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  • Silvertree

    Mod post: No wishlist posts in blogs

    By Silvertree

    Please be aware that we do not permit swap-related content on profiles or in blogs. Please post this content only in the For Sale, Swaps, and Wanted forums, or in the Wishlists topic. ~from Swapping 101  Thanks!
    • 5 comments
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Toasty Blog
 

Decanting the pumpkins

Ok, here are my early, slightly incoherent thoughts on the 2007 Pumpkin Patch scents. I didn't intentionally try any of these on, but I did get some spatter on Chief Running Wolf (that would be me) while I was decanting them.   Pumpkin I: Pumpkin with pear, white wine grapes, and jasmine-laced tea. Holy well-behaved jasmine, batman! This is a contender for my favorite of all of the Pumpkins this year. It's lightly fruited and sparkling, and just absolutely perfect on my skin. No butter, and actually no pumpkin to speak of after it dries. It reminds me of some kind of white grape soda - I think it's the Diet Rite brand. It isn't sticky sweet - just sweet enough and slightly fizzy. The jasmine stays strangely subdued. I think I will wear this frequently.   Pumpkin II: Pumpkin with tobacco, champa flower, carnation, and tonka. This is another winner for me. I've entered the twilight zone, because on me, this turns into a kissing cousin of Hellion. How that happens, I have no idea. I'm too tired to go check the notes for Hellion, but I can't imagine what they might have in common. On the extreme drydown, the tobacco gets stronger. Again, no butter, and basically no pumpkin to speak of after it dries. It also seems a little "fizzy" to me, in the same way that Hellion does. Contender for my favorite, although I think I and V edge it out just a little, if only because it's so similar to Hellion on me yet has no chance of replacing it.   Pumpkin III: Pumpkin with white chocolate, caramel, pomegranate, and cream. I predicted that this would be my favorite of the pumpkins, because, hello, yummy foody wonderfulness. But, it's not my favorite, and I'm not even 100% sure that it works on my skin. At first it was way too creamy, too tooth-achingly sweet, and too rich. I haven't been able to detect the pomegranate at all yet. Right after the first stage of the drydown, it showed signs of mellowing a bit, but I accidentally washed the scent off during decant circus intermission. (I scrub my hands after I finish decanting each scent so as not to corrupt the next one, but I usually don't wash my upper arms. I guess I got a little over zealous)This one requires further testing, but I think it's going to be a bit too foody for me.   Pumpkin IV: Pumpkin with cactus blossom, sage, and sweetgrass. Well, this was on the underside of the arm with Pumpkin III, and it hadn't even really gotten to the drydown when it was corrupted by soap. So, I can't really say if this will work for me or not, but it does have promise. This one seemed to have a fresh, summery edge.   Pumpkin V: Pumpkin with benzoin, bourbon vanilla, lemon peel, neroli, blood orange, and red ginger. Ummm, yes please! So far this seems to be my 2nd favorite of the pumpkin blends, after Pumpkin I. But with further testing, it could prove to be the best. It's complex and spicy, and I'm really loving the deep citrus edge. It seems perfectly balanced, as I can detect all the listed notes yet nothing is taking over the blend. It reminds me a little of something I tried before . . . maybe Oct 2006 13? But this is better on me, and I'm very eager to give it an actual test run.
kwsix

kwsix

0
Review Round-up!
 

Velvet

In the imp: Straight-up cocoa beans - powdery and almost bitter.   On wet: Chocolate. Then the sandalwood tries to peek through - not enough to be distinct, though, so I currently smell like a Reese's PB cup, lol!!   Drydown: Mmm...starting to get a little sweeter (vanilla), a little woodier (sandalwood), a little smokier (myrrh). Hey you - myrrh - yeah, you! I think you need to calm down a bit, buddy - you're getting to be a tad too acrid for your own good. We really don't want to pull another Priala-fiasco, now do we? I want to amp choco-vanilla-sandalwood, darnit - NOT smouldering erasers.   Overall: I still smell...burnt...and somewhat sweet. I am a blackened campfire marshmallow - my charred exterior is hiding all that perfectly edible vanilla goo underneath. Not what I was looking for. I blame this unsatisfying result on wonky-PMS-skin chemistry, and will keep my imp to test again when I am *not* all hormonally unbalanced. At the moment, though, this ranks a majorly disappointing 2/5.
furygrrl

furygrrl

0
Review Round-up!
 

Kubla Khan

In the imp: An almost golden-sweet vanilla. Something bright and a little sharp, too - like a high-end, citrussy hairspray.   On wet: Sweet creaminess. Jasmine. The nailpolish-remover scent of champaca. Oooh...but here comes the sandalwood, already starting to ground everything. Very, very nice.   Drydown: Complex and lovely. The vanilla and sandalwood make for a wonderfully sweet-yet-stable base - creamy, warm, and golden. The champaca - a note that never fails to hate me regardless of how many times I try it out - has finally decided to pull back and play nice, making friends with the jasmine, tag-teaming to become this general haze of pretty floral-ness. I can smell an undercurrent of spicy smokiness, too - opium and ginger making the scene at last. There's the leather - it's slightly sour against the other notes.   Roses, lily, hay, tobacco...I'm sure they're all in there too, but I can't pick them out specifically - that's how busy and well-blended this scent is.   Overall: I'm really enjoying this! It's an almost syrupy sweet floral, saved from being too heady or too generic or too frou-frou (ie. only to be worn to expensive restaurants or similarly classy engagements) by that deliciously smoky, lightly spiced, golden cream combo of the vanilla-sandalwood-opium-ginger (and possibly tobacco). It *did* start off a bit...louder...than I usually like, but within 5-10 minutes, it settled down into the gorgeous, darkly playful skin-scent I'm getting - and can't stop sniffing! - now. A unique composition (to my nose, at any rate), one that might need to be upgraded to a bottle in the near future. 4/5
furygrrl

furygrrl

0
giant squid!
 

Beaver Moon... !

Wow what an update- I certainly was not prepared for all of this...my bank account most definitely wasn't prepared either, lol. Once again, I'm wishing I had a money tree...   Beaver Moon Wild cherry with vanilla cream accord, and a hint of strawberry I loved Bloody Mary, so I am thinking I will probably love this, too. Bottle...   Swan Maiden White gardenia, white iris, sandalwood, calla lily, French magnolia, muguet, jonquil, and orchid hm... I love gardenia, iris, sandalwood and orchid, but I really don't like magnolia at all. I think for the sake of my finances I'm going to miss taking a gamble on this one for now. If the reviews turn out to downplay the magnolia then I will try and hunt down some of it.   Scorpio Dark musk, wormwood, basil, dragon’s blood resin, galangal, and opoponax Mmmmmm. Dark, musky, and resinous. with basil. definitely buying a bottle of this!   Ile de la Tortue Damp air trapped in limestone caverns, heady greenery, hothouse orchids, nicotiana blossoms, bois de chandel, elemi, palm wine, garambullo, pega-pega, flame of the forest, and a swirl of Haitian vetiver This sounds promising. I love the idea of caverns and greenery- add vetiver and that makes me even happier. I would love to order a bottle unsniffed since I'm pretty sure I'll love it, but I don't have enough money- for now I'll get an imp.   Windward Passage Marine accord, seaweed, and bladderwrack Hmm..I think this might not be one for me. I am not an aquatic lover (although I used to be in high school and when I was a young child- weird) so I think I will put off trying this...   Kill-Devil Sugar cane, molasses, oak wood, and honey Grog really didn't work on me but I have a feeling this might. I love oak and honey, so let's hope the other notes don't turn it too sickly sweet! Imp for now...   Plunder Tea leaf, cassia, cinnamon bark, clove, allspice, sandalwood, tobacco, peppercorn, and nutmeg I think I may need to buy a bottle of this unsniffed. This sounds like an amazing spicy tea blend...I love spices, so I can't see how this could possibly go wrong on me.   Pirate Moon Red musk, ambergris, coconut palm, red sandalwood, balsam, date, warm leather, tobacco, ebony, lingum vitae wood, pandanus grass, an' a touch o' lime This also sounds delicious. There's not a note in this one that I don't like. I am definitey ordering multiple bottles if I can. I am so interested to see how the lime plays into the darker notes...   The Phoenix Sea air, gunpowder, lime, salt-crusted wood, a splash of blood, and a dribble of Snake Oil Eeeeee... another Snake Oil blend!!! I ordered two bottle of this right away. I think it will be absolutely phenomenal with the lime, smokiness and touch of salt.   Midnight Kiss Red musk, cocoa absolute, Nepalese amber, red sandalwood, aged patchouli, nicotiana, and blood wine Oh my goodness...this one sounds so rich and sensual! I ordered this right away since I didn't want to miss it (like I did with Crypt Queen ). I hope it's somewhat like a richer Tezcatlipoca or Centzon Totochtin. I love those rich and spicy cocoa blends.   Vampire Tears Wisteria, white grapefruit, neroli, green tea, jasmine, white ginger, honeysuckle, iris, and tonka I was not so crazy about this one when I read the notes....I am not the biggest jasmine fan as it can go sharp on me, and jasmine plus honeysuckle and iris might equal a floral disaster. I am going to pass on this for now- hopefully it doesn't turn out to be something I would have loved.
euterpe414

euterpe414

0
Sourball Ho!
 

Update!

Lottsa stuffs!   Beaver Moon -- wild cherry with vanilla cream accord, and a hint of strawberry. Boy howdy, this sounds a lot like MB: Bloody Mary. I like Bloody Mary but it seems to disappear quickly. Swan Maiden -- White gardenia, white iris, sandalwood, calla lily, French magnolia, muguet, jonquil, and orchid. Lots of white florals, not my thing. Scorpio 2007 -- Dark musk, wormwood, basil, dragon's blood resin, galangal, and opoponax. While I love the musky blends, I don't like wormwood. Midnight Kiss -- Eternal desire, unquenchable passion: red musk, cocoa absolute, Nepalese amber, red sandalwood, aged patchouli, nicotiana, and blood wine. Mmmm, every single ingredient sounds great. Vampire Tears -- Regret born from ceaseless longing: wisteria, white grapefruit, neroli, green tea, jasmine, white ginger, honeysuckle, iris, and tonka. This blend definitely has an Asian vibe, but doesn't sound great for me.   Ile de la Tortue -- Damp air trapped in limestone caverns, heady greenery, hothouse orchids, nicotiana blossoms, bois de chandel, elemi, palm wine, garambullo, pega-pega, flame of the forest, and a swirl of Haitian vetiver. These ingredients sound really cool (pega-pega? flame of the forest?), but I'm afraid it will be too green and aquatic. Windward Passage -- Breezes blowing off of the waters of the Caribbean: marine accord, seaweed, and bladderwrack. Another aquatic, we'll wait and see on this one. Kill-Devil -- Sugar cane, molasses, oak wood, and honey. Oooh, I have yet to try a blend featuring molasses. Definitely want to read reviews. Plunder -- The scent of a pirate's bumboat, overflowing with stolen wares: tea leaf, cassia, cinnamon bark, clove, allspice, sandalwood, tobacco, peppercorn, and nutmeg. Cassia and cinnamon really amp on me and aren't a favorite.   And a couple of forum-only blends!   Pirate Moon -- Red musk, ambergris, coconut palm, red sandalwood, balsam, date, warm leather, tobacco, ebony, lingum vitae wood, pandanus grass, an' a touch o' lime. Two red musk blends in an update? I can't resist this one, it sounds bootylicious (yarr!). The Phoenix -- Sea air, gunpowder, lime, salt-crusted wood, a splash of blood, and a dribble of Snake Oil. Probably too masculine with the assorted manly ingredients. I do like when Snake Oil makes an appearance.   In conclusion: I ordered Midnight Kiss and Pirate Moon!
dawndie

dawndie

0
this and that from Antaria
 

tendovaginitis - short break

i guess i won't be able to write a lot in this week - i haven't seen a doctor but it's quite obvious: i have a tendovaginitis. i try to write with my left hand and to handle the mouse with the left hand. it's not as funny as i hoped ...
Antaria

Antaria

0
Forspecial Plate's Blog
 

too many decisions!

I'm resisting the urge to order another Trick Or Treat Inquisition scent. I keep telling myself, just wait....because I don't even know which scent I'll get with my first order, because Possets' fall update is at the end of the week, because bpal may or may not have an update coming soon....not to mention the other bpal Halloween scents that I want, that I still haven't ordered yet.....all very good reasons, but I want another Trick Or Treat order pending, dammit!
forspecial_plate

forspecial_plate

0
Forspecial Plate's Blog
 

fall madness/perfume overload

I have so many different perfumes now, that sometimes wearing just one isn't enough. I get too impatient to try something else. So I end up smelling like 2 or 3 different ones, and it kind of turns into perfume overload. Like they all just get lost in a cloud of too much smelliness. I'm getting better lately, though, and trying to be patient and just wear one for a while before trying another one. I still have quite a few new scents that I haven't reviewed or even tried yet. It's a little out of control, and when I look at my wish list, I kind of think to myself "you're kidding, right? you need MORE??".   On a different note....I already knew that I like fall scents year-round, including in the heat of summer. Lately, though, I've noticed that I don't reach for the 'red' summer scents, now that I'm in a fall mood. Red Moon and Corazon are two examples, I just haven't felt like wearing them at all lately. Maybe that's because I'm sooo hyped about the fall scents right now. I do sometimes like the winter scents in different seasons. I wore Jolasveinar and Midnight Mass a few times over the summer.   Speaking of fall scents, I'm starting to wonder just a little about my decants. I've bought from this gal before so I'm not too worried, I'm just wondering what stage we're at......has the CnS come yet? Has she actually got the package yet? Are they on the way to us (doubt it)?? I'm just so impatient for these, so I can go ahead and place another order. Also, when I look at which Pumpkin Patch decants I ordered, I kind of wonder what I was thinking. I ordered 2, 4 and 5. Now I wish I could try 3 also. I'm pretty sure without sniffing that I'll like 3 and 5. I think I ordered 2 just to see how the champaca or champa plays out in it. It's a note that I like but it sometimes takes over a scent for me.   I'm also really really excited about the Possets fall update, coming soon. One more week! I know I need to set aside at least $50 or $60 for that, probably more..... *sigh*
forspecial_plate

forspecial_plate

0
Welcome to the Abatoir
 

ASSHOLE

GOD! This chick on ebay sold me the BPAL 5ml of Privilege and after numerous emails to her about payment methods I never got a response. So I emialed her a final time and said, since you have not communicated with me about payment, I can't pay you and I'm guessing I wopn't get the item. She finally emails me today saying she has responded to ALL my emails and starts giving me attitude about the whole thing. What a bitch!!!! I hate people so much! I was totally nice in my emails and very respectful as not to make her angry and have this be a smooth transaction, but NO. she is obviously one of those people who just loves to pick a fight with everyone! how annoying!! I am not leaving her any feedback and if she leaves me some I will leave her negative feedback!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH! Okay I'm over it. I'm setting it down now and it means nothing to me. Its in the past and I have no control over this person or her actions and I except it. Now, onto better things!!! School starts in two days! so stoked to learn again!!
Meshuganah

Meshuganah

0
Diplomatka
 

Floods

The excerpt below is from CNN. In Ethiopia we have had thousands of people stranded on high ground surrounded by water with crocodiles and poisoned snakes over the past two weeks. The US is only pledging 100K to help the people affected by the disaster, which is bullshit. I give money to MSF whenever there is a similar crisis--I suggest you do too.       AMURIA DISTRICT, Uganda (AP) -- Aid agencies were appealing for millions of dollars Friday to help more than 1 million Africans affected by deadly floods that have swept across the continent.   The United States planned to send $100,000 for Uganda -- one of the hardest hit countries -- and Europe announced more than $15 million in aid for flood victims across 17 countries. The floods have killed at least 200 people and displaced hundreds of thousands since the summer in central and eastern Africa.   "If we don't get food people will die in this place," Francis Aruo, 28, told The Associated Press in eastern Uganda, one of the hardest-hit regions of Africa. "All our crops are rotten."   The United Nations asked for $43 million for Uganda, where 50 people have died. Theophane Nikyema, U.N. Humanitarian coordinator for Uganda, said the money will help address the "devastation left behind by the rising tide of water."   The European Commission is planning to send $15.45 million in humanitarian aid to help flood victims, said Louis Michel, the European Commissioner for Development and Humanitarian Aid. The United States was sending $100,000 for Uganda, said Steven Browning, the country's U.S. ambassador.   In Uganda's Amuria District, which was put under a state of emergency this week, more than 500 people were taking shelter in a seven-room schoolhouse, which was meant to open for a new term last week.   "It's a struggle for accommodations," said Gilbert Omeke, the school's head teacher. "Some people are fighting for space. I have designated one classroom for expectant mothers and the elderly but so many more don't find space."   UNICEF was distributing basic disease-prevention kits, including plastic sheeting and water purification tablets, but medical officials said illnesses were spreading.   Florence Asega, a nurse at the closest health clinic to the school, some three miles away, said children were increasingly suffering from malaria and diarrhea.   "In the cramped, wet conditions coughs and infections spread quickly," she added.   In nearby Katakwi District, latrines were overflowing and hundreds of mud huts had collapsed. The nearest World Food Program distribution site was nearly four miles away, through waist-high floodwater.   Aruo has made the journey twice so far, returning with 65 pounds of maize, groundnuts and cooking oil for his wife and three children.   "It's a very tedious journey because it is water the whole way, the food is very heavy and some people have to leave some behind because they can't carry it," he said.
Confection

Confection

0
this and that from Antaria
 

A visit by surprise!

A year ago a coworker of mine (wasn't working in the same department though) moved away from here. I was pretty sad about that. Sometimes I had problems with her because she is even more fragile goods than I am ... but I liked her a lot. We always had a lot to talk and to learn from each other and enjoyed our time together.   When she moved I knew that I wouldn't hear from her any more.   I got one call and one mail ... well, she didn't get much more from me. It was just so obvious that our friendship would end here.   Today she came here by surprise Another friend of hers is celebrating her birthday and she wanted to give me a quick visit, too. And she has got a new car, a job (finally! She searched so hard!) and - tada!! - she is pregnant!   She is one of those woman that I think become really good mothers. I know she's a bit "childish" (that sounds so wrong - there is nothing wrong with being a bit childish - you always should be!) - well, skip this ... I can't put it into the right words ... anyway, I am convinced that she will grow with her task and I am so happy for her and her husband   But ... yes, of course, there HAD to be a "but" - anytime I hear that someone is pregnant or just had her child ... I want that too. I know I am childish - and now I mean it in not only the positive way! - but I know I'm going to be a good mother. And Olli a great father - specially when we should have a boy that likes planes It's a kind of jealousy. Not that I don't want THEM to have a child - I really do - but in the way that I want, too. But that will have to wait. I don't have a perpetual job, Olli and I aren't married yet - and those are things that I want to have before we think about children (we already know we want two - we hope for one boy and one girl). It's just that I feel so damn fragile right now (hand, sleep, family) and now it hits me like a slap into my face to have to cope from the "I want to get pregnant, too!"   But it was so nice to see her - and so great to know that they're going to be a family in March
Antaria

Antaria

0
this and that from Antaria
 

What is going on?

Really, I don't know myself any more!   I'm so tired that I could start to cry - but I slept enough and good! But I'm so desperately tired that the line between "normal at work" and "having a breakdown and cry for a while" is pretty thin ...   It is so good to know that today is Friday and I can go home soon and then I will lay down in our wonderful bed and sleep. I will stand up shortly before Olli can go home and I will prepare something to eat. Then we'll go to the grocery store and after that I won't do anything anymore.   Tomorrow we'll go to a barbecue - only for 1-2 hours and after that to my friends birthday party. On Sunday I'll visit my parents because my relatives will be there.   ----- got a mail in the meantime. Olli will eat with his coworkers ... the good thing: I don't have to prepare anything for him. The bad thing: I already decided yesterday what to eat today and because it was something new I was excited about it ... I love eating. And normally cooking. Well, there is no use in preparing the meal I planed, it's too much for one person and tomorrow it won't be as good any more.   Anyway, I guess my bad mood - it does not feel like a "mood" - may be it is because of my hand. It really hurts. A lot. And it's not getting better. I hope the weekend will bring some improvement. If not I will have to see a doctor next week. Which won't be good. My boss knows that my relatives come to visit and it will look like skipping work. I hope it's not a tendovaginitis ... I had already one and besides that it is not nice (specially for someone who works on an computer and loves to paint, write and do all kind of stuff with the hands - well, this sure sounds weird!) it will mean that I have to stay away from work for some time - which is something that makes me feel bad. I am afraid to never get an perpetual job and I feel remorse. I never skipped work or school - when I stay at home it is always for a good reason. But still ... I feel guilty and bad about it.   4h30min to go ... then I will have to drive approx. 30 min till I'm home (driving is terrible because of the hand) and then:
Antaria

Antaria

0
Toasty Blog
 

My bottles

I went through a purging stage and got rid of many of my bottles, but now I'm starting to hoard again. I have multiples of some of these. This list is from memory, so it's very likely that I've forgotten some things.   10ml: Bordello Hellion Voodoo (almost empty)   5ml: 13 (2005, white label) 13 (July 2007, pink label) A Bachelor's Dog A Bold Bluff Agnes Nutter All Souls 06 Arachnina the Spider Girl Arcana Aziraphale Black Tower Blood Bordello Chrysanthemum Moon Crowley Devil's Night Door 13 Djinn Enraged Groundhog Musk Fairy Market Faiza the Black Mamba Florence Frumious Bandersnatch (almost empty waaaaah) Halôa Harvest Moon 06 Hetairae Hunger Moon Inferno (almost empty waaaaah) Lampades Leo 07 Monster Bait: Bloody Mary Monster Bait: Tokyo Stomp Monster Bait: Underpants NYE in Dogville One to Tie, Two to Win The Organ Grinder Pinched With Four Aces Priala the Human Phoenix Punkie Night Queen of the Nile Samhain 05 Saw Scaled Viper (almost empty waaaah) Shadwell Sitting Up With a Sick Friend Sugar Skull 05 Temple Viper Three Witches Tristran Tweedledee Velvet Victoria War The Wildmen of Jezirat al Tennyn The Witch Queen Wulric the Wolfman Yvaine
kwsix

kwsix

0
melusine's Blog
 

BPAL Scents I Have Tried

This is a list of all the BPAL scents I have tried (as far as I can remember--I haven't kept very good records and most of this was a couple years ago).   Scents I Like - * means I have a bottle   Amsterdam* Belladonna Bengal Brimstone* Cheshire Cat* Chimera The Coil Coyote* Door* Gommorah Grr Has No Hanna* Hermia* Jezirat Al Tennyn* Jolly Roger* Lady Amalthea* Litha* Marquis de Merteuil Mistletoe '07* Nine Muses (TAL)* Oof Orpheus (Salon I)* Pepper* Persephone Robin Goodfellow* Rosalind* Schrodinger's Cat Shattered* Squirting Cucumber* Tempest Three Gorgons* Tweedledee Tulzscha* The Unicorn Vinland* White Light (TAL)* Wolf Moon '06 The World (Tarot)* Yellow Jessamine Honey Yggdrasil Zephyr   Scents I Didn't Like Enough to Keep - * means I'm open to trying again (some of these were a long time ago, and I got trade happy )   Absinthe Aelopile Aeval Ahathoor Alice All They Had Seen, And All They Had Lost Anne Bonny The Antikythera Mechanism The Apothecary Arkham Aureus Baron Samedi Bastet Belladonna Bess Black Forest Brass Balls (TAL) Caliban Calico Jack Charisma (TAL) Christmas Rose The Clod and the Pebble Cobra Lily Come To Me Croquet Crossroads Danube Death Cap Desdemona Dirty Dorian Dragon Moon Dragon's Eye Dragon's Tears Dream of the Fisherman's Wife Dyan Moon Earth Rat El Dia De Reyes Egle Envy Erato Eros Eternal The Evening Star Fae Fire of Love French Love Gibbous Moon Gingerbread Poppet '07 Goblin Green Phoenix Hades Hamadryad Helena The Hierophant (Tarot) Holiday Moon Humpback Whale Hurricane Imp The Jersey Devil Jezebel Jolasveinar '07 Kabuki Kali The Lady of Shalott Libertine Lightning The Lilac Wood The Lion Lionheart (TAL) The Living Flame Lyonesse Mad Hatter Mag Mell Malediction Manhattan Mantle of Venus (TAL) March Hare Marcilla Megaera Midnight The Miller's Daughter Moon Rose Morocco My Mom With The Sun In Her Hands Nemesis Night Thoughts No. 93 Engine Nosferatu Nowhere In Particular Nuclear Winter Oberon Pannychis The Passionate Shepherd to his Love Perchta Perversion Phantom Queen Plunder Poisoned Apple Queen Gertrude Queen Mab Quietude Ra The Ragged Wood The Raven [Redacted] Dragon The Rose Rumpelstilzchen Salon I: Carceri d'Invenzione Salon I: Cloister Graveyard In The Snow Salon I: The Isle Of The Dead Salon I: Satan and Death with Sin Intervening Salon I: Two Monsters Samhain Santa Muerte The Sea Foams Blood Sea of Glass Shoggoth Shroud Singing Moon Skadi Snake Oil The Snow Storm Snow White '07 Succubus Summoning Stone Play Structure Sundew Szepasszony There's A Certain Slant of Light Thunderbird Tzadikim Nistarim Ugh Ultraviolet Undertow Venice Vicomte de Valmont Viola Vixen Voodoo War White Rabbit Whippoorwill Whitechapel Windward Passage Wrath Yew Trees Y'ha-nthlei Zombi   Scents I Dislike   Cathode Centzon Totochtin Dracul Dragon's Blood Harvest Moon '06 House Of Night Jack O Scherezade Venom
melusine

melusine

0
this and that from Antaria
 

Confused - again!

I talked to the head of the staff council about my job and I am afraid I said something wrong about the other job I applied for a few months ago ... I just stated that it made me insecure and seemed so ... wrong. It was sort of an accusation but I wanted to stress that it made me think about some stuff ... the man was okay, in the end he told me not to be so insecure and not to think about it too much, it will all turn out good.   I hope so.   I try to relax.   I am the stand-in for a parental leave and we all assumed that the mother won't come back (it really isn't very likely). So I hoped to get this job perpetual once. We all assumed that next year the woman will have to declare whether she will come back or not. Now the man said something about "till the children are 18" - now I am so confused. 18? That would change the situation a lot!   He said that he would check on that and call back. He did not ... at least not till now.
Antaria

Antaria

0
this and that from Antaria
 

Family problems 7th or - indifferent?

Yesterday I tried to call the sister a hundred times - well, make it 15 and you have the truth.   It seemed that nobody was at home.   Or can they see my number and they decided just not to answer? I guess that's paranoid from me.   Anyway - I didn't catch her. And with every try I was a bit more indifferent. My heart was still going faster when picking up the phone and dialing their number, but somehow I relaxed more and more.   I did talk at least a little bit to Olli - no fight, no anger - but comprehension. And deep inside of me I know that this would of course be the way in which he'd react. I even told him that I feel like they are coming to our place and forget about their children and behave like "Well, does it really matter what they do?" - and he agreed. That was nice.   The urge to get over with it fast is disappearing slowly. I don't have the speech in my head all the time - perhaps because I did write it down.   I hope I stay in this mood!
Antaria

Antaria

0
this and that from Antaria
 

Family problems 6th or "shut up"

Okay ... I know I wrote that I feel better. Now I don't. I couldn't resist to talk to my dear coworker Mike (I think I already wrote something about him) and that brought all back. He absolutely agrees with me but I don't like his idea of what to do when the next family visit is as all the others have been: "Don't invite them any more". And that's not what I want. I want them to come but I want the parents to look after their kids - but I can't say something like that, can I?   So I have this wonderful little speech in my head about me being raised in a different way, me hoping to be able to say how I wish my home would be without hurting anyone and so on. And this speech is on repeat. It goes round and round in my head with objections like "The only important thing is that you and Olli cope. That you have no problems".   Well ... we have. No, we are not fighting. But he's somewhere in the middle between me and his family and I don't want to hurt him. So I keep some thoughts to myself. But I am disappointed because he attacked my from behind stating in front of his parents that is it not so important whether there are scratches on the floor or not, it is not our floor (right, but I live on it, right?) and so on.   I would like to talk about it with him. But I am afraid it will end in a fight. He has his own big problems right now with his work. I try to help, but you know how it is. So I don't want to make it worst and don't say a thing while being afraid that "The only important thing is that you and Olli cope. That you have no problems" is a fragile thing.   I don't have the strength for a fight. The problem is we are both so alike ... we hurt fast, we talk before we thought about how the other might feel about it, we start to scream and to pout. Usually it does not take a long time till everything is okay again, but ... I won't stand it again. I will collapse ... I feel how I crumble inside and that is not good. I want to talk with his sister - but I won't be able to do it soon. I would have time today or tomorrow. But I guess she won't (I will check it and call her today - I don't want to talk about this on the phone). So this week it won't work. Next week (+weekends) my relatives from Finland are here to visit my parents - and us. So I won't have time. So it will be someday in October - that's pretty late and if this speech is in my head all the time, I will go crazy. That's why the Blog Entry Title - I wish the speech would shut up   (Perhaps I should write it down once? Will that make it silent?)
Antaria

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Family problems 5th

It was soooo good to talk to my parents (without Olli) and with one friend who has been at the party, too.   They all could totally understand me and don't think that I am exaggerating or that it would be wrong to have some basic rules. Made it easier for me.   My mom even broke out in laughter when I told her the story about "playing only on a special carpet in the living room" and banning toys entirely from the living room. In this case - how can they be angry when I ask to play only on the tiling?   Anyway, I feel much better, I still know that I have to talk to Ollis sister. But not this week. I will invite her to come over - alone - and that we will have some tea, chat about that, I will try to make my point of view understandable and perhaps we have some time to paint a bit with encaustic. She always wanted to try that.       If is so funny ... her boy is 8 and I'm always afraid when they come to visit us. I can see broken glass (actually they never broke anything - well they tried to break their own heads and our TV once because they had the great idea to take some pillows and use our staircase as a slide - but since our house has a strange cut there is the TV-shelve just at the end of the staircase, only 80cm away from each other, so this game was pretty dangerous - and the parents did not say a word ...), again fingerprints on my windows (and since we have a glass-gable, there really is a lot of glass to leave fingerprints on - and it takes a damn lot of time to clean them!), sweets all over my floor (I should check the shelves! and our bed!) and so on. Next week there are coming a 11 year old girl and a 9 year old boy - MY relatives - and I am not afraid at all. The boys have one year age-difference and I know this boy won't crawl over my bed, taking teddys from the shelve behind it, he won't yell at my guinea pigs and so on ... because he is raised in a different way. He does not seem to suffer. And he is known to be very lively and a bit difficult regarding to his behavior ... compared to the 8 year old he's an angle ... we don't have to talk about the girl at all - she is exactly like I was when I was her age. Shy. I'm her godmother. Which reminds me ... I should buy them a little something. (Okay, now I am reminded of this story: The boy from Ollis sister and gifts. Since Olli and I are a pair we buy all our christmas, brithday and whatever gifts together. On the 6th of December we celebrate something called Nikolaustag - Nikolaus - a bishop from Nizea when I am right - comes and brings sweets and oranges and nuts to the children - well and to the grownups. Since Ollis family is strange when it comes to sweets they don't buy sweets but real presents. Okay, so we bought some toys for the children and gave our gift to the boy - he was 7 back then. He forgot to say "thank you" - but I think tis is understandable, opened it, liked it, opened the gifts from the others and than - he came back to me "Tina, where is your gift for me?" ... I had a real big smile on my face)
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Family problems 4th

There is one thing that I forgot: Usually it's important for me to have chips and chocolate when I have a party. I put bowls of them on the tables for the guests. I do that because when I am a guest, I love to nibble this stuff.   But every time I had such things on the table, someone from Ollis family came to me and asked if I could put them away because the children eat too much of them. I did it every time.   On Saturday I didn't even bother to put anything on the tables but I forgot to put our every-day bowl of sweets away. After some time someone came and again "Please put them away, the children eat too much".   Sorry, next time I will serve sweets again, because they belong to such an evening. I really don't think that the other guests should be punished because the parents don't want to look after what their children eat. My parents went another way: We were allowed to eat as much sweets as we wanted on such events and as long as we still ate the normal food - believe me: When you feel ill for the second time because you had too much sweets you will learn to eat less the next time At least my brother and I learned it ...   So, I won't punish my other guests any more.
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Family problems 3rd

So I've talked to them. I guess everything is fine. Ollis mom told me that she is so sorry about what she said and that she did it because she was simply overstrained and caught between 2 stools. She did not mean it that way and she really loves me. So - problem solved.   The "guinea pigs are more important as children" was on the one hand the wanting that Olli and I have children right away (okay, I'd love kids - but first we should marry and I need a perpetual job) and they themselves never cared as much for their pets like I do. I have the habit to read all I can about how to keep a pet in the right way, to know it's need and so on. This means - with guinea pigs - that once a week you have to control their weight, give them lots of hay and not so much fodder (meaning this stuff from pet shops), twice a day things like carrots and cucumbers or tomatoes. And to watch carefully if everything is alright. Well to her this was "treating them like humans" - and sorry, it is not. I am just responsible with my pets because I love them - but surly it's not "I have guinea pigs - I don't need children"!   But there are still 2 things that bother me.   1. They consider my ideas how to raise children as bad. Too rigorous. Too confined. Children can't be happy with so many rules. I don't get it. When I'm going to have children I won't be a drill-instructor! But there have to be some rules, specially when you visit other people - I write down what I told them: That you take off your shoes before you come into a home. That inside the house no one is allowed to smoke (these two are more for the grownups), that you sit at the table when you eat and wash your fingers when they are full of chocolate, that you don't take stuff down from shelves without asking if that is okay. I grew up with these rules. I did not suffer from them. The children in my whole family did grew up like that. But here is the problem: My family comes from another country and it's a big family. My mom has got 7 siblings, lots of them have own children, some even grandchildren. So I don't ask for the impossible ... but I guess now I am the terrible mother ...   2. I asked the boy if he could limit his playing with toy cars (he had approx. 40 of them with him - on a party with 19 people) on the tiling to avoid scratching on the laminate. I think this is okay. Olli and his parents don't think like that. The point that makes me angry here (but I will keep that to myself, no need to quarrel about it any more) is that Ollis sister herself has forbidden the children to play on their living room laminate without putting a blanked underneath the toys! By now she even banned all toys from the living room! So why should I live with scratches on my floor from HER children when she don't want them from her OWN children?!? Help me out here! Why am I the wicked woman?   Okay, but I'm able to live with that. I will talk to Ollis sister once more, explain myself and I hope than everything is all right. I guess it already is. I'll just keep in mind that I am not wicked for asking to avoid scratches on my floor ... and that I still believe in "there is nothing wrong with some rules".
Antaria

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Nia's Blog
 

school starts this week!

So, this week I have a gazillion things to do.   Unit 58: The Lady of Shalott DONE Unit 59: Les Bijoux. Unit 60: Lucy's kiss Unit 61: Queen of Sheba Unit 62: Muse   Reviewing Unit 1: Rapture.   Writing a letter to a friend, by hand, paying attention to hand position, speed, etc: Ravenous DONE   Doing calligraphy exercises: Salomé   Doing an hour a day of my online course: Saturnalia.
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Family problems 2nd

I wrote Olli an email about wanting to forget the stuff but not being able to.   He wrote that he was thinking about it, too and that he want to talk about it with his parents. With me.   Perhaps this is the best way to solve the situation and to remove this "I don't trust them any more" - but I have no idea how to talk to them. Even how to start. And I know that I will cry. And it hate that. And I am afraid that I lose my temper and say stuff I don't want to say.   But what to say at all? That Olli told me what they said to him and that I am hurt and shocked that they always play "nice family" while being mean behind my back? I don't get it. Should I say "well sometimes I feel like you don't like me and snigger at me? That you don't take me for real"? Or not to say any of that but wait what they say? And then? The whole truth or only reacting on what they say?   I simply want to fast-forward and be over with it.
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Family problems

I'm bummed.   This weekend we invited family and friends to celebrate my birthday (which was almost 2 months ago) and the induction of our flat - one year after moving there ... we're not the fastest, as you can see.   Well, I thought everything was fine. And than I did something which was the last straw. I asked Ollis mom if she could remove her shoes. I don't like it if people come in with their shoes and ... well. I must have said in a wrong accent. I did not intent to do so, but it seems to happen a lot. And often when I try to let it sound casual.   Well okay, so she answered "No" - and I thought "well then", smiled and went back to the kitchen to cut more cake.   Then it all began. Ollis mom went on the balcony while all the others drank their coffee. I did not even think about it, that I could have caused this! My mom joint her to look what was going on. She claimed to have circulation problems.   Then Ollis sister took her children and went outside with them. She didn't seem too happy about me and my way with her children. When I get it right I should not worry about my laminate when they play on it (which always includes throwing cars, wooden cubes and so on). I asked the boy, if he could try to play only on the tiling - there I know that nothing will happen + he is not in the way of all the other guests. I have a different look on thinks like that - I have only one brother but we were raised in a different way. When we visited my grandparents there were 5-8 of us ... it was important to respect my grandparents, not to throw stuff, not to scream and so on. To know how to behave.   After coffee Olli and his parents went to see our new bed - I was there for some minutes and then rejoined the others. They stayed in there for approx. 30 minutes. I went back there to ask if everything was fine. They smiled and claimed to have talked about Ollis job.   Then Olli and his sister disappeared, I searched for them and there they were talking about me. Ollis sister believed that I don't like her. Because I said some stuff (yes, some of them were meant exactly how I said them ... and others I did not mean the way she got them. And I do like her. I just think we are different - which should not be a problem. I always like seeing her, going away with her). So I told her that, told her that I am happy about the family Olli brought with him and so on. And we talked a bit about the kids ... and she told me that the circulation problem was caused by me and my tone ... and that Ollis mom was afraid that the family would break apart over this stuff. I really could not understand it. It was ... I don't know! I didn't have a clue about the stuff going on!   So I went to Ollis mom, gave her a hug and told her that everything is fine.   It all would have been okay if Olli and I wouldn't have talked about it the next day. He revealed that his parents - better: his mom - talked about this stuff while they were in our bedroom. And they accused me of stuff that is not okay + they really hurt me. They always smile at me and are nice and now I hear such things that indicate, that they don't like me at all. I cried a lot. A lot a lot. Olli tried to calm me down and told me that this was the first time they did something like that and that I should try to forget it because he thinks it was because all the problems his mother is having. That's right, she has a tough time regarding a lot of different parts of her life. Her health, her friends, her working place and so on. Olli was angry that they told him such things instead of talking to me. So we agreed on forgetting the hole affair, because it was not worth it (well, first we quarreled about an hour ... which made it worse. I had a terrible night and had a dream about Olli leaving me - but after that we were fine again).   But ... I'm still so hurt. I try to tell myself that everything is fine. But it happened several times that I got the feeling that Ollis parents don't really like me. Which is somehow ridiculous because they treat me very nice. But sometimes there are things they say that make me feel bad again. But of course now I am really convinced that they dislike me. Even if Olli tries to affirm that they love me.   I really don't know what to do. I don't want to talk about it with them because I know how bad Ollis mom is. But on the other hand I don't trust her any more. I don't want to see her. And I am pretty much hurt.   So I just don't know what to do ... I tell myself over and over again to forget the hole story. But somehow it's not that easy.
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