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Antaria

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Blog Entries posted by Antaria

  1. Antaria

    Dreamy mood

    By Antaria,

    Today I'm in a really dreamy mood.
     
    It's really nice.
     
    I enjoyed the strange bird-voices I heard this morning, I was thinking about the "Phantom of the Opera" musical. We saw it approx. a year ago and it was so wonderful. Well, after I was there I had a strange problem coming back into real life again. It took me weeks.
     
    I think I will watch the Phantom movie when I go home. And enjoy my chocolate yogurt. I bought it yesterday. I don't even like it very much - well I like parts of it. There a tree: One tiny sort of skin on the top of it which is great. Then comes the yogurt itself. Not so interesting. And at the bottom there is 1mm of a kind of cocoa something. Well, I eat the yogurt because of 1mm skin + 1mm cocoa. Great. But I'm really looking forward to it.
     
    Somehow I don't take this day very seriously. And I like it.
     
    For Olli it will be serious - he has to make a call to make an appointment for a job interview. He's so excited. I really hope he gets the job even if it would mean that he has to drive even more than now. But his current job is just too boring for him + his (female) boss is a pain in the ... but I don't dare to hope. I'm always afraid to hope anything ...
     
    The last 2 weeks have not been so good for me and I was so happy about my BPALs - even in the worst mood and in pain I started to smile while sniffing my wrists. Now I want a smile from Olli - because he can quit his current job and somehow I hope that he tells why he is quitting - because the pain in the ...
  2. Antaria

    Snake Oil

    By Antaria,

    Okay, a new category!
     
    Today I tried Snake Oil again. I got it in February, I think and I applied it once. Conclusion: Boring. A not so perfect Van Van. I decided to let it age because a lot of you say that it's great aged. New Conclusion: Not as great as Blood Amber, but nice. Quite and not too striking, but nice. A bit like candy ... sweet but not too sweet. I think I will buy a big bottle of it someday. Will have to buy a bit BPAL anyway ... I think twice a year I am allowed to do so. Perhaps I wait for the Jule-scents ...
  3. Antaria
    I feel so confused right now ... don't know what I want and what would be best for me. I can simply hope that God will guide me and that the way he chosed is the "best" (meaning please easy and comfortable) one. I myself don't want to make this choice - even if I don't know all the facts. Doesn't make it easier.
     
    And I hope so much that my BPAL order arrives today. Could need a cheerup ... CnS was on the second of march ... could work ...
  5. Antaria
    On Sunday I we have been to a new chineses restaurant and Ollis parents, his grandma and the boy from his sister have been there, too. It was really nice but ... something was diefferent. Apart from his mom telling me 300 times that it was so nice that we came too and that she did not expected us to come she told the boy several times to behave.
     
    Sometimes she even said stuff that I would never have told him (like not going to often to the buffet table to get some food) and some things I would have said too (like trying to sit at the table and not to run trough the restaurant or to scream).
     
    I really had the feeling "What is going on? Is she doing it for me? Or what?
     
    After the restaurant we went for a walk and after that we made a quick visit at Ollis parents house. And what was on the floor for the boy and his toy cars?? Yes! A carpet! So what happened to the "don't be concerned about your wooden floor, if children play it is okay if it suffers some damage?"
     
    Could it be that they thought about what I told them and came to the conclusion that a carpet is a good place to play on?
  6. Antaria

    Between

    By Antaria,

    Well, I am somewhere between great and really bad. Why?
    Okay, lets start with bad (so that the good stuff is the stuff that I keep in mind in the end):
    - my imac at work crashed
    - I had to send it away so that they look up whats wrong with it and it will take approx. 3 weeks till I have it back - or was it till they know what is going on?
    - I have to work with a mini mac which is sooooo lame, 512MB RAM
    - it has only 10.3 installed (so I can't connect my ipod nano to it)
    - I have to do a lot today and I only want to sleep
    - I want to go home
    - all my data are gone because I was not able to make any backup-DVDs because of a DVD-problem
    - my BPAL-list is gone, too
    - my BPAL-order is not at home yet
    - my ipod case is not there yet
    - I am hungry
     
    Lets start with some of the nice things:
    - I love gym
    - my mom and Olli are telling me that I look already better, healthier, not that white any more
    - we bought an ipod - and I love it
    - I copied some Yö CDs on it and realized how much I love them
    - I ordered the newest Yö-CD and I hope it arrives this week
    - the sun is shining
    - we had a wonderful weekend
    - this weekend is the game trade show and I am allowed to spend quite some money (oh, but I forgot, the newest version of my wishlist was on my imac, too)
    - I think about buying a Yö-T-Shirt
    - I will get some French Fries today
     
    Okay, I guess that's it. It's really an up and down.
  7. Antaria

    Gym - we did it!

    By Antaria,

    So, we did it. We went there, we made a contract for 2 years and we had our first training. And I loved it!
     
    For the first time in quite a long time I felt healthy and great and I was in a wonderful mood - well, I am still
     
    It was great, I would like to go right there again. NOW!
     
    Well, but now I am stitting in our living room - alone - Olli went to meet with a friend to fly their model planes, I'm not really happy with being alone, but it's not that bad.
     
    I just watched the last 2 episodes of Friends - I'm addicted to them and now I'm again trough all the seasons. Since we don't receive any TV-channels we often watch DVDs - will have to search for something to watch again to relax after work and so on. Or I simply start over again. Hmmmm. Will have to think about that.
  8. Antaria

    Gym - or not?

    By Antaria,

    We are thinking about a membership in a gym. It is really cheap, the place looks good and so on - but we have to sign in for a 2 year memberchip. For 19,95€ each. Inclusive isotonic drinks and all kind of classes.
     
    And since we moved together, we haven't done any sports. I stopped horse riding when we started to date, stopped my normal dancing but went on with ballet. Now I'm doing nothing and I obviously gain weight + I don't feel good anymore. So - I need to do something. But gym? Haven't been there! Don't know if I like it. But it would be good for me ... and we still can't decide ...
  9. Antaria

    just a moment

    By Antaria,

    In this moment I'm so overwhelmed with my feelings. I'm at work but - as always - listening to music. Instead of listening to the web-radio I listen to a CD I found in my drawer ... Yö - "rakkaus on lumivalkoinen" and I'm so homesick. The music (especially the voice of Olli Lindhom) reminds me of something. Of course of Finland. But there is something else and I can's figure out what it is. It is bitter sweet. It makes me want to weep without feeling bad - just ... is it melancholy? I don't know. It's just a beautiful moment and my heart is full of feelings, pictures and memories of my family there in the land of 1000 lakes and the wish to be there too.
  10. Antaria

    Not my day

    By Antaria,

    Today really doesn't seem to be my day ...
     
    It started with my alarm-clock. I did not hear it because I had an earplug in my ear because my loved one was snoring again. I woke up 11 minutes too late. The radio on the alarm-clock is pretty loud, but not loud enough to wake up my partner.
     
    While eating my toast I realized that tomorrow is my grandpas birthday. Of course I forgot to send a card - so I tinkered one (good that I have all the stuff for it at home). But the card will be late - my grandpa lives in another country - as almost all my realtives.
     
    At work I realized that I have brought new cheese and chocolate - but the bread is still at home.
     
    Then I wanted to get something to drink - went to the fridge and how nice! All iced. Thanks ...
     
    Well on the other hand: It can only get better ... I hope!
  11. Antaria

    Want to be a princess?

    By Antaria,

    Yesterday I wanted to check my mails at gmx (if somebody knows gmx) and there was a newsflash about Kate Middleton, the girlfriend of prince William.
     
    The picture of her was ... well ... terrible. But of course I was curious ...
     
    First glance made me think "No, not a nice person!"
     
    So I asked google and found other pictures of her an the following article:
     
    I was reading it and well ... after a while I realized: Okay, she is pretty - the sort of pretty you can find in every town - but pretty! And on these photos she seems likable.
     
    And then I got it: I'm simply jealous of her! It is that easy. Not that I would like her husband in law or the prospect of been followed by paparazzi everywhere I go, but all the other stuff. How much money she can spend on whatever ... I have to count every cent I'm spending right now! It was sort of luxury that I bought myself a new book!
     
    I almost never go to a hairdresser and manicure is something I don't even know. Besides: Color on my nails won't last it when I'm cooking, washing, cleaning etc. It is something special for me to buy any new piece of cloth ... yes, I am jealous.
     
    She'll have a though life ... being in the interesst of an hole nation - and even more than that (I mean, I'm already interested, right? And I'm not British), being followed by paparazzi, always have to follow certain rules and to look pretty (guess she is not allowed to have such an inflammation as I have - and if she does, she should not be seen by anyone). But on the other hand she will never have to think "Can I really buy myself a new bra? Do I have the money?". One of my dreams is to go to New York once. I am obsessed with this city, specially with the chrysler building, I guess she can simply say "William, lets go there, please!" Okay, then there is the difference: I can go everywhere and no one will recognize me, I can walk through the streets, taking insanly many pictures and enjoy being there while she will have to masquerade herself and be followed by bodyguards. Hm, not what I want.
     
    So the conclusion: Somehow I'm still the little girl that watched the Diana and Charles Movie a hundered times (I'd like to watch it again ... it was all positive and nice, even if we know now that that was not all true) and dreamt to be a princess herself. To wear beautiful clothes and to have enough money to buy all BPALs I want to (and a new bra ) To have a life that seems to be magical ... becoming a princess.
     
    The prince would have to be my own sweetheart ... I'd never want to lose him. And I want to keep my family. And his one, too.
     
    But yes: I want to read more about them ... want to share the dream of being a normal girl and becoming a princess.
  12. Antaria

    Ugly - the 2nd

    By Antaria,

    Thank you carwoman and filigree_shadow!
     
    I have already seen 2 dermatologists - the first gave me cortisone creme and told me to wait about 3 weeks. After 1 week I switched to another creme (but also with cortisone) and it seemed to become better. On Christmas it got worst again an I decided to see another dermatologist after New Year.
     
    I was there last week and he almost screemed "no, no cortisone!". From his point of view it is an sebaceous gland (is that right? I looked it up in an dictionary) inflammation. Worst you can do is apply cortisone - it will grew from that - yes, I realized that! So now I have an antibiotic creme with almost no fat in it. After 2 days of appling it, it got raspberry-red again and so I called him and asked if that was normal. Unfortunatly it is.
     
    But today its smaller again ... still red but with some normal areas in between ...
     
    You should have seen my boss yesterday ... he behaves really humiliating! Watches it all the time while he is talking to me - again with those repelled looks - he really turns always so that he can see it better while he is trying not to come too close - perhaps he thinks it is contaminous (it isn't!).
  13. Antaria

    Piggies

    By Antaria,

    My 4 guinea pigs make me happy every day. I stand up in the morning, go into the bathroom and after that in their room - before I even open the door they are already calling out for me - or better: For food.
     
    When I open the door they start to sit up and beg - against the cage-fence (I'll be so happy when we finish our biiiiig guinea cage with glass), pushing each other away, squeaking so loud that I wonder how my partner can sleep. Even our smallest, now 7 1/2 weeks old, starts to do it and shows her sweet little belly. I call it "The Belly-Parade"
     
    Then I take the bag with the hay and this sound makes them go crazy. They start dashing through the cage, sometimes clashing to each other, bouncing like silly (in German it's called poppcorning) and squeaking even louder. It is so wonderful to watch. And when it start to trickle the hay down on them they jump more and more ... you really could think they don't get any hay for years - in fact they get it 3 times a day, sometimes more often when they eat it fast.
     
    In the end there is a big mountain of hay in the cage and - it's moving! Because Maus - the little one - crawl ito the hay and starts going here and there while eating it ... after 5 minutes there is no mountain left, it's all bulldozed down by the 4 pigs.
     
     
    I always loved my pets but I never thought that guinea pigs would be that great
  14. Antaria

    Stuck

    By Antaria,

    Well ... somehow I'm stuck.
     
    I had my job interview and it was bad - so I assumed the "Sorry, you don't get the job" letter to arrive within 3 days. I did not. Now is has been 7 working days since the interviews stopped and still nothing.
     
    It kills my motivation. If I knew that I won't get the job, I'd try to please my boss here to make sure I get a new contract. If I knew that I leave soon, I'd try to finish as much tasks as possible, because otherwise I think I'd have to come after my regular working time to help them out.
     
    But since it could be that I get the other job (WHY am I still thinking that this is a possibility??) I just hang around, pretend to be working, waiting for my boss to come and to show him "here, that's what I've accomplished so far" - he will think that I did well - I told him before how long it would take to do what he asked for (and it is true, it takes a lot of time ... well but not THAT much).
     
    It is silly - both cases would imply that I should work harder ... so I just could start with that. But NO. I don't.
     
    So, there is no forwards and no backwards right now ... I just stand here, jump back and forth to some favorite sites in the net and I wait.
     
    Hope the letter comes soon. Or that I decide to call them.
  15. Antaria
    Okay, I am angry now ... the managed to restore a part of my page! With SCC-file (edit: ooooops! CSS, of course!) and all! But they wrote that they are working for a new page that will appear in the end of September. Anyway ... I hope they don't use my css! I know that I won't be able to tell them that they are not allowed to do so, but I'd like to!
     
    Anyway, they could have make an own design for this temporal page! And if it was only white, so what?? But to use my design without asking me is not okay - at least I think so!
     
    They are *put in some terrible words in here*!
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