I've been directed to some great sites, but I can't seem to figure out how to do that first stitch. Also, what's with purling? Do I need to learn how to do that right away? Not that I know what either of them actually are... I'm really, really frustrated with myself right now and wishing I had somebody to show me what all I'm doing wrong.
Duck Mountain contacted me today, with the intention of clearing everything up and resuming activity on the forum. I do believe she intends to complete the swap and I am ecstatic about that. I am also quite impressed, because it takes guts to own up to something like that, and not everyone would do it. So! As soon as I have Beaver Moon in my hands, I will update the swap feedback, notify the mods, and post here to let you all know. Plus, we get a forumite back! Like I told her, it just didn't seem like something she would really do, so it's a relief to know I wasn't wrong.
I just thought I should pass along the information, in case anybody sees her about.
Welcome back, DM!
I don't even have an episode of Heroes recorded to soothe my wounded soul from today.
My math teacher? Is insane. No calculators on exams or the final. This is an algebra class. He also does pop quizzes and collects homework randomly, and doesn't make use of the online math center that helped me so very much last quarter. This blows.
Math was the class I was least worried about.
Now I have to upset my whole schedule, and it's just aggravating, and I just don't like the guy, right off the bat.
Although I hated my english teacher early on and we're on good terms now.
I think I'm going to drop math this quarter and take it next. Now to figure out a good class to pick up in its stead...
My eyes ache from my earlier hysterics.
My presentation went well! And I missed one problem on my math exam, because I made a stupid mistake. -1 squared is not -1. So obviously I'm not going to come out with -6 in the end! Bleh. But it's a really good score and I'm happy with it. Happy enough that I'm considering pre-calculus instead of history. (I think precalc is all full now, though.)
Let's see. So, yeah. I had a good presentation. Oh! But the reason I came here to write an update? I found my pilates dvd that I stuck with!! And my husband ordered it for me! Hooray! It's called The Method Pilates: Target Specifics. That one for the arms is really, really good. I'm going to do a segment hopefully every day. My first goal is twice a week, though. I just can't wait to get it! Eventually I'll cycle it with the other pilates dvd I have, and maybe get some more.
In other news: I've discovered FlyLady, and she is helping me gradually establish a routine to eventually declutter. Her tone is annoying sometimes, but I generally like her, and her ideas really work for me. I'm totally that person she's talking about. I'm currently doing the 31 days of baby steps and I'm on day 5. (My husband is using Convergence spending money to bribe me to stick to it, and considering how gradual it is, it's a nice motivation.)
Now somebody needs to talk me into cutting down to skim milk. This is a huge deal. I drink loads of milk, and grew up drinking whole milk. Sooo, I don't know.
I also need to start making quick and easy snacks, before a craving hits. Hard boiled eggs are so easy to make and stick in the fridge, and I love them. What are some other snacks that are healthy and good to eat? I have SUCH an addiction to sugar that not a lot will get rid of those cravings, but I'm trying. Any help would be much appreciated!
I can't believe I am so close to Convergence right now and I can't get there. That seems immeasurably unfair, and I just want to lay in bed and weep. It's within DRIVING distance, and we have $2 to our names.
There's never going to be a way to replicate this, either. Convergence will happen again, but the people attending this year are not all going to be at the next one, and I love Portland, and I just don't know how to handle this.
I think chocolate is in order.
As some of you might know, my sister decided to get a divorce this summer, a decision that floored me- but that I do support. She loves her kids and wouldn't do anything without a good reason. I've learned some of those reasons. They met in court yesterday to begin the proceedings- I don't know the precise terms, but they were supposed to present one another with papers or something. I had a therapy appointment yesterday. My husband was in the waiting room and my sister's husband walked into the building. He was carrying various folders and papers and whatnot, and greeted my husband, who probably wouldn't have noticed him otherwise. So therapy is hitting on some rough territory lately and I'm usually quite a wreck after them. We got into the car and my husband explains what he saw, suggesting that my sister's husband might've been meeting with a lawyer. I shook my head. He wasn't meeting with A lawyer. He was meeting with THE lawyer. I don't live in a huge metropolis, but if we had the equivalent of a hotshot media-whore sleazy big city lawyer, he would be it.
Last I heard, my sister was working with legal aid, or whoever does it for cheap, so I tried to get ahold of her all day to see if she knew. Last night, I finally did. She did know. It's ALL like something out of a soap opera. Apparently, she hadn't been aware that he'd had a lawyer until they both swept into court... because the lawyer wasn't even on the dockett. Huh? How does that even work? Is it legal to take a judge by surprise like that?
And I'm worried her lawyer isn't even competent.
Who, or what, were you in a past life?
I'll share mine soon.
One more question that's a bit more... I dunno. Serious, maybe? But I'm not being snide about the first one either, it just seems lighter to think of-
With the assumption that there is, in fact, reincarnation, do you feel like there are certain people you will always meet? Not just a love, but also random people- extra soul-mates, if you will... I've been trying to establish my "circle" recently, of people I feel are always with me.
I think I realized why this recent swaplifting has me so more upset than the first one did. I think it's because I lost a unique bottle in this swap, whereas I'd just paid Mistress Tera for the bottle and decants the first time it happened. But this time... My Chaos Theory is just GONE. I can't swap for it again. There isn't anymore of it. It was one of a kind, and it was mine, and... yeah. It's not anymore. And I don't have anything to show for it.
I'm thinking of sending them both Christmas cards (or holiday cards, I guess) and asking politely for a refund of what I gave them in it, but then I just get too angry and don't even want to deal with it.
I think I might sell my bottles from here on out. Hoping for the best is just wearing on me.
Of course, I won't. I'm too addicted to swapping. Here's the thing, though- I can't even say that I'll just limit it to reliable swappers, because both of these people were reliable prior to swapping with me. WTF? Please, please, stop choosing the time that I'm swapping with you to wig out and leave everyone hanging. I think I included frimps in with the CT.
If not, your eyes cannot perceive my true words from here on out. They're written so only mermaids can read them, and the rest of the world will see mere drivel. Of course, the mermaids might only see drivel, but it will be true drivel and not the false stuff the rest of you are seeing. I'm evil that way.
Which one is sugared roses again? That's the twin I want. But now violet is sounding so lovely too!
After my insane couple of weeks, I finally got my switchee package out, and there's not even a nice note inside. It's hurried and short. I'm such a spaz.
But I have something cool coming and I'm really excited about that.
Tonight, my husband and I are going on a date. We're going to see Pan's Labyrinth, because my theatre decided to be awesome and show it here! (Instead of in Walla Walla, as I originally thought.) I shall bring tissues and report back about my experience. (I have been warned that I will be needing tissues.)
I love the latest Girls With Slingshots. (I think that's the one.) "I wish you'd just tell me to go bang some guy." "That's something you'll never hear a psychiatrist say. Also included are: 'I think the heroin is actually doing you some good!' and 'No wonder your mother never loved you.'"
I think I got a school loan. This means that we will possibly be able to fly out to visit my in laws over spring break, and see our new nephew. I am SO looking forward to that.
See how crazy I am? What the hell happened to the dark pit of despair? It's still there. It's just on the other end of the swing. Heh.
My college has classes that begin as early as 6:50 am. The highway to get there is the main highway between the nearby cities. Wouldn't you think that it would be top priority to get cleared off? That and, you know, the streets that run by the college?
Excuse my mouth, but holy fuck.
Three lanes, and I'm in the middle one. There's a semi and an SUV up ahead and to my right, a car a ways ahead of me, and a truck to my left- and a car behind me. All the sudden, the SUV hits an icy patch and starts veering for the side of the road... but she doesn't. She panicks and starts trying to straighten out the car- in the process, crossing all three lanes and circling more than 350 degrees... and lands smack in the middle of my lane, so that I'm heading for the side of her car, and I'm slowing down and praying that she will figure something out and get moved, and it hits me that she's so freaked out that she's not going to be able to do anything, so I have to do something or hit her car, so at about 30 mph (which I've managed to slow down to, on our 70mph highway), I slip into the right lane at literally the last second, and was shaking and trying not to sob the rest of the way to school... but I didn't wreck my car, and I didn't kill her, or anyone else, but it was SO scary. I don't want to go in tomorrow unless it's all melted away. ALL of it. Dude, that is so scary. I almost threw up. I was so freaked out the entire time I was driving home, too.
Why is it that there are no adult faerie tales? I don't mean "adult" like erotica or even erotica-lite, because there's plenty of that. Don't get me wrong- young adult fiction can be very well written, but sometimes I want the tone of an adult book. I want the perspective of an old book.
I grew up on Robin McKinley. When I was 11 years old (or thereabout), I thought The Outlaws of Sherwood was the best book ever.
But I want intricate plots, the kind that don't often come up in 200-300 page books. Even in 300-400, to be honest.
WHERE ARE ALL THE FAERIE TALES??
I stared blankly at my math problems for quite some time today. Ugh. My brain just doesn't have focus right now. Hopefully I'll be thinking more clearly tomorrow so that I can regain my footing before the last test and then the final. I haven't even looked at psych.
It snowed here today. I like the snow, but I hope it doesn't get icy overnight, because I hate the way people here drive in the snow. They're okay if it's been around a while, but that first stint is just awful. And, okay, I'm nervous about driving my car on ice. Though I was still pretty clumsy with it last year and I'm still alive, so hopefully I'll be okay... yeah, I'm a spaz.
For those of you who don't obsessively read the swap area, the switch witch winter round is open until the 28th, so hurry. I have some really great ideas for this round and I'm staying optimistic this time, rather than panicking over being poor. I am going to get it together this round and be memorable.
I have a good feeling about this round.
I wish one of the questions was about colours a person dislikes.
My hair smells good. Actually, it smells a little like Freakshow.
I have a half-imp of Trick 2 that needs to be swapped because it is a deathmatch between the patchouli and the tobacco with my chemistry, and that's just not pretty. So if anybody here is interested, you know I love you best. I should've brought it to my mini-meet n'sniff with 'snarky, really. s'gone
She had this cute little case to carry all her stuff in, and then I had hurriedly wrapped mine up in plastic grocery bags... classy! Okay, but seriously, I need to find that bag. Not only will I store perfume in it, I will get one to bring my lunch in, because it's that cool.
Speaking of lunch, I need a thermos. Hrm.
Dude, I want rice krispie treats. SO. BADLY.
I have to do 3 more hours at the fitness lab and then I'm done, because I chickened out and dropped down to one credit. That puts me on financial aid probation next quarter, which worries me slightly.
Huh. I really like how Freak Show smells on me. How did I miss this one? Fig and cocoa are nice together.
So, I go back to school tomorrow. Woah! How did my break go by so quickly? Heh. I need a vacation from my vacation. It was good to get out of town, though.
Okay, I'm done. Eee, new ANTM tonight! And new Heroes tomorrow!!!! Very, very excited about those two things. Next Christmas, somebody is getting me Heroes on DVD. Somebody who is my husband, probably.
I'm really done now. G'night lovelies!
I arranged for a swap on October 24th with a fairly recognizable person on BPAL.org. I sent a message checking the status of the swap probably the first week of November and on the 14th or 15th, got an apology; she said she was behind in her swaps (which I understand as I get overwhelmed by them sometimes) and that she had sent out a mass PM to her swap partners a while ago but must've left me off, and that she was going to get them out that day. Again, understandable. However, I still don't have the swap. I sent another message to her on the 24th of this month and still haven't heard anything back. She hasn't been on the forum since the 15th. So I'm in a quandry. Do I report a swaplifting? I don't want to be a bitch.
Sign-ups are tentatively set for the 17th of this month, so if you want to play, be sure and start getting your questionaire ready! Just thought I'd give a head's up for those of you who don't stalk the swap forum like I do. I'll update with a reminder when the sign-ups are officially set.
I'm really somebody else now. Now I sort of feel like I'm not ready to BE Grace. I should be more together. But this is me, and I'm as together as I've ever been, and it's time. Take care, everyone.
I'm glad to know there are less swapliftings than there used to be, but I'm wondering if the ones that do happen now are on a larger scale- I know MT stiffed a lot of people, and I know at least one other person was left hanging by DM. I'm just very grateful for the swap feedback area; it was an excellent addition and it really does make swaplifting a more public offense.
With regards to my own swapping, I'm considering a policy of having the swapper send me their end first... but that just seems wrong. It feels wrong. If I don't trust them, why should they trust me, y'know? Then again, I think a third swaplifting would be extremely hurtful to me.
As much as I hate losing the CT and not having the bottle and decants from Mistress Tera or Duck Mountain- or the money- I still feel like I've come out on top, which is a wierd way of saying it, but I can't think of a better expression. It's just that the people here are so very generous, that all the kindness and the frimps and socks and notes of encouragement more than balance out the missing bottles. I feel sad and cheated by those people, but I don't feel cheated at all by karma. Does that make any sense at all?
I love the perfumes and the labbies and it's all well and good, but without the community here, I think I would have lost interest, which sounds insulting to the lab, but I don't mean it like that. I've just never been a perfume person, so I don't know that I would have been so drawn in without this network of amazing people. This place has become a sanctuary for me, and I am so grateful for that.
So, in the end, I have just one thing to say:
Have you ever listened to the lyrics of "The Look" by Roxette? The boy and I just did, and they had us nearly hysterical. I don't know if it's a mis-translation or what, but it sounds exactly like they were all sitting around one day.... (fade to daydream sequence)
Band Member 1: We need to write a song! (It's in english because this is my daydream sequence)
Band Member 2: Good idea! What should we write about?
Band Member 1: (eating a sandwich) I'unno.
Band Member 3: Well, this IS the '80s. We should write about a chick.
Band Member 2: Nah, that's boring.
Band Member 1: (polishes off sandwich before speaking) Let's compromise! We'll write a song about a chick based off one of these crazy-funny mad-lib things! I just got one, and there is serious hilarity potential, I'm telling you! Plus, it's always good to spur inspiration!
Band Member 3: How is that a compromise? Are you stoned?
Band Member 2: Does it matter?
Band Member 3: ...not really. Let's get on it, then!
(end daydream sequence)
Also, I'm getting married on Joss Whedon's birthday, which is hysterical to me right now. I think I'm prone to hysteria due to finals looming large. But yeah. I had no idea until today, just now, when I read the deal about Serenity being released back into theaters for charity on his birthday. Heh. That's pretty wicked. The boy snickered and said resignedly, "Figures."
Gah. Must suppress urge to spend money I don't have on stuff I don't need.
My brother's mother-in-law is going to do all our flowers at no cost. That's pretty cool. Vicki. I need to remember her name is Vicki.
Cake at no cost, flowers at no cost, hairstyle at no cost, makeup at no cost, food handling at no cost (not actual catering, but people are helping to serve punch and keep trays stocked and cake set out and whatnot), piano for when I walk at no cost, decorations at little cost, location at no cost, officiant at no cost... And I know I'm forgetting stuff. I know I sound like an incredible cheapskate, but I just have a lot of great people in my life.
First, before I forget: You all must sign up for SevenSins' Artist Trading Card swap. If you don't know what they are, check out the first post in that thread (it's in the circular swap area) because she has some great links. They're essentially artistic baseball/magic/trading cards. It seems like a fun way to let off some creative steam and I already have some ideas! Inky, I'm looking at you! Not to single anyone out or anything. Ahem.
Moving on: I'm dieting. With chocolate. (That reminds me of the nutrisystem commercial- "Any diet that allows me to eat chocolate every day is a diet for me!" I watch too much TV, heh.) I'm going to fast a couple of days a month with tea and water on those days. The rest of the days, I'm going to eat stuff that's high in fiber, and my meals are going to be primarily cereal, supplimented by vegetables, fruits, and other snacky things. There is NO reason I can't do this. Plus, that Special K cereal with chocolate in it totally works for me. Does that sound like a good plan?
I'm also going to be looking for this awesome yoga/pilates dvd that I borrowed from netflix and can't remember what it was anymore. It wasn't yoga or pilates, but it drew on both, and dance and martial arts and other movement forms, and it really worked for me. It was something like, "Pilates: Target Specific" because it had workouts that would focus on different areas of the body. And! Wal-mart has one of those sit-up roller things for $15 that I'm going to have to splurge on.
Finally, I'm going to start writing affirmations (as per the "creating your own reality" thread) on index cards and keeping them in a box. I don't know if it works, but it can't hurt to try.
Do you ever really get over that person who evokes the first exhilirating burst of love? Not your first crush, nor the first person you went out with whenever that began, but the first person you could actually feel in your soul; the one you could see yourself with, growing old together, the very first person to take your breath away and make you rethink everything you've ever heard about the concept of love? Does that one ever really heal?
I love my husband with all my heart, truly I do. I don't want anyone else. So why do I find myself still looking for this other person? Actively looking. It doesn't make sense.
I feel devoid of self. There is this crushing emptiness that clings to me. I tried tea. I tried cocoa. I pondered mixing the two together but decided against it. I have concluded that it must be "The Nothing," of Neverending Story fame. That's the only thing I can think of that tea AND cocoa cannot combat.
This day sucks. Can I have a new one tomorrow?
I was all excited about placing into the college level algebra... went in today, and the instructor jumped into chapter 5. Chapter 5!!!@#$#$!!~@@#!!~!#$%&(#! Dude, I'm not that smart. Seriously. And it's the first day! I don't have my freaking books! I didn't get the financial aid check until saturday!! Then, she tried to play it off like it was school policy for us to have to get the customized book with the cd-tutorial thing so that we could all take our quizzes from it or some crazy shit, but when I went to the bookstore, the manager (not some student employee, but the actual manager) seemed flabbergasted that we'd be required to get that book. Also, a bunch of people in the class had already gotten the book, and hadn't gotten the one with the tutorial, which cost them an extra $40. And I knew it'd be hard, but I wasn't expecting it to sound like she was speaking a foreign tongue.
So I looked over the homework, and none of it is making any sense to me. At all. And it makes me feel awful, because it's not even that advanced, I just don't have the foundation I need, apparently. And I'm starting to panic because I need this class... If I can't cut it, I'll have to spend 3 quarters on JUST math. Which means it'll be a whole year of waiting to accomplish the prereq's for the radiology program, so it'll be pushed back to the summer of '08 instead of next year, and that's if I'm lucky and all the stars align and.... Wow, I'm insane. And english is sounding like it may become a class I'll hate, sadly. But I'm going to stay with it because I think I may like the instructor... tentatively. I don't know. I'm pretty insane.
I don't like having rare scents. I thought I did, but it feels like there's too much responsibility involved, especially when they're scents I don't -love-. I'm over-anxious about swapping those scents, because I'd be really sad if they got stolen or lost in the mail. I'd be over the moon for a bottle of, say, Storyville, but that's because I can't imagine I'd ever want to get rid of it.
I held onto the Monster Bait scents for WAY too long, because none of them really worked for me, but I didn't want to regret getting rid of them. I swapped (or maybe sold?) Red Lantern and Smut way, way too quickly. I can't remember what I swapped them for- I think I may've gotten Lotus Moon out of Red Lantern, so that's a decent trade- I love Lotus Moon. Anyway, I digress.
Dude. I am having anxiety attacks non-stop. I think it's sugar and holiday stress and, oh yeah, my dad's first wife is dying. And my sister in law is being a complete bitch to my brother, which just blows my mind. It blows my mind that he is in a relationship where his wife can just act like that and, in her mind, it's completely acceptable to do that.
Yet, I really do love her and I think she loves my brother, and I know he loves her, so... it's frustrating. And I can't even think about what would happen to him if they did divorce, because she would fight DIRTY for custody of the kid, I think, and... yeah, my mind is just f'n racing right now. I don't want them to have a bad relationship. He deserves a really solid marriage. And then I feel guilty for judging from the outside, but I can't believe she would call him up like that to just... screech and call him every name in the book because her anxiety is bad. I get it. I thankfully don't know what it's like to be in her head, but I know a bit about anxiety, and she really needs help. She needs to take her f'n medication, she needs therapy for coping skills, and she needs to be accountable for how she behaves despite her condition. Those are hard things, but you learn to do them for the things in life that really matter... like your family.
I don't know all the ins and outs of married life. I'm newly married and I've only lived with my husband for just under a year. So I know I'm not speaking from a point where I can say I really understand what it's like to be living with somebody in a long term relationship for 6+ years, but it still seems like appalling behaviour.
The watchdog group still hasn't contacted me. Our line will be disconnected (rather than the service being interrupted- this means the number will be gone, etc.) on the 18th, and I think that will screw with our DSL connection. Can anyone tell me for sure if it will? I guess I could call Verizon to check on it. This is just giving me fits.
I'm applying for a student loan so that we can dig ourselves out of this hole we're in at least a little bit. My husband is applying for financial aid and plans to start school in the fall, which is very good news. It gives him a goal to focus on, rather than just idly sitting by waiting for more paperwork about his application for disability. He's still doing that, but school is a more immediate thing that is in his control.
My sister better really be moving back into town. I miss her, and it would be really great to get to know her kids. So, check it out! She's going to school for hair-styling, and we were talking recently, and I had commented that this summer I was going to chop all my hair off and give the length to Locks of Love, and I was thinking about dying it blue. My 40-year-old (and before people get offended, keep reading!) conservative, LDS sister was ALL FOR IT. She wants to do it. I love my sister. I would also love very much to look like her when I am 40. Actually, I would like very much to look like her 40-year-old self right now. I don't know that I've gushed about my sister enough here, so I'm sorry if I'm repeating myself, but it simply must be said, and my thoughts are running a mile a minute right now. (I just emailed the watchdog group. I really hope they get back to me.) Anyway, the awesome part about my sister is that she's always been beautiful, but she's never been snobbish about it. And I'm not being generous because I care about my sister, she is everything I would love to be, only I'd keep my hair. She is tall and thin and her bone structure is gorgeous- but she is the kindest person ever. She's strong and smart and really thoughtful and... okay, I miss talking to my sister.
I am so very glad that I got to have siblings, thanks to my dad's first wife. I do love them, though we are quite different in age ranges. I think we'll all four be together at Christmas, if my sister in law isn't a complete bitch, or if my brother can get time off- which he should be able to.
Okay, I think I've gone on long enough. I am just all over the place right now.