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BPAL Madness!


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About TheLampades

  • Rank
    a little too imp-ulsive
  • Birthday October 31


  • BPAL of the Day
  • Favorite Scents
    Lampades, Spooky Action At a Distance, Winter Trees, Figure In The Attic Window, Black Phoenix, Black Fig/Oak Bark/Brown Sugar; Notes: Olive Blossom, Star Anise, Myrrh, Incense, Honey, Clove, Rosewood, Verbena, Bitter Almond, Bergamot, Ceylon


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  1. TheLampades

    Thirteen (13): February 2009

    Normally, I’ll do long reviews, but since this has plenty of reviews & it’s one of those scents you have to go looking for, let’s do a purely from an enjoyment stand point! This is so good. Oh my gods. The anise & allspice are just *chefs kiss* & the nutmeg & gingers make this like a soft gingerbread scent (gingerbread loaf?). I cannot stop smelling it. The drydown brings it more into a really dark, soft spice scent. The anise & brown sugar are in the front & I love it. The whole thing as a mellow, almost amber coloured vibe to it. It’s very comforting & I’d wear this as a sleep scent because as it dries, it really stops being gourmand in anyway. It’s more like living near a bakery, getting subtle ideas of scent or hints of ingredients, but not an aroma of a whole. I do not know how this would have smelled on me at release, but it’s aged in a really spectacular way. I’d wear this to bed, or over to a friends house for a do nothing visit. Mostly though, I’ll just wear this for me, as both a comfort scent & an enjoyment scent. No one ever has to smell it & that’s fine with me. Even better if it helps bring me a bit of luck in the coming times.
  2. When I read reviews & someone talks about a note they smell, but it's very clearly a lie, I always wonder why they do it. Why write a review on a scent you clearly haven't smelled? Especially when the reviews that come before or after yours will show that you are talking about something incorrectly? 


    I've seen this about 9 times now & it baffles me every. single. time. Though some are almost comical. Like an example is if they see something called like... "the scent of a dry, alkali lake bed" & then describe the aquatic notes. The lake water they smell. That kind of comical. Or comparing a violet to the smell of a violet crumble candy bar (honeycomb). 


    I dunno. It's been bugging me for weeks & I ran across another one the other day that was just WILD. 

    1. norsowideasachurchdoor


      Names are powerfully suggestive, so while I don't know how many people would actively lie about a note, I've seen a similar effect with people searching for and sometimes finding bourbon whiskey in their Bourbon vanilla blends, despite their irrelevance to one another. I won't write off that in some cases there probably remains a keeping-up-with-the-Joneses scent-as-fashion mentality. I haven't read extensively enough to catch obvious flukes, though I wonder if some of my reviews (a recent one mentioning jackfruit only because I happen to think it smells like cardamom) might sometimes make me appear to have the wrong bottle (or description) in hand.

    2. TheLampades


      Oh, no. I understand things like this. Fully. I mean more like... pineapple as an example (no one has done this, I’m using it as a point). They describe the apple notes they smell, with the pine notes. They talk about it being a scent they like because the ‘pineapple’ is such a specific type of apple scent, with its coniferous mix in. Then they’ll talk about how the perfume worked for them with that scent & how it worked with the other scents. Or why they think it’s was strange but an interesting change to see it with coconut. Or rum. Or brown sugar & cherry. 
      That’s the kind of lying I mean. 

  3. TheLampades


    Look, it was funny to make a crack at ℬrown Jenkℹ︎n because that’s based on a monster. I know better than to go for a god of any culture. Coconut & I have agreed it’s best if we live in separate universes & I made the mistake of crossing the line that says “my side.” So, I washed it off. However, to use a quote from the person who got it after me, “I don’t know why you hated it, it smells like a perfect day on the beach. The coconut was like haupia! It had the perfect amount of milk & coconut, with whatever that note was for the water. I loved it! I want it in the hair stuff they do! That would be amazing!” So, that will have to stand in. *Haupia is a coconut dessert.
  4. TheLampades

    Brown Jenkin

    A frimp from long forgotten times… In the imp: I’ll be honest, everyone was talking about this being a comfort scent one day & I was envious, so when I realised we had an imp of it, I didn’t stop & smell it, I didn’t even know what it SHOULD smell like, I just put a test patch on & immediately… Wet: ...regretted a lot of my choices in life. Being impulsive & covetous is one of those things. It’s two, but look, that requires me to do more soul searching than I want to do. The drydowns: After 15 minutes, I washed it off, because look… [let’s pretend for a second we’re on a recipe site & you have to endure my annoying life trauma before I tell you how to boil an egg] when I was young, I was ripped away from all I knew & forced to live on an island. Now, some people might be like, “But Lamp, kids love the beach! The ocean! That sounds great! Eternal summer!” Nay nay, I say [yeah, I watch her, shush], I was a fine little specimen of many generations of Irish & Welsh stock. There were some other cultures in there, but they were just as pathetically burnt by the great fire in the sky, so they weren’t gonna save me. So because of this, I was LOADED with sunscreen. LOADED. Like a little potato smothered in sour cream. It didn’t help. So, very quickly, I learned to just stay out of the sun, but this did not stop the scent of suntan lotion, oil, or even sunscreen (helpfully scented!) from reaching my little pre-beeple nose. So! Is this a comfort scent for me? I think we can answer that with a simple look at the notes. Even my love of incense cannot save this. The coconut is there. It creeps along like a ghost of white sandy beaches & it will burn me like the witch I am. So, 15 minutes was actually an impressive amount of time to let it linger. In all honesty, if I had stopped to really think about the name “Brown Jenkin” & the fact that there is a line of perfumes that come from the nightmarish world of Lovecraft, I should have just stopped at that point, but no. No, I was like, “I too want the love & comfort other’s find with this.” My hubris was rewarded with exactly what it deserved. So, in regard to its namesake? Well done, Beth. It’s not even a golf clap, it’s a full out, clap so hard my hands hurt. Wear & Throw: Don’t mock me. On Me: Look, let’s just stop. This isn’t even a real review anymore. You know it, & I know it. Final thoughts: You like coconut? You like those other notes? This little monster is for you. (For the record, this is not a bad scent. I've been told this is being over dramatic & "extra." I've been told it's actually a very nice floral coconut. For their betrayal, that person is definitely not buried in my garden, no. They are probably on the beach. With a Pina Colada.)
  5. TheLampades

    Squirting Cucumber

    A long forgotten frimp from the lab.... I do not know when I got it, it was in my mum's vanity. In imp: Grass Wet: Grass & what a cucumber tastes like. If you could smell bright green, which some people can [but I doubt it smells the same to all of them], it would be this. In the drydowns: It doesn’t really change much. It pretty much declares it’s a cucumber & doesn’t really change it’s position on that. Which, I don’t know what I expected, given the name. Maybe I’m grateful there was nothing to give the idea it was squirting anything. It remained a cucumber. Wear & Throw: It stayed a cucumber for a solid 4 hours, then it sort of rolled away to be a figment of a cucumber. The throw, thankfully, was low. I was going to make a squirting pun, but it even grossed me out. On Me? It’s unisex. I mean, I don’t really know what else a cucumber can be. I guess you could make a cologne pun, or even a perfume pun, but in the end, everyone can have a nice time with a cucumber. Final thoughts: I won’t judge, but I do not want to smell like a salad bar & that’s the kind of cucumber it wants to be. Not a fancy spa where they put slices on your eyes, or in fizzy water. It’s a gas station salad bar & that’s not my thing.
  6. TheLampades

    Your most evocative Halloween/Autumn scents 🎃

    I want to just pitch in for "Figure in Attic Window" as an atmospheric one. It is a very peaceful sort of scent (to me) & reminds me of walking up long paths ways in the gloom with wind rustling trees. Very autumn in the North West, or just anywhere it gets cold & has seasons. It's a very grey-purple scent & I love it. Also, Jack... love it. Very traditional scent notes in there & cozy feeling. I'd also throw in for Nosferatu. I always describe it to people as a mulled wine, autumnal scent & I always think of it as more of an apple cider than a wine scent (maybe because I've never had good wine to save my life, just those fruity wines). Blood is also a good autumnal one, very clove forward (to me, maybe it's not quite for others). Perversion is listed among my fall scents (I believe I have it down in my notes as "autumn goth cookie candle"). Those are some of my long standing "get in the spooky mood" favs that are always around (save for the first one, that is a brand new love that I need 80 of).
  7. TheLampades


    Sadly, this is all coconut with a bit of tobacco as a hint of backing to it. Like a suntan oil someone wanted to make smell bespoke. I tested it without checking the notes but knew there was coconut as soon as it was on my skin. Not much more I can say on this review as even an hour out, it’s still just a different smelling coconut tanning oil. At least my mum likes coconut oils in her oil burner. Not all is lost!
  8. TheLampades

    Figure in the Attic Window

    I wanted to get this done & up while the Weenies were still up on the site because I absolutely love this one!! (This was a bit long, because I personally like reading longer reviews.... but I put it behind a thingie so it shortened it up. Final Thoughts: Gorgeous scent! This may be one of the more perfect star anise, as well as bergamot, scents I’ve tried. Everytime I caught a whiff of it, I did a quick sniff of my wrist (it was on my inner & outer wrists, inner elbows, & decolletage to test it for a third time to write this up) like some kind of star anise bloodhound, but I also found myself thinking it smelled like a really pretty grey-purple. Like being outside just after sunset in the winter & walking up a long drive or road with trees on both sides making that shivering noise in the wind (that's the leaves telling secrets). None of it scary, but quiet & peaceful & I loved the scent even more. I metaphorically ran to buy a back up (or 7).
  9. TheLampades

    Honey Taffy Smut

    In bottle: Booze. It's just booze. Wet: It's musky booze now. Someone had sex in this booze. Dry: O.K. now it's very naughty musk mixed with honey & totally smashed. After a few minutes: There's an orgy & everyone is drunk. Bees. Drunk bees. Drunk bee orgy. I'm not here for this. After first hour: Much like the Bright Red Dildo, I have tried three times & this is as far as I get. The very last time, I made it past this because I was convinced I was going to keep this. CONVINCED. After two and a half hours: I am not convinced. Final Thoughts: You know what? Life is too short to keep TRYING to like a perfume. This is just dirty musky booze. There is honey, but it’s always overwhelmed by the boozy musk. Not the kind I like, it’s very sweaty, after sex skin musk. Which can be uber sexy, but when mixed with the booze, I just want a shower. The honey just makes everything feel sticky. I tried to love you, but I just can’t. This was a one night stand at best & I let it drag out. Even if this was phrased like a shunga "Bees in orgiastic drunken revel" (which I would buy, just as foolishly hopeful), it still wouldn't work out & I love bees & honey & the idea of bees being REALLY happy. But in the end, this was part of the Halloween 2020 collection, so a horror story is what I got myself stuck in. These are bees wearing paper devil costumes & that honey is a drug that turned me into a shadow with teeth & no one is happy about any of it. (That last part is a game reference & it's just as much of a horror story about honey as this was with my skin chemistry... I hope that makes the review less sad & more like "This person has a very weird life" entertaining.) Wear: No thank you. Throw: As far as a bee will take it for me. But otherwise, about an arms length. On me? It's a P/U/C scent. That's not to say it is that, but if this were marketed by a typical perfermery. (I'm only including this because it's a thing I always want to know.) (It's mostly unisex, but I'd also say it's more cologne leaning based of how it smells on me or who I'd rather smell it on. Also, this does not denote a gender, just a grouping in a scent catalogue.)
  10. TheLampades

    Bright Red Dildo

    2020 Version In bottle: A murky honey with a subtle leather. Wet: I've made a terrible mistake. Dry: I've said my safe word, please stop. After a few minutes: O.K. I'm gonna level with you all, I never make it much past this, but on my third try, I gritted my teeth & tried. After the first hour: I didn't make it past this. Final Thoughts: So here's the thing about leather... I don't like it. I don't like it as furniture, or clothes, or anything. I have a black purse that I love made of leather & that's it. I thought I liked it in BPAL, but I think it was a single perfume from like 2012? That was it. Since then, I have learned I amp a lot of the leather notes & I don't like any of them. This one in particular. You shouldn't have to fake it when you're alone, so you shouldn't have to try so hard to like a perfume when you're the only one smelling it either. So, I will be putting this on the "Please leave." pile like it's an ex that keeps calling & I need to block their number. tl;DR: It smelled like sticky leather. Leather from an expensive car where everyone is very hot & the AC is broken. Yeah, that wasn't the kind of hot I meant... I meant musky hot & this doesn't list musk. Wear: I don't know. It's not that kind of dil... I washed it off. Throw: Pretty far. The bottle is small, so I mean, you can really build up a good fling with it. Scent wise, about 6 feet, so... it's impressive for that. On me? It's a P/U/C scent. That's not to say it is that, but if this were marketed by a typical perfermery, I'd be the skin chemistry for that demographic. (I'm only including this because it's a thing I always want to know.) (It's more cologne leaning based of how it smells on me or who I'd rather smell it on. Also, this does not denote a gender or person who cannot wear it, but the feel it gives off to me.) I hope we can appreciate how few innuendos I made. Also, I did not ACTUALLY throw the bottle. At some point it will be listed for sale/trade/whatever. I am against perfume abuse.
  11. TheLampades


    2010 version In bottle: A creamy peppermint, maybe? Wet: First off, no. A cologne? Something woodsy, pine forest. Would love this on a SO. Not sure it’s working on my body chemistry. I see why some people said it smelled like pine though. No snow notes anymore. Dry: It just gets worse?!?! After a few minutes: O.K. now it smells like very cheap shaving cream. That imitation pine & mint. With a sort of soap backdrop? I'm not sure. It's not what I would think of for the description. After the first hour: I want to wash it off, it's just shaving cream. Final Thoughts: I washed it off. It was not playing well on my skin AT ALL. I have no idea why this was so wrong on me, but wow. Wear: N/A Throw: A solid 3 or four feet. On me? It's a P/U/C scent. That's not to say it is that, but if this were marketed by a typical perfumery. (I'm only including this because it's a thing I always want to know.) (It's cologne leaning based of how it smells on me. Also, this does not denote a gender or just a scent grouping.) Judging by the reviews, also by my own poor history with the snow notes of the past, this had to be down to my skin chemistry. Tried it twice, two weeks apart & it never really faltered to turn into shaving cream. Away with thee!
  12. TheLampades

    Row Bullies Row

    There is a place to discuss new released scents, it is not in the reviews.
  13. Y’all... my Pumpkin Pie Musk is about dead. What is the closest I can get to it? I already have Jack (who vanishes faster than a will o’wisp).
  14. TheLampades

    Luna Azul 2020

    Wow! This is gorgeous! (sorry for the length, I'm someone who wants to know more about a scent before buying, so I was trying to be detailed) In the bottle: Something sweet, something spicy, something a little floral. It all blends so nicely. Wet: Right on, it was very sweet, but in a spiced sugar way. Then it sort of went a little sour in a strange way (I almost thought it had oudh, but it wasn't quite that). After a few minutes, it calmed down. Bit more of that sweet spice note again, with the fruit coming up. Dry: Wow, this is so nice! It's very evocative of a dark night that still has a moon out. The frankincense is the most notable note with the sweet fruit note of the blackcurrant accompanying it. Together there's a nice spicy, sweet, lightly fruity scent that feels like spiced tea on a cold night. But the caramelised amber is keeping it from drifting into a summery or spring night with that heavier powder scent that's almost a sweet honey note, with that caramelised black portion. The black part is keeping it a warm, almost creme brulee powdered note under the spiced fruit note. But the amber isn't turning into the almost perfume powder I'm used to, it's more of a honey dust powder. This may be the first time something with the black note hasn't slowly morphed into a leather note on me.... There is a sort of night blooming flower note hidden under it all, but I have no idea what it is. Looking up 'mottia attar' is just.... not helpful as it says it's a type of jasmine & there is not hint of jasmine I am familiar with. A few hours later, it's this great sugary sweet incense note (almost what I wanted 7 Word: Lust to be) with a really lazy, floral note under it that reminds me of night blooming flowers around my house (though not the night blooming jasmine I know, which is great, because I loathe that tree). Leaving me with what feels like a dark night, not moonless because the flowers wouldn't bloom, that has some old god of dark things bringing me flowers & I do not mind at all. Throw is not bad, about a foot. Shouldn't bother anyone & hopefully the right person will lean in for a better smell... Note: It layers really well with a lavender sleep oil (a light one). PSA: Just learned what "mottia attar" is! It's something called "Jasmine sambac" & it's a night blooming flower. Not night blooming jasmine that I am used to, no (it's not real jasmine, come to learn... it's jessmine or poisonberry). But it is a flower I know. It's the flower that grows around my house that I mentioned. We call it "pikake" & make lei's out it & I almost threw my phone when I finally ran across that piece of information because I almost said above, "it smells like pikake leis." The more you know.
  15. TheLampades

    Black Fig & Cherry

    I wanted to like this so so so badly. Mainly because with the fig as one note, I figured it had to be something I'd like. To be fair, in the bottle, it ALMOST smelled like a strange fruit cake & I was down for that. It wasn't what I wanted, but it was not bad. Wet: O.K. well, it's not fig cough syrup, but it's not really fig anything. I'm not sure it's cherry either. My skin has turned it into a sort of sticky molasses smell that might be expired. Dry: Nope. No thank you. It smells like tyre rubber & I would like it to go home. To give it a fair shake though, I waited an hour. Around then, it morphed into a tyre that someone had braked too hard with & I decided I needed to drive it home, it was drunk. I washed it off my wrists, inner elbow, & one shoulder (a surprisingly good test spot if you don't have to cover it any time soon). Decent throw, though. No one was around for the test, so I couldn't get a second opinion. (For anyone who saw my post about being able to smell now, this is after that. The note prior just said, "In bottle: Smells like a cherry cake. Should be lovely." It has nothing else, so I assume I promptly forgot I owned it.)