Failmingo

Galen and Tom (that's me!) from the Lab's media team have posted a video review of last weekend's Midsummer Scream exclusives. You can watch here: We're hoping to do Sunday Service as a weekly video talking about stuff the Lab has going on/coming up -- we'll see how that fits in with our upcoming convention travel schedule!

Hello all! We launched The Emperor with Genius Loci on Friday, but in keeping with tradition, it's gotta have a proper video launch in its own right. Here he is over on YouTube -- and while you're there, please go ahead and subscribe to the channel. We're going to be posting some scent reviews and occasional fun content there in the future, and you won't wanna miss out. Thanks very much!

Fair warnng, there's no open-house event at the Lab in July -- we'll be too busy running around to both San Diego Comic Con and Midsummer Scream. Below you'll find a list of the event exclusive products we hope will serve as an enticement for visitors to come find us... or as a shopping list to hand any friends who plan to attend. See you on the midway! 'Censored' SDCC Scents Raise Money for CBLDFThe Comic Book Legal Defense Fund's opening night gala has become an annual San Diego Comic Con tradition. In addition to our usual caravan of Neil Gaiman-inspired perfumes -- proceeds from which go to the org! -- we'll be offering the following event exclusives as a special fundraiser: ++ CENSORED 2018 Nothing to see here – just sugar and spice and everything nice! $28 apiece, each presented in a 5ml amber apothecary bottle. P%$S Sugared lemon and sour lime. C#@T Honeyed lavender with Madagascar vanilla and plumeria. S^*T Cacao and vetiver. We’ll also be previewing our collaboration with Michael Varrati's queer horror podcast DEAD FOR FILTH. We'll keep a few bottles of this gory attraction -- "raw patchouli, opoponax, and a coppery dry blood exhale" -- stashed at our table for the enjoyment of anyone who shambles by. It will become available on our site the following week! MIDSUMMER SCREAM 2018 This weekend in Long Beach (July 28/29) is everything you could possibly want in a Halloween-in-July hoedown: costumes, haunted attractions, and plenty of that sweet convention center air-conditioning! Buy tickets with the code BPAL and you'll get a 25% discount. We normally save our pumpkin perfume releases for fall, but we're making an exception to treat this year's attendees. Here's the new batch, featuring art by Drew Rausch! ++ MIDSUMMER SCREAM: PERFUME BLENDS ($26) PUMPKIN AND GREEN CHYPRE PUMPKIN DOOB PUMPKIN RICE PUDDING PUMPKIN OAKMOSS ++ MIDSUMMER SCREAM: BLACK PHOENIX TRADING POST ($30) AMBER PUMPKIN HAIR GLOSS PATCHOULI PUMPKIN HAIR GLOSS BONUS: On Sunday the 29th, the Lab's own Tom Blunt [that's me, Failmingo!] will be moderating a queer horror panel for Midsummer Scream, featuring a skeleton crew of exciting guests, including Alaska Thunderfuck. More info on that here!

Pardon us for neglecting the Trading Post -- it’s been a bit warm outside, and every extra ounce of energy’s gone toward fanning our nether-regions with sheaves of voter-registration cards. Will any of these make it up to you? CARAMEL PATCHOULI HAIR GLOSS VIOLET AND GREEN TEA HAIR GLOSS (Remember, Black Phoenix’s Hair Gloss is paraben and sulfate free, and contains no petro-chemicals, no GMOs, and no triclosan!) Don’t neglect your other body parts -- there’s also a fresh array of bar soaps to lather up with: MOUSE’S LONG AND SAD TALE SOAP “Vanilla, two ambers, sweet pea and white sandalwood.” ANNE BONNY SOAP “Named in honor of the most notorious female pirate to ever set sail. Wicked, cruel, beautiful, intelligent, resourceful and dangerous: a true role model. A blend of Indonesian red patchouli, red sandalwood, and frankincense.“ DIRTY SOAP “A wonderful antidote to an all-nighter oozing with drunken, addled perversion and debauchery. A fresh, crisp white linen scent: perfectly clean, perfectly breezy.” ***Note there are two versions available of each, one with silk peptides added, and one without (making the latter option vegan). For now, only the silk version of Mouse’s Long and Sad Tale is available. We’re not done treating your malaise just yet! We’ve also got this glossy black mug, which helps you safely administer most liquids directly from hand to face. Perfect for coffee, tea or one of Doc Constantine’s own questionably effective plague remedies! 1350 A.D. MUG Stay cool out there, friends! Never forget: smelling good is always the best revenge.

How much glory can you stand? We're testing to find out today with a flurry of releases: this month's Lunacy scent, our #BPAL7wordstorywinner, a fundraiser for a local roller derby squad, and at the heart of it all, twelve scents inspired by The Empress (AKA, the heart of it all). Here she is without further ado, squishy cushions and all: https://blackphoenixalchemylab.com/product-category/limited-edition/the-fools-journey/the-empress/ And here's that Lunacy blend, KARI, visiting all the way from Saturn's orbit: "White pear, dandelion sap, and champaca blossom, chilled by a gust of white musk." https://blackphoenixalchemylab.com/shop/limited-edition/a-little-lunacy-limited-edition/kari/ Amidst all the world's strife, let's not forget to support the kids in our communities who are training to take on ever-greater challenges. BPAL is proud to support our local Angel City Junior Derby 2018 A-Listers with the proceeds from this blend, LIKE A GIRL: "A sleek skin musk with Mysore sandalwood, bourbon vanilla, frankincense resin, and a touch of costus." https://blackphoenixalchemylab.com/shop/collaborations/like-a-girl/ Our story contest concluded recently with this winning GREED-themed entry: "Killed the last rhino for its horn." The resulting scent is a solemn blend of ambergris accord, orris root, and carrot seed.(Congrats again, Melanie C! Keep your eyes peeled for a complimentary bottle in the post.) blackphoenixalchemylab.com/shop/limited-edition/seven-word-story-greed/ Empress willing, may everyone enjoy a little peace this weekend.

It's time to announce the winner of our seventh and final #BPAL7wordstory contest! Congrats are in order for Melanie C., who submitted the winning greed-themed entry via Twitter: "Killed the last rhino for its horn." This story will go on to be adapted into a perfume oil blend in the very near future. It was a particularly tight race (and indeed, this was not even the only rhino story we received). Below are a few honorable mentions. "They kick ragged men, snatching dropped coin." -- Kiana Nguyen "The factory doors were locked; they burned" -- @Tommer_m "After he starved, she unpacked the rations"-- AJ Taylor "The crow took both eyes—one slipped." -- Dianne Thornhill Thanks one and all for your creativity and your kindness toward the winners. We kicked off our 7 word story contest in February 2016. Since then we've read literally thousands of submissions, and released some wonderfully unusual fragrances. Keep your eyes peeled for scent notes and a sales link for this GREED entry in the days to come! It's time to announce the winner of our seventh and final #BPAL7wordstorycontest! Congrats are in order for Melanie C., who submitted the winning greed-themed entry via Twitter: "Killed the last rhino for its horn." This story will go on to be adapted into a perfume oil blend in the very near future. It was a particularly tight race (and indeed, this was not even the only rhino story we received). Below are a few honorable mentions. "They kick ragged men, snatching dropped coin." -- Kiana Nguyen "The factory doors were locked; they burned" -- @Tommer_m "After he starved, she unpacked the rations"-- AJ Taylor "The crow took both eyes—one slipped." -- Dianne Thornhill Thanks one and all for your creativity and your kindness toward the winners. We kicked off our 7 word story contest in February 2016. Since then we've read literally thousands of submissions, and released some wonderfully unusual fragrances. Keep your eyes peeled for scent notes and a sales link for this GREED entry in the days to come!

Hello all -- Just a note imploring you to be forgiving if Trading Post seems slower than usual in responding to your requests this week. Ted is having a minor surgery today and it may take him a few days to get back in the proper swing of things. Feel better soon, Teddy!

It's the little things that make artist sponsorships worthwhile... around 6:05, the new episode of Two Minutes To Late Night features a hilarious ad for their BPAL scent WHIFF-LASH, “A real scent you can buy for money which we get to keep.” Here’s the link to the perfume! Get on it, you unwashed metal muckety-mucks. A scent for the consummate gentleman thrasher: Oiled black leather, grease paint, and aftershave.

You dainty dame, for that you be so coy, I will so pluck your plumes as you shall say no more: Go, go, go, seek some other where, importune me no more. Queen Elizabeth I Red roses, red carnation, and grandiflorum jasmine grounded by regal amber and sweet, dark patchouli. In the bottle, the roses dominate everything, as they tend to do (and rightly so). Naturally, as soon as it hits the skin the jasmine rises off of it like smoke, as it tends to do (and again, rightly so). The carnation does its thing spicing up the background, making this bouquet appear even fuller. The amber and patchouli are here to make sure it's not mistaken for a celebratory one -- there's a distinct heaviness, an ache. Overall the blend is a bold gesture, and definitely a disdainful one, but throbs with irrepressible desire, and I personally found the overall effect quite consoling -- I think that's the amber, breathing gently at the very end.

Not a drill! These long-dead vintage BPAL scents are back for a limited time in a slightly tweaked form. Due to component issues, the originals are gone for good, but their spirits are back to haunt us until August 28th. Here's the list: Venom Aeval Bread-and-Butterfly Black Hellebore Bluebeard Dragon’s Eye Forbidden Fruit Ultraviolet Umbra Loviatar Silk Road Baghdad De Sade Also! Take note that the following scents are back in stock (in their original formula) after a component-drought hiatus: Grandmother of Ghosts Red Rider Night Gaunt Blood Pearl Gomorrah Hades Deadly Nightshade Honey Destroying Angel Mag Mell Malice Hopefully this will put a shine on what we know has been a very difficult week for a lot of people! Have a good weekend, friends.

Before we lose you for the weekend, a handful of updates! First off, The Fool’s Journey continues into uncertain territory with THE HIGH PRIESTESS, a set of eleven scents reveling in various aspects of the tarot deck’s second trump card. Speaking of the cards, we have collaborated with Fabio Listrani on a divination blend specifically attuned to his Santa Muerte Tarot, published last fall by Lo Scarabeo. The result is ADVICE OF THE DEAD: “Wisdom dispensed from beyond the grave: black copal, golden chrysanthemums, myrrh, worm-slick soil, and gilded marigolds.” Last but not least, this month’s Lunacy blend lights up the atmosphere just like its namesake (if you happen to be on Saturn). Here’s ANTHE: “Blueberry and tangerine for the bright plunage of the kingfisher, limned with frozen flower petals.” Have an excellent holiday! May the Priestess provide one and all with the wisdom and clarity that remain elusive in the world around us.

That's right, we went there. We're raising funds for the ACLU with this new scent inspired by the White House's recent landscaping problem. With our help, you can be fashionable, topical, AND charitable. "The scent of a swamp self-draining: globs of wet earth, crushed grass, and untended dandelions sliding into a morass of moss-crusted opoponax, labdanum, and tar." Share it with your friends, we're definitely hoping to ride the coattails of this year's hottest sinkhole (to date) into viral stardom: https://blackphoenixalchemylab.com/shop/activism/i-know-words-i-have-the-best-words/sinkhole/ Our gorgeous new SINKHOLE perfume raises funds for the ACLU! With our help, you can be fashionable, topical, AND charitable. "The scent of a swamp self-draining: globs of wet earth, crushed grass, and untended dandelions sliding into a morass of moss-crusted opoponax, labdanum, and tar."

Friends, it’s time to kick off the seventh installment of our #BPAL7wordstory contest! The winning GREED-themed story will be translated into a limited edition perfume by our house expert on scent and sin. Any la$t words? You’ve got until June 1st to email your entries to 7words@blackphoenixalchemylab.com, or tweet them @bpal with the hashtag #BPAL7wordstory. We’ll pick a winner mid-June, and the resulting fragrance will debut at our June 30th Lunacy event. The winner also receives a free bottle of their story’s scent. Here are the official rules and regulations, and here’s a link to our six previous winners! Ready… set… GREED!

Hi, everyone! As a result of new improvements to our website, everyone with an account at http://blackphoenixalchemylab.com will be prompted to reset their passwords. Just a note so you don't panic when it pops up!

It was fascinating to watch people react to this one when they visited the booth -- it's VERY sweet and fruity, and like most perfume oils it's very potent in the bottle, so this was heaven for some people and hell for those who were caught off guard. It was also entertaining to listen as people tried to guess exactly which fruit the scent was based around: guava is such a specific smell, and it's not one we tend to reach for mentally when trying to identify notes. From the description I mainly knew what to expect. What I didn't expect is how wet and pulpy the smell would actually be -- if this was a cocktail I would drink at least one too many. The lime gives it a sharp edge, but it's still sweeter on the skin than I'm prone to wearing. However, this one ended up layering well with the #DragIsForEveryone scent, which tempered the sweetness a bit. The novelty of a strong guava scent alone is enough to keep this one within reach on my shelf for a very long time.

Early on, before we even had the scent notes, the DragCon blends I was most excited about were Groom of Frankenstein and Drag On A Slime. Something about my childhood fascination with these particular monsters primed me to adore the resulting perfumes, even if they turned out to be something I wouldn't usually wear. That turned out to be the case with both of them. The leather/ozone combination is a bit searing in the bottle, it really runs hot across the nose, as if the lightning just struck seconds ago. On the skin this instantly cools down into a cool, leather-encased blend that borders on subterranean or even aquatic -- to me, anyway. Perhaps I'm being influenced by the green of the label artwork... or perhaps Beth was! In any case the drydown is velvety smooth and inviting. Hoping an actual drag king will incorporate it into their stage presence and let us know how it worked out!

I DID snag two bottles of this, because I have a hunch it's going to help me survive the summer. The description alone didn't wow me when we were moving these into production -- it wasn't until I smelled it in the bottle when I made the connection to Knucklebones from Carnaval, one of my all-time fave blends which is also a boozy lime (though a much more insidious one). I have a hunch they're going to layer really well together. Green Wig Spray ended up being my spritz of choice to pump into the air above the BPAL booth. Lavender was the more accessible choice, and Fright was spookier and more mysterious, but there was something about the Green spray that was especially unique -- it's simultaneously cheerful and flirtatious, and the cool mint plus sugared lime gives me a green creamsicle vibe that's just irresistible. I just want to bury my face in it!

Fans of our scent collection THE DISTRICT, take note! As of July 1st, this series will be discontinued. (This also applies to Trading Post's products.) https://blackphoenixalchemylab.com/product-category/the-district/ https://blackphoenixtradingpost.com/category/home-linen-sprays/the-district/

We're excited to announce a new scent collaboration with the metal talk-show TWO MINUTES TO LATE NIGHT, which just began its second season on YouTube. Check 'em out! Here's their perfume: WHIFF-LASH It smells like spiders getting drunk. It smells like Seabiscuit and your parents getting divorced. A scent for the consummate gentleman thrasher: Oiled black leather, grease paint, and aftershave. On our Tumblr, you can watch a video Gwarsenio filmed in which he tests the scent on innocent passersby. Happy headbanging!

Hi everyone! We recorded a special video message with The Nobodies to underscore two important points: 1. Drag is for everyone 2. Our DragCon exclusive perfume bearing that name will raise money for the Los Angeles LGBT Center. Watch here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n2d8zR0rc9w We'd be thrilled if you passed it on! Also, FYI DragCon will serve as May's will call event -- we'll still be local, and we'll have the whole sideshow of scents and recurring characters there for your entertainment. Come! Or send a friend to gather scents and vicarious Bear(ica) hugs.

RuPaul’s DragCon is fast upon us – May 11, 12, and 13 are the dates when you can spruce yourself up at the BPAL booth and also meet our NYC spokesqueens The Nobodies. Can’t go? If you’re very sweet, perhaps a friend will visit booth 1543 and pick up one of the following exclusive DragCon products! ++ BPAL: DRAGCON 2018 ($26) In these monstrous times, the art of drag beckons to people of every age, gender, and background as a tremendous source of entertainment, activism, and personal power. It’s only (un)natural to imagine that the following classic monsters would want to get in on the action… Art by Eric Thurnbeck (see it here!) LYCANTHROPE FOR YOUR LIFE She’s that Instagram queen who only performs once in a full moon. Cardamom-infused whiskey and fig cream. DRAG ON A SLIME She’s the reason the club now has rules like “No liquids onstage unless you bring your own tarp.” Blobs of guava pulp with pink orchid, a splatter of liquid sugar, white rum, and a squeeze of pink lime. SLAY! The consummate host: she can fill oceans of time on the mic and still leave the crowd hypnotized. Polished black patchouli and blood-red vegetal musk, bakhoor oudh, tobacco absolute, fossilized amber resin, and bittersweet cacao. THE LIBRARY IS HAUNTED Why does she insist on turning every conversation into a reading challenge? An ephemeral white chypre with honeysuckle, blue lilac, a burst of wisteria, Italian neroli, jasmine sambac, and grave moss. SERVING GILL A swimsuit with no padding: the perfect gender-amphibious look. Blue musk and blue chamomile with indigo musk, seaweed, ocean salt, fir needle, and a tangle of kelp. GROOM OF FRANKENSTEIN A shock in a jock: the perfect drag king cologne. Black leather and a snap of ozone. DRAG IS FOR EVERYONE Just like any art form, drag is a question with no right answer. Proceeds from this scent will be donated to the Los Angeles LGBT Center. A universal sheer frankincense and bourbon vanilla skin musk that works on every body type. It can be worn alone, or as a base upon which you layer other scents. ++ BPTP: DRAGCON WIG SPRAYS ($26) For the third year in a row, the Trading Post continues its tradition of creating wig-safe sprays to schpritz up the stankest of hairpieces. GREEN WIG SPRAY Sugared mint, bourbon, tangerine, and lime. LAVENDER WIG SPRAY French lavender, white musk, vanilla bourbon, crushed violet petals, orange blossom, and sugar cane. FRIGHT WIG SPRAY Blackened patchouli, clove bud, honey oudh, pomegranate pulp, and a splash of whiskey.

Today we finally got that American Gods season 2 update we've been dying to hear! Here's that teaser link: http://collider.com/american-gods-season-2-trailer/#image (Which of these perfumes should we wear to celebrate?)

So it doesn't get buried in the magical avalanche that's to come, here's the link to this month's Lunacy blend, beaming to you all the way from Saturn's moon Telesto: One of the Oceanids, the Three-Thousand Daughters of Tethys and Oceanus. Draped in a sun-bright peplos of flowing champaca, Bengal oudh, golden vanilla, neroli, and amber cream, she personifies divine blessings. And now, as promised: The Fool's Journey hasn't ended, oh no -- it's just begun! The next steps are perilous and will contain many "teachable moments." But fear not, because in this collection of 14 limited edition perfume blends, THE MAGICIAN is here in his many aspects to instruct, challenge, and entertain: https://blackphoenixalchemylab.com/product-category/limited-edition/the-fools-journey/the-magician/ (Here's our video teaser for the collection!) “If one wants to form a picture of the symbolic process, the series of pictures found in alchemy are good examples, though the symbols they contain are for the most part traditional despite their often obscure origin and significance… It also seems as if the set of pictures in the Tarot cards were distantly descended from the archetypes of transformation… “The symbolic process is an experience in images and of images. Its development usually shows an enantiodromian structure like the text of the I Ching, and so presents a rhythm of negative and positive, loss and gain, dark and light. Its beginning is almost invariably characterized by one’s getting stuck in a blind alley or in some impossible situation; and its goal is, broadly speaking, illumination or higher consciousness, by means of which the initial situation is overcome on a higher level. As regards the time factor, the process may be compressed into a single dream or into a short moment of experience, or it may extend over months and years, depending on the nature of the initial situation, the person involved in the process, and the goal to be reached. The wealth of symbols naturally varies enormously from case to case. Although everything is experienced in image form, i.e., symbolically, it is by no means a question of fictitious dangers but of very real risks upon which the fate of a whole life may depend.” - Carl Jung, Archetypes of the Collective Unconscious ++ THE FOOL'S JOURNEY: ASPECTS OF THE MAGICIAN The First Trump, the Master of Ceremonies, the Compère, the Doorkeeper of the Tarot. Originally the Juggler – the prototypical Trickster – he was transformed by the shifting currents of collective consciousness into the consummate Magus. He is the Carnival King and the Lord of Gamblers, the First Diviner and the Master of Chance. He is Hermes, he is Mercury, he is Apollo; he is the opening note and the final triumph of the Opus and the Messenger of the Divine. He commands, controls, and synthesizes the Four Elements; he is Aleph, he is the first substance, he is the source of all numbers. He is the intersection of Heaven and Earth. The Magician in his current incarnation embodies action in all forms, skill and perspicacity, the utilization of innate talents, and deliberate, conscious transformation, yet he is still the Juggler - the Supreme Trickster – forever playing Three-card Monte with your fate. THE MAGICIAN'S WAND Energy, will, and the manifested Word of the Magus. It is the generative process, the act of creation: ash, rowan, oak, and elder wood, polished with sweet resins but handworn, glowing with inner fire. THE MAGICIAN'S GARDEN Flos campi and lilium convallium, Rose of Sharon and Lily of the Valley: the blossoms of transcendence and spiritual aspiration. THE MAGICIAN'S BELT The Ouroboros, the serpent as he consumes his own tail. Within this everlasting cycle, the spirit is reborn into eternity: frankincense, white rose, balsam, almond flower, and benzoin. THE MAGICIAN'S TOOLS With the Wand createth He. With the Cup preserveth He. With the Dagger destroyeth He. With the Coin redeemeth He. - Liber B vel Magi sub Figura I Clary sage and patchouli for Earth, lavender and yarrow for Air, tobacco and Dracaena cinnabari for Fire, lotus root and myrrh for Water. THE MAGICIAN’S HANDS The Magician’s right hand bears the wand of Will aloft, while his left hand points earthward. This is the descent of grace, the act of drawing Divine light and inspiration to the material, mortal realm. Sweet myrrh, calamus, ambrette seed, and Ceylon cinnamon. THE MAGICIAN’S ROBES The Red King and White Queen, sulfur and mercury, Rubedo and Albedo. The unification of opposites, putrefaction and individuation, the culmination of the Great Work. ὁδὸς ἄνω κάτω μία καὶ ὡυτή: red and white musks alight with frankincense, white oudh, sweet labdanum, and saffron. The way up and the way down are one and the same. THE LEMNISCATE The sign of life, the sigil of eternity. The mathematics that form the structure of the universe, the finality of Omega, yet also the inconceivable, endless space beyond. Immortality and rebirth, the perfect aspiration of Spirit. Frankincense and black pepper, Himalayan cedar, cognac, and tobacco. ++ THE FOOL'S JOURNEY: FACES OF THE MAGICIAN THE MOUNTEBANK The Hustler, the Scoundrel, the Grifter, using the magic of misdirection, charm, and subtlety to swindle his way through this world, and through all worlds, seen and unseen. Eloquent and glib, he is the quintessential knave. He is the Guardian of Gamblers and the Protector of Con-Men. A confidence trick: leather, sweet balsam, white sandalwood, thieves’ rosin, and dusty lavender. TASCHENSPIELER The master of sleight-of-hand and trickery: dexterous, clever, and roguish. He is the mischief-maker whose tricks propel men to action, or dupe the foolish into traps of their own creation. Peru balsam, tobacco absolute, leather, white sage, and blackberry juice. THE MAGUS The Sorcerer, the Cunning-Man, the Sage. He is the Kerux, Initiator and Psychopomp, the Divine Messenger who leads neophytes on their paths through the Mysteries and shepherds the souls to the underworld. Honey absolute, Oman frankincense, and asphodel. IL BAGATELLA The Carnival King, the embodiment of the liminal space that exists between the death and resurrection of Christ: pomegranate and Lebanese cedar, the martyr’s red rose, and an aspergillum of wine-soaked hyssop. THE STORYTELLER The Raconteur, the Town Gossip, and the first character to appear on the stage in the first act. He is the Minstrel of the Heavens, the Devil’s Messenger, spinning morality tales, singing songs of loss, laughter, and triumph, and murmuring prophecies to all. Beeswax, leather, hearth wood, and campfire smoke. THE HARLEQUIN The Divine Comedian, the Eternal Jester, instructing through pranks and buffoonery: vetiver-steeped raspberry and red currant. THE LEGERDEMAIN The twilight in between the stage performer and the Magus; the sleight of hand trick transforms into true sorcerous skill: black silken musk, dark clove, guiac wood, black pepper, frankincense, and cardamom.

BPAL's website will be undergoing site maintenance starting at approximately 10am PST on Wednesday, and we expect that we’ll be down for roughly 24 hours. Barring any unforeseen demons, we should be back to business as usual on Thursday. In the meantime, you’re welcome to go dig for treasure at Black Phoenix Trading Post, or our Etsy store. Or you can shop at our friends’ stores (such as Dark Delicacies, Haute Macabre, or Blood Milk jewelry), or even just go walk around outside. We hear fresh air smells great, if you can find any! Thanks for your patience, we’ve spent the last couple of months working through our website woes. We’re almost at the finish line, and have the new grey hairs to prove it!

Given the popularity of our handful of perfume blends which contain cannabis or hemp notes -- such as Ask The Nearest Hippie, which also raises funds for a variety of civil rights organizations -- we figured we'd treat you imbibers (and onlookers) to a Limited Edition scent marking this annual occasion: BLACKLIGHT-REACTIVE POSTER There was a store about a mile away from the house I grew up in that fascinated me throughout my whole childhood. The façade was painted in insane colors, and it was covered with weird, leering cartoonish illustrations. We drove by it almost every week, and I’d keep asking my parents what was inside – there was nothing on the storefront that indicated what the store was about – and they’d blow me off while making it implicitly clear that I was to never, ever enter that building. When I was 12, I asked my parents to take me to the library so I could study. I waited about fifteen minutes to make sure that my dad had driven off, and then I walked over to the fascinating, forbidden mystery store. The store was covered, wall-to-wall, in posters that glowed in garish fluorescent colors. Tie-dyed t-shirts, blankets, and flags were everywhere, and the cases were filled with what looked to me like endless rows of genie bottles. Peace signs were everywhere, and tons of merchandise was emblazoned with a plant I didn’t recognize. Before they shooed me out – very kindly – this was the scent that imprinted on me: nag champa, patchouli, and weed smoke. – – – Please do not smoke, eat, or huff this oil. Do not rub it on your gums, do not put it on your privates, do not vape it. It is a perfume and meant to be used as such. No funnybusiness! (This perfume contains no actual weed. Zero cannabis. None. Zilch. What do I look like? A dispensary?)