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BPAL Madness!
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smallvoice

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Do you ever really get over that person who evokes the first exhilirating burst of love? Not your first crush, nor the first person you went out with whenever that began, but the first person you could actually feel in your soul; the one you could see yourself with, growing old together, the very first person to take your breath away and make you rethink everything you've ever heard about the concept of love? Does that one ever really heal?

 

I love my husband with all my heart, truly I do. I don't want anyone else. So why do I find myself still looking for this other person? Actively looking. It doesn't make sense.

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I think I feel like that sometimes. It's not at all that I don't love my husband, but, well, we've been together over seven years and things aren't exactly fresh and new between us. I miss that feeling of new love. Or meeting someone and feeling an instant connection. I'm sure I felt like that with my husband at one point, but I kind of don't remember it anymore.

 

Is that sort of like what you're describing?

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I think I feel like that sometimes. It's not at all that I don't love my husband, but, well, we've been together over seven years and things aren't exactly fresh and new between us. I miss that feeling of new love. Or meeting someone and feeling an instant connection. I'm sure I felt like that with my husband at one point, but I kind of don't remember it anymore.

 

Is that sort of like what you're describing?

 

No- I'm still pretty giddy-in-love with my husband right now, but the first person I fell in actual love with really messed with my head, and I feel like it took something away from me, something innocent, maybe? I feel like I don't love as well as I did, like I'm more wary at some level. There's a guard that was never there. Either that, or my heart never did get fixed right.

 

So I guess what I'm describing is worse, because it's about an actual person, and not a nebulous ideal, if that makes sense?

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