Failmingo

Hello all! My last post about our Krampuslauf Lunacy was very toy drive-centric. (Have you scouted someone to pick up your SUGAR COOKIES IN A SNOWDRIFT yet?)

Just wanted to jot down a quick followup to remind you that we'll be hosting a couple of excellent guests under our big top on Saturday. Our beloved DARK DELICACIES will be here hocking innumerable horror-themed treasures! And 7 HELLS will be selling holiday horror prints and cards by Bill Rude -- who is appearing in full Krampus regalia to scare the holiday blues right outta ya. Come get your picture taken with the big guy!

Also, in case you didn't get the memo (or only got part of it), our "toy drive" benefiting Children's Hospital of Los Angeles is focusing on gift cards this year because that's what the charity says will help them the most, and you know we're going to try to oblige them if we can. 

We look forward to seeing you in your holiday finery, or whatever it takes to get you out the door! Many thanks to those who've shared our event online and notified their friends -- if you haven't done so, here's our event page on Facebook. 

4-7pm

12120 Sherman Way

North Hollywood, CA 91605

And to all a good weekend!

"And I saw, and behold a white snowman: and he had a bow; and a crown was given unto him: and he went forth conquering, and to conquer..."

So much to live for in the BPTP Yule update, including THE FOUR SNOWMEN OF THE SNOWPOCALYPSE. See everything (don't forget to flip over to page 2) right here:

https://blackphoenixtradingpost.com/category/yule-2018/

Hello, fellow Krampus creeps! As is our custom, our Lunacy event on December 15th (4p-7pm) will also serve as a toy drive. For the first time ever, we're changing the protocol for donating, at the request of Children's Hospital Los Angeles:

"Space in the hospital to store all the wonderful toys is at a premium; as such we kindly recommend holding a 'Gift Card' drive, instead of a traditional toy drive whenever possible. Gift cards allow us to maximize your gift to our patients because they provide our staff with the flexibility to make 'on-demand' toy purchases."

So bring us gift cards $20 or above for the following retailers:

❄️ Amazon
❄️ Target
❄️ iTunes

(This also allows the hospital to serve children who would prefer "an educational game, book or personal choice.")

In exchange for this gift, you'll receive a free bottle of an exclusive perfume: SUGAR COOKIES IN A SNOWDRIFT. Something cheerful on a cold day, to match the spirit of your donation!

If you're unable to bring a gift card to the event, we will also accept $20 to donate on your behalf.

More info about the Vermont and Atlanta events to come!

Thanks, one and all!

️ CHRISTMAS SHIPPING CUTOFF DATES ️
Domestic US shipping cutoff date: December 14th
International shipping cutoff date: December 5th  

(When you order, would you mind letting us know in the notes whether or not it's important that your package arrives before Christmas? As we get into crunch time, this info will be very useful in helping to guarantee a Joyeux Noël to all.)

Hello everyone! While you're making your Yule shopping list, don't overlook this other new addition, just added to our Activism category:

ABOLISH ICE

You can cut all the flowers but you cannot keep Spring from coming.
― Pablo Neruda

Selections from our general catalog of perfumes may have succumbed to frostbite, but never fear! We haven’t lost our molten core of passion for seeing justice served. Consider this our holiday prayer for a reckoning long overdue: May human decency prevail over the corruption and wickedness that endangers so many of our neighbors, and may our government’s assorted agencies be held accountable for their ongoing assault against the civil liberties of those seeking refuge in our land of bountiful freedoms.

Proceeds from sales of this perfume will benefit the Refugee and Immigrant Center for Education and Legal Services (RAICES). For more information about their services, please visit https://www.raicestexas.org

Melt the hoarfrost of this administration’s cruelty with this scent of warmth, safety, and succor: smoked toffee and patchouli with coffee bean, caramelized oudh, clove, and bourbon vanilla.

We appreciate your help spreading the word about this fundraiser -- we can't pay to "boost" it on social media like we do with others, because the powers that be consider this "political advertising."

In case you hadn't noticed, the 2018 YULE update has gone live! We will be announcing it publicly with a video release tomorrow morning on all the social media thingies  -- and we'd love your help in getting the word out.

If you have the opportunity to share our posts or otherwise introduce others to this tremendous collection, we'll be especially grateful. This time of year, the web is so choked with product releases and sales that it can be hard for a small business to elbow our way into the picture. 

I'll also post tomorrow with the cut-off dates for shipping in time for Christmas! 

Ho ho hoooooooow is it already the 3rd?

We hate Black Friday! And we’re pretty sure everyone else does too! However we’re trying to foster that giving spirit in ourselves and others, because that’s what the world needs more than ever. So this weekend, we’re offering the following free gifts with every purchase, plus a couple of special exclusives that it’s impossible to obtain any other way.

The goblins over at Black Phoenix Trading Post got in on the action as well. Art by Aidan Casserly!

++ BLACK PHRIDAY ALCHEMY LAB

THE TEMPTATION OF ST. NICK 

Available from Friday to Monday ONLY, for $26

A holiday season imp assault: cacao, blazing chili pepper, clove husk, bourbon vanilla, pistachio, and hazelnut. 

INCOLUMITAS 

Each order placed on Black Friday, Small Business Saturday, Filler Whatever Sunday, or Cyber Monday will receive two 1/32 oz. imps of INCOLUMITAS, one to keep and one to share. 

It’s been a very challenging year for so many, and this little imp is our gesture of bottled kindness. INCOLUMITAS is a scent of safety and security, of peace of mind and freedom from harm: warm honeyed patchouli, bourbon vanilla, sweet sage, and lavender.

++ BLACK PHRIDAY TRADING POST

GOBLIN STAMPEDE [PERFUME OIL]

Available from Friday to Monday ONLY, for $26.

No one can keep a goblin away from a good bargain: a jolt of Turkish coffee with cardamom, nutmeg, and cinnamon. 

GOBLIN WORKSHOP: YULE CHAOS [ATMOSPHERE SPRAY]

Each order placed on Black Friday, Small Business Saturday, Filler Whatever Sunday, or Cyber Monday will receive a sample-sized squirt of GOBLIN WORKSHOP.

A unique atmosphere spray squirt from the Trading Post scent archives – no two will be the same!

Due to popular demand, as well as the urgency of the cause (funding the Humane Society of Ventura County's wildfire rescue efforts) we have decided to make WHITE LARRY available to one and all.

Featuring art by Drew Rausch, this perfume was inspired by jokes about an apocryphal relative of Black Phillip's -- an embarrassing, not-quite-Satanic cousin. "Every family has got one; that one relative that just isn’t quite diabolical enough, the one that makes Sabbats just kinda awkward."

His scent? Goat’s milk, buttermilk, and butter. Lots of butter.

[Please note: this perfume is not vegan, as it contains butter CO2 extract.]

Thanks to one and all who share and support this fundraiser! May the blank, completely non-threatening gaze of White Larry look kindly upon you.

Happy Goat-vember to you! As is our custom, this month our Lunacy events will also serve as food drives for local charities. In all three cases, your donations worth $20 will net you a free bottle of the following exclusive scent:

CORN RIGGS
I have been blithe with comrades dear; I have been merry drinking;
I have been joyful gathering gear; I have been happy thinking;
But all the pleasures ever I saw, though three times doubled fairly,
That happy night was worth them all, among the rigs of barley.

Here's a roundup of info for all three events. The links go to Facebook event pages with more info about the exact recipients of these badly-needed donations:

Los Angeles, CA

12120 Sherman Way, North Hollywood 91605

Friday, November 16th, 6-9pm

Atlanta, GA

Microtel Inn and Suites at Perimeter Center, conference room

6280 Peachtree Dunwoody Rd, Atlanta, Georgia 30328

Sunday, November 18th, 5-7pm

Essex Junction, VT

Practical Magick

15 Pearl St, Essex Junction, Vermont 05452

Sunday, November 25th, 1-4pm

Thanks, one and all!

Pre-sales are now open for our latest collaboration with Haute Macabre, MUMMIES OF MEXICO CITY, which will be available as both a perfume oil and a hair gloss blend.

From HM:

In an underground crypt beneath a monastery school dating back to the 1600s rest twelve naturally mummified bodies. Going down the staircase leading to the crypt, the temperature begins to drop and the air shifts from the heavy heat to a dry, earthy scent. Confronted by the mummies is the sharp juxtaposition from the angelic and opulent relics of the upper levels of the museum, reminding us of our own earthy boundaries, and that we shall all return to the dust. • Mummies of Mexico City contains notes of church incense, ornate gold, old lace, and dust. A sacred, secret scent, recalling residual whispers of incense settling into the ancient, forgotten dust.

Hold on to your bats! Er.. we mean butts. Either way, the Lab has a doozy of a late October surprise for you -- a new Genius Loci release staring our furry night-winged friends; Hallowenches over at Trading Post; our monthly Full Moon scent; and a trunk show of vintage BPAL rarities. Links to all can be found below!

++ GENIUS LOCI: BATS OF LOS ANGELES

Six bat perfume oils. Art by Drew Rausch!

https://blackphoenixalchemylab.com/product-category/limited-edition/halloween-2018/genius-loci-bats-of-los-angeles/

You purchased, and we kept count! Jump over to our Tumblr for a list of the top five bestsellers from our Halloween 2018 perfume collection, plus a couple of sneaky runners-up:

http://blackphoenixalchemylab.tumblr.com/post/179223048963/here-are-this-years-top-5-halloween-perfumes

Dearest non-locals who want to help the Lab fight period poverty: Haute Macabre has set up a way for you to participate in our upcoming tampon/pad drive, and enter to win bottles PUMPKIN SPICE SANGUINEM MENSTRUUM at the same time. Click this link for the details!

We won't know exactly how many bottles will be given away until after Saturday -- it all depends on how much we have left over from October Lunacy - M A S Q U E R A D E. (Send us your L.A. friends!) But we promise to set aside at least a few, and it could be many more.

Here's our original post about the tampon/drive at the Lab:

http://blackphoenixalchemylab.tumblr.com/post/178980172063/help-bpal-fight-period-poverty

Thanks, one and all!

The bad news is we aren't at RuPaul's DragCon NYC this weekend. The good news is that DRAGULA star Disasterina is -- and she's armed with bottles of our new scent collaboration, SWAMP SKANK.

Inspired by one of her own favorite drag looks, the perfume speaks for itself: "Slithering tentacles of kelp and seaweed absolute, draped over a shard of salt-crusted driftwood."

If you (or someone you know) can catch her at the Con, it will save both time and shipping. Either way, the scent is now live on our site!

In addition to our usual wagonload, here’s this year’s crop of event exclusive products we’ll be hauling to New York Comic Con, where you’ll find us at booth #3059.

Ready your shopping lists and start reaching out to friends (or friends of friends) who might be attending! Here's our spooky video announcement to whet your palate.

++ BPAL: EVE’S BIG APPLE - Perfume Oils ($26)
But one pale woman all alone,
The daylight kissing her wan hair,
Loitered beneath the gas lamps’ flare,
With lips of flame and heart of stone.

There are a few false origin stories regarding New York’s nickname, “the Big Apple”, including a rumor that the expression was inspired by a 19th century New York madam named Eve. While that tale is false, it sure does tie in well with our brothel-themed offerings!

BLACK TWIG APPLE, LABDANUM, OAK BARK, CEDAR, AND BOURBON VANILLA

DRIED APPLE, STYRAX, PATCHOULI, AND LEMON PEEL

HONEYCRISP APPLE, WHITE PEAR, AND WHITE AMBER

GREEN APPLE, SAGE, AND JUNIPER BERRY

RED APPLE, PINEAPPLE, AND GREEN TEA

RED APPLE, BLACK TEA, FRANKINCENSE, AND VETIVER

RED APPLE AND DEAD LEAVES

++ BPAL: THE GENTLEMAN’S DIRECTORY - Perfume Oils ($26)

Nothing extenuate,
Nor set down aught in malice.

The visitor, on passing the doors, finds himself in a spacious room, the fittings of which are of the most costly description, while brilliant gas illuminations, reflected by numerous mirrors, impart a fairy-like aspect to the scene. The company is, of course, mixed. Many of the men resorting to such places seek no doubt the opportunity of indulging their vicious propensities; but the majority of the better class go merely to while away an idle hour.

(All grammatical and spelling deviancies within are sic erat scriptum.)

A GROUTY OLD DAME
No. 10 Neilson place, Mercer street. This is a ladies boarding house apparently of the first class; but, as the landlady can never be seen, it is impossible to tell who is head of the house. The door is guarded by a grouty old dame, whose assumed dignity is so overpowering that most people suppose that she runs the establishment.

Sweet labdanum, clove, and piquant Italian bergamot.

ENTERPRISING YOUNG LADIES
Mrs. Cutler, at 140 W. 27th St., lets her rooms to enterprising young ladies.

Honeyed oudh, bourbon vanilla, cinnamon, and leather.

LAURA HOWARD

… has a parlor house at No. 16 East Thirteenth street. There are six lady boarders; but no interest whatever attaches to this house. Some of its visitors have asserted that it’s inmates are of a snobbish disposition.

A superior tea rose chypre.

MRS. WILSON
No. 123, keeps a first class house, with six lady boarders, handsomely dressed, of pleasing manners, ready wit, and sparkling eyes. It is the finest house on the street, and superbly furnished.

Effervescent grapefruit musk with a cluster of jasmine petals and a swish of blood orange and lime.

MRS. WRIGHT

61 Elizabeth St. has a very pleasant established house of assignation; quiet and orderly and everything that makes time pass agreeably.

A quiet and orderly, agreeable scent: clary sage, blonde tobacco, myrrh, white sandalwood, and mate.

NO. 156 EAST TWENTY-SECOND STREET

…is a house of assignation kept by Mrs. Wilson. It contains nothing of account.

Ambivalently bawdy: red sandalwood, benzoin, and cacao.

++ BPTP: THE GENTLEMAN’S DIRECTORY – HAIR GLOSS ($30)

MRS. BARS
Agreeable, tidy, and well-kept. She has kind eyes and a merry laugh.

A bubble-pop of gaiety: polished teakwood, white musk, sweet benzoin, patchouli, star anise, and wild cherry.

MISS NELLIE HARDING
…of No. 100 Clinton place, conducts a first class parlor house, with five lady boarders, who are sociable and entertaining.

A sparkle of paste diamonds and a rustle of taffeta: white musk and pale moss, a cluster of peonies, white rose petals, and citrine neroli.

++ BPTP: NEIGHBORHOODS – ATMOSPHERE SPRAYS ($25)

HELL’S HUNDRED ACRES
A post-industrial wasteland. Peeling plaster, faded tobacco, and echoes of warehouse fires.

SATAN’S CIRCUS

A 19th century euphemism for the area that is now called Chelsea. During that time, there were at least forty-night bawdy house, twenty-two of which were on West 27th Street alone.

Moldering wood covered by velvet-flocked wallpaper, a splash of rum, pipe smoke, and cologne.

++ BPTP: EVE’S BIG APPLE HAIR GLOSS ($30)
But one pale woman all alone,
The daylight kissing her wan hair,
Loitered beneath the gas lamps’ flare,
With lips of flame and heart of stone.

GOLDEN APPLE, GOLDEN SANDALWOOD, AND AMBER

RED APPLE, HONEY, AND OUDH

APPLE HARD CANDY AND A SQUEEZE OF SUGARED GINGER

One of our favorite new magical supply stores, Kaitlin Coppock's Sphere + Sundry, invited BPAL to collaborate on a special ritual/perfume blend. At last, OCEAN OF DREAMS is now available on their site! Beth's notes are below:

"This perfume encapsulates the sensation of descending slowly and languorously into a warm pool of dark water, and holds within it the voices from the nights before night existed, before twilight bisected the day; whispers burbling from our primodial subconscious, sending omens, portents, and symbols on dark wings. This is the stuff of your dreams, the dreams of your ancestral line, the dreams of your future selves, and the flotsam of dreams that buffet around you and buoy you.

The bottles were bathed in water steeped with blue lotus petals, clary sage, and rose mallow, and charged under the auspices of Jupiter on Sunday, August 26th from 7:28-8:21PM beneath the full moon in Pisces. This oil has been crafted to be worn as a perfume and to be used in a ritual capacity.

Signs and symbols, both subtle and shrieking, drifting like thick-tentacled currents through the black ocean before time: blue lotus absolute, white champa flower Co2 select, French lavender essential oil and buds, armoise mugwort essential oil, styrax essential oil from sapwood and bark tissue, liquidamber orientalis, CO2 extract of butter, marshmallow root, frankincense carterii essential oil and gum, coconut oil, bay leaves, and orris root and butter, all steeped for a full lunation in kewra and oudh attars."

If you haven't revisited the actual short story "The Masque of the Red Death" in a while, compliment your Masque perfume sniffing experience with this video storybook the Lab has made from Tenebrous Kate's label artwork!

Yours truly lent voice to the project, and persuaded a musician from a past collaboration to provide some haunting music to accompany the story. Our idea was to create a thing of beauty that people can enjoy long after our limited edition scent collection has vanished from the earth.

Here's to keeping this timeless and terrifying story near the front of our collective culture's mind, right where it belongs!

This year we've truly outdone ourselves by exploring strange new depths in diablerie as well as perfumerie. In addition to many classic treats, we've got a spooky Chaos Theory, a timely Poe tale storyboarded in scent (art by Tenebrous Kate!) and a ribald new series of blends inspired by goats in classical art. Trading Post's update is still forthcoming!

BEWARE... You may find more thrills here than e'er you bargained for:..

https://blackphoenixalchemylab.com/product-category/limited-edition/halloween-2018/

It's really happening -- here's a message from Ted:

"THIS IS A PRESALE! Black Phoenix Trading Post is pleased to offer a presale for our .925 silver scent lockets.

These lockets are exclusive to the Trading Post, and were created by and for Black Phoenix. They cannot be found anywhere else in all of Heaven and Earth.

Here’s how the presale will work: we will start taking orders for these four stories lockets, and when sales reach the target of twenty lockets, we will place the order for them with my jeweler.

Once we reach our goal of twenty presales for an individual locket, I estimate it will take about 40 days to receive the lockets before I can start shipping.

After the goal is reached, I will contact everyone that purchased a presale locket with the estimated time of shipping.

If, however, sales of a certain locket style do not reach 20 lockets within 60 days of the start of the presale, you will receive a full refund.

These are heavy lockets, thick with silver, and are perfect for use as a perfume oil conduit. Dab your favorite Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab concoction onto muslin, velvet or cotton, and place the swatch inside the locket. Your body will warm the silver, and the locket will exude pure, unadulterated scent.

Each locket is hand cast .925 sterling silver, and each locket’s bale sports the alchemical symbol for brimstone."

Thanks, Teddy! That presale link is here:

https://blackphoenixtradingpost.com/category/jewelry/scent-lockets/presale/

One of the incredible things about a new game is that all of us get in on the ground floor.

OVERLIGHT, the new release by Renegade Game Studios, is just the equalizer we’ve been waiting for – a “kaleidoscopic fantasy” that is somewhat less combat-based and more about the story. In creators’ words: “Characters will search for personal meaning among a fantastic, sometimes violent, and overwhelming world.”

When we heard about the concept for OVERLIGHT, we had two thoughts. First: When can we play? And then immediately afterward: How can we get involved in players’ aesthetic experience?

The latter question gave way to the following products, which are finally available on our sites after a strong debut at Gen Con alongside the game itself. You don’t have to count yourself among the Skyborn in order to enjoy them… but if you’ve ever wanted to dig into a fantasy world that runs counter to the traditional identities associated with RPGs, this could be the chance you’ve been waiting for.

That’s something you can announce to the world with our SKYBORN perfume, or one of Black Phoenix Trading Post’s seven Shard nail polish colors. Full descriptions below!

Perfume:

SKYBORN

“The Overlight, we called it.
and it is by its colored rays that you will
know your power, oh Skyborn child”

An otherworldly, iridescent shine, casked on-site at the Manifold Elixarium: opalescent lavenderine, sheer white musk, wild bergamot, iris and white amber drifting on a pale cloud of Hearthwood Ash.

Nail Polishes:

NOVA
A soft linear holographic top coat filled with holo microflake and iridescent shifting flake in two different color ways. It can be worn as a topper for any of the other Shards, or alone in 3-4 coats.

ZENITH
Red-based purple linear holographic filled with holo microflake and sparks of rose.

QUILL
Royal blue linear holographic filled with holo microflake and sparks of metallic turquoise.

BANYAN
Kelly green linear holographic filled with holo microflake and sparks of blue and green.

HAARK
Bright, lemon yellow linear holographic filled with holo microflake and a coppery sheen.

VEILE
Tiger orange linear holographic filled with holo microflake and a bright gold shimmer.

PYRE
A stop sign red linear holographic filled with holo microflake and a bit of copper shimmer.

The second flight of Lilith-inspired scents is finally here -- don't worry, she's still just as double-digits as she was a week ago.

Here's Ted's scented tribute to his daughter's tenth year:

https://blackphoenixtradingpost.com/category/fatherhood-2018/

Dominus vobiscum! We're still all recovering from Too Much Dragon Con, but Tom and Galen still managed to pull together a quick Sunday Service video:

Dominus vobiscum! We're still all recovering from Too Much Dragon Con, but Tom and Galen still managed to pull together a quick Sunday Service video.

In addition to our "Fair Maiden Side-Eye" and "Lifestyle Blogger Dragon" exclusives, the Dragon Con crowds have also wiped out our entire supply of the following BPAL products:

13 Hours
Agnes Nutter
The Crescent Moon
Deadly Nightshade Honey
Fighter
The Forest of the Empress
Fuck You, Said the Raven
Kumari Kandam
La Petite Mort
Lightning
Love Me
Persephone
The Red Robes
Robe of Pomegranates
Satyr
Tavern of Hell
Vixen
Water of Notre Dame

If these are on your shopping list, you'll have to rely on our website. We're so grateful to see so many familiar faces, and friends sent with fairy orders. We're here for you, thank you for showing up for us! We'll update this list as the weekend wears on.

Are you going to Atlanta's DRAGON CON or know someone who is? Here's a link to your BPAL event exclusive shopping list: 11 perfumes and 6 hair gloss blends inspired by silly dragons in Medieval art. Prepare yourself for the Dragonsplaining of a lifetime!

Our booth is #1417-1419, on the first floor of AmericasMart Building 2. This will be important info to hand to any friends you send our way with a shopping list! (As an added bonus, they get to request stuff like “Ass Yell Back” from us, which is practically worth the price of admission.)

Without further ado:

++ DRAGON CON 2018 - PERFUME ($26)

ASS YELL BACK

He protecc

He attacc

But most important, he yell at own ass and ass yell back

- Jessica Mihaichuk

I posted this image while working on tidying up the DragonCon scents, and a comment of Jessica’s made me rethink the whole scent concept.

A highly specific manifestation of internal conflict: dragon’s blood resin, black pepper, aged black patchouli, agarwood, and hot geranium.

BLARPING DRAGON

RUDE. Sweet black patchouli and pink peppercorn right in yer face.

DRAGONSPLAINING

Well, actually….

Sweet aged patchouli interrupted by a cloud of cedar smoke.

DRAGON BELCH

A braaaaaap of oakmoss, labdanum, lightly-chewed villager, and smoke.

DRAGON DOODLE

A scribble of honey-drenched strawberry and white pear.

DRAGON EATING BEES

HAHA GET IT? Not bees, B’s.

Might not be that funny to anyone else, but I haven’t had much sleep, so it’s hilarious to me. Dragon’s blood resin, wildflower honey, and beeswax.

FAIR MAIDEN SIDE-EYE

Crafted in response to Black Phoenix Trading Post’s Horking Dragon Hair Gloss: saucy gilded amber, ambergris accord, vanilla cream, and peach-tinted skin musk.

LIFESTYLE BLOGGER DRAGON

Positive vibes only: apricot-squeezed vanilla bean with a squirt of peach, coconut milk, and a floofing of marshmallow.

SERF-EATING GRIN

Supernaturally smug, draconically self-satisfied: red currant, persimmon, and oudh.

STRAWBERRY DRAGON

Candied strawberries and pink pepper.

OBLIGATORY PEACH PERFUME OIL*

Sheer peach musk with white peach pulp, tiare, white tea, and gossamer vanilla.

*As required by the Georgia Board of Tourism

++ BPTP DRAGON CON HAIR GLOSS 2018 ($30)

DELICATE DRAGON

Gilded vanilla orchid, cherry blossom, crystalline pale petals, flecks gold leaf, and drops of daemonorops draco.

DRAGON BOUFFANT

Fiery cherry sugar whirled into guava cotton candy.

HORKING DRAGON

Crafted to be paired with Fair Maiden Side-Eye: a bushy plop of patchouli root, sticky molasses-clotted almond, tonka bean husk, tobacco absolute, and bourbon vanilla.

KNOTTY DRAGON

I had considered calling this “Naughty Dragon”, but y’all might be burnt out on my stupid jokes by now. Get yourself untangled with a soothing blend of lavender, hops flower, ambergris accord, white musk, black currant, and dried blueberry.

STRAWBERRY DRAGON

Candied strawberries and pink pepper.

OBLIGATORY PEACH HAIR GLOSS*

Peach marshmallows with a hint of pumpkin puree.

*As required by the Georgia Board of Tourism

Are you going to Atlanta's Dragon Con, or know someone who is? Here's a link to your BPAL event exclusive shopping list: 11 perfumes and 6 hair gloss blends inspired by silly dragons in Medieval art. Prepare yourself for the Dragonsplaining of a lifetime!

It must be Sunday, because here's this footage of two Lab rats sniffing themselves and talking about butterflies: