darkitysnark

I know it's not this hot all over the world, but I totally blame the Pacific Northwest heat wave. I didn't do jack all weekend and most certainly didn't feel like doing any forum browsing (let alone speculative bidding/shopping). Just... laying there, in a little puddle of me on the basement floor.

Glad you got some bites! Gonna run over and take a look-see m'self. And who knows, maybe some more folks will snap out of It and get over there before the cut off too. :crosses fingers:

That's the cool thing about approaching Crone status... we get thicker skins and become more headstrong about what we want. I say go for it!

I am loving Dawndie's suggestion. (And I do remember that rarely aired Tex Avery cartoon. Why I ever thought the Warner Bros' stuff was appropriate for children, I'll never know... but it sure does explain a lot about my formative years. )

Now I want to create a blend that exemplifies other cartoonish phrases like BOING and BADA-DIDDA (the sound of Shaggy and Scooby winding up to run away), and of course YOINK.

Wasn't Asses of Fire the name of the movie within the South Park movie?

You know, I have that movie on DVD and I still haven't seen it all the way through. Sacrilege, I know!

But you are correct. "Asses of Fire" is the movie within a movie... and now I've got a heliumed Canadian voice saying it over and over in my head. That and the "Uncle F***er" musical number.

You know... "Flaming Anus" (or maybe plural? "Anuses"? "Anii"?) would be a great band name. I'm just saying!

Also, it amuses me more to image you running around with a Bic lighter rather than a flame-thrower for some reason... maybe because it seems more personal and precise, and the sound effect is amusing: Chkt! Chkt! <--- 'tis the mileadingly gentle sound of impending dooooom!

So apparently my mood is: absurdist misanthropy.

Snarky has to admit your summary is much kinder than it could've been... she thinks of the above ramblings as the scattering of all the loose mental change that has been collecting in her mind's pockets. They go together just because they happen to all be in her head at the same time... Snarky's glad it made some modicum of sense.

Snarky did have a flash of realization this morning in regards to The Mister: she hasn't been courting him like she did when they were in the early stages of wooing each other (is Snarky the only person who gets a cartoonish mental image of two people standing at either side of a giant chasm, hands cupped around their mouths, alternately shouting "WOO!" to the other across the distance?) and has been mostly taking him for granted.

They haven't had one of those Two O'clock in the Morning Philosophy conversations in a very long time... maybe she needs to work toward bringing some of that mental stimulation back in to their interactions (sans the "school night curfew" breaking).

Thanks for your support! (And now Snarky has gone to a strange Ernest and Giulio Gallo place...)

Then again, maybe I'm happy I don't have too many photos.

Tell me about it -- I had some weird ideas of what looked good, including borrowing a guy friend's barbershop clippers and, yeah...

 

I did like the photo album, darkity! I say keep the Benatar and get a "hooker wig"

Snarky has some Fredrick's of Hollywood Hooker Wigs in mind, should she decide to go that route.

The most egregious hair don't Snarky ever committed was the home perm of D00M back in the fifth grade. First off, Asians with perms are just WRONG. Secondly, the "puffy pyramid of lopsidedness" look, when paired with her decidedly dorky fashion sense at the time made for her Most Embarassing Class Photo Ever. If she can find it, she'll post it... but she thinks she probably burned all copies.

I'm in the 'grow my hair out because I want an updo for the wedding' phase.

 

I so long to chop it off... I hate long hair.

Long hair can be fun too... but yeah, for day-to-day it's a pain in the a**.

Snarky's old favorite long hair 'do involved rolling up her still-damp hair along her hairline, clipping the rolls into place with heavy duty butterfly-style clips, and doing a somewhat elaborate curlique coily thing in the back. This made for a funky crown effect that also resulted in fairy-ish curls at the end of the day.

But short hair feels sooooo good!

Back! Back! (Snarky totally agrees... but she also likes playing with long hair. Maybe she should get a wig?)

My boy looooves my long hair. I never know what to do with it. I figure, it's going to waste on me. Might as well donate to somebody who needs it! I love growing it out and then doing a dramatic chop. I need to do that. I go through so much shampoo with it long.

 

Loving your Bjork hair!

The Chop is all kinds of theraputic and cathartic and all that good stuff. Snarky is lucky in that her hair does grow rather quickly, so she might get it long enough to appease for a bit and then SNICKETY-SNACK return of La Benatar/Bjork.

(Is Snarky the only person who wanders around saying "Bah-JORK e-jorky-jorky" a la the Swedish Chef of Muppet Show fame whenever she thinks of Bjork?)

Snarky agrees: the Benatar rocked all kinds of casbah. Unfortunately she hasn't been able to find the stylist that gave her that rockin' 'do again (instead, she got the woman who gave her Those Bangs). So... to appease The Mister she's gonna try. "Try" being the operative wrd. (She's caught herself on more than one occasion recently looking at her fluffly, droopy silhouette with dissatisfaction and dismay.. everything is so... floopy right now!)

Wow, that's some hairstory! (I had the Rogue Le Pew streak as well, btw)

The things we do for our menfolk, I tell you. I would have chopped off this landmass sitting on my head a long time ago if he wasn't so damn insistent!

 

Well, good luck with the growing, and I do have to say, in the one pic you are definitely more Bjork than Benatar. Bust out with the swan dress already!

 

Ha ha, just kidding. But seriously, that's an edgy, funky do...all of them are, and they're great

Snarky was just about to post lyrics to The Sugarcubes' "Sick for Toys" on inkdarkmoon's blog (Snarky surmises that they are both tired of their old toys, and need some new toys)... and now she's channeling Bjork? Synergy!

Truth be known, Snarky loved having long p0rno hair. It was just a bitch to maintain, and more days than not she would just slap it into an out-of-the-way twist than anything fancy.

Funny how one always wants what one cannot have. Snarky's dream hair is sort of Anne of Avonlea-esque.

[snipped other useful tips]

Finally, it sounds like your previous tomatoes had blossom end rot... sprinkle some crushed egg shells around your plants, and kind of rake them into the soil to prevent it on your current tomatoes.

Snarky loves this kind of stuff: coffee grounds mixed with water, crushed eggshells, all that stuff. It's like kitchen witchery to her. Thanks for the tips!

And if she can just find that blasted book the Master Gardener friend gave them (it's the Sunset something-or-other for their region) they'll be good as gold. It coveres a lot of information about regional plants and how to maintain them, as well as general tutorials for stuff like proper composting.

The previous homeowners were ambitious, but a bit ill-informed. The Snarks have a "compost pile" in the back corner of the lot that resembles more of a fire hazard/stick pile than anything actually useful.

Wow, lavender, tomatoes, cucumbers - sounds like you are not doing as badly as you think, Snarky! Keep up the good work

Thank you. The tricky part, of course, will be to see all these veggie bearing plants all the way through to... what's the vegetable version of fruition? Vegetation? Snarky had some "accidental" tomatoes a couple years ago that went from huge, firm, promising green to rotten black without stopping off anywhere near ripe and red in between. She's a bit phobic about the same happening to these intentional ones.

The not-too-distant future: Snarky the anti-gardener will turn into Snarky the uber-gardener. Then we will see that she'd going to be a guest on Martha Stewart's show, talking about knitting in her amazing garden, which she redesigned and rebuilt herself. It's gonna happen!!!!

"Our next guest hails from the Pacific Northwest and has authored the best selling memoir/manual 'Home-on-the-Rangelove: How I learned to stop worrying and love my black thumb'. She claims to all her fans that if she can do it, anyone can, and I think that is a good thing... "

'Maters! Our own plants are festooned with little yellow flowers, but so far there are only a couple 'mater nubbins just starting to peek out. It's all so very exciting!

Oh and I'm totally going to scour our local Tarjay for a small dragon of our own now. My dream yard art is a two foot tall concrete buddha with arms raised. A coastal kitschy yard place we visited a few weeks ago had them listed as "touchdown buddhas".

In my opinion, the secret to finding a life partner is to remember that all people have faults, and the secret is finding someone whose faults complement your own.

 

[snipped sweet description of Antimony's parents... who sound a lot like Snarky's own parents - who celebrated their 34th anniversary last month]

 

I think a lot of times, people think they've hit the jackpot when they find someone who is just like them, but I think it's harder to make that work in the long term.

Snarky has always shuddered at the thought of meeting her own male twin. It would be like crossing your own timeline - or when matter and anti-matter collide - or crossing the streams or something equally science fictiony and time continuum tearing.

Having said that, Snarky and The Mister have exactly the same Myers-Briggs profile except for the fact that she's extroverted and he's introverted. So maybe a giant black hole will still rupture the fabric of time and space just above the mesosphere yet.

I hope the snark's friends can find a way to let the relationship evolve where they can each be their own person, still be in the relationship, and parent their child under the same roof.

What Snarky failed to mention in her lengthy recounting of the DeathRockFamily is the fact that they underwent a month of hormone therapy to bring about DRB. This child was definitely wanted and is deeply loved. No matter how things turn out, Snarky has faith that DRB will always have both of her parents upon which to rely. But yes, everyone's hope is that their separate evolutions will still align enough to keep them together in the same home as well.

Was this the Church of Bamp Chicka Bamp? Because? Wha-?

The Mister is a bit of a fetishist... mostly because the traditional stiletto fits nicely in his whole "naughty office" predilection. These shoes are right up his alley. Since my drool-worthy shoe is a Dansko, we are somewhat at odds about the whole stiletto thing. Still... compromises can be made. (No, not "naughty Norweigan office", silly monkies!)

Obviously, this is a good ghost: it's looking out for your privacy!

Now if only he/she/it could help when the TP runs out...

Do you live in the Little Whorehouse on the Prairie?

It's the Best Little Whorehouse on the Prairie if it is!

I like "Jean Genie"... though it makes me think of Barbara Eden in boot-legged hip huggers as well...

Just passed the 100 point mark myself. I was thinking "Nekkid Ninja" but didn't want to spread the ninjitsu mojo too thin on the forum. Then there was "Nekkid Luncheon" but I've discovered I don't really care for Burroughs so much (though I really relate to him in a non-smack-addicted way).

I'm bound and determined to incorporate "nekkid" but the rest just falls apart.

PS "Scoreboard" had me thinking of entirely different things before I read your post, btw. I blame Dawndie and Dick Cheney and all y'all's dirty minds for setting up that mental cue.

Ok- I know Lasik is getting popular, and at one point I thought about it, but (of course you're all younger here anyway) but when you're around 40ish and you would still need reading glasses with the lasik. Even though I trust the eye doc, I would still be scared, cause he said there was a chance that Id be more sensitive to sunlight,( and I already seem pretty sensitive to glare and sunlight....so um-just take that into consideration. It turned out for me I would still need reading glasses-oh well.Nighty night all

Hm... all food for thought. Thanks for your input! Snarky plans to make a pretty extensive and honest pro/con list if/when she gets the funds and consultations together for this.

Antimony, your positive Lasik experience is giving Snarky something to chew on. Thank you! If/when she ever considers getting this done... she would definitely want to save up for the best possible surgeon/facilities/etc. No chop shops for these peepers!

I have a mental image of darkity as Ms. Magoo, talking to lampposts and hatracks Mine's pretty fuzzy for far-away things (is that nearsighted?).

 

Boss Lady got lasik a few years ago and it didn't really work out. From what it sounds, one eye is a bit better but another is the same. So she needs glasses anyway! Why bother?

 

Anyway, grilled food and sangria sound yummy. When do we eat?

Come to think of it... Snarky does get an awfully squished up face when she does try to see things sans specs. Oh dear. (<--- the closest she could find to squishy face)

Snarky has considered Lasik for a while, but is very skittish about the procedure due to results such as your Boss's. The technology just doesn't seem quite there yet.

The weather has taken a sudden sharp veer into autumnal territory, but once Summer reasserts herself, Snarky will definitely fire up the grill once again (mmmm... grilled pineapples and pizza and tuna steaks and.... ) and begin her bucket 'o 'gria.

Valentina, some of Snarky's fondest memories are tied into summer evenings and jugs of well-steeped sangria. She hopes you'll be able to find the time (and relaxation) to enjoy your creation soon (and you can raise a glass to her in spirit) (soda speak).

Sheesh! That's way too much excitement. It's been unseasonably dry over here the last several weeks, which has caused me to be a bit skittish during the pre-Fourth neighborhood fireworks displays that have been happening every night since this past weekend.

Officially (and legally) us Oregonians aren't supposed to have fireworks that get higher than six feet off the ground. But in Washington, which is a short twenty minute drive away?

Well, suffice it to say we didn't have to tune in to any televised coverage of the Biggest Fireworks Display West of the Mississippi, as we had professional level pyrotechnics happening in all the neighboring yards. Huge explosions a couple hundred feet in the air flaring up constantly for about two hours (before I lost consciousness... we might have continued to have "celebrations" past midnight, but I was just too tired).

Luckily, no teenaged arson attempts/mishaps/what-have-yous. That we know of.

I'm also glad all you got out of this was a scorched fence. I'm a little stunned that your neighbors are so redneck about their chimnea (which my brain keeps changing into "chi-chi-chi-chia!"). The Mister's grandmother likes to light her brush piles with used motor oil... but then again, she does live out in the boondocks in an actual farmhouse. (Still scares the snot out of me, though.)

Of men and waxing: before we left the ER last Wednesday, one of the nurses suggested that The Mister try to remove all of the little stickers and tabs they had placed all over his upper body in order to hook up all the monitoring equipment.

I've never seen him wimper so much in my entire life (and this includes all the myriad kitchen accidents to which he is prone). My response, naturally, was explosive laughter followed by a smug "NOW you know what it feels like. Image that along your friggin' BIKINI LINE, buster... and be thankful and grateful."

Glad you didn't go the way of "The Clackers" (imagine a stampede of stillettoed heels). We like you better the way y'are.

I was the fattest in my life on my wedding day. I look like a softly rounded Earth Mother or something. I don't really mind it looking back, but at the time I had a similar rude shock once the pictures started coming in (especially when my skinny, beautiful, so-nice-you-can't-even-hate-her-for-the-other-two-things cousin showed up with her crazy lollipop head and cute little dresses). Heck, my Maid of Honor wore a size four silver satin evening gown for the ceremony.

And I? Wore my chiffon silk muumuu looking empire waisted (still beautiful, but muumuuesque all the same) gown with flats. I was the roundest, shortest, shiniest (why did not one blot me, why?!?!) little bride ever. But I was also absolutely stupidly glowingly happy.

I hope that shows in your pictures too... because years from now? When you've changed our body and have started to get into the comfortable rhythms of being with your Mister (doesn't matter if you lived together before, marriage really does change everything) you'll look back at those horrible pictures and all you'll see is the happiness of everyone involved... especially you.

(Snarky's gonna break from her third person rule for a bit here.)

Y'all! :sniffle: I am not an emotional forum participant, probably because most of my forum time is at work and if I were to ever really or or any of that I wouldn't be practicing my office monkey ninjitsu for very much longer...

But I honestly teared up reading all of your comments here and the PMs I've received. I'm sorry I'm not responding to each and every one of you, but really... despite my mutant ability to tear up at every single LDS commercial and horribly formulaic rom-com movie I am thought of as a bit of a stoic most of the time. You all really, really touched me.

Thank you so much for your kind thoughts, advice, commiseration, and support. I will do my best to convey my personal thanks as I find the time over the next few days.

The Mister stayed out of work today. He's doing much better. I took some time off of work today and we went farmers' marketing and nursery window shopping (plants, not babies).

He's whipping up a batch of Moosewood sweet potato quesadillas and home made salsa right now... so I think he's pretty much feeling back to normal.

Tomorrow he's going to try to go to work, but his boss and his co-workers have already hinted that they will forcibly block him from entering his office if he does.

Even if he doesn't get out of that company ASAP (which I'm sort of pushing for), he's already aired the idea of talking with the co-presidents to get moved to a different department where he can learn a little more about the basics before having to jump in to project management like he did a year ago.

As unsure as our financial future is now (and really, it's not that bad... we've got a small cushion saved up for emergencies, and as much as we would hate to, my parents are always ready to help out if necessary - a luxury of which we've never indulged but it's good to know it's there) I have a crazy, hopeful faith that it will work out in the end... that by the end of this, he'll finally have found a place that feels as "home" to him professionally as our lives together feels personally. And then maybe I'll get my "click" moment too.

Thank y'all, again, for everything.