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Eoywin

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Blog Entries posted by Eoywin

  1. Eoywin

    My old job

    By Eoywin,

    My first job in the company I currently work in was the best job in the world. I loved it so much, but I was only temping for two ladies who were out on materinty leave.
     
    I bawled on my last day, on the way home from work, because I loved this job so much.
     
    My boss thought I was a great worker and he tried to A) keep me in his department or keep me in the company.
     
    I'm still in the company, but I don't like my current job nearly as much. Plus my boss in the old job was great, and my current boss is too busy to do much of anything besides sit in meetings.
     
    I just got a company wide email that one of the ladies who had a baby is leaving, tomorrow. Since this is the first I've heard of it, I'm guessing that they have someone else taking her place.
     
    I told my old boss that I would come back in a moment's notice, but I guess that's not going to happen.
     
    I sent him an email - to see if her position was filled. I know if I could go back there, I would have a wonderful job, with wonderful co-workers, and I'd be hired in right away.
     
    Because my mindset is of a depressed one, I feel that someone else is already working in her place, and it makes me want to cry. I can't even apply for the posting for her job, because I'm not hired in.
  2. Eoywin

    4th of July BBQ

    By Eoywin,

    Since we bought our house in February, I've been itching to have a party. Since Todd's parents are coming up for the 4th, we are hosting our first party, a 4th of July BBQ.
     
    It will be mostly Todd's familly and friends, though it does sound like a couple we are both friends with are probably going to be able to come.
     
    I'm excited, but I'm sad at the same time - going back to my very whiny comment that I wish I had more friends.
     
    I'm not really sure how to make friends anymore. I tried and organized an Asheville meet & sniff, and it was fun, but it didn't lead anywhere in the friendship department.
     
    I'm not sure where someone goes to meet people in their late twenties / early thirties who like some of the same things I do. I'd love to find another gaming group, but I'm not sure where to find those either (I have looked in every comic shop I go into to see if there is anyone looking for gamers to join a game).
     
    I'm at a loss, and I'm sad about it... mostly because the two friends I have in this town (not counting Todd) seem to be distanting themselves from me (of course, this could be my paranoia when it comes to friends).
     
    This is reason I have issues with friends - in my life I've lost (driven away?) two groups of friends.
     
    I'm shy, though less than I used to be. I was painfully shy in my childhood, and so I didn't have a real friend until I was in the 6th grade. Her name was Heather and we were 'best friends' for the middle school years. We even shared a locker throughout high school.
     
    In high school, I began to discover who I am - the weird, geeky girl I am today. And Heather was more interested in being mainstream, a follower. Plus she could only have one good friend at a time. We had a group of friends, and in my senior year of high school, I began to realize how these people were ditching me, and not really my friends.
     
    They'd talk about trips they were going on, right in front of me, but I was never invited. If I wanted to do anything with them, I'd have to be the one to ask, and plan out the details - that got old really fast. I wasn't invested that emotionally with these people, so I decided one day that I didn't need them, and I'd find good friends in college.
     
    And I did - at least I thought I did. I met Sara freshman year in German class, and we became best friends quickly. We had other friends too, and a group formed that there were about 6 or 7 of us by the time we all graduated from college.
     
    I tried really hard to keep in touch, but as time went on they were less and less interested in keeping in touch with me, to the point that I was doing all the work. Unfortunely, I was very much emotionally invested in these people. I loved them like family, and I would have done anything for any of them.
     
    Unfortunely, they all decided (on their own, or as a group - I'm not sure) they didn't want to be my friend, which ended up them all ditching me on my birthday (Birthdays are big deals for me, especially since my mom died - and they knew this).
     
    This started a very hard time for me, because I ended up getting told that I was a horrible person (via livejournal no less), and it was really hard. I knew they weren't good friends, and that I was better off with out them. But it was like losing my entire family - I really did love them.
     
    So, about 6 months after this happened, we moved to NC, and make 2 friends right away. It was nice, but I couldn't seem to make any more friends.
     
    I'm not as whiney and depressing in real life as I am on online (online = venting), so I don't know what the problem is.
     
    I began to think that whatever drove both sets of friends away must be me... but I don't know why I'm so undesirable as a friend.
     
    Anyway, I've rambled enough - if you read this, and have any ideas why I see to be an anti-friend magnet, please let me know.
  3. Eoywin

    Wedding thoughts

    By Eoywin,

    Since my own wedding is 3 months away, my thoughts are pretty much focused on the wedding, and how much crap I still have to do for it.
     
    When I couldn't get to sleep last night, I flipped on the tv, and found the show 'Bridezillas' on which I watched for about 20 minutes.
     
    One of the brides made the comment that 'the wedding is all about the bride, and the groom doesn't matter'.
     
    I'd like to say that it's the first time I've heard that idea, but it's not. I know of several people who felt that way about their own wedding.
     
    Our wedding will be focused not just on me, because honestly it's not just me getting married. It's Todd and I.
     
    Besides, he might get more attention, since he's inviting more people
     
    I did get some wedding stuff done - I got the cloaks for the bridal party ordered yesterday, and I'll get them in a couple of weeks, which is awesome.
     
    This weekend, beyond cleaning, I'm going to get my invitations weighed, so I can buy stamps, so I can start to get those finished.
  4. Eoywin

    An addition

    By Eoywin,

    I tend to go through phases where I'm highly interested in one television show, or one series of books.
     
    Currently, it's 7th Heaven.
     
    My husband had watched it much longer than me, and when we started living together, we'd watch it on and off. This winter though, I started to watch it faithfully every Monday.
     
    I found a used copy of Season 1 at a game store, and it sat on my shelf for a while. I picked it up and started watching it a couple of weeks ago.
     
    I was watching it nearly every day, and I went through Season 1 pretty quick, so I went to eBay to find a copy of Season 2.
     
    I, against my better judgement, bid on a copy, and won, and it arrived yesterday. So, there will be lots of 7th Heaven-ness at my house tonight.
     
    I don't know what I'll do after I finish Season 2 though... Season 3 isn't on DVD yet.
  5. Eoywin

    I feel bad...

    By Eoywin,

    I feel bad that:
     
    I didn't make the picture slideshow on my cousin's Myspace page, and that there are two pictures of my selfish sister on there.
     
    my husband's eBay auctions aren't going to sell.
     
    my kitty loves my husband more than me.
     
    my mom is gone, and lots of people still have theirs.
  6. Eoywin

    A little sad

    By Eoywin,

    It could be the time of year, but I've been feeling sad and unwanted the last couple of days.
     
    Sadness comes from the fact, mostly, that my dad has sold my childhood home. I'm a little sad that I haven't been there since April 2005, and I won't see it before he sells it. And of course my mom's deathday (and birthday) coming up very soon makes me sad too.
     
    The unwanted comes from wanting to go to various meet and sniffs, but not feeling like anyone really wants me to come.
     
    Of course, not getting enough sleep and having to come to work on a Saturday leads to these feelings as well.
  7. Eoywin

    Sad

    By Eoywin,

    I've been really sad this week... overwhemling so.
     
    Wedding planning is hard, especially since my mom is gone, and I don't really have any help in NC. Todd helps when he can, but it's at the stage that he isn't interested in - making favors, getting the invitations ready, and such.
     
    I was looking forward to having the couple days off over the 4th to get some of this wedding stuff done, and now I'm dreading the 4th because my in-laws are coming to visit.
     
    I'm afraid I'll be kicked out of my own bedroom (my in-laws helped us move, and took over our bedroom. The first week of our marriage we couldn't even sleep together!) - I don't sleep well to begin with, but I really don't want to have to sleep on a blow up bed, then have to go to work for 10 + hours, then have to come home to 'entertain'. The very thought makes me want to cry.
     
    I'm really sad that the SC meet and sniff isn't going to happen. I know I shouldn't have gone anyway because of the money, and because of the messy house, but I probably would have gone. I had been looking forward to it for quite a while now
     
    And again, I wish I had friends - girl friends, mostly. I don't have anyone really to blather on about wedding stuff, to come to my fittings with me, to help me with invitations, to watch girly movies, and talk about things only girls can understand.
     
    I miss having a best girl friend... and I even miss the best girl friend I had in college (though she become quite a crappy friend the last couple years of our friendship).
     
    Life is hard... and I really try to keep upbeat (I know, it's hard to tell from my posts), but with feeling sick all the time (my lovely headaches insure that I'm in pain, all day every day) and being so lonely, it's hard to keep happy.
  8. Eoywin

    My First BPAL Love

    By Eoywin,

    My very first BPAL love was Hamadryad - I sniffed an imp, and was hooked. It was the first bottle of BPAL I ever had too.
     
    Then the "Great Cleansing of 2005" aka "Mandy had to sell all of her BPAL so she could afford gas to get to work" happened, and that bottle go sold (with the rest of my collection )
     
    And of course, Hamadryad doesn't smell like my first love anymore, and I don't like the new hamadryad (it makes me sneeze )
     
    But I was just looking through the imps my switch witch sent me, and there was an imp of Hamadryad, and I opened it up.
     
    OH SWEET WOODSY GOODNESS!!!
     
    Suddenly I was propelled back in time to the fall of 2004, when I first fell in love with Bpal and Hamadryad.
     
    Now I wish I still had that bottle
  9. Eoywin

    Sadness

    By Eoywin,

    The forum is messed up for me and a handful of other people. It's a real chore to try and read anything on the forums, since I have to wade through error screens, and having the forum jump back to the main page.
     
    Because of this, I haven't been around the forums as much as I usually would be, and I'm feeling disconnected from the entire bpal fandom which makes rather sad
     
    I've been missing my mom an awful lot as of late too, which makes me feel sad as well. I think the stress of the wedding, and the fact that it is only 5 months away, is wearing on me.
  10. Eoywin

    Bridezilla

    By Eoywin,

    I think I'm becoming a Bridezilla
     
    I keep having wedding related breakdowns, and I just want it to stop!
     
    I snapped at Todd last night, and freaked out when he said that he oops'ed and didn't put a stamp on one of the response cards (I thought he had said 'some').
     
    I really stressed out... there isn't enough time to relax or veg, and since my in-laws are coming to visit over the 4th, I won't have any days off until Labor Day.
     
    I had been looking forward to the 4th, but now I'm not. Originally I had hoped to do all the invitations during the two days we have off, but now I have to be the hostess with the mostess for my in-laws.
     
    It makes me tired and crabby just thinking about it.
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