I've always felt like I wear my moon on my sleeve, so to speak.Even with a cursory training in astrology, much of this is Greek to me. I'm so glad we have jarvenpa to help us make heads or tails of this mess!This entire reading is something of a test for me. My Leo ascendant loves the attention, particularly since jarvenpa is always so very kind in her assessments. On the other hand, Leo does not like to be reminded publicly of his faults. What's more, a public reading like this plays havoc with my Scorpio-in-for-Fourth-House need for an privacy and an inner sanctum of sorts. I'll discuss more about that when it comes up in the reading.I don't like to admit that I crave attention (Leo doesn't like to be seen as needy), but if I'm to be honest with myself, then yes, of course I do. And, of course, I feel somewhat guilty about it, because I wonder if I'm really worthy of the attention I do receive. It's a constant war.It's interesting, because I've warred with this a lot. I've always attributed it to my Libran need to be fair-minded. How can I always be right? How can I be at the center of the universe when the universe is filled with so many incredible people with their own ideas and opinions. Instinctively, I trust my judgment first and foremost, but, particularly as I grow older, I find myself contended with the idea that I am not THE center of the universe, but from a certain angle, I am A center of the universe. I have to say that my childhood was never particularly serious in terms of hardship, but I was a particularly adult child. My parents pushed me hard to be the best of everything, and when I placed in the 99th percentile and won awards, it only encouraged them to push me harder. I was a very intellectual child, and by the age of seven or eight I was spending my time discussing important philosophers and winning games of chess against men who were old enough to be my grandfather. I liked hanging out with older people as much as I liked hanging out with kids my own age. They offered so much insight and wisdom. And conversely, the older I get, the more I enjoy spending time with children. As we grow older, I think many of us lose our appreciation for the beauty of the ordinary. Children have that appreciation in droves. For children, the ripple of the wind playing in the grass is magical, and so it is for me as well. I wish I could share that feeling with everyone in the world.I am the lord and master of the worst-case scenario. I'm not sure I ever felt distant to my parents, however. At a very young age, both my parents worked and I was raised by my grandmother. I suppose that could be the distance, but it feels like a stretch to me. I came from a very loving household, and while my father in particular could be overzealous about my talents and at times hypercritical of my performance, I don't know that there was real distance between us. He was a fiery Aries with two Libra children. I think our inherent Libraness drove him batty.Yes, yes, yes. There is such a profound difference between order and organization. I am not an insanely organized person (although I make valiant efforts to be, there is only so much time in the day, and one must pick and choose one's battles, and in the end, the forces of entropy are going to win anyway, and ohh.... that's a lovely rock...). But order, patterns, neatness... yes, these things are beautiful, satisfying, safe.Not that I don't appreciate a little chaos, but I don't want to live in it. And in the moonlight... and on a moonless night under the stars... and in the rain... and when it's snowing like the onset of Fimbulwinter....Singing is so much better than stuff. There is a party in my third house, and everyone is invited. I love big eyed kittens. I draw the line at babies dressed as bumblebees.I find this interesting, because right now, the relationship between my brother and I is very strained, and in part it's because I can't get away from him. I don't have a quiet place to retreat. I love my brother dearly, and ever since we were children I have always been his translator. But I would never call our relationship graceful. I can say we've ever been good siblings to one another, although I think by turns, one of the other of us has tried.I'm not going to comment too much on the arts/literature/poetry parts of this reading. They seem to be fairly all pervasive, and everyone knows I'm a creative person anyway. This is one of the things that really struck my best friend when I showed her the reading. She was quick to stress that my words often carry more weight (for good or ill) than I intend. This is something that I've grown more conscious of as I've grown older, and particularly with mercury in Scorpio, I have to be extra careful to rein in my sharp comments.*sigh* As I mentioned before, my parents put a lot of emphasis on my "brilliance," and so it was natural that I did as well. I don't think it's as true anymore, but for a long time I really did feel that my self-worth was measured in IQ points.And any time I'm trying to come to terms with something difficult or profound in my life, I write something.This is, by far, the best description of what being a Libra is like, ever. so true... so true...My brother has mercury in Scorpio also. When we squabble, one can hear the rapiers ringing. So very true. Twice in the past year I've had good friends from online come to visit me. The first time, one of these friends brought her boyfriend with only the shortest possible notice. That was worthy of a panic attack, but ultimately, I came to accept that he was coming, and everything went well. In the spring, this happened again (almost) when another one of my friends was planning a visit and casually mentioned that she'd invited two of her other friends to come hang out with us. That time, it was just too much for me, and I politely but firmly told her I wasn't comfortable with that.Like jarvenpa, I have a very permeable outer life, but I have to have my sanctuary, and no one enters my sanctuary without my permission.I grew up surrounded by computers, which is not a strange thing anymore, but it was pretty new and different when I was born in the late 70s. My father was quite bright and he did a lot of programming and made a lot of special modifications to his hardware. He would receive letters from people from all over the world asking him computer questions. He was a brilliant problem solver, and he really liked nothing better than finding a solution to a seemingly insurmountable task. I did almost die as a baby, and the doctors didn't believe that I'd live past two years of age.I can't say much about this in my life currently, but it's definitely interesting.Hard on my heart indeed....I've been told repeatedly that much of my success would come later in life. I think you're echoing that here.Me? Fall in love with my friends? Never!(.... you aren't buying it, are you?)I suppose it's happened once or twice. This could, in part, explain why I enjoy physical labor so much. Whether it's gardening, or molding things with my hands, or just physical exertion of any kind.I don't think I've ever been terribly attracted to earth signs. At least, not sun signs. It's true, I dated a Virgo for quite some time, but her perfectionism tended to be a source of stress for me. She was a wonderful lady and a gifted artist, but rather than being a grounding force in my life, I think she tended to be a barrier instead. (Perhaps I'm reaching with the metaphors here).I tend to be attracted to Geminis and Leos, sometimes Pisces or Cancer. Food for thought.Strangers do indeed seemingly seek me out and unload their problems on me. It's gotten the point where I often just put the offer on the board because invariably there comes that awkward moment of, "I can't believe I'm telling you all this," and sometimes it's easier for them if they've already been invited inside (more sanctuary metaphors).In retrospect, I think it must be this tendency in conjunction with fourth house Scorpio that makes me crave privacy so adamantly. I'm more than willing to be friend, confidant, therapist...etc, but I have to have the ability to say, "okay, you are a lovely person, but we'll have to make an appointment for tomorrow, because the doctor is out." That really sounds lovely. I have dreams like that. Of course, I also have dreams of being an intergalactic rockstar, so make of that what you will.Joint ventures.... that's a little troubling....What's interesting here is I've been feeling this a lot lately. There are many pursuits that I enjoy, but I'm feeling unsatisfied in all of them. I have this sense that I should or must be a writer, but at the end of the day, I don't feel particularly fulfilled by what I'm writing. The same can be said of graphic design, web design, even music in a way, although I must say I've felt more drawn to music of late than to any of my other creative passions.Lately, I feel drained by everything. I have no idea what my true calling is, or whether I even have one.I'm not sure if misgivings is accurate here. I don't think I've ever really felt that way. However, my physical disability is definitely a limiting factor, on multiple levels.Allow me to recoil in horror at the thought of being perceived as "slow." I can't really say much about this, but now I wonder if it's true.Forever young and forever in movement and delight. I definitely appreciate those qualities.This part may take some time to fathom.This is one of those incisive bits of this chart that really leave me feeling flayed open. I really can't say much more without crossing my own boundary lines.No pressure now.You have such amazing perception. When you say something like that, I suddenly wonder if you've been watching me all this time.In a good way, I hope.Yes, yes, yes.Resolution? Really? That sounds so wonderful. This has really summed up most of what I've been facing lately. The feeling of totally being out of control, the need on the fundamental level to know who I am and what I should be doing with my life. Particularly since the beginning of this year, self-image issues that I thought I had long since overcome have resurfaced with a vengeance. Feelings of unworthiness, or of being worthy yet receiving no recognition. It's a mess, really. Thank you, so much. Yes, you've hit the nail on the head. I don't really feel comfortable sharing how closely you hit the mark, but you most certainly did.Thank you for so many wonderful insights. You are truly a kind and generous person.
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