister, the normally non-gothy of the two Snarks, had a brainstorm: paint it BLACK.   The Snarks had a gallon of matte black pain on hand to use as a base coat to the blood red they are planning for the basement AV room.   After minor cajoling ("It'll look crisp against the white trim and green w/red accents theme of the living room! There will be so many pieces of art and state plates on the wall the black will look like a framing device!") Snarky agreed and now they have a BLACK dining room.   Snarky is now considering a recycled antler chandelier as well. (only not really) (maybe?)
darkitysnark

darkitysnark

0
Do you have a flag?
 

Entire GC Swap Reviews - cordia Package #4

cordia #4: Lady of Shalott, Lilith, Love Me, Magus, Othello, Undertow, and Whitechapel. I hadn't written reviews for ANY of these yet, but the only one I didn't have was Undertow.   Lady of Shalott - The scent of calm waters just before a raging storm, limned with achingly-beautiful blooms, an icy scent, but somehow warm, and mirror-bright: bold gardenia, crystalline musk, muguet, water blossoms, clear, slightly tart aquatic notes and a crush of white ginger. The gardenia is prominent, but I don't mind it as much as I usually do. The ginger and musk is a nice combination -- they keep the floral notes from being too heady. It's slightly aquatic as well... kind of reminds me of flowers floating on a pond. Very pretty.   Lilith - Mother of Demons, Vengeful Fury, Darkest Seductress, Queen of the Djinn, Goddess of the Gate. Red wine, myrrh, black musk, and attar of rose. This smells very fruity and sweet at first. It doesn't smell like fury to me. Can definitely pick out the red wine in it, and the rose is there too. This reminds me a lot of Wanda, except that Wanda smells entirely of red wine on my skin, and in Lilith there's a little bit of rose too. I like this one better than Wanda, but when it's dry the wine scent is still a little too strong for me.   Love Me - A commanding, dominant oil that increases sexual magnetism, creates an intense and irresistible air of attraction, and amplifies potency. I can't comment on how well this works for its purpose, but I like the scent of it. It smells spicy, like cinnamon, but not overly so. There's also something powdery underneath the spice. Maybe some kind of wood, too. It definitely smells like it would attract people, I've been sniffing my wrist compulsively since I put it on. I like this a lot, even just as a perfume.   Magus - An ancient blend, swollen with arcane power: galangal, high john essence, frankincense, cedar, and sandalwood. I read frankincense and cedar in the notes and thought I wasn't going to like Magus. I'm surprised to find that I do like it. It's in the same vein as Aureus and Cathedral, but it doesn't smell as much like a pencil box as either of those do. The frankincense doesn't get overly sweet on me like it usually does, and the cedar doesn't smell quite as peppery as usual. This is kind of comforting and soft. I like it a lot better than Cathedral.   Othello - Arabian musk with two roses and a bevy of Middle Eastern and Indian spices. I don't think this is masculine. I see what other reviewers mean about the fabric softener, though -- there's something crisp about this scent. It actually reminds me of a soap scent. It's not my favorite rose blend, but I like this better than some others.   Undertow - The Dark Side of Air: a high pitched, tangy, clear scent -- light China rain deepened by murky vetivert. I smell some kind of mint in this, or possibly eucalyptus. I can't really smell any vetivert in it. It's definitely high-pitched and tangy, like the description says. It does seem airy, too. It's not the kind of scent I wear, but it smells pretty good. After it dries it smells less minty and much sweeter. It reminds me of Pez.   Whitechapel - A gentlemen's blend, possessed of dignity, charm and refinement, but in truth masking a corrupted, hideous, soulless core. White musk, lime, lilac and citron. This smells strongly of lime at first... but most blends that contain lime usually smell mostly of lime on me at first. There's a little bit of lilac underneath the lime that starts to come through as the lime fades out, and the lilac keeps getting stronger while it dries. But as the lime goes away a lemony scent takes its place, and I don't care for lemon. It makes the lilac smell sour, and I like lilac so much that I don't want it to be altered like that. The parts of this that I like are things I can find in other oils I like better: I can get my lilac fix from Cordelia, and for a clean crisp masculine citrus scent I prefer Villain over Whitechapel.
filigree_shadow

filigree_shadow

0
Filling the Periodic Table
 

Oh no! Tap Water!

I love my boyfriend, he is super-super-smart, but sometimes I think he's a little too quick with the paranoia.   Someone recently tipped him off to the dangers of fluoride. This person apparently convinced him that you consume enough fluoride in drinking 8 glasses of water a day to cause measurable harm to the body. I've heard this before too, and after reading up on the topic, I am confident in my point of view that that is a load of crap.   Yes, flouride in large doses can hurt you - so can water or alcohol. Here's the solution: Don't eat your toothpaste.   But, that's not what prompted me to write this. The thing is, he's all concerned about 1ppm of fluoride in the water, but he *smokes*. If he's concerned about ingesting toxins, maybe he'd like to have a little chat with his lungs. I'm sure they'd be happy to stop getting coated in tar, and dosed with carbon monoxide.   Me, personally, if I had to pick just one substance added to things we food and drink that poses the biggest, baddest health risk? It wouldn't be fluoride (which totally would not be in the top 10, probably not even the top 100), it would be high fructose corn syrup. That is some nasty shit.
antimony

antimony

4
Diplomatka
 

Let's Hear It for the Russians!

A two hour flight and I am in another universe. Stepping off the plane, I remembered the first time I ever arrived at the Almaty International Airport: June 15, 1999, 4:30am. Getting off the flight from Istanbul, still hung over from my “last night in America” drinking binge with my college friend Dan, I had no idea what I was about to get myself into. I didn’t realize that the two years I had pledged to spend in Kazakhstan would turn into five, that less than 24 hours before I had met my future husband in the elevator of a twenty-storey hotel blocks from the Sears Tower, or that what I was about to do would change the course of my life.   Back in 2006, I am jumping over deported Koreans (see post below) to be first off the bus to Passport Control (I am an expert at this) and then on to baggage claim. Aigul is there to meet us with her new 17-year-old girlfriend. My husband and I hop into her Neva and drive to the city. I was only there last year, but so much has changed. There are new apartment blocks on literally every corner, supermarkets are almost outnumbering the mom-and-pop shops and there are very few kiosks. Soviet and Russian cars are predominated by Lexuses, Hondas and Toyotas; Kazakhstanis are doing well. I couldn’t help but think about how far this sparsely populated country had come since the fall of the Soviet Union and since the first time I came seven years ago.   Seven years ago the hotel rooms had communal toilets and hot water for only two hours a day; there were only two supermarkets in town, Rossei and Ramstore; nobody wore deodorant and the only types of buildings were the constructivist Soviet-era blocks. All of the changes—the stylish young people, lack of beggars, consistent electricity and water, availability of every consumer product imaginable—made me think about Afghanistan. I wish that I could travel back in time to that moment in the early 1980’s when the CIA decided to intervene to make Afghanistan “the Soviet Union’s Vietnam”. I wish that I could somehow have convinced the US government to stop arming the Mujahadeen and fomenting the insurgency. Then I think about how things might have been. When the Soviets occupied Kabul there were tramvais. The thought of a tramvai (trolley) on the streets of Kabul, where cars can now barely go, blows my mind. They built apartment blocks, the set up infrastructure; there were hospitals, schools, electricity. I am by no means excusing the horrible atrocities that the Soviets committed against the Afghan people (land mines shaped like dolls, for example), but maybe, just maybe, all of the problems the world is facing with terrorism could have been mitigated if the Soviets had stayed.   I realize that there are a lot of ramifications from this line of thinking--the war in Afghanistan clearly had implications for the fall of the Soviet Union—but looking at a place like Kazakhstan, and more appropriately, Tajikistan, makes me wonder what might have happened. There is something to be said for authoritative development.
Confection

Confection

0
Is Anybody Out There?
 

Award letter

I got my award letter today. I'm getting about $400 less each quarter than I was last year. That kinda blows.   On the upside, it does cover tuition and books, so hooray school! Boo fafsa cuts.   I don't know what the notes in Montressor are, but I'm concerned that it shares something with MB: Closet, which is all cat urine, all the time, on my skin. I got a whiff of that note and I'm hoping I was mistaken.   I'm having this obsessive moment, where I feel so wound up about getting all the LE's that I want (all of them.) and worrying about my favourite catalog scents being discontinued. But, seriously? How incredible does Gennivre sound? And I'm still having fits over House of Mirrors.   I'm so sick of my acryllic nails, it's not even funny.   I made a kickass dinner tonight. Mashed potatoes and chicken and peas, but the chicken was lacking, somehow. It just didn't have any oomph to it. And I used wine in the marinade, too!   I just started playing the sims a couple of weeks ago and, dude, I've been missing out. Those little bastards are addictive!
smallvoice

smallvoice

0
This Old Snark
 

Losing all the Marbles

Please forgive Snarky for pointing you in the direction of this article (links to Salon dot com, you'll probably have to click through a day pass to get there).   But. Marble bag?! She had never heard it called that before. Now, "banana hammock" (which really is fun to say out loud) for sure, but "Marble Bag"?   Thus concludes this little bit of summertime fun.
darkitysnark

darkitysnark

4
Eoywin's Blog
 

On why people don't seem to like me

I came to a realization yesterday, after emailing back and forth with my sister.   My family is so absorbed in their own lives, that they couldn't give two shits about my wedding (and me).   My sister doesn't want to do anything that will put her out in the least (like sleeping on the floor for one night - the night before my wedding), and thinks that my gameplan for the wedding day is dumb. Oh, and she thinks is stupid to have my MIL be our hair dresser (she's really quite good, and free).   My sister and I have never gotten along, since we are like night and day. She was the one obssessed with popularity in high school, where I was the shy, quiet, geeky girl. My sister has also never grown out of the phase where she thinks she is always right (therefore, I'm always wrong).   My dad changed a lot after my mom died, which is to be expected. Except he changed into someone who is very self-absorbed. He made my life more miserable when my headaches first started, because I was living at home, and he'd wouldn't believe that I was feeling as sick as I did. He'd goad me into fights, even though he'd know that if I got too upset and cried too much, it would trigger a migraine-worthy headache that would land me in the hospital.   He got married in June, and doesn't really bother with me anymore. He'll call if he wants something, but that's it. He'll go with his wife to Philly to visit her daugther (they have done this several times in the last year), but he has yet to come and visit me.   Plus he ditched me when we were moving, to meet his now wife for the first time. That really hurt, because I really needed his help.   I'm not a selfish person. I'd do anything for my friends, but this quality seems to be a rare one, and one that drives people away.   I used to have a group of friends, but they all decided enmasse that they didn't want to be friends with me. Apparently, asking them to call or email once a month or so, so I didn't always have to be the one calling / emailing / visiting was too much for them. I would have done anything for them, because they were my friends, but instead all they did was ditch me and hurt me, and then say horrible things on lj after I said I no longer wanted to be friends with them.   So, for some reason people don't like me. I have two friends now, but we aren't super close. I've really tried to make new friends, but I haven't been sucessful in the least.   Now that I realize that my family really doesn't want that much to do with me either, I have to wonder why I'm such an undesirable person to be around.
Eoywin

Eoywin

1
Sourball Ho!
 

Scatterings

--We've continued to go to estate sales every weekend, but I haven't bought much. Last weekend I bought a couple of vintage bandanas for $1, and when we got in the car and I rolled one up and put it on my head, DH made a face and said he was never a fan of the bandana. Yes, they're pretty frumpy-looking, especially because I'm no expert putting them on, but I like the retro-cowgirl-housewife look so I wore one to work last week anyway. Yeehaw!   --We went to a few sales yesterday and DH got a boss pair of binoculars for $15 -- they were in the original '60s or '70s case and he can use them the next time he gets nosebleed Mavericks tickets. The houses were cool though; another was an updated bungalow which was rehabbed and for sale (not a technical Estate Sale, she was a flipper) but she wanted way too much for it, considering it was next to a couple of skeevy-looking duplexes and apartment buildings.   --I went to a BPAL Meet-n-Sniff on Saturday, which was a blast. I posted already in another thread, but it's so great to be able to talk about notes and scents and just how crazy this hobby/obsession can be. I know DH just rolls his eyes at times when I'm babbling about LEs and evil carnivals and monthly orders, but everyone at a Meet-n-Sniff gets all that.   It was 4 of us: one gal brought a whole box of Villainess soaps so she could slice off samples, I brought a bag of frimps I was saving for everyone to paw through and take new things to try, and everyone had new GCs and LEs to sniff and test. This was the 3rd one I've attended and I hope everyone had a good time.
dawndie

dawndie

3
Shiva's Blog
 

Scents that work for me, or Top Ten or Twenty

Blood Kiss Snake Oil layered with anything else w/ sin w/kali w/the coiled serpent w/schezerade w/lilith w/bewitched Antique Lace Lilith     LEs Snow White **Snake Charmer** #1 Madame Moriarty - close 2nd Pumpkin Queen Hearth 05 Pumpkin Patch 4 All Souls 06 Samhain 06   I also have a lot of imps that I can wear and like, but I wouldn't say are my faves.   I have big bottles of:   Alice Bengal Mme Moriarty Pumpkin Patch 4 Lilith Antique Lace Hearth 05 Bastet Blood Kiss 10mL (needs to age) Snow White 05 Gingerbread Poppet Snake Charmer
shivashiva

shivashiva

0
Is Anybody Out There?
 

Snake Oil

I found my imp of Snake Oil yesterday and dabbed a bit on my hand. I remembered that I wasn't too fond of it, but couldn't remember why. I actually thought maybe it was just that my nose wasn't developed enough, or sensitive enough to the scents, but it just doesn't work on me. Why? Patchouli. It's all patchouli, all the time on my skin. And I don't mean that in a good way. It just doesn't work. I don't like it. I have a dear friend who loves patchouli, though, so I'm thinking I'll send it to her.   I found a whole tin of imps that I've been missing. Silk Road and Dragon's Millk are the ones I'm really excited to find. The rest I'm all kinda meh about.   Dude! I'm going to be in art! Just a little over a month to wait. Art, math and psych. Plus fitness! I just need to make sure I'm going to the fitness lab all quarter. I know I've said that for the past two quarters, but I mean it now. Really! I'm going to do it this time. Things will be different.   I'm learning to cook so that we don't have to eat out so often. I was annoyed at spending so much money on meats, and then realized that we spend the equivalent (and often more) on fast food that's so bad for us. So instead of doing my 'stop eating' thing that's 'worked' so well in the past (because he won't let me, mostly.), I'm working on healthy alternatives.   I bought onions today!   Did I brag about my boy's tomatos yet? He planted tomato plants, and they're finally red! They're small, but they taste amazing-- and I'm not a really big fan of tomatoes, generally speaking. Except lately.
smallvoice

smallvoice

0
Filling the Periodic Table
 

Pedicure Pics! (Valentina, you've been warned!)

I had to grab a picture of the masterpiece I've got painted on my big toes. The picture doesn't capture it well, but the nails are a really rich, slightly sparkly red (though they were out of I'm Not Really a Waitress!), the flower petals are white, the center of the flower is coral, there's a rhinestone in the center, then the flower has some littel accents in blue, and there's silver glitter along the little swoopy thing.     And just because I'm vain, a better shot of my pretty manicure:  
antimony

antimony

3
Fishnets and Frankincense
 

Siren Song

I remembered that I had an imp of Siren that I hadn't tested, so yesterday, when I had a migraine, I decided to try it once I started to feel better. I almost ran downstairs right away to get some vinegar to wash it off when I remembered that the description said something about jasmine being one of the ingredients. Jasmine is the bane of my perfume-wearing existence. I thought, oh great, the migraine will bloom again. Because truly, on my body jasmine smells like flower vase water that has been sitting around waaaaay too long. I've always wanted to love jasmine, since it seems so girly-girl and mysterious and it's so pretty on some people.   So I sniffed the swiped area and waited for the gag-a-maggot smell and the throb behind my eyes to reoccur. It smelled nice. My head didn't hurt. I waited a bit and sniffed it again. I could swear I smelled patchouli. I went to computer to look up Siren and yeah, there's jasmine in it and no patchouli. Weird. I was convinced that after an hour or so, I'd still be heading for the soap and then the vinegar to neutralize the stench. But I didn't -- it stayed the same and didn't morph. I was meeting a friend for coffee in the evening and I put on more. I'm wearing it today. It's nice! It's exotic-sexy-sultry and I can smell jasmine in it, but it smells good. What???? It must be the ginger offsetting the jasmine, that's all I can figure out. There's also vanilla and apricot in Siren, and I do get a fair amount of apricot, but I like it even better than the apricot in Depraved. What the hell? Just amazin.'   There's a song by Jamie Cullum called "Get Your Way" and some of the lyrics go like this:   I opened the door and you walked in, (Sniff) The scent of wild jasmine. The room, seemed to freeze in time, My regular table will be just fine.   Radiant and elegant, you might be But your concentration is so go-lightly Both of your eyes reflecting the moon, You really think you own the room.   I used to think, yeah, if I could wear jasmine, I could be that way, but it's not meant to be.   So now I can wear Siren and try to be like the woman in the song, although I'll probably fall off my heel or trip over the leg of a chair, or something dorky like Carrie in "Sex And The City" used to do. Actually, I liked her character better when she was like that, so maybe I should accept that my klutziness can be a bit charming at times. At least I will smell a bit like jasmine.
valentina

valentina

1
Filling the Periodic Table
 

Two weeks worth of pictures!

First of all, I'm only including a handful of the pictures I took last weekend, since most of them look just like the week before.   But... I visited my parents last weekend, and while I was there, I grabbed leaves off of my mom's christmas cactus and jade plant. I've got them outside right now since it's hot out, and it hasn't been raining.   The christmas cactus leaf:   The Jade leaves:   And a side shot of one of the beautiful pots I found for them on an obscure shelf at Lowes:   ---   And now, on to this week!   First of all, the bounty we harvested today! The bowl is full of red ripe tomatoes.   A rose bud is opening right now:   The most spectacular thing this weekend, though was the moonflower that finally bloomed this weekend! It smells beautiful   Here it is this afternoon before it opened:   And here are three shots of it this evening after it opened: Unfortunately, my camera doesn't really do well with close ups in the dark.    
antimony

antimony

4
Is Anybody Out There?
 

Star chart

I'm still musing over my star chart reading. I've decided to stick with art (as I mentioned previously) to try and develop that talent. I hope it turns out well. I know there are other venues of opportunity, but I've always thought it would be wonderful to be able to create art.   If art doesn't fit, I'll pursue writing-- which I think I also mentioned. I'm also going to throw myself into fitness this quarter. The reading said something about body movement being important, and that feels right. I'm wondering if that has to do with my growing interest in yoga. I hope it's offered next summer. 5 days a week! That would be marvellous. Exhausting, because it's still a 7am class, but fantastic.   I'm going to need to take some literature classes, and history. I love school. I'm so glad I get to go back!   I really need to make sure I have the focus to succeed this quarter.
smallvoice

smallvoice

0
Is Anybody Out There?
 

Just a word

This doesn't really warrant its own entry, but it's my blog! So it's getting its own entry!   I love the word 'gobsmacked' and I'm not quite sure why. It's so much more evocative than shocked or astounded, even. It's like a perfect sound to represent the feeling.   Did I mention I've been a little dizzy?
smallvoice

smallvoice

0
Is Anybody Out There?
 

What the Bleep

One of my favourite movies is about quantum physics. It's one of those mid-level films that a lot of people heard about and then promptly forgot. What the Bleep do we Know? There are little touches to the movie that I love-- glimpsing herself, the crazy mad scientist looking guy, and of course the water.   What we believe creates our own reality, says the movie.   It's also impacted by collective belief; we are not islands.   So, yeah. I totally believe that I'm filthy rich and unchanged by money and seriously, no monkey's paw clauses. That shit freaks me right out.   I'm honestly trying to change my view of myself, though. It has to start small, or it won't work with me. I have to really convince myself.   Not that I'm wealthy or that I can fly or anything; just that I can deal with life better and respond to the needs of people around me without losing who I am.   Anyway. Enough quantum physics.   We had therapy today. Things need to change, but the ways we can go about making those changes are limited. Suggesting hospitalization is all well and good, but we checked that option out months ago. Hopefully having the therapist as an advocate in the matter will open some doors, but there's a lot of red tape. We're having to retrace the steps we took months ago, and that's frustrating, because none of those steps helped at the time.   It's absurd to suggest that he start the process of moving out onto his own. He's barely existing with us prodding him to take a freaking shower. Put him into a situation where he's alone, and it's just going to end badly. Not to mention he doesn't even have a job, his credit is shot, and he's not particularly interested in finding a job. So unless we're talking about him moving out to live under the bridge, it's not viable.   So what is viable? If those two things are out, what next?   I wish I knew.
smallvoice

smallvoice

0
Birdsongs
 

Woof-bubbles

The dog has been barking a lot in her sleep today. She woke me up that way this morning, but it was so cute I couldn't be annoyed. They just sort of bubble up out of her ... I hope in her dreams she scares all the intruders away, the way she can't in real life because she only weighs 12 pounds.
spanishviolet

spanishviolet

0
Fishnets and Frankincense
 

Actual example of ARGH BLARGH conversations

Here's an example of the office cyber-patter that goes on about the Coworker From Hell, who is seemingly a Seinfeld character come to life. Let me clarify that she likes to pick a sworn enemy in the professional world and rant and rave about them. The sworn enemy is usually a female that she has deemed completely incompetent and of questionable sanity. (To borrow a line that I think was used on Seinfeld: "Hello pot? It's the kettle. You're black!")   First, my original "ARGH BLARGH" email -- I edited out real names:   What is she going to do now that 1) Person A, 2) Person B, 3) Person C and 4) Person D are all out of government? When will a new female sworn enemy emerge, so we don't have to hear retread stories about Person A and Person C?   One coworker's response:   I have 2 semi-crazy women, do I hear 3?   2 going once...   Going twice….   Gone! Sold to the lush with a bad case of bed-head!   Another coworker's observation:   If no viable object for her scorn emerges, I see a possibility that she may simply turn on herself. Let's hope not. The number of aberrant behavior stories that she then would be able to tell would be endless.   The only reason that I stay even slightly sane is because my other colleagues are really funny.
valentina

valentina

0
Goth Hobbit's Blog
 

Color me misanthropic...

(This was originally written on July 11th and should actually be the first entry, but it didn't get published -- probaby due to an ID 10T error on my part.)     To someone who isn't here...   I know that I said I would try not to turn into a hermit. Well, I tried.   It didn't work.   You know why; we discussed it when last we talked. And it's still eating at me. I walk alone these days, separated from people who both of us had counted on to, if not understand, at least refrain from hurtful behavior.   They haven't, nor do I think that they will.   To several other non-present persons, with reference to the first...   When someone mentions a recent, much needed vacation, the correct response upon hearing where the person went is not "I'm sorry." How you feel about the location in question is immaterial; the person had reason for their choice of destination, whether you agree with it or not.   Fine; maybe the place isn't a Vacation Mecca. Maybe the most famous local dish is something of a national joke. Maybe you don't appreciate what that place has to offer. It doesn't matter. There are a number of correct responses: what did you do, did you have fun, take any pictures -- any of those are right and good. "I'm sorry" is not.   And then, to compound it by proving that someone who had considered you to be, if not a friend, at least a good acquaintance, has completely dropped off of your personal radar -- that only compounds the slight.   So you're sorry that I went somewhere that I wanted to be. Well, I'm not. I saw a completely new place; somewhere I had never been before, and I saw it in the company of one who knows it, and considers it to be a Good Place. I saw beauty and wonder. I saw my delight at these new places mirrored in the face of that person, who has seen them many times; lives with them now, in fact. He can now see those things anew, because of my reaction to their new-ness. And we had the joy of seeing places new to us both; discovering them together. Those places will remain dear for that reason alone.   You're sorry? I'm not.   In the words of Gonzo, from "The Muppet Movie": I'm going to go back there someday; someday being sooner rather than later. And one of these days I just might not come back. Will you question my choice? Probably, but you don't get to second-guess me, nor ask me to do so to myself. It is not your decision. And if I also drop from your radar, then so be it. I will know that I have made the correct decision for myself.   If you feel "sorry" for this, then keep it to yourself.
goth_hobbit

goth_hobbit

0
Goth Hobbit's Blog
 

Randomness...

Many things are making me both sad and annoyed right now.   First off, people who probably consider themselves to be friends are running roughshod over my business. I have a pair of earrings on perpetual hold (okay, since December) for someone who desperately wants them ...but not enough to put them on lay-away. I keep reminding her that I have them, she keeps telling me that she still wants them, but finances have been tight, things have been hellish ...and then she talks about a cute new outfit that she bought to wear to an upcoming show, which probably cost more than the earrings.   If she had put them on lay-away, and kicked me five bucks with every other paycheck -- certainly less than she spends at the local hangout for coffee, or cigarettes -- she would have had them long before now. And I certainly could have used the $35 more than once since November.   Her boyfriend / fiancee (depending on the week, resident pain-in-her-ass at other times) wants me to make specialty pendants for him and some of his friends, on the basis that they'd "sell like hotcakes". I very much doubt that; even though I mostly agree that TOPY crosses would go over well with the local industrial community, I'm not tying up more money into making something relatively esoteric for people who consistently gripe about how broke they are. The crosses would sit in inventory for six months while they all go "damn, I wish I had the money"; once I get tired of it and scrap them, the same people would gripe about how they were going to buy one.   One of my good friends wanted to commission one for one of these people for his birthday; I roughed out a design, gave her an estimate, and she was supposed to give me a down-payment with her next check. Needless to say, it didn't happen, and she is someone that I consider to be chosen family. Yet, it seems that lately she gets in contact with me only when she wants something; a repair made on a dress because she can't sew worth a damn, to borrow $20 until her next payday even though she knows that I'm self-employed. Her work schedule has been such that we can't really hang out, but she hasn't even called me to check in more than once or twice in the past 2 months. I ran into her this evening; she was on her way home from an interview, and that's the most time we've spent together since May.   I post something that it seems would be at least *hugs* worthy to my LJ, but have no comments. Not even from my SO. Yes, we talked for a couple of hours last night, yes, we'll be seeing each other in 2 weeks, but he made comments in a couple of other people's journals today on relatively frivolous things, and I can't help but feel somewhat ...slighted. It's probably the exhaustion talking, but only partially. Sometimes, I just want a little reassurance, especially from him; and when disturbing dreams keep me up half the night, the want is especially sharp. No e-mails, no comments, and no 5 minute "are you okay" calls.   Sometimes I wonder if I've become such a hermit from work and finances that nobody will notice when I'm not in Denver anymore. Lord knows it's looking that way. People who I thought were at least good acquaintances have dropped off the radar for the most part -- or, rather, I've dropped off of theirs. I'm tired of unanswered phone calls, and I know that while my guy would like me to keep in touch with them since they're his friends as well, he also knows that some of them have been guilty of some damned callous behavior towards me since he moved. And, I think, if he wasn't giving them benefit if the doubt, he'd look back at some of the things that they said to him, supposedly in jest, and realize that there's more to it. It was supposedly a joke when they told him that he couldn't go, even while they were outwardly supporting his furtherance of his education. He couldn't get the PhD in the field that he wanted, not with the department here in its infancy. But these same people have shut me out of their lives, even knowing since Christmas break last year that our relationship has blossomed into something more than the deep friendship that it was. I can only think that he's not readily available for their anger at his "desertion" (in their eyes), whereas I am. And it makes me sad that I can't tell him how they're doing when we talk, because I know that he misses them -- and Home, Denver; the rodina -- terribly.   My social life is most active on IM with my dear friend, chosen sister, and shared brain owner (who is, coincidentally, my SO's ex-girlfriend, and still his dear friend as well. He had hoped that we'd get along well, and I think that we've exceeded his expectations -- but that's another story.) The thing is, she's three-quarters of the way across the continent, and we get to see one another maybe once or twice a year. At least we can keep each other company in our isolation, but it's not the same thing as being able to watch bad movies and drink margaritas together whenever the whim hits.   On the grand scale, life doesn't suck. I have a business that is starting to take off locally -- which gives me hope for what it'll do once I can take it to the 'Net, at least one good friend that I can talk about anything to, a wonderful and affirming relationship, and the distinct possibility of starting the next phase of my life in a whole new city that I'm looking forward to exploring more of before then. Right this second, though, I'm having trouble seeing the forest for the trees.
goth_hobbit

goth_hobbit

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