Remember my wedding cake decorator? Free cake, as a wedding gift? Yeah, apparently, she's not going to be able to do that anymore. The move that she told me she'd be in the middle of when she offered to do it has caused her to be unable to do it. Her pans are all lost and she can't find anything for her kitchen and... dude. DUDE! My wedding is on freaking friday!! YYRRRAAAAARRRGGHHH!
I've been directed to some great sites, but I can't seem to figure out how to do that first stitch. Also, what's with purling? Do I need to learn how to do that right away? Not that I know what either of them actually are... I'm really, really frustrated with myself right now and wishing I had somebody to show me what all I'm doing wrong.
I stared blankly at my math problems for quite some time today. Ugh. My brain just doesn't have focus right now. Hopefully I'll be thinking more clearly tomorrow so that I can regain my footing before the last test and then the final. I haven't even looked at psych.
It snowed here today. I like the snow, but I hope it doesn't get icy overnight, because I hate the way people here drive in the snow. They're okay if it's been around a while, but that first stint is just awful. And, okay, I'm nervous about driving my car on ice. Though I was still pretty clumsy with it last year and I'm still alive, so hopefully I'll be okay... yeah, I'm a spaz.
For those of you who don't obsessively read the swap area, the switch witch winter round is open until the 28th, so hurry. I have some really great ideas for this round and I'm staying optimistic this time, rather than panicking over being poor. I am going to get it together this round and be memorable.
I have a good feeling about this round.
I wish one of the questions was about colours a person dislikes.
My hair smells good. Actually, it smells a little like Freakshow.
I have a half-imp of Trick 2 that needs to be swapped because it is a deathmatch between the patchouli and the tobacco with my chemistry, and that's just not pretty. So if anybody here is interested, you know I love you best. I should've brought it to my mini-meet n'sniff with 'snarky, really. s'gone
She had this cute little case to carry all her stuff in, and then I had hurriedly wrapped mine up in plastic grocery bags... classy! Okay, but seriously, I need to find that bag. Not only will I store perfume in it, I will get one to bring my lunch in, because it's that cool.
Speaking of lunch, I need a thermos. Hrm.
Dude, I want rice krispie treats. SO. BADLY.
I have to do 3 more hours at the fitness lab and then I'm done, because I chickened out and dropped down to one credit. That puts me on financial aid probation next quarter, which worries me slightly.
Huh. I really like how Freak Show smells on me. How did I miss this one? Fig and cocoa are nice together.
So, I go back to school tomorrow. Woah! How did my break go by so quickly? Heh. I need a vacation from my vacation. It was good to get out of town, though.
Okay, I'm done. Eee, new ANTM tonight! And new Heroes tomorrow!!!! Very, very excited about those two things. Next Christmas, somebody is getting me Heroes on DVD. Somebody who is my husband, probably.
I'm really done now. G'night lovelies!
Who, or what, were you in a past life?
I'll share mine soon.
One more question that's a bit more... I dunno. Serious, maybe? But I'm not being snide about the first one either, it just seems lighter to think of-
With the assumption that there is, in fact, reincarnation, do you feel like there are certain people you will always meet? Not just a love, but also random people- extra soul-mates, if you will... I've been trying to establish my "circle" recently, of people I feel are always with me.
I think I realized why this recent swaplifting has me so more upset than the first one did. I think it's because I lost a unique bottle in this swap, whereas I'd just paid Mistress Tera for the bottle and decants the first time it happened. But this time... My Chaos Theory is just GONE. I can't swap for it again. There isn't anymore of it. It was one of a kind, and it was mine, and... yeah. It's not anymore. And I don't have anything to show for it.
I'm thinking of sending them both Christmas cards (or holiday cards, I guess) and asking politely for a refund of what I gave them in it, but then I just get too angry and don't even want to deal with it.
I think I might sell my bottles from here on out. Hoping for the best is just wearing on me.
Of course, I won't. I'm too addicted to swapping. Here's the thing, though- I can't even say that I'll just limit it to reliable swappers, because both of these people were reliable prior to swapping with me. WTF? Please, please, stop choosing the time that I'm swapping with you to wig out and leave everyone hanging. I think I included frimps in with the CT.
Have you ever listened to the lyrics of "The Look" by Roxette? The boy and I just did, and they had us nearly hysterical. I don't know if it's a mis-translation or what, but it sounds exactly like they were all sitting around one day.... (fade to daydream sequence)
Band Member 1: We need to write a song! (It's in english because this is my daydream sequence)
Band Member 2: Good idea! What should we write about?
Band Member 1: (eating a sandwich) I'unno.
Band Member 3: Well, this IS the '80s. We should write about a chick.
Band Member 2: Nah, that's boring.
Band Member 1: (polishes off sandwich before speaking) Let's compromise! We'll write a song about a chick based off one of these crazy-funny mad-lib things! I just got one, and there is serious hilarity potential, I'm telling you! Plus, it's always good to spur inspiration!
Band Member 3: How is that a compromise? Are you stoned?
Band Member 2: Does it matter?
Band Member 3: ...not really. Let's get on it, then!
(end daydream sequence)
Also, I'm getting married on Joss Whedon's birthday, which is hysterical to me right now. I think I'm prone to hysteria due to finals looming large. But yeah. I had no idea until today, just now, when I read the deal about Serenity being released back into theaters for charity on his birthday. Heh. That's pretty wicked. The boy snickered and said resignedly, "Figures."
Gah. Must suppress urge to spend money I don't have on stuff I don't need.
My brother's mother-in-law is going to do all our flowers at no cost. That's pretty cool. Vicki. I need to remember her name is Vicki.
Cake at no cost, flowers at no cost, hairstyle at no cost, makeup at no cost, food handling at no cost (not actual catering, but people are helping to serve punch and keep trays stocked and cake set out and whatnot), piano for when I walk at no cost, decorations at little cost, location at no cost, officiant at no cost... And I know I'm forgetting stuff. I know I sound like an incredible cheapskate, but I just have a lot of great people in my life.
I'll be married in 48 hours!! I got shoes (they're pretty much hideous, but I don't imagine I'll end up caring a lot about them!) and my nails done- I'm loving them, but not the typing with them on. I hung out with one of my dearest friends from high school for several hours today, and that was fun. She actually learned the first two pages of one of the songs I had wanted to walk to, in case my piano player flakes out, as she is wont to do. That is very nice of her, and quite unexpected. Hopefully we'll be able to get together tomorrow, but tomorrow is going to be very busy. We were able to find a bakery that was SO reasonably priced and extremely sympathetic to my case and just incredibly nice overall who would also be able to get it done by friday, which is so awesome. It's going to be a lovely cake, and there's carrot cake! It's extremely good carrot cake. The other layers are white with different fillings- odd that I won't be having chocolate. I may grab a chocolate sheet cake to make sure we have enough.
I think I may draw on my experiences with people here to include in my novel, but there is one name in particular I plan on using in it- Valentina. So, lady, let me know if you want me to keep my grubby hands off your name or if it's okay.
It's going to be an all female cast as far as present action goes, but male figures will play a part in past events and whatnot. I'm excited! Now to get it all outlined. I need to get back to detailing my main character! I just wanted to share- but one of my personal dares to myself is to draw on something from the forums for each chapter, so... anyway. Madness commence! Or commence madness! Or whatever. Evs! Ack.
I've been a member of BPAL.org for a year now! Wow.
I mean absolutely no offense to anybody with this post, especially not Krissy, but I don't get the kritters. I appreciate that other people like them and want them, but it doesn't resonate with me, I guess? They just sort of puzzle me. And, again, this is not meant to harm anyone's feelings or anything, but the price seems a little high. I don't know. I'm in a shitty mood, so please keep that in mind. I am sure they are adorable and they obviously have a fanbase, but... I dunno. I don't get it.
Here's another thing! Anybody here know of Melody? She writes books about gems and shit- I don't know her last name, don't really care. She's very new agey and has really long, white hair. Anyway. This woman I used to be friends with (V) hooked up with a doctor shortly after her husband died (he was admittedly an asshole, though, but still) and the doctor is old friends with Melody, so V used to go on and on about her and how she named gems after the doctor. Eventually V and the Dr. wanted to get "married", but she wouldn't get her dead husband's pension if she did, or something, so they had a commitment ceremony instead. (This is going somewhere, seriously.) Well, I went over to this ceremony at the doctor's house (oddly enough, they still weren't living together, and didn't for the first few months...) and met all these people and briefly spoke with Melody. Then V gets all excited and is like, "She's going to perform this special blessing on us!" And Melody turns to me, and I shit you not, says, "This bottle," she holds up this tiny blue bottle, "has water from the Ark of the Covenant in it." And I'm so taken aback that all I can say is, "Really." Pause. "Huh." And her eyes are shining all mystical like, and V's just thrilled to death, and I'm sitting there going, "Did I miss something?"
Water. Ark of the Covenant. And she was dead serious.
I've always wanted to introduce my husband to her by saying, "Oh! This is V- you remember me talking about her, right? She got married with the water from the Ark of the Covenant?" Hee.
My college has classes that begin as early as 6:50 am. The highway to get there is the main highway between the nearby cities. Wouldn't you think that it would be top priority to get cleared off? That and, you know, the streets that run by the college?
Excuse my mouth, but holy fuck.
Three lanes, and I'm in the middle one. There's a semi and an SUV up ahead and to my right, a car a ways ahead of me, and a truck to my left- and a car behind me. All the sudden, the SUV hits an icy patch and starts veering for the side of the road... but she doesn't. She panicks and starts trying to straighten out the car- in the process, crossing all three lanes and circling more than 350 degrees... and lands smack in the middle of my lane, so that I'm heading for the side of her car, and I'm slowing down and praying that she will figure something out and get moved, and it hits me that she's so freaked out that she's not going to be able to do anything, so I have to do something or hit her car, so at about 30 mph (which I've managed to slow down to, on our 70mph highway), I slip into the right lane at literally the last second, and was shaking and trying not to sob the rest of the way to school... but I didn't wreck my car, and I didn't kill her, or anyone else, but it was SO scary. I don't want to go in tomorrow unless it's all melted away. ALL of it. Dude, that is so scary. I almost threw up. I was so freaked out the entire time I was driving home, too.
If not, your eyes cannot perceive my true words from here on out. They're written so only mermaids can read them, and the rest of the world will see mere drivel. Of course, the mermaids might only see drivel, but it will be true drivel and not the false stuff the rest of you are seeing. I'm evil that way.
Which one is sugared roses again? That's the twin I want. But now violet is sounding so lovely too!
After my insane couple of weeks, I finally got my switchee package out, and there's not even a nice note inside. It's hurried and short. I'm such a spaz.
But I have something cool coming and I'm really excited about that.
Tonight, my husband and I are going on a date. We're going to see Pan's Labyrinth, because my theatre decided to be awesome and show it here! (Instead of in Walla Walla, as I originally thought.) I shall bring tissues and report back about my experience. (I have been warned that I will be needing tissues.)
I love the latest Girls With Slingshots. (I think that's the one.) "I wish you'd just tell me to go bang some guy." "That's something you'll never hear a psychiatrist say. Also included are: 'I think the heroin is actually doing you some good!' and 'No wonder your mother never loved you.'"
I think I got a school loan. This means that we will possibly be able to fly out to visit my in laws over spring break, and see our new nephew. I am SO looking forward to that.
See how crazy I am? What the hell happened to the dark pit of despair? It's still there. It's just on the other end of the swing. Heh.
Sign-ups are tentatively set for the 17th of this month, so if you want to play, be sure and start getting your questionaire ready! Just thought I'd give a head's up for those of you who don't stalk the swap forum like I do. I'll update with a reminder when the sign-ups are officially set.
First, before I forget: You all must sign up for SevenSins' Artist Trading Card swap. If you don't know what they are, check out the first post in that thread (it's in the circular swap area) because she has some great links. They're essentially artistic baseball/magic/trading cards. It seems like a fun way to let off some creative steam and I already have some ideas! Inky, I'm looking at you! Not to single anyone out or anything. Ahem.
Moving on: I'm dieting. With chocolate. (That reminds me of the nutrisystem commercial- "Any diet that allows me to eat chocolate every day is a diet for me!" I watch too much TV, heh.) I'm going to fast a couple of days a month with tea and water on those days. The rest of the days, I'm going to eat stuff that's high in fiber, and my meals are going to be primarily cereal, supplimented by vegetables, fruits, and other snacky things. There is NO reason I can't do this. Plus, that Special K cereal with chocolate in it totally works for me. Does that sound like a good plan?
I'm also going to be looking for this awesome yoga/pilates dvd that I borrowed from netflix and can't remember what it was anymore. It wasn't yoga or pilates, but it drew on both, and dance and martial arts and other movement forms, and it really worked for me. It was something like, "Pilates: Target Specific" because it had workouts that would focus on different areas of the body. And! Wal-mart has one of those sit-up roller things for $15 that I'm going to have to splurge on.
Finally, I'm going to start writing affirmations (as per the "creating your own reality" thread) on index cards and keeping them in a box. I don't know if it works, but it can't hurt to try.
Duck Mountain contacted me today, with the intention of clearing everything up and resuming activity on the forum. I do believe she intends to complete the swap and I am ecstatic about that. I am also quite impressed, because it takes guts to own up to something like that, and not everyone would do it. So! As soon as I have Beaver Moon in my hands, I will update the swap feedback, notify the mods, and post here to let you all know. Plus, we get a forumite back! Like I told her, it just didn't seem like something she would really do, so it's a relief to know I wasn't wrong.
I just thought I should pass along the information, in case anybody sees her about.
Welcome back, DM!
I got oddly sick today- yesterday, now. I was really weak and dizzy and there were other symptoms as well. My name change hearing is tomorrow, and I'm pretty freaked out over it.
"So, why 'Grace?'"
Lots of people have asked me that. Honestly, for real, I don't know. I mean, I think it's a lovely name; always have. But I'm sort of the least graceful person in the world, so it'll be something of an irony. It feels right to me, still. I'm happy with it. The word 'grace' can mean several things, and I like that, as well.
It's not a family name; it's my name.
My mother-in-law has made a point of calling me Grace, and scolding my husband when he doesn't. I heart her- I feel very lucky.
I'm not excited about going to court tomorrow. I don't know what to expect.
I waited too long to record the wedding details. I'm forgetting stuff, and that makes me so sad. It was magical. I'm so glad it's over. I never thought I'd be able to say something like that- if I treasured a memory, I obsessively wished I could re-live it. There were underlying reasons; there always are- but it's a sign I've grown some. I'm just happy to have the memory.
There are worse things to be. But I am. (Think the Cowardly Lion from Oz... only more dignified. Sometimes)
Y'know, for all that I've expressed a desire to pursue my interest in art, I'm really dragging my feet with the follow-through. I realized that I don't want to take Japanese this year, which leaves me another class, which I usually love. This time, not so much. Here's the thing. There's a design class open in my time slot. It's perfect. It's the one to take before you take, like, drawing and painting and whatnot.
I had such a horrible time with art the first time around that I sort of feel defensive about taking a class. That's an understatement. I'm afraid that someone else will tell me I'm no good. I've never been good with art.
I learned a lot from Bloody Mary. She was engaging with the topics, and I adored the people in the class. (I think it reminded me a little of high school, only now I'm not afraid. Well, I'm still afraid, but in comparison... yeah. You don't even know. But anyway, the class was fun.) When it came to her projects, though... She was a right bitch. Her syllabus stated that if we thought a grade was unfair, to go talk to her about it and see what could be done, but that was apparently code for "I don't have time for you, you talentless, tasteless, obnoxious creature."
She'd publically ridicule ideas from people. People like me, obviously. She has no way of knowing that speaking out in class at all; going up to her about things... they're huge deals for me. My social anxiety kept me housebound for months at a time. Starting college was one of the most terrifying things I've ever done. I don't expect her to be a mind-reader, but to say, "I suppose we can bump it up a little if you're going to slit your wrists over it..." complete with the eye-roll, I found inappropriate. "I can't grade on effort," she told me. "I have to grade based on end product. Do you think yours looks anything like the ones on display?" And, honey, if you don't grade on effort, I'm not going to give you any, because I'm not an artist. No, mine didn't look like the ones the art majors did. This is not a high level art class. It's intro to art. If she'd said flat out at the very start that she was looking for quality art, I would've dropped the class, because I've never had art instruction. But she said the opposite; "You don't need to be an artist to ace this class; we don't judge based on talent..." Royal we. Blech.
She also expected us to complete the projects without guidance regarding technique, might I add- We watched a video on Maria the amazing pot-maker (There is no sarcasm in this- this woman really is amazing, and world famous.), and that was ALL we got about pottery before we had to make our own. That was our last project, and anytime she'd walk by, I'd crumple my attempt up and start over, because she was laughing at people. Not in a kind way, either. She guised her jabs in humor a lot of the time, but we were all bloody by the end of that class. Hence "Bloody Mary."
So what did I learn from Bloody Mary? I learned to get angry. I learned to stand up for myself. I learned to hold my own and not back down. These may seem like silly little things, but they're important.
I wish she hadn't been so mean. I learned a lot about artists from her. If it hadn't been for the projects, I think I really would've liked her class a lot more. How's that for irony? Decent teacher (assuming she's not making fun of students), rotten art teacher. I'm still glad I took the class, despite how much I complain about it to this day.
But this makes me afraid to take more. I'm not good. Sometimes I see things and I copy them. But I don't know the first thing about actual technique.
I should take the design class. I probably won't. I'm a scaredy cat.
I am all over the place tonight. So I have this horrible confession to make. I'm too embarrassed to make it on the forum, though I might as well be.
Everytime somebody dies, I resent my dad for still being alive. I don't have the energy to actively hate him, though when I think about it, I do.
I wonder if anyone will hurt when he dies.
Gah. This isn't productive. I need to get out of here for a bit.
I was going to postsecret that (with less words, of course), but I think I'll just leave it here.
I'm glad to know there are less swapliftings than there used to be, but I'm wondering if the ones that do happen now are on a larger scale- I know MT stiffed a lot of people, and I know at least one other person was left hanging by DM. I'm just very grateful for the swap feedback area; it was an excellent addition and it really does make swaplifting a more public offense.
With regards to my own swapping, I'm considering a policy of having the swapper send me their end first... but that just seems wrong. It feels wrong. If I don't trust them, why should they trust me, y'know? Then again, I think a third swaplifting would be extremely hurtful to me.
As much as I hate losing the CT and not having the bottle and decants from Mistress Tera or Duck Mountain- or the money- I still feel like I've come out on top, which is a wierd way of saying it, but I can't think of a better expression. It's just that the people here are so very generous, that all the kindness and the frimps and socks and notes of encouragement more than balance out the missing bottles. I feel sad and cheated by those people, but I don't feel cheated at all by karma. Does that make any sense at all?
I love the perfumes and the labbies and it's all well and good, but without the community here, I think I would have lost interest, which sounds insulting to the lab, but I don't mean it like that. I've just never been a perfume person, so I don't know that I would have been so drawn in without this network of amazing people. This place has become a sanctuary for me, and I am so grateful for that.
So, in the end, I have just one thing to say:
I did something right with psychology- I got a 3.8!! Math is, of course a 3.4 (curses! I was hoping to make it to a 3.5, but it just didn't happen.) and the fitness center grade was a 4.0. So my quarterly GPA is a 3.83 and my cumulative is 3.42. I'm just sort of thrilled over psych right now. Hopefully my classes for next quarter will have similar results.
In other news, I'm now a super member on the forums!
I don't know how else to describe these things. I've begun collecting these moments in time where I felt an otherworldly calm, or where I felt something fundamental inside me change.
During a period of exceptionally dark depression, sobbing on the phone with my friend Shari (who lives across the country from me) as she frantically looks for a Star of David her grandfather gave her, and then listening to her recite, in Hebrew, the prayer for that day of Hannukah.
In the same mindset and a similar timeframe, being curled up in bed on a trip out of town to visit some friends, unable to go out and socialize, and my friend Stacy coming in and playing her guitar and singing to me. She has a beautiful voice, and I wish I had a recording of something her band has done.
Flying into Knoxville after an all night flight across the states and seeing my husband for the first time. Realizing that we were not just going to patch each other up and then move on, and trusting that he felt the same way also happened in that general period of time.
Staying up and talking with my brother in law about how much he loves my sister. (He is generally not overly expressive in that area.)
There are more, but those first two really have a special place in my heart.
My presentation went well! And I missed one problem on my math exam, because I made a stupid mistake. -1 squared is not -1. So obviously I'm not going to come out with -6 in the end! Bleh. But it's a really good score and I'm happy with it. Happy enough that I'm considering pre-calculus instead of history. (I think precalc is all full now, though.)
Let's see. So, yeah. I had a good presentation. Oh! But the reason I came here to write an update? I found my pilates dvd that I stuck with!! And my husband ordered it for me! Hooray! It's called The Method Pilates: Target Specifics. That one for the arms is really, really good. I'm going to do a segment hopefully every day. My first goal is twice a week, though. I just can't wait to get it! Eventually I'll cycle it with the other pilates dvd I have, and maybe get some more.
In other news: I've discovered FlyLady, and she is helping me gradually establish a routine to eventually declutter. Her tone is annoying sometimes, but I generally like her, and her ideas really work for me. I'm totally that person she's talking about. I'm currently doing the 31 days of baby steps and I'm on day 5. (My husband is using Convergence spending money to bribe me to stick to it, and considering how gradual it is, it's a nice motivation.)
Now somebody needs to talk me into cutting down to skim milk. This is a huge deal. I drink loads of milk, and grew up drinking whole milk. Sooo, I don't know.
I also need to start making quick and easy snacks, before a craving hits. Hard boiled eggs are so easy to make and stick in the fridge, and I love them. What are some other snacks that are healthy and good to eat? I have SUCH an addiction to sugar that not a lot will get rid of those cravings, but I'm trying. Any help would be much appreciated!