Failmingo

They're here, folks! Hair gloss, bath oils, and atmosphere sprays to get you (and/or others) in the mood. This year's divine offerings:

 

++ Novel Ideas For Secret Amusements

 

++ Box Of Chocolates

 

https://blackphoenixtradingpost.com/category/lupercalia-2017

 

 

 

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

 

(Be ours?)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Only side-by-side with Snake Oil can I tell the difference between these in the bottle.

It really was appropriate to name this after the snake's skin -- the leather wraps around the familiar blend like a sheath. And it's a grower, constricting slowly until it just might become the thing someone notices about the scent if they just happened to catch it in passing. It also nicely amps the woods in Snake Oil, which probably don't get enough love.

If you have a man in your life who loves Snake Oil but it's too sweet for him to wear, he will probably be unstoppable with this.

I wish more men knew it was possible to smell like this.

Leather is nice and sharp right in the bottle, and then wet on the skin it is definitely standing on planks of sandalwood, with means pretty much any sweetness you're getting here will be from the tobacco -- and that's a great place to be!

This is about as gentle a man-on-horseback scent as BPAL does, without getting into floral territory. Sure, dandies ride horses too -- but this one belongs more to the fellow who teaches them to ride (I like to imagine they'll end up hooking up behind the stables). He's clean, but he works hard for a living. You know?

To my nose, the leather is the first to arrive and the last to leave, but it takes you to lots of subtle places along the way. If you want a dirtier leather, you'll want to try RIDING CROP instead -- it was definitely not cleaned thoroughly after use.

I have this on one arm and IMPORTUNE ME NO MORE on the other -- it's reeking of roses in here tonight and I couldn't be happier.

This is really exactly as it says in the description, no sneaky tricks. That doesn't make it any easier to describe, though.

In terms of really rose-y pefumes, the tobacco seems to deepen the note even further, it's almost bottomless.

In IMPORTUNE the roses actually have somewhere to hide eventually, behind those other flowers. Swathed in rich tobacco, the roses in LA PIERREUSE aren't going anywhere -- as they dry a bit, however, I do find that those deeper areas in the note end up just beyond my reach, and from a distance probably just reads as a freshly picked rose riding on a breeze of shisha. That's fine, I don't mind reapplying here and there to stay in that sublimely dark, close place with it.

So yeah, as a rose guy, I'm keeping a bottle of this on the shelf.

In the bottle, the roses dominate everything, as they tend to do (and rightly so).

Naturally, as soon as it hits the skin the jasmine rises off of it like smoke, as it tends to do (and again, rightly so).

The carnation does its thing spicing up the background, making this bouquet appear even fuller. The amber and patchouli are here to make sure it's not mistaken for a celebratory one -- there's a distinct heaviness, an ache.

Overall the blend is a bold gesture, and definitely a disdainful one, but throbs with irrepressible desire, and I personally found the overall effect quite consoling -- I think that's the amber, breathing gently at the very end.

Congrats again to Crystal Rose-Thompson for inking the words that inspired Beth to craft the following blend:

++ BPAL7WORDSTORY

GLUTTONY

“The sirens eagerly beckoned the approaching ship.”

Sea splash on murky labdanum and gleaming olibanum, veiled in lavender, diaphanous osmanthus, gilded saffron, and honey incense.

Stay tuned for more contest announcements coming soon!

We've got more stuff going live right now than you can shake a stick (or any other phallic object) at!

++ STARSTRUCK 2016

PISCES

Mutable Water: the essence of faith. This is the scent of belief, be it in oneself, mankind, the gods, our myths, or our potential. This is the willingness to explore the darkness, the push towards the edges of fantasy or delirium. This is the perfume of the Psychopomp and the Mystic, the Saint and the Madman; this is the scent of the lifegiving salt of blood and ocean, and the darkest depths of the sea. Red musk and brine, ships’ planks of thorny acacia, an indescribable abyssophelagic musk, soporific lavender, and a strange, sweet waft of benzoin.

++ A LITTLE LUNACY

WORM MOON

Do not smirk as a hearse goes by,

For you may be the next to die.

They wrap you up in a big white sheet

And throw you down six feet deep.

They put you in a big black box,

And cover you up with dirt and rocks.

All goes well for a week or two,

Then things start changing; all is new.

The worms crawl in, the worms crawl out,

The worms play pinochle on your snout.

A big green worm with rolling eyes,

Crawls in your stomach and out your eyes.

Til your blood turns mossy green

And oozes out like Devonshire cream.

Worm Moon marks the season of rains, when the worms scuttle forth, aerating the earth with their movements and enriching the soil by digesting waste in organic material, which creates organic fertilizer. Pink and wriggling globs of grapefruit syrup clotted with congealed moss-green blood, rotting coffin wood spattered with soil, decomposing organic matter, and a gruesome burst of overripe blackberries.

And don't forget those special Lupercalia Single Notes:

++ SINGLE NOTES

LATEX

RIDING CROP

Hi everyone, here's the link for the first wave of Lupercalia treats -- the Trading Post update should be coming next week.

 

https://blackphoenixalchemylab.com/product-category/limited-edition/lupercalia-2017/

 

Enjoy!

I am just getting around to trying this one now.

 

This is one of those examples of scents where Beth gets so deep down into the poetry the scent is referencing. Fresh on the skin, this scent is like a rolling dive from a white, clean space into a very mournful dark place. The passage back and forth in between evokes the earthy greenish imagery of the weeds and such mentioned by Frost.

 

Not picking up on the vanilla at all until the last gasp of the drydown, which reads to me like it's meant to be something of a consolation, leaving you in a softer and more tender place than you were before -- the end of the path leading out of those woods, and back to the (relative) comforts of home.

 

Terrific interpretation of literature into scent!

Crystal Rose-Thompson, with the following entry:

 

"The sirens eagerly beckoned the approaching ship."

 

Hi, everyone! If you enjoyed NASTY WOMAN, then you'll be keen to hear about FAKE NEWS -- our new scent benefitting the ACLU.

 

Include your Twitter handle in the Notes when you purchase, and we will tweet a fake news headline about you from BPAL's twitter account! Details below.

 

https://blackphoenixalchemylab.com/shop/limited-edition/fake-news/

 

FAKE NEWS

 

2016 turned out to be the year of the NASTY WOMAN — and thanks to your purchases, BPAL was able to donate thousands of dollars to Planned Parenthood and Emily’s List!

Unfortunately, 2017 is already shaping up to be the year of FAKE NEWS. In anticipation of the upcoming inaugural proceedings — and the months, nay years of high-volume dishonesty that are to follow — we offer the following blend to help penetrate the dense fog of of misinformation that’s already begun settling around Truth, Justice, and other historically celebrated American ideals.

Wear it in vigilance as you sift through the memes, trolls, clickbait, hate-speech, and outright propaganda that continually threaten to overwhelm all the world’s kindness, wisdom, and informed expertise. Wear it in courage as you refute ignorance and insincerity at every turn — even from our nation’s highest-ranking figures — with indisputable facts from well-researched sources.

And try not to lose your sense of humor as you fight back, or your own essential humanity. As Anne Lamott once wrote: “You don’t always have to chop with the sword of truth. You can point with it too.”

FAKE NEWS: A scent of misdirection, of 140 frantic characters typed out in spite at 3am, and paranoia-clouded churlish accusations hurled at perceived enemies: crushed pink pepper pod, bitter white tobacco, gnarled patchouli, all covered in glinting, garish slashes of gold.

Proceeds from FAKE NEWS will go to the American Civil Liberties Union, non-partisan defender of the rights and liberties guaranteed by the Constitution and laws of the United States.

When purchasing, be sure to include your twitter handle in the Notes section of our order form — for every bottle you buy, we will tweet one fake news headline about you from our Twitter account (@BPAL).

 

 

Don't forget: this Friday will be our January Lunacy event at the Lab, and it’s also Friday the 13th, so make your way carefully through the world on your way to us.

We’ll be accepting donations of socks, tarps, and cold-weather gear for Drive-By Do-Gooders, which will hand them out to those withstanding this very wet winter outdoors, on Skid Row. The tip jar for our refreshments will also benefit DBDG, and we’ll be hamming it up Shakespeare-style in accordance with this month’s theme: Tragedies. (Lilith wants to screen Hamlet, but which version?)

Our Dirty South event will be on Saturday the 29th at 4pm, so do keep that in mind for later!

Below you’ll find this month’s Lunacy offerings: Starstruck is drawing gradually to a close, the Winter Jasmine is blooming, the Hunger Moon is rising high in the sky, and – why look at that, 13 has returned to teach us a bit about the true reason for the season.

++ STARSTRUCK 2016

AQUARIUS
Fixed Air: the essence of knowledge. Not the possession of knowledge, per se, but the desire for knowledge, the path itself, and the drive to seek truth, both personal and universal. This is a scent of progressiveness, modernism and intellectual curiosity, and of unpredictability and independence. This is the perfume of the humanist and inventor, electric with caprice: clove, mastic, and spikenard with benzoin, tonka, sweet vetiver, frankincense, and white pepper.

 

++ A LITTLE LUNACY

HUNGER MOON
When Hunger Moon hangs high in the sky, the fields are frozen, and game is piteously scarce. Sleet covers the ground, and biting winds chill to the bone. This is a quiet, cold perfume: desolate and despairing. It is a clear night sky that and bracing chill wind that bears the promise of snow, sharpened by the pain of hunger, and the sharp, rasping stab of thirst. Ozone, white sandalwood, crystallized white amber, verbena, oakmoss, clary sage, black pine pitch, and a hint of white citrus rind.

 

++ SINGLE NOTES
WINTER JASMINE

 

++ FRIDAY THE 13TH

13
13 is significant, whether you consider it lucky, unlucky or just plain odd. Many believe it to be unfortunate……because there were 13 present at the Last Supper.

…Loki crashed a party of 12 at Valhalla, which ended in Baldur’s death.

…Oinomaos killed 13 of Hippodamia’s suitors before Pelops finally, in his own shady way, defeated the jealous king.

…In ancient Rome, Hecate’s witches gathered in groups of 12, the Goddess herself being the 13th in the coven.Concern over the number thirteen echoes back beyond the Christian era. Line 13 was omitted form the Code of Hammurabi.The shivers over Friday the 13th also have some interesting origins:

…Christ was allegedly crucified on Friday the 13th.

…On Friday, October 13, 1307, King Philip IV of France ordered the arrests of Jaques de Molay, Grand Master of the Knights Templar, and sixty of his senior knights.

…In British custom, hangings were held on Fridays, and there were 13 steps on the gallows leading to the noose.To combat the superstition, Robert Ingersoll and the Thirteen Club held thirteen-men dinners during the 19th Century. Successful? Hardly. The number still invokes trepidation to this day. A recent whimsical little serial killer study showed that the following murderers all have names that total thirteen letters:

Theodore Bundy
Jeffrey Dahmer
Albert De Salvo
John Wayne Gacy

And, with a little stretch of the imagination, you can also fit “Jack the Ripper” and “Charles Manson” into that equation.

More current-era paranoia: modern schoolchildren stop their memorization of the multiplication tables at 12. There were 13 Plutonium slugs in the atomic bomb that was dropped on Nagasaki. Apollo 13 wasn’t exactly the most successful space mission. All of these are things that modern triskaidekaphobes point to when justifying their fears.

For some, 13 is an extremely fortuitous and auspicious number…

…In Jewish tradition, God has 13 Attributes of Mercy. Also, there were 13 tribes of Israel, 13 principles of Jewish faith, and 13 is considered the age of maturity.

…The ancient Egyptians believed that there were 12 stages of spiritual achievement in this lifetime, and a 13th beyond death.

…The word for thirteen, in Chinese, sounds much like the word which means “must be alive”.Thirteen, whether you love it or loathe it, is a pretty cool number all around.

…In some theories of relativity, there are 13 dimensions.

…It is a prime number, lucky number, star number, Wilson Prime, and Fibonacci number….There are 13 Archimedean solids.AND…

…There were 13 original colonies when the United States were founded.Says a lot about the US, doesn’t it?

You can’t always prevent misfortune, but you can face it with courage, grace, strength and good humor. This is a blend of thirteen enlivening, bolstering, cheerful, strengthening oils against a backdrop of dark chocolate: Himalayan cedar, clove bud, champaca resin, ginger root, lemon peel, Madagascan vanilla, golden honey, High John the Conqueror root, black tobacco, oak leaf, saffron, smoky patchouli, and cognac.

We're aware that there's a checkout issue with Song of Creation -- working on getting it fixed asap! Thank you so much for your patience.

Happy Solstice, all! It's time four our fourth installment of #BPAL7wordstory. This time you'll be twisting Beth's nostrils with depictions of gluttony -- the best story will be enshrined in scent alongside our past winners. See our complete list of rules and terms, then proceed to stuff us in seven!

You may submit your story to 7words@blackphoenixalchemylab.com, or by tweeting it @bpal with the hashtag #BPAL7wordstory. The deadline for this one is January 1st!

Here are those previous winners:

LUST

“He breathed smoke across her pomegranate-stained lips.”

- Deborah J. Brannon

SLOTH

“can’t commit to finishing a whole banana”

- Amy DeNies

WRATH

“The poison worked slowly, to her delight.”

- Miss Paulette

Hi everyone -- sorry for not posting sooner, but here are the cutoff dates we have set for guaranteeing delivery by Christmas:

 

(Dates are by 12:01am PST. Gift certificates are not affected by the cutoffs, since they're sent by email.)

 

BPAL Domestic cut-off December, 14^th

 

BPAL International December 8^th for Australia/New Zealand, Asia/Pacific Rim, Mexico

 

BPAL International December 10^th Canada, Caribbean, Europe, Middle East

 

BPAL International December 1^st Africa, Central & South America

 

We will hustle to fill these orders! Have a joyous holiday season, wherever you are.

Hello all, we're hoping you can join us for BPAL’s annual toy and canned food drive in Los Angeles! This year’s organizations are Spark of Love and Burbank Temporary Aid Center.

For each bag of groceries ($20 value) you’ll receive one 5 ml bottle of CHOCOLATE SLUSH.

For each toy (no plush please!) valued at $20, you’ll receive one 5ml bottle of CHERRY SUGAR COOKIE.

Both scents are limited editions for this year’s donations only and are not for resale! Available while supplies last. (Because of the limited quantity, we implore you to be scrupulous about adhering to our requested donation value of $20.)

In observance of the season, bedeck thyself in all things KRAMPUS! We'll be in our fuzzy finest, and invite you to dress as beastly as you please.

 

We'll have info on the other Lunacy events soon! In the meantime, here's the FB event page where you can invite your friends and follow updates.

 

https://www.facebook.com/events/1768125120103914/

Just a note to those who'd want to know: if "butter CO2 extract" is listed as a note in a scent, it is not vegan.

 

We have updated our FAQ to reflect this:

 

"With the exception of our honey-based products and CO2 Butter Extract, everything that comes from BPAL is vegan, and we abhor animal testing. Black Phoenix does not test on animals, and we do not work with companies that utilize animal testing. Black Phoenix is entirely cruelty-free, as our four dogs, many fish, and resident cat will attest. All products are tested on staff, family, and friends. Always double check the ingredients or contact our Customer Service before making a purchase if you are unsure of any components listed in an oil’s listings."

 

We apologize for any confusion or disappointment this may have caused.

At long last, we finally get to sample the scent inspired by Miss Pauline’s prize-winning 7-word story:

WRATH

The poison worked slowly, to her delight.

Bitter almond swirled into black patchouli, with red amber, rum absolute, and lemon peel.

At November's Lunacy event at the Lab, we’ll be raising funds to buy cell phone charging stations for Hope of the Valley Rescue Mission with the proceeds from our latest $26 fragrance:

CACAO POD

Blackened cacao, black sandalwood, coconut, and dark, sweet musk.

Join us Nov. 21 from 6-9pm! Bring your food, clothing, and hygiene donations as well – those will be circulated to Burbank Temporary Aid Center and Drive-By Do-Gooders.

The night's dress code is "Horns," so we'll all be celebrating in our pointiest attire, excited to stick up for a good cause (as it were). Won't you join us? There will also be sister-events in Georgia and Vermont, benefiting local charities.

And now for the rest of those scents:

++ STARSTRUCK 2016

SAGITTARIUS

Mutable fire: the essence of optimism. This is a perfume of energetic positivity, freedom, exploration, tolerant idealism, and spontaneity. This is the scent of the wandering philosopher, the fearless adventurer, and the outspoken activist. Rugged cedar and white pine, wise rowan and California white sage, soft mosses, well-worn leather, peppery tomato leaf, and fiery saffron.

++ SINGLE NOTE

ROSE OF SHARON

++ A LITTLE LUNACY: MOONS OF JUPITER

LYSITHEA

Hello friends, here's a post to direct you toward October's Lunacy harvest: Jupiter, Starstruck, and Single Note!

Don’t forget, you’ll have a chance to come sniff these on Friday at our Los Angeles Pre-Halloween Lunacy Event.

++ Moons of Jupiter: Himalia

A scent of bright fortune through abundant resources: wheat accord, hay absolute, and petitgrain with roasted nuts, toasted vanilla, golden honey, and sweet vetiver.

++ Starstruck 2016: Scorpio

Fixed water: the essence of desire. A scent of intensity and secrecy, passion and plots: the dark moon reflecting the shadows hidden within the depths of the ocean. This is a perfume of hidden knowledge, self-examination, and reflection, and of drawing out the poisons in your soul so that you may heal. Black patchouli and blackberry, mandrake root and pomegranate, myrrh and black copal, mugwort and pennyroyal.

++ Single Note: Tagetes

Hi Everyone! Regardless of what you may have read on... erm, our website, October's Lunacy will be on Friday, October 21 from 6pm to 9pm. Here's our Facebook event page, so you can invite your friends.

 

Some details:

 

 

As you know, we put a lot of stock in customer reviews, so for this year’s bumper crop of New York Comic Con exclusive fragrances, it seemed fitting to revisit a handy 1870 manual guiding New York’s gentlemen (as well as tourists, one assumes) through the local bawdy houses. The text has been faithfully reproduced below, along with scent descriptions worthy of our most discriminating clientele.

Won’t you come visit our booth of ill-repute at NYCC from October 6th-9th? We will summon our most “pleasing and engaging manners” for you – although by the final day, the entire Javits Center may strike you as “a third class house of assignation.”

Enjoy our exclusive perfumes ($24), hair gloss ($28), bath oil ($25) and atmosphere spray ($23) below!

++ THE GENTLEMAN’S DIRECTORY VOLUME III: NEW YORK CITY, 1870

Nothing extenuate, Nor set down aught in malice.We don’t intend to tell the reader where the Central Park is, the Croton Aqueduct, the new Court House, Cooper Institute, or Knox the hatter, as any one can point out to him the location of these celebrated places, but we propose to acquaint him with locations and with facts, a knowledge of which he could not procure elsewhere.

We claim no credit got telling a person that Cape Horn is on the island of Terra del Fuego, or that London is on the western side of England; but when we impart information that is not generally known, even to old denizens of the city, and give him an insight into the character and doings of people whose deeds are carefully screened from public view; when we discribe their houses, and give their location, we supply the stranger with information of which he stands in need, we supply a void that otherwise must remain unfilled. Not that we imagine the reader ever desire to visit these houses. Certainly not; he is, we do not doubt, a member of the Bible Society, a bright and shining light, like Awful Gardner or John Allen.

But we point out the location of these places in order that the reader may know how to avoid them, and that he may not select one of them for his boarding house when he comes to the city. Our book will, therefore, be like a warning voice to the unwary - like a buoy attached to a sunken rock, which warns the inexperienced mariner to sheer off, lest he should be wrecked on a dangerous and unknown coast.- - -

MISS ADDIE

The next house, No. 55, is kept by Miss Addie Blashfield, the dashing brunette, who has eight or ten boarders, both blondes and brunettes. These are a pretty lot of girls, of pleasing and engaging manners. It is regarded as a first class house, very quiet and orderly and is visited by some of our first citizens.

Night-blooming wildflowers, indigo musk, black currant, and clove.

MISS ANNA

This is a first class Ladies Seminary, conducted by an accomplished and intelligent young lady, who has a class composed of seven beautiful young lady scholars who do credit to her establishment. The house is newly furnished in a magnificent style, is very quiet and orderly, and first class in every respect.

A sophisticated arrangement of graceful blooms: cherry blossoms, Florentine iris, violet absolute, and wisteria, warmed by honey, almonds, and cacao.

MISS LIZZIE

No 138 West 27th St. Mrs. Lizzie Goodrich, the dashing brunette, whose smiling face is ever ready to welcome her patrons keeps this house. Mrs. Lizzie as she is generally called, has five good-looking lady boarders whose cheerful dispositions tend to drive away the blues. There is a regular physician attached to this house, and every attention is shown to visitors. As a first class house, it is neatly and comfortably fitted up, and is very quiet and orderly.

A merry honeyed carnation dotted with dried ruby fruits.

MRS. BUNCE

The house No. 99 is presided over by Mrs. Bunce. It contains twelve lady boarders. The house is well furnished, very pleasant, and is well stocked with beautiful girls. It is the most quiet and orderly house in Mercer street, and frequented by men of taste.

Tobacco leaf, amber, sweet golden musk, blonde sandalwood, and hay sugar.

MRS. DUNBAR

Mrs. Dunbar conducts her house of assignation, at No. 44 Grove street in the best manner. The utmost decorum is observed, and every facility is furnished to those who call for passing the time in the most agreeable manner. This is a first class house.

A decorous, agreeable experience: crystalline vanilla musk, freesia, and white tea.

MRS. PALMER

The house No. 112 Spring street is kept by Mrs. Palmer. It is a low establishment and frequented only by the lagends of the community.

The dregs: muddied leather, ragged patchouli, cistus, fig, black clove, and rockrose spattered by rum and vetiver.

MRS. VALENTINE

The house at No. 157 is kept by Mrs Valentine, who has four ladies in attendance and ready to receive gentlemen into their tender arms. This is a second class house.

Lacy white vanilla, mallow flower, white sandalwood, sweet oudh, and a drop of red musk.

NO. 101

The house No. 101 is of the third class, and contains nothing worthy of attention.

A little shabby: dusty sandalwood and cold black tea.

++ BLACK PHOENIX TRADING POST: THE GENTLEMAN’S DIRECTORY VOLUME III

11 BARROW STREET HAIR GLOSS

Mrs. Driscoll, 11 Barrow street, keeps a third class house of assignation. Place mean and dirty.

Patchouli, fig leaf, flue smoke, opium tar, and tobacco absolute.

JUDGE AND JURY ATMOSPHERE SPRAY

As you pass down Houston street, faro banks abound, till we reach an unpretending red brick building No 25, kept by Frank Burns, known as the “Judge and Jury.” This is a great resort for sportsmen both of this and of the other country. Everything here is conducted in a respectable and orderly manner.

Oxblood leather, sweet cigar smoke, and fine whiskey with a swish of silken musk, bay rum, and neroli.

PAINTED AND PADDED BEAUTIES BATH OIL

The establishment at No. 97 Mercer street is a parlor house of the third class. Nothing is here to be found but painted and padded beauties.

A voluptuous torrent of peony blossoms and robust sweet orris with white sandalwood, vanilla orchid, ambrette seed, warm musk, white patchouli, and white carnation.

Regardless of any chatter you may have heard, we have NOT received our missing Trading Post crate. Even if the crate is located, we will NOT have the items in time for Dragon Con, and we will NOT be keeping a waiting list for these products in the meantime. We currently have no plans to take or fill orders for these missing items.

If anyone tells you otherwise, you're welcome to refer them back to this post.

Thanks very much for your notes of sympathy and concern. It's like they say, sometimes you eat the dragon, and sometimes the dragon eats you!

Bad news, I'm afraid: FedEx has lost the crate containing all of the Trading Post's DragonCon exclusives. We will have to go on without the special hair gloss, atmosphere spray, and bath oil parts of our con inventory.

 

We do still have the Dragon claw polishes, and the testers for the missing BPTP stuff (so you'll know what you're missing).

 

Thanks, FedEx! We look forward to seeing everyone at the booth nevertheless.