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The earnestness of being important

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Bard

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How can I be lost?

North, South, East, or West, I am

Where I need to be.

 

I'm feeling a bit better than I was two days ago. That isn't really saying a whole lot, as two days ago was a pretty low point for me. Still, it is something.

 

I have always felt that I am meant to do something truly important. And ironically, I've never had a clear idea of what that something is. Writing, music, art, these are all pastimes that I have enjoyed, but all of them, at one time or another have been stripped of their joy by obligation: this internal struggle to find what I am meant to be doing.

 

It's time to set aside this notion of doing something important. It strangles everything I love. Instead, it's time to go back to doing things I love simply because I love them.

 

And as for importance, if the universe needs me, I'm sure it will let me know.

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I don’t have a lot of experience to rely on in order to say this, but I have found that worrying about my purpose to be of little use, as it has always kept me from doing what I’m "meant" to do. I keep telling myself: “it’s not good enough, I can do better, I’m not a real artist/actress/writer”, and that often keeps me from actually being better and doing good enough.

 

In my opinion, purpose —just like perfection and many other things I won’t start talking about—is nothing but a human concept we complicate our lives with. There’s nothing you should be doing, there’s nothing you’re meant to be doing, there’s only what you are doing; and everything you do, whether you appreciate it or not yourself, has some kind of resonance in the world.

 

No matter what I think about what I create, I know that everything I have done has been important somehow. Even the silly high school plays I have acted in have touched at least someone: I remember meeting the person my character was based on after a play, and seeing how touched that person was, I knew then that what I had just created had changed someone forever; everything that person would do from now on would be affected in an infinitesimal way by me.

 

I feel like I am nothing but a messenger. Everything I have created, whether it be writings, paintings or plays, is not only my creation, is the result of everyone and everything that has crossed my path, good or bad, everything that has touched me. There’s certainly a piece of you in everything I have created since I met you—although I don’t really know you, the result of your presence in my life has affected me. The world is different just by your being there, and if you don’t know if you’re creating what you “should” be creating, know that you are already doing something important.

You are already doing what the universe needs you to do just by being you.

 

I don’t know if this helps, but it’s a start, I hope. :hug:

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