smallvoice

I think I feel like that sometimes. It's not at all that I don't love my husband, but, well, we've been together over seven years and things aren't exactly fresh and new between us. I miss that feeling of new love. Or meeting someone and feeling an instant connection. I'm sure I felt like that with my husband at one point, but I kind of don't remember it anymore.

 

Is that sort of like what you're describing?

No- I'm still pretty giddy-in-love with my husband right now, but the first person I fell in actual love with really messed with my head, and I feel like it took something away from me, something innocent, maybe? I feel like I don't love as well as I did, like I'm more wary at some level. There's a guard that was never there. Either that, or my heart never did get fixed right.

So I guess what I'm describing is worse, because it's about an actual person, and not a nebulous ideal, if that makes sense?

Shortest it's ever been! In the back, it's above the nape of my neck. It gets longer as you get closer to the front. I wish the difference were a little more dramatic, because it sort of looks like it was just cut a little unevenly, heh. But I still love it and I'm going to be keeping it short this summer. Hooray! And it shocked the heck out of my math class, hee.

What a great way to celebrate Spring! The Celebratorial Chopping of the Hair

 

Good luck with the maths!

I don't know how I did. There were four questions that I flat out guessed on. Four... out of 25. I have to get at least 12 right. As I've obsessively mentioned before. Sooo... yeah. My head hurts. And I'm nervous. But I'm doing okay.

I am really allergic to almonds, but I love pistachios and peanuts- however, I love the salty planter's peanuts with that spicy baked seasoning- it's the original stuff, but it's sooo good. Just not so good for me.

I think I'll work my way down on the sugar scale- I'm going with some frozen yogurt and reduced sugar/fat ice cream, eventually moving to sugar free ice cream... I'm slow. And seriously addicted. Nutella and apples are working out well for me, too. I know Nutella isn't really good for me, but... small steps!

It was a lot coarser than she generally is, but I think she's feeling heat from either her publishers or just from herself to sort of keep it current and rise out of the young adult genre. However, I will admit that I really loved it because she is so very talented at setting a mood, and the way she described vampires as true monsters, something other than just a human with fangs, and the feeling of being near one in the sense that it resembled being in a cage with a lion, it was just refreshing.

The one thing I really dislike about her is that she leaves so many stories untold.

As for the older, gothic novels, they don't tend to work for me as light reading- it tends to take more time for me to really think about what is being said and I don't get the subtext quite as well. I think what I'm trying to say is that I'm just not smart enough for those yet. Maybe someday?

I'm ready for summer too! Ugh, one more quarter.

Don't let this professor get you down. If your English professor says you know how to write papers, then you do.

 

AND, I also can't wait to get my Pink Moon t-shirt!! I think it's my fave one ever. Plus... I look really good in pink, much to my dismay.

Hee. I hated pink as a teenager. HATED! But I really love it now.

I dunno about writing. This is just really irritating me, and I don't want to do anything for his class.

I have a presentation tomorrow that I'm procrastinating working on. Guh. I should've had it done yesterday.

Now I'm stressed because another chick in my group basically told me, "Most of your information is probably not accurate, according to our guest speaker." . . . And she claims she had asked for my information so that our guest speaker could look it over. I don't know. I'll be glad when tomorrow's over.

Hi there-I know you've got a lot going on,and it seriously sucks that you woont be able to take archeology:(way back whenin college I got to volunteer at the LaBrea tarpits and clean dinosaur bones(which I didnt really appreciate at the time)but even though it wouldnt be the same, now there are all these course podcasts-and there must be some in archeology and maybe even some with good teachers-and maybe someplace you could volunteer just a tiny bit in archeology-or am I just being snarky?anyway,take care.

You're only being snarky if you're being mean, and I don't think you are being mean.

Part of the reason I want to take it is because the instructor is really significant to my school experience. His class became this sanctuary to me. There's nothing lovely like that around here, but next spring, I will be taking the class. I just hate waiting ANOTHER year for it. (Yeah, three years for a two year degree... and I don't even have the excuse that I have to juggle school with work.)

Anyway! Thanks for the note and the suggestions.

The whole thing about lying about being dead? Unbelievable. Someone pulled that for attention on the first message board I ever felt comfortable in- just attention, nothing else. The worst one, though, was the guy who claimed he had died in the 9-11 attacks, and the owner of the community was prepared to set up a donation fund in his name, and it was just... I don't understand why people think it's okay to do things like that. That's why I never got involved when that whole mess came up here- it just pisses me off too much.

Wow, I don't know how I would've felt about getting swaplifted that early on, Ah Xia! I'd been swaplifted once before this by Mistress Tera, but that was only about $32 and it was six months in when I realized she was not going to come through with it. By then I was already so attached to the forum that I wasn't going to let one bad experience ruin things for me. The Beaver Moon thing made me feel awful, though, and I've asked a couple of people to let me wait until I have their half of a swap in my hands before I send mine to them. It was just really shocking, I think. So, yes, I am most excited and happy about this.

I have been WANTING and wanting to take the linguistics class since I first saw it was offered here, so chances are I will be sticking with it. I think I will like it, but it's the one class I wasn't sure about taking right now. I will keep you updated as to how it all goes!

Thanks for the responses, guys.

I think a lot of issues are recurring, because the point of reincarnation, in the way I understand it, is to find our root issues and ways to work them out. As a kid, I always sort of felt like I'd been here forever, but now I feel like I'm way younger than most of the people I know.

Who was I? Well, I think I was Irish at one point.

The people who feel familiar to me are my mom, my husband, a couple of friends from high school I haven't seen in ten years, and some people online, particularly Rob, whom I've never met, or Kate, who I never will meet. Thankfully.

carwoman - I have DDR Supernova and at first I was very disappointed...but have patience! There are some great songs on there if you take the time to go to every planet and unlock them

 

I second the dark chocolate! Full of antioxidants and those little feel good chemicals that dance around in your brain and make you, well, feel good!

 

Grace...do you get the Hungry Girl newsletter? http://www.hungrygirl.com

She's mostly an idiot, but 5 days a week she sends out newsletters from her site with low calories swaps for our favourite high calorie foods, lots of new product reviews and generally helpful things for dieters. She's actually not an idiot, I don't know why I say that, I think it's just the goofy tone she takes when she writes. ANYWAY the chocolate special K did not get such a good review...

(don't mean to rain on your parade, just giving you a heads up!)

You meantion a pilates dvd, I have a great one that is divided up into 10 minute segments, it's called Crunch - Pick Your Spot Pilates. ALSO, there is a dvd I read about in a trade magazine at the healthfood store called Yoga Booty Ballet, it sounds like fun? Maybe?

 

 

Best of luck-some chocolate(not Hershey's dark) but the really goood kind has hardly any carbs-the darker the better;I eat Lindt chocolate 85%(which is really dark)and a small piece is really satifying(honest)

 

BTW-Im gonna have DDR with SuperNOva very soon--sounds better than gym to me:) Take care, and let us know how it goes!

Supernova doesn't at all relate to the band by that name, does it? It's just a version of the game, right? :worried: Heh.

I think I have the Pick Your Spot Pilates, because I thought it was the one I wanted, but it wasn't. I should really try the 10 minute workouts from it, though. And, dude, Yoga Booty Ballet? I want that. That is AWESOME.

Anyway, sorry for the double comment- not really. It's my blog. Hee.

Thank you for the recommendations for dark chocolate- my favourite is the one 'snarky sent from Trader Joe's, and I can't remember what all it had in it, now. I want to say it had rose in it? Or jasmine? There was some floral element mixed with the dark chocolate, I'm pretty sure. It doesn't matter- we don't have one around here, anyway! I will prowl the cheaper shelves for some dark chocolate goodness.

That hungry girl site? I'd never been there, but it is FANTASTIC! I didn't find the review on the Special K cereal, just a blurb that said it sounded iffy- but I really like it and I think it'll become my new snacky thing. Well, cereal in general will. I was bummed to read that milk in tea may reduce its benefits!

I have this crazy worry about the affirmations, though. The Monkey's Paw effect is what I call it. I'm sure I'm not the first to come up with the phrase, but it works. Essentially (in case you haven't read or don't remember the story) it means that if I write "I will lose X amount of weight" I will get sick with, like, cancer, and lose the weight that way- or, "I will get the money I need" will turn into the death of someone dear to me resulting in inheritance or insurance- which is, I think, the actual story.

Yeah, I'm a freak. I just have to phrase things better.

Three forumites (lexile, Aredhel(I think?) and GoddessRobyn) have taken on the role of head Switch Witches, and they collect the questionnaires via PM when the round starts. Then they split them up and assign everyone somebody else, and you get to spoil that person within the time frame, so it's basically what you said. There is a FAQ, and it is loads of fun to participate in. I've been discussing it with Filigree, and I think I've decided that I will be in this coming round. Everytime I think I should sit it out, I think "But I never would've met inkdarkmoon!" And I really probably wouldn't have thought to approach 'snarky. It's a good way to get to know other forumites, though I haven't remained in close contact with all of them. Plus, who doesn't like looking forward to packages in the mail?

Here's the FAQ.

As far as spending goes- I know I'm not the only one with a tight budget, so my packages tend to be lower on that scale, but some people are able to go all out- generally, people just try to be generous with what they have, and it all works out. Hope that helped! You should seriously consider joining in!

This is muchly belated, but I LOVE that quote, and I think I shall marry it.

You are all invited!

I this whole entry!

I haven't decided if I will- and it doesn't sound selfish at all that you have decided not to do it anymore! I just worry over the people I'd be missing out on, I think. I may need to sit this one out, though. Or maybe the one after this.

Guh, I hope my person feels spoiled this round.

Anyway. I feel like writing another update.

I'll update about the movie in another entry, but it was... not what I was expecting.

Re: The quote: It was, in fact, from Questionable Content- the entry before this latest one.

P.S. I the latest one, too. Happy birthday Grandma! (Ahem.)

I have a few of those myself...they generally involve my sisters. (I feel bad saying that, like that sort of negates The Man's position in my life, but...it's true). Hang on to those, if you're anything like me, wonderful, "sacred" memories make getting through those hard times a little easier.

 

So does booze. Just something to keep in mind.

 

Just kidding! I only say that because one of my sacred memories involves a small bar, a really cold night in FL, and copious amounts of hot mulled wine while my sister and I acted like total drunken fools while watching our favourite band in the world. Good times!

Those first two hold a different place in my heart than the ones involving my husband. It's not that he's less important to me, but those first two really had some element of otherworldly-ness, maybe. I was a different person.

Hee! I startled my husband when I laughed just now over your booze recommendation.

I think if you're not ready for therapy, it's really a waste of your time- it was for me, before I got things together a little more. Only time will tell what I'll make of it this time. You'll get to where you need to be, and you'll do it in the way that is right for you, I have no doubt.

Hope and Faith are the vampiric siamese twins from Carnaval Diabolique and may only be purchased as a set- One is sugared roses and the other is sugared violets.

I love you guys! Seriously, you don't know how much I needed to hear all that, because out here, even my husband has been like, "You just need to shake it off." which is totally wierd and also not very comforting.

I did stay home, and it snowed some more. I missed a math test and turning in a paper, but I don't even care in the slightest.

It's so strange, because we have snowplows and ice melty things, and there's just no real excuse for the roads being as bad as they were that late in the morning.

And... wow, sand to combat icy roads? That's so bizarre. The only thing I can think is that maybe if the ice is thin enough, the sand will break it down and help provide traction somehow?

Was he a white dude? Because all those white dudes look alike.

 

I still have school dreams that have to do with scheduling and where's my locker and I have a test when?!?! and all that fun stuff.

Heh! Yes, he was.

The worst part is that they looked nothing alike, other than maybe they were about the same age.

I'm feeling better about it, though.

Don't sweat it... speaking as a person who majored in math and works in the math field now: You don't need a calculator on an algebra test.

 

You'll always have to do all of the actual algebra yourself (even the fanciest graphing calculators can't do the intermediate steps for you) and the calculator could only be useful for plugging in the numbers and doing the basic arithmetic at the end. And because of this, your instructor will write the test to make the arithmetic straightforward enough to do quickly by hand. And even in those cases, every professor I had who didn't allow calculators still gave generous partial credit if you did the algebra right but flaked on the arithmetic.

I did get into another class with a much more relaxed environment- my issue with no calculators is that if I need to know what 9 cubed is or the square root of 1728, I want a calculator so I can practice the steps I need to know. Maybe I won't need one on higher levels of algebra, but I've always needed one in my prior two quarters of this.

He just didn't mesh with me, and I have a feeling his arithmatic would not have been simple- he came across as the teacher who tries to trip everybody up, and I can't deal with that; I need someone who really wants me to succeed.

I do appreciate the reassurance, though! If it had been anyone but this guy, I might've stuck with it, but he just came off as... awful.

I have tried talking to him, but he's so freaking understanding. That sounds awful of me, right? But he's just all, "Well, stress can have that effect. We'll get it all worked out, trust me." He's so considerate, too. He tries not to ask often, but... yeah. I just wish our sex drives were in synch again. (Dude, I feel dirty saying "in synch" and it's all because of N'Sync... anyway. /minor rant)

I know how it feels to want to gush on and on about your siblings. Your sister sounds amazing - sometimes I wish I had an older sister. I am the eldest and I feel like I don't do a very good job of it!

 

Even when I am angry at them (which is rare, but being a Taurus I can't be very stubborn about letting go of it), I can still admit that they are pretty awesome. Mine live far away too and I miss them both so very much. I never tried very hard- and still don't - to make friends because I had two of the very best friends ever built right into my family.

 

Wow, this post of your read exactly how you must be feeling...I got very anxious reading it myself! I hope your situations get resolved soon, the holidays shouldn't be so stress filled. At least not that sort of stress, anyway

I'm sure you do a fanstastic job! I've heard you talk about your sisters, and it sounds like you have a really wonderful relationship. Sorry to make you anxious, though!

Have I ever told you that I like how you change the name of your blog every now and then? It cracks me up, because the names are always so great.

 

Anyway, I hope the stress in your life abates, and very soon. Holiday stress compounded by other stress... arrrggh! I hope the red tape is cut so your hubby can get disability. It is such a hassle -- I know someone else who went through that, but it does eventually work out. You're handling it much better than I would.

 

And I think having family members, like your sister, just gives a sense of security and "okay-ness" to the world that help you believe that you will work through difficulties and problems in life. I think your comments about your sister are wonderful and really kind of awe-inspiring. My family wasn't as well put together, but I am always glad to hear about great sibiling relationships, because it's how it should work.

 

And rare scents? Most of them don't work very well on me. Smut and Underpants are exceptions, but they aren't the very, very best. The Buddha said life is craving, and the LEs tend to bring out a lot of craving, and since the Buddha also said that craving leads to suffering, I tend to try to keep my cravings to a minimum, but I'm human and I crave plenty o' things. Rare LEs just happen to be one of the things where I can hold cravings in check, but then it's always easier to not crave something that you know you probably won't like once you have it!

 

Arrrgh! I'm getting too philosophical! I hope you're curled up with your honey right now, enjoying the thought of your first Christmas together as a married couple!

ETA: You probably won't read this again, but just in case: Hee. I appreciate the comment about my blog title. I change it when the mood strikes me, or when the old one feels like it's no longer appropriate. This one was inspired by an episode of Scrubs, but it feels right, which sounds odd. But, yeah. Anyway! Thank you.

I appreciate the quote about cravings, because it feels extremely true to me. So it's not too philosophical at all!

My family isn't well put together, but I have great siblings. I guess nobody has a perfect family, though.

My husband is making me steak and salad for dinner!

And maybe I can convince him that we should rent some movies- we need to go find a copy of Saw for his dad, apparently. Yes, that does freak me out a little. Heh.

He needs to wake up, though.

But, dude! A 3.8 in psych means that I scored at least 162/200 points on the final. I know that's just an 81 or so, but it's a comprehensive final, it's not just from the midterm on- once school starts up again, I'm going to have to check it out. I was so afraid that if I did anything less than a 3.8, I'd have to take it again just to get into the radiology tech program, because it's going to be pretty competitive. Now I just have to really buckle down and study where it counts... pretty much everywhere. Heh. It'll be so nice if I can get into this program, though... I'll be going to school in town, rather than on the campus almost half an hour away, and I will be on my way to getting a real job.

Oh, and dude, I am so sure you could do better than a .5 in math (especially with the instructor I had). But thank you for the compliment anyway! Whee! It will be a good day.