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BPAL Madness!
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Tumbleweeds abound

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Swapping continued

I'm glad to know there are less swapliftings than there used to be, but I'm wondering if the ones that do happen now are on a larger scale- I know MT stiffed a lot of people, and I know at least one other person was left hanging by DM. I'm just very grateful for the swap feedback area; it was an excellent addition and it really does make swaplifting a more public offense.   With regards to my own swapping, I'm considering a policy of having the swapper send me their end first... but that just seems wrong. It feels wrong. If I don't trust them, why should they trust me, y'know? Then again, I think a third swaplifting would be extremely hurtful to me.   As much as I hate losing the CT and not having the bottle and decants from Mistress Tera or Duck Mountain- or the money- I still feel like I've come out on top, which is a wierd way of saying it, but I can't think of a better expression. It's just that the people here are so very generous, that all the kindness and the frimps and socks and notes of encouragement more than balance out the missing bottles. I feel sad and cheated by those people, but I don't feel cheated at all by karma. Does that make any sense at all?   I love the perfumes and the labbies and it's all well and good, but without the community here, I think I would have lost interest, which sounds insulting to the lab, but I don't mean it like that. I've just never been a perfume person, so I don't know that I would have been so drawn in without this network of amazing people. This place has become a sanctuary for me, and I am so grateful for that.   So, in the end, I have just one thing to say:   :joy:  

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smallvoice

 

Adventures in Swapping

I think I realized why this recent swaplifting has me so more upset than the first one did. I think it's because I lost a unique bottle in this swap, whereas I'd just paid Mistress Tera for the bottle and decants the first time it happened. But this time... My Chaos Theory is just GONE. I can't swap for it again. There isn't anymore of it. It was one of a kind, and it was mine, and... yeah. It's not anymore. And I don't have anything to show for it.   I'm thinking of sending them both Christmas cards (or holiday cards, I guess) and asking politely for a refund of what I gave them in it, but then I just get too angry and don't even want to deal with it.   I think I might sell my bottles from here on out. Hoping for the best is just wearing on me.   Of course, I won't. I'm too addicted to swapping. Here's the thing, though- I can't even say that I'll just limit it to reliable swappers, because both of these people were reliable prior to swapping with me. WTF? Please, please, stop choosing the time that I'm swapping with you to wig out and leave everyone hanging. I think I included frimps in with the CT.

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I'm tiiiiiired

Yeah, poor me. Hah. I am actually okay. My husband and I were grumpy at one another tonight and so I was in a bad mood- it's strange, because we rarely have arguments; we're pretty good at straight-up communication, I think, but every now and then we just sort of misfire and get on one another's nerves, and that's what happened tonight. BUT I'm trying to let it go.   I made six loaves of bread today, and studied in between. SIX, people! I gave one to my parents. Does anybody know how many cups are in a gallon, approximately? I need to figure out how many loaves of bread I get out of a gallon of milk.   So, when I was brand new, a few people sent me free imps just to get me hooked. Every now and then, when the spirit moves me and I have extras, I offer to send some out. I did that recently with someone I'd been corresponding with and feeling pretty friendly with. So I sent them to her, and it's like she fell off the face of the planet. She quit coming to the forums a few weeks after it should have arrived, and I sent her a couple of messages telling her it was on the way, and then asking if it had gotten there safely, and I heard nothing from her. This bugs me. It's not like I wanted her to shout it from the rooftops or anything; I know plenty of other people do this, but just some acknowledgement via PM or SOMETHING would have been nice. Arg.   My brain is all over the place. And I can't remember where in the brain Wernicke's area is.   Finals are scary!!!

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Sooo...

I am just wiped out. 3 more days of classes and then I'm done with this quarter, and I am SO READY for it to be over.   So the birth of my new nephew has me daydreaming about having a baby, which I know is so incredibly wierd in light of my recent total spaz-out over the thought of a parasite living inside me, but... I don't know. It's not quite as disgusting as before, because babies are just so amazing.   Yeah, I'm a freak. But my nephew is frickin' gorgeous. (And I really wanted to be able to go down there for the holidays to see him. Sigh.)   It will be a few years before we make any decisions in that area, though.

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Drama queen suckage: Updated

I suck.   Gah. Sorry for the drama queen syndrome. I just got the results of my last math exam and I sucked, and it pulled my GPA down and I'm really really depressed over it. So, yeah. I got a little intense with the poor me and thus we have suckage.

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Quandry

I arranged for a swap on October 24th with a fairly recognizable person on BPAL.org. I sent a message checking the status of the swap probably the first week of November and on the 14th or 15th, got an apology; she said she was behind in her swaps (which I understand as I get overwhelmed by them sometimes) and that she had sent out a mass PM to her swap partners a while ago but must've left me off, and that she was going to get them out that day. Again, understandable. However, I still don't have the swap. I sent another message to her on the 24th of this month and still haven't heard anything back. She hasn't been on the forum since the 15th. So I'm in a quandry. Do I report a swaplifting? I don't want to be a bitch.

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ANTM

ANTM: I haven't ever watched it during the season before, but I usually catch at least part of a marathon afterwards. (I'm going to try and break this up, since it was sort of a stream of thought and was in one huge clump.)   I don't think the remaining girls are all that pretty, especially the twins. I don't get all the fuss over their features, though admittedly, I'm no expert. Still, they seem pretty... average, I guess? I don't think they'd really stand out all that much, even. However, Michelle is the one I've been hoping would go home since the episode where Nicole left.   I like Melrose, and I like that all the other girls hate her. It just makes me laugh.   I have a really big issue with girls who can't deal with having their look changed- when they whine about having short hair, it is a complete annoyance and I hope they go home right away. I may be insensitive in that area, though. But seriously, just deal.   My favourite was Anchal- I think I spelled that wrong. Gah. Anyway. She was gorgeous! They really played up how much everyone told her that she was fat and wouldn't make it with that body, though, but she annoyed me because she really did the job of sending herself home. If she had carried herself just a bit differently, with more confidence, I don't think she would've taken any shit from the girls at least about her size. Anyone remember Dee? She's, like, half of Dee's size, and they weren't half that cruel about Dee's weight. I have come into this late, admittedly.   I actually think that Eugena has the prettiest face of the models that are left. Melrose is my pick to win, though. They usually have a clear leader, which makes it more about watching the girls interact than about the competition, but sometimes people do stupid things, so that's always interesting.   I like Carridee, but I don't think she's the winner. They're probably going to send her home next and leave the top three as Melrose, Eugena and Amanda. Hell, maybe Amanda will be their pick, but I kind of doubt it. Yeah, I doubt it a lot.   Oh, and with regards to Tyra? She is absofrickinlutely batshit insane. I just don't find her likeable at all.   Off to watch the Heroes marathon and put off doing my homework! Whee!   I'm done with fall quarter in one week! I'll be home from doing my last final a week from right now! Woohoo!

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Math and other stuff- Switch Witch signups!

I stared blankly at my math problems for quite some time today. Ugh. My brain just doesn't have focus right now. Hopefully I'll be thinking more clearly tomorrow so that I can regain my footing before the last test and then the final. I haven't even looked at psych.   It snowed here today. I like the snow, but I hope it doesn't get icy overnight, because I hate the way people here drive in the snow. They're okay if it's been around a while, but that first stint is just awful. And, okay, I'm nervous about driving my car on ice. Though I was still pretty clumsy with it last year and I'm still alive, so hopefully I'll be okay... yeah, I'm a spaz.   For those of you who don't obsessively read the swap area, the switch witch winter round is open until the 28th, so hurry. I have some really great ideas for this round and I'm staying optimistic this time, rather than panicking over being poor. I am going to get it together this round and be memorable.   I have a good feeling about this round.   I wish one of the questions was about colours a person dislikes.   My hair smells good. Actually, it smells a little like Freakshow.   I have a half-imp of Trick 2 that needs to be swapped because it is a deathmatch between the patchouli and the tobacco with my chemistry, and that's just not pretty. So if anybody here is interested, you know I love you best. I should've brought it to my mini-meet n'sniff with 'snarky, really. s'gone   She had this cute little case to carry all her stuff in, and then I had hurriedly wrapped mine up in plastic grocery bags... classy! Okay, but seriously, I need to find that bag. Not only will I store perfume in it, I will get one to bring my lunch in, because it's that cool.   Speaking of lunch, I need a thermos. Hrm.   Dude, I want rice krispie treats. SO. BADLY.   I have to do 3 more hours at the fitness lab and then I'm done, because I chickened out and dropped down to one credit. That puts me on financial aid probation next quarter, which worries me slightly.   Huh. I really like how Freak Show smells on me. How did I miss this one? Fig and cocoa are nice together.   So, I go back to school tomorrow. Woah! How did my break go by so quickly? Heh. I need a vacation from my vacation. It was good to get out of town, though.   Okay, I'm done. Eee, new ANTM tonight! And new Heroes tomorrow!!!! Very, very excited about those two things. Next Christmas, somebody is getting me Heroes on DVD. Somebody who is my husband, probably.   I'm really done now. G'night lovelies!

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Award Winning Cake!

So! I went to Portland for Thanksgiving and we just got home and there's already a bunch of stuff to write about, but I have to talk about meeting up with Snarky! We ended up getting together Wednesday evening, and we drove around trying to find someplace that was open and even Starbucks was closed! Well, Ms. Snarky found a little cake shop that was closed, but the owner said we could come in while she finished her receipts and she'd make us coffee. We were going to try to find somewhere else to go, but the owner sort of insisted that we stay, so we did, and we learned that she had this award-winning cake. The carrot cake was not particularly wonderful, so I think I should have gone with the special cake, but eh. Anyway! It was a great meeting and she's every bit as wonderful in person as you would imagine she is from here. I got to try a bunch of scents I haven't had a chance to test yet and it was just loads of fun. I was very tired, so if I nattered on a bit, I apologise. Okay... gotta go unwind a bit now. Hope everybody who's local had a great Thanksgiving!

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News!

In my excitement over not being pregnant, I forgot to share one of my main causes of anxiety, and that is my new nephew! My sister in law had her baby on the 16th and he is beautiful! Obviously they both came through it fine, which was worriesome at the time, and they got to leave the day afterwards, even though it had originally been projected that she'd have to stay at least three days. So, yes. There's much happiness over the new addition to the family.  

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Hooray and ow!

I'm not pregnant!   I almost wrote a post here last night that I thought I was pregnant, because I was having huge anxiety over it, but then I freaked out about how saying it might help it to be real or whatever. Anyway, I'm not. Hooray!   I hurt my neck today somehow. It is not comfortable. I think I'm going to try and sleep now, though. Just wanted to share the good news!

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Portland, OR

So! I am going to be in Portland for a couple of days for Thanksgiving, and I know there are a few Portlanders out there- if anybody would like to meet up, drop me a PM. I also know it's a busy time and a lot of you might be out of town, so I'm not banking on it or anything- I just thought I would offer. Aaand... I should know what part of Portland, right? But I don't; not for sure. I think Milwaukee. I'll have my car there, and I'm pondering a trip to Powells- anyway, just let me know.

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NaNo!

It's finally time to start! I'll let you know if I get my quota in today.   It's also my sister's birthday. Must remember to call her.

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Working out

I know I need to work out more. I do. I've seen the wedding photos, and I want to be healthy. I need to be healthy.   Here's the thing. This is week 7 of 12 in the quarter. I have 6 hours logged- which is better than I've done in the past, for sure! But instead of needing 14 hours, I need 25. Here's the other thing: The lab will be open the week of Thanksgiving, but we don't get credit for working out that week. Whahuh?? And I don't think we can work out week 12, though I might be wrong. So I need 19 more hours. I kind of want them done before Thanksgiving... so I'm going to be going in every day this week and working out the full 90 minutes, instead of an hour as I've been doing. (I can only get credit for the first 90 minutes I work out per day.)   So if I work out for 90 minutes for the next 5 days that'll be an additional 7.5 hours, for a total of 13.5 hours. Then, week 8, I'll do all 6 days for another 9 hours will be 22.5... Which means I'll have 2.5 hours for week 9. Bwahaha! It's a pipe dream, to be sure. But it'd be nice to just get it out of the way.

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NaNo stuff- Valentina

I think I may draw on my experiences with people here to include in my novel, but there is one name in particular I plan on using in it- Valentina. So, lady, let me know if you want me to keep my grubby hands off your name or if it's okay.   It's going to be an all female cast as far as present action goes, but male figures will play a part in past events and whatnot. I'm excited! Now to get it all outlined. I need to get back to detailing my main character! I just wanted to share- but one of my personal dares to myself is to draw on something from the forums for each chapter, so... anyway. Madness commence! Or commence madness! Or whatever. Evs! Ack.

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Well...

I'm actually in a fairly good mood. I got my switchee's package all wrapped up and mailed out today in what I thought was a flat rate box, but was not. Ah well.   The box is painfully small, but it is well packed and there are a few things in there I think she'll enjoy. Now to wait for her to get it! I love this part- not so much the waiting, but the hoping she'll love it and knowing it's on the way.   By the way, inky, I knew you were monet's switch witch- something about the bubble tea in the drawing made me think of you. Dude! You're an artist!   I hope you all have been as spoiled as I have. My SW still hasn't done a reveal, but left me a note saying that she would do that very soon. I'm on pins and needles!   I'm really glad that my husband and I get to be together... we didn't realize how much the housemate was draining our emotional resources- and we already thought he was draining too much. As for the housemate... only time will tell if he and I will get back to a place of friendship. Right now, wounds need time to close up and heal. After that, it's sort of in his court.   The boy and I are getting used to being comfortable in our own home with one another, and that is a good feeling.   With the exception of the ever present money issue. Gah.

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The roommate situation

He called his mother, asked her for money to get his car fixed so he can get home, and she is sending it. She asked to speak to me. She was in tears- worried sick that he might hurt himself instead of going home. I promised her I would keep a lookout and let her know if anything happened. She said they were thrilled to have him back, but she knows how much it hurts him.   She left her home phone number and her cell phone number. I do plan on calling her and speaking with her about him. If she really wants to help him, I can point her in the right direction. I also want to know if she knows the magnitude of his debt up here, both personal debt and public. She didn't come across as the cold hearted bitch he's been portraying her as, but I'm not convinced he was lying about that, simply because my father can put on a good show when he feels like it. Still, it seems fishy. A lot of it does.   This is a bad week to do this. He has a week to get the money from her, and then a week to get his car repaired. Otherwise, we buy him a bus ticket and off he goes. At this point, it's a small price to pay.   But next monday is my big midterm in psychology. I get my math work done at school, and I've been really working hard on it. Difference of trinomials was where I got completely lost last quarter, and I have those suckers down pretty well. However, I've been doing really poorly in psychology. And today I think I guiltily realized that I'm a little bored with this particular instructor. I love him to pieces, but it's a format that's been repeated three times now. I'm still planning on taking archaeology in the spring, but I think I'll give the social sciences a break winter quarter.   Okay. Feeling better. Compartmentalizing stuff is a useful thing sometimes.

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I don't know what to say here

I've been putting off writing about this, but it is another thing that is weighing on me and I need to just write it out.   My dad's first wife has advanced cancer- Colon cancer, I believe, though I may be wrong. She might not last the year. I keep hoping that she won't die on Thanksgiving. Or in November at all. Deaths seem to be piling up around November. And... this is awful... but I keep thinking that it's like having a messenger preparing for a trip to see a bunch of people I love and can't communicate with anymore... could you just find Christy and tell her... and Robbie... and Paul... and... most of all, my grandmother. After you die, could you just please find these people for me? Run some errands out and about? Could you tell them that I am happy, finally?   It's awful. And I know it's hurting my brother and sister, and I hurt for them, but I keep obsessing over the fact that she could be seeing all these people I love before the year is out. All these people who hoped that I'd be happy. All these people who loved me.   I don't want her to die, but I'm trying hard to get to acceptance.   I hope she knows her kids love her. I'm going to tell her I love her. I'm not going to ask her to run dead messages around for me. A part of me just wishes I could.

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Too long

There's something up with my inner ear. I've had an earache all weekend, and my balance is messed up.   It's been too long since I wrote in here. So here I am.   Knitting has come to a standstill, as I sort of began feeling hopeless with it. It also got pushed way down on my list of priorities.   I am going to be baking cookies to include for my switchee. Possibly fudge.   So, my husband and I had a long conversation about weight and stress. We need to bite the bullet and just stop. And I can do that if he tells me that's what we're doing. But if he wavers at all, I'll hit a craving and justify it like woah. So, no more snacks. Instead, we will have real meals. And salads. With Newman's Own dressing.   I pointed out that when we need time to ourselves, away from the housemate, we always go out to eat. We could easily go walk around Hastings and pick up a game or a few books for what we spend on eating out. We need to reward ourselves in other ways. For me, that's easy- BPAL, Villainess, and other e-tailers that I've grown fond of.   Noumenon wrote something in (If I recall correctly) a wanted post recently, and it really sort of hit home for me. She said something to the effect of: I've been here a short while now, and I spent the summer nailing what I wanted in the GC. Now I want to seek out some limited editions.   I haven't done that. Even though I tend to enjoy the GC scents more, I am obsessed with LE's. OMGWTFBBQWhatifInevereverseeitagain!!! This could be my One Chance!   I still want Pumpkin Queen and Sol Invictus, but I think I need to focus on the catalog for the time being. There's no reason for me not to have bottles of Alice, Sudha Segara, Dorian, Arkham (!), Port-au-Prince, O, and others. Even though I've loved Arkham since Kmasden was nice enough to send me a decant in February, I believe, I didn't order a bottle when it was brought back. I love Alice! I sing her praises constantly! But no bottle.   So I'm going to lay off the LE's, and I'm going to treat myself, when I can, to GC bottles. First up: Arkham.   I am going to try and participate in NaNoWriMo. I'm worried I'm stretching myself too thin, with school and swaps and knitting and the holidays and everything going on. But I am already writing down the dares I'm pondering adding to my story. It should be entertaining.   Take care, loves. I'm out of steam.

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I feel better...

Yeah, but I also feel kind of awful. I mean, here's the thing: My husband says we can put off getting rid of one of the cats until he gets his disability, which will probably not be until January or so. We're going to take his cat to get checked out at a vet's office to figure out what's wrong with her- even on sensitive stomach cat food, she vomits pretty much every day, poor thing. I also think there's something wrong with her eyesight. If there's something seriously wrong with her and it's outside of our budget, we'll have to look at options there. So I'm still going to have to get rid of one of our cats, just now one might be getting put down... not exactly sunshine and roses. But it is a respite. And maybe they'll sort it out over this winter. The biggest problem is that there's no alpha cat. My cat is more willing to fight, but she's a scaredy cat, and she knows when she's outmatched. His cat can kick my cat's ass, but won't fight for anything. So the dynamic between them is... well, not dynamic.   Any suggestions would be welcomed. At this point, I'm a hair's breadth from invesigating bunnies. (Not as pets. It's a Buffy quote.)   We tried getting them both hopped up on catnip this weekend to see if they'd be more willing to duke it out, but no such luck.   I'm contemplating bringing a third cat into the mix to shake things up. (My parents' cat, on loan. However, they have a male cat, so I'm not sure what impact, if any, he would have. He'd probably just avoid all the conflict and laze around in the sun.)

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Not to dwell...

I really am going to have to get rid of my cat.   I'm trying to keep my mind off the impending seperation by testing BPAL oils.   Tavern of Hell: Not me at all. It is unusual, but there's this odd musky scent that actually turns my stomach. Even on drydown, it's still there in the background. It's possible this might even out to something lovely, but there are other scents I love more from start to finish. I think it might be the ambergris that I dislike.   Tweedledee: This, in the imp, smells just like the imp of Kunstkammer I had that loved me. It's like a slightly melted orange popsicle with a splash of iced tea and the spice of the pepper gives this added depth. I really like this one.   Severin: I have tried this a couple of times. It smells light and fresh in the imp, but once it hits my skin, it is GONE. I can't smell it past 15 minutes. Strange.   Yeah. I don't know what to do with myself, because this isn't working.

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My cat

My husband's cat is still not venturing out of the room- not often. When she does, my cat immediately chases her back under our bed... and she runs. There's no fighting back.   Today he told me that we're probably going to need to get rid of one. Being who he is, he presented it as us needing to get rid of his cat. The cat he flew in from Tennessee. The cat he loves. And I just can't let him do it. It's cruel to keep this going on, so one of them does need to go- or they just need to go at it, but we haven't been able to instigate that.   I love my cat. LOVE. And I don't know of anybody who can take her. I don't know what I'm going to do without her. Why does everything shift to bleak in an instant like that?  

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Overload

I am a swapping fiend. I'm getting back on track with the GC swap- except for reviews! I took a chance on Baobahn Sith and swapped for 4 decants, and... I really don't like it. It's so floral! I also swapped for a couple of imps of Baghdad recently, and I'm disappointed in that one too! The one I got was full of glorious almond, and one of these has a breath of that memory, and the other one smells like sandalwood. I know they must all be different ages, but I really wish I had the almond one. I think I need to find an almond scent to soothe my soul. Actually, I think I'm set on scents. I don't think I need to find any new ones.   I want to try my hand at beading this weekend. But I really need to clean out my car. I was neurotic about anything being left in it until recently. Having two men who regularly ride in it in addition to school stuff has made me careless. I do not want my car to be dirty inside. I need to get to knitting, as well.   Things are starting to come together with my switch witchery package. I think it'll be pretty neat, but I don't know what she'll think of it. I am eagerly anticipating the round where I get to spoil my switchee the way I've been spoiled these three rounds. Until then, I'll make do with what I've got.   I'm considering selling some of my bottles off so I can get in on the inquisition. My sweet husband has promised that I can do the next one, but the treat scents look so incredible. I know. I'm all Ms. Grabby-hands. Gotta have it! I just love how spoiled BPAL makes me feel.   I had no idea that the recipe Lost For Words was lost! It smells fantastic. Anyone know what the notes are? I'm coming up blank.   I think I'm going to postpone writing my psych paper until tomorrow morning. I started it already, I just need to finish it up. Give it a quick polish and whatnot. I'm thinking he might be gone again. Class was cancelled today. Which I believe means there won't be a quiz tomorrow. This is good news! I've been awful about studying. And I need to go back to the gym.   Wow, this is a long entry. I just have a lot to say, I suppose.   I need to find all my imps and put them away before they get scattered and I lose important ones.   I'm swapping Manhattan away for Devil's Night, which rocks because I swapped for an imp of last year's version, and it smells amazing on me. Now I just have to wrangle a swap for Pumpkin Queen.   Eh. I don't need the inquisition this time. I'll live, and be durn happy with the wonderful things I do have.   I'm in a pretty good mood. That's kinda cool!

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Drama

I know I'm not always the most tactful person in the world, but why do people have to be rude? And why do they have to perpetuate drama? It frustrates me to see the forum degenerate into name-calling and snide remarks masked in smilies. Delivering an insult with a smile is still an insult, and is often more offensive that way. I understand wanting to have the last word, but you don't always need it. Go vent about it elsewhere. Start a blog. Do whatever you need to do, but work it out. Stop campaigning for your cause, because nobody cares.   I don't agree with everyone, and I get my hackles up if I feel insulted (which has happened once, and I did react really harshly.) or protective of a friend, or both. But sometimes just let it go. The forum isn't life or death, and if it is, you really need to see about chilling out.   Who am I talking to? That's a good question. (I was just remarking that I hate when people talk like that- rhetorical questions that they immediately answer. I think I saw it on Shark when I mentioned it. Anyway.) If you think I'm talking about you, you probably have good reason to think that, and it's probably true. I'm not talking about one single person, or one single side. Right or wrong, it gets absurd on both sides. Then again, I'm not talking about anyone who is reading my blog, probably.   Conflict is a part of life, and how we deal with it says a lot about who we are as people. I'm obviously a little(!!) unbalanced, but I'm trying to work out my flaws there.   I don't think people are bad. I just think sometimes you've got to take a step back.

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