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myoubi

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Blog Entries posted by myoubi

  2. myoubi

    Monies

    By myoubi,

    decants of the Ladies and a half of 13 (shipped to Canada) -- $10.55
    decant of Fee -- $22
    shipping for H&EE -- $11.45
    ___
    $44.00
     
    And I have $97 --> $52 remaining for the rest of the month. To be used to buy rave tickets only!
  3. myoubi
    **inhales wrists deeply** aaaaaah.
     
    My gorgeous bottle is now about 10 months old. It smells duh-vine. I cannot wait until it is 3 years old... daaamn.
     
    I'm done now
     
    ---
     
    My perennial worry that my collection is too large has reached its zenith, I think. After the July moon, which is going to be preceded by big purchases for me -- the July Moon, the Cancer astrological blend, Blue Moon (two bottles), Brisingamen, and Tarot: The Hermit -- I'm going to start seriously culling, and swapping for the things I want. The rares I want to collect right nwo are:
     
    Ingenue
    Unseelie
    Storyville
     
    and that's about it. Almost anything for those three, but once I'm satisfied that I have enough of those, collecting is going to take a back seat.
     
     
    Here lies another possible-keepsies list:
    La Fee Verte
    Havisham
    Snake Oil
    Shub
    Snow Bunny
    Ingenue (duh)
    Dark Delicacies
    MB: Closet
    Hope
    Snow Angel
    Bruja
    Vieux Carre
    June Gloom (if I can collect enough... if not, she gets jettisoned)
    Unseelie (duh)
    Storyville (if I can collect enough)
  4. myoubi

    Another (bad) dream...

    By myoubi,

    although this one was more strange than bad.
     
    This one was a bit hard to wake up from. I thought it was real for at least ten seconds after awakening, which is unlike me. I was me, and I still had a single mother -- but she wasn't like my mother at all. She was more like Isaac Meister's mother if Isaac's Mom was kind of vampy. My mother was five-foot-nine-and-a-half, had gorgeous feathery long brown hair, wore lipstick every day, always looked put-together, and hit on my boyfriend. SHe still had the same control issues though. In my dream, I was still dating Amy, and she still lived in MIchigan; but I was kind of seeing this fellow Dave (who doesn't seem to have a real-life analogue) who liked me but was also obviously attracted to my mother, who encouraged his attentions. I was worried that Dave was going to get the wrong idea, that he'd think we could date and have a relationship and all those things when according to Amy-rules, all I'm allowed to do is kiss him when she's not in the province (groping or clothing-removal counting as cheating -- these are the actual rules, by the way. so far I haven't exercised the privilege). In my dream, Dave and I had dinner plans for tonight, but because of Amy-stuff I was thinking about cancelling so Dave didn't get the wrong idea... and I coudl tell that my Mother was thinking of replacing me at hte dinner table...
     
    it was /very/ strange. :/
  5. myoubi

    Okay, that was weird.

    By myoubi,

    I had a very strange reaction to something. Whether it was the fact that the stupid pharmacy gave me generic medication even when I wasn't prescribed generics (for those of us who are hypersensitive, yes, it doesmatter!) or something strange that my brain has been sitting on for a while -- yesterday I was terrified. Just generally. Terrified of getting raped walking from the cab to the side door in the dark, terrified that someone would break into the house while I was there all alone, and (curse my active imagination) terrified of SOMETHING being in the dark waiting to get me. I am not a superstitious person, but my imagination managed to conjure up more ghouls lurking in corners or squatting under my bed or peering beneath my door that when I woke up at 4AM and had to pee, I couldn't get back to sleep.
     
    It's hilarious now, but then, it was just -- scarily unlike me. Especially because the rational part of my brain was in overdrive the whole time telling stupid-me to stop being so ridiculous.
     
    Thank God for my kitty. she slept beside me all night -- n ot just on my bed, but pressed up against my leg, a warm comforting presence. after forty minutes of the-house-is-scarily-silent mute unreasonable terror, I finally got back to sleep.
     
    I woke up twice last night. I remember dreaming but don't remember what I dreamed.
  6. myoubi
    I have a bottle containing about an imp of Pink Moon 05, and it doesn't get pulled out that often, largely because I don't /have/ a lot. But today I decided it was a Pink Moon day, and since Pink Moon 2007 is stuck in my mailbox in Boston, this was it. ((inhales wrist)) mm! I'm so glad I have this space to just ramble on about how much I love the scent of things, because honestly, Pink Moon 05 is beautiful -- a sweet, light, springy floral with a delicately candyish tone that just makes me smile. Nessa might like this one.
     
    If I can find another 5mL of Pink Moon 05, I'll make up an imp of it for Nessa, along with an imp of my aged Snake Oil () and something else from my collection that she might like. Mayhap I'll send her some Shub, although I think that's more of a me scent than anything. Yaay enabling!
     
     
    I am eating physalis and enjoying them immensely. The tiny tangy orange fruit taste weird, almost tomatoey except I detest tomatoes, and on occasion I quite like them. It's like eating a concentrated summer day, complete with everything I love and everything I dislike.
  7. myoubi
    Entries: 33
    Reads: 282
     

     
     
    those can't /all/ be me and h_f. I guess it never seriously occurred to me that anyone would ever flip through this.
     
    ah well. I'll continue as I used to, treating it as a dumping-pit for my vapidity.
  8. myoubi

    $$$

    By myoubi,

    Cash: $15 Cdn
    CIBC Debit: $25-35 Cdn (?)
     
    Citizens' Debit: $90 USD
    PayPal: $47.75 USD
     
    OWING
    -$40.75 USD -- Ebay seller
    -$10.55 USD -- decants
    -$22 USD -- Fee
    -$17 USD -- Hunter Moon etc.
    =Citizens' Debit: ~$50
     
    -$40 Cdn -- April rave tickets (Daniel)
    CIBC Debit: $0-$10
     
    I can do this. Not easily, but I can do this
     
    ____
    MAY
    Citizens' Debit: $50 USD
     
    CIBC Debit: $80 Cdn
     
    Rave Tickets
    -$5 Cdn -- Cheap and Fun
    -$20 Cdn -- We're Old Skool
    -$20 (?) Cdn -- Funky Fresh
    -$20 (?) Cdn -- The Massacre
    =CIBC Debit: $15 Cdn
     

     
    ...and I'll still need to sell off some stuff in time for June/July :S
  9. myoubi
    I watched Death and Rebirth and The End of Evangelion today, because apparently I like pain. I keep coming back to Eva at different points in my life, watching it again and hoping to find some kind of answer -- because of how it resonates with me, and always has. I haven't found the answer yet. Or maybe it's there but too uncomfortable for me to think about. Either way, it's an exercise in frustration -- both because the series resonates so closely even now, and because it doesn't pretend to solve its characters' problems, and by extension my own.
     
    Whether or not it's because I saw the series years ago and it made such an impact that the ideas were buried in my brain, many of the things Shinji thought and said are things that I did as well. Do, sometimes. Sometimes I think that giving up individuality isn't too high a price to pay for an end of loneliness and fear. Sometimes I just want it all to stop -- the constant insecurity and needing. There is no way out of that.
     
     
    You can think yourself out of anything, if you try hard enough. The reason that despite some experimentation with drugs I seem incapable of getting high, is because I think myself down from it -- even though I've felt the physical effects of every drug I've tried, I've never experienced the concurrent effects on the mind, and people around me notice no change in my attitude or behaviour (except for wobbly walking). This is something that distresses me, because I could seriously use some chemically-enforced release, but also that I'm perversely proud of: see my iron self-control, look what I can do! My iron self-control has gotten me through a lot. It is also part of the reason that I am unhappy. I'm a creature of extremes: to find some resolution I'll need to either disregard that control entirely, or embrace it completely. The latter option, as isolating as it is, looks so tempting. Because I /know/ how to do that. I don't know how to be normal or let go.
     
    These aren't new thoughts -- they're realisations i've come to before. That makes me wary of them, because it's like a groove I have worn in my brain, but it also makes them easier to believe. To sink into I-don't-know-how-so-I'll-give-up is to really take myself one step further towards turning into Shinji.
  10. myoubi
    today RO and Hymn to Pan did zilch. Oh well, that's life, you win some you lose some, etc. It just means I'll start decanting from my bottles when I see ISO's for these guys.
     
    I've swapped or sold most of the rare stuff I was wanting to cull from my collection. I feel better now that I have less stuff I don't use, but it's weird having the feeling of /not/ being able to swap for virtually anything I want anymore. I amassed a collection of rares and semi-rares such that when I wanted stuff stood a fairly good chance of finding someone to swap with; now I don't have that, and even though I'm happy to get stuff out of my way, it's a bit odd.
     
    My bottle collection is also too big, but every time I try to cull it further I just can't choose. I love the scents I have so much and there aren't any that I want to get rid of; and I have a lot of new ones coming to me, as well -- 29 new scents, that I've never even sniffed before. I'm optimistic about at least half of them, but my tried-to-kept ratio tells me that I probably won't even consider keeping more than four or five. The rest will get swapped or sold.
     
    I love BPAL fandom, it's so much fun -- and it's a product so worthy of notice as well, which makes me very happy -- but my initial wallet-busting enthusiasm has waned to the more sedate desire of wanting to have merely what I will use and love. I really like the idea of a signature scent, but unfortunately my changeable personality won't permit any such thing -- the closest I have is La Fee Verte, which I actually don't use that often in an effort to never run out. As I've written many times before, I want bottles of Brisingamen, Boomslang, Blue Moon and Tarot: The Hermit -- and then I think I'll make an effort to cut back my collection even further.
     
    --
     
    phooey... I have to go to bed early tonight (as in before 3, like last night/this morning) to be up and presentable for lunch with Richard at Lakes tomorrow. Not that I'm doing much at the moment any way... I'm indulging in the McDonald's French Fries of literature at the moment [Laurell K. Hamilton's Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter novels -- so bad, and yet so greasily delicious]. I have started rereading Pamela, oh God, and I want to get through the two collections of essays on British colonialism in the 18th and 19th century (respectively). I also want to start losing weight again, since I'm currently dissatisfied with the state of my figure, and I could definately stand to do some sit-ups -- my dancer abs have all but dissolved since I stopped Ballroom.
     
    Still thinking about my SG application. While it would be awesome to do some sets, I'm not sure I'm quite the sort of girl they're looking for. Perhaps because I'm shy, somewhat retiring, not given to excess or presenting myself in a manner that causes people to make assumptions about me -- I just happen to be a budding nudist who's vain enough and mischievious enough to want to get her picture taken naked. I think, given a couple of shots of tequila to blank out my worry function, doing a set would be a lot of fun, and it'd put me in the same (broad, broad, broad) ballpark as some ladies I admire (and think are ridiculously attractive and I'd do them in a second). But the fact is that I still have self-confidence issues, lingering but inconsistent body-image issues, and a somewhat raised-eyebrow approach to my unfortunately high sex drive. We'll think on this.
  11. myoubi

    I love my boots

    By myoubi,

    I am meeting Care for dinner today and I'm excited because I'm getting dressed up. On with my pink foofy dress which makes me look like I am five! On with my gorgeous six-inch-high PVC platform boots! And the best part is, my entire outfit cost me less than $40. Which is pretty awesome considering the boots alone are $85 regular price.
     
    it is almost 2 in the afternoon and I am listening to "Ashes to Ashes" (David Bowie) and contemplating whether or not glitter eyeshadow would be too much, or so much too much it's just right. And I smell like Monster Bait: Closet. I am a happy kitty.
     
     
    ---
    I am also trying out a combination of Road Opener and Hymn to Pan -- Road Opener on my palms, with a very small 'opening ritual' and a plea to bring new opportunities and clear my path, and Hymn to Pan on the back of the neck. Hymn to Pan doesn't get pulled out often -- the first time I wore this particular combination, it was /very/ effective, although the last two times I wore it it has been pale... and usually I use Hymn to Pan more for its element of 'rock star debauch' than specifically its sporadic fits of creativity and inspiration. I've never had much luck getting inspired, but I have had fun connecting to the part of me that I'm often too shy and self-conscious to allow out. Pan being as unpredictable as He is, however, I never quite know what I'm in for.
     
    It'll be interesting either way!
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