Kitrona

BPAL sent, I don't have alcohol, so BPAL will have to suffice. :/

I HATE the apologies that aren't, too. "I'm sorry you can't handle it". Wait, YOU'RE apologizing for me supposedly misinterpreting what YOU said? No, not your right. You apologize for YOU!

I am in a bitchy mood right now, but that's one of my buttons. "In other words, you're sorry that I won't cut you slack and let you be rude?"

Ahh, I can dream. (I'd never have the guts to say that IRL.)

*throws balls of paper at your head, ducks as you return them with better accuracy!*

<3 you. Can we skip to Thursday together?

Heh heh. I was going to say something very similar to what you said in a blog post a couple of days ago, but I chickened out and deleted the post.

 

(snipped for space)

 

I'm like that in real life too. I sit and wait for someone in authority to come around and tell the person to knock it off. I'm afraid that one of these days all this pent up frustration is going to overcome me and I'll just blow up.

I do the same thing, quite a lot. I've had people sneer at me when I say something because I don't have what they consider proper authority, and that just makes me see red. So because I'm just another person, you don't have to do the right thing?

Argh.

Still, at least I know I'm not the only one.

I agree with you all. Honest does not mean rude. I practically have a vow of honesty, but that doesn't mean I have to say everything that's on my mind. And even when I do, I try to be tactful. (I don't often succeed, but because of that, I tend to stay silent rather than say something that could offend.)

And Ah Xia, that's one trick I do a lot. I'll type up a post, or a reply, or something, and then reread it, and if I think it's unnecessary or too harsh, I just don't post it.

It makes me sad how many people take advantage of the anonymity provided. I'm reminded of something my dad always says: "Integrity (or character) is what you do when nobody's looking." I think "or when you're anonymous" could be added and be just as accurate.

Yay! Welcome to blog island!

Where can I sign up to be an Auntie Mame??? That sounds like it would be the most fun thing ever, and it would benefit everyone!

So, universe, have I sold you on this concept yet? Me and Goth Hobbit as Auntie Mames? Pleeeeeeeeease?

I do the same thing, not going much of anywhere and not having opportunity to meet people. I'm also like valentina in that I don't get along with my sister, so I've had to find folks online who are my family. (I like to think I've done pretty well there... I've got a "brother" and a "sister" and some "cousins".)

It's nice to know I'm not the only one who has this problem, though.

It is. Thank you. I just get in these moods where I still read everything, I just can't or don't post.

Oh, that garment sounds gorgeous, even if I can't quite picture it... just the colors sound amazing!

I feel similarly about my grandparents' old house. It had history, our family's history, even though they didn't build it or anything. I dream about it consistently, and far more often than I dream of the only other house I had close association with, the house I essentially grew up in.

When they died, the only thing I was heartbroken about was the house. They had been "gone" for a few years already, having Alzheimer's and various strokes, so there was no loss there, just a feeling of relief for them. But the house.... well, I wasn't in a place to be able to afford it, let alone move there and fix it up, so it had to be sold. And truthfully, I am glad that the folks that bought it are fixing it up. Last time I was in the area, I made my husband drive by it, just to see, and it looks wonderful with a new coat of paint and the trim all fixed up. I wanted to knock on the door and ask if I could look around, but I felt odd.

Still, there is part of me that will... oh, "mourn" sounds so silly in regards to a house, but I do mourn it, or rather, I mourn that I can no longer go there and enjoy the house. Even the hideous wall mural that my grandfather insisted on putting in the living room.

It's odd, but I just realized that I seem to connect far more strongly with places than with people. The friendships I've lost, I am sad about, but this house, that I never actually lived in, brings tears to my eyes. I wonder if that says something about me.

I agree with your last sentence completely. Even if I had gotten the house and redecorated it, it still would have stayed "the same" to me. Perhaps that's what I mourn.

All I have to say is: Oy! And that you're in a sticky spot. (As if you didn't know that.)

Hope it works out... keep us updated, please?

Late to the party, but...

 

For someone who supposedly has my facility with words, and supposedly knows the right thing to say, sometimes I just ...don't. I find myself without words, and reverting back to behavior of almost 20 years ago, when I was considered to be an honorary ghost of the coffeehouse where my friends and I hung out -- people didn't see much of me, because I was hiding behind one of three tall guys. I was the disembodied voice that came from behind one of the Dans, asking for a refill and more cream.

 

And I'm kind of in that position at the moment. I don't know what to say. But I get it, even if my tang is getting tungled on expressing it. (1/2 smile)

*nods* I just get frustrated, and if I don't express it, things go downhill really quickly. But I appreciate that you get it. It's nice to know I'm not the only one.

I think it did...

I am fairly shy too. I always read but often don't know what to say or figure it won't matter to someone if I say something because they don't "know" me. It's a problem I carry into real life too, assuming others won't care about me because they have no reason too. I find I'm often surprised when others are nice to me or notice me, because most of the time, I feel like I'm invisible. I don't really like showboating for attention, either. I'm easily embarressed. Even on the internets. Or maybe especially on the internets. But I do read and care even if I don't throw myself into the fray sometimes.

Thank you. That helps.

(Another semi-rough evening, so I'd say more but... I can't.)

As a shy silent type, I can understand your dilemma. Some people jump right in and are adored from the first; but I've been here a few months and feel like I'm shouting into the void wherever I post. When I do get a response to something, I'm shocked! Shocked, I say! And, yes, I've noticed the cliques, too. The bigger the forum gets, the more cliques there will be. That seems to be the way the world works, so I'm quite used to it by now. Some of us are outsiders no matter what we do, it seems. Welcome to the club! (semi-joking)

 

(I almost didn't post this because I figured "ah, nobody wants to hear this drivel. Besides, it's off topic and people are going to just read it and roll their eyes )

 

Ack, you jumped in while I was posting!

Yeah, shouting into the void is a very good description. Occasionally I get back echoes, but rarely. I don't know why I feel like that's something that SHOULD happen, that people should respond, other than the fact that everyone always says the forums are so supportive. Apparently they neglect to add the all important caveat, "as long as you're one of the in crowd".

Yep, outsiders no matter what is apt, too. So maybe we should create our own clique!

I do appreciate all responses... it's nice to know that even if I am shouting into the void, there are other people who hear anyway, even if I don't see them. Maybe y'all are hanging off the same cliff I am! (I have a very clear mental image here of us all hanging from climbing ropes near a huge canyon... we can hear each other, but the others can't see us until we speak up.)

Thank you, all three of you. At least I know that people read my blog... I'd given serious thought to just scrapping it all.

I probably am being too sensitive, but... well, I'm stressed. Like whoa. And while there's no fault there, it still doesn't give me the right to be snappish. Still, at least I kept it confined to here instead of saying something snarky on the board!

Darkitysnark, I get what you're saying, and you're right. Some of it is that I just record what I'm feeling, not why. And it is difficult to get myself to post long diatribes about things when I'm feeling like gum on the bottom of someone's snowboot.

inkdarkmoon, my husband said the same thing: "The squeaky wheel gets the grease." And I understand what you're saying, too, about being shy and not wanting to intrude. I am getting to like the blog area... you really get to know people better here!

kakiphony, thank you. It does help to know that people read and are rooting for me.

Ironically, I'm not only an INFP, I'm also a Two on the Enneagram test, AND a double-Leo. So I've got this HUGE need for recognition, and I don't deal with stress well. It'll probably be a relief to know that I'm looking into therapy, so hopefully things like this will occur with less frequency.

Gah, interrupted sleep is almost worse than no sleep. I feel for you. And sometimes all the tricks in the book have no effect. They say for consistent good sleep things like, exercise daily, but not within five hours of bedtime. Don't drink caffiene or it will mess with sleep patterns. Try to go to bed at the same time every night. Don't have a TV in the bedroom. Make sure you have a dark room.

 

But sometimes, even all that and a hot water bottle, and you can still wake up after an hour and not get back to sleep.

 

I'm sorry and I feel for you. Hopefully, you'll be able to work off your sleep debt soon and get a good rest.

Thanks. I figured out the problem... I wasn't eating enough. Doh.

I've been spending today mostly sleeping. And the frustrating part about yesterday was that I've been doing all the right things! No caffiene, no TV in the bedroom, the room is dark... well, I go to bed when I'm tired, but that's it. And I haven't been exercising.

But the sleep today has been DELICIOUS.

Hi!

And congratulations on the baby. I guess this means you probably won't be coming to my house in a skunk costume so we can duel any more.

What a crazy dream that was.

I can be a pregnant skunk?

Dreams are so strange sometimes, aren't they? I woke up the other day with "Magical Trevor" in my head because I dreamed about a guy named Trevor.