Kittyflop

Thanks for the support minilux! I have trouble finding the grey area between 'not giving something a fair shake' and 'trying to force it'. I want to be curious and not dismiss something out of hand, but it's hard. But I also believe that forcing myself to participate in something that doesn't feel right, not only makes me feel silly (and guarantees that I'll fail), but disrespects the tradition that I'm attempting. I feel awkward going through the motions, just as I would feel disrespectful participating in a church service that I didn't subscribe to. It's a chicken 'n egg thing - do I participate because it feels right, or do I gain that comfort level through participation?

I feel the same way actually. I tried the whole wiccan thing for a while, but realized I just felt stupid. Same goes for a whole of other things. I want to believe, because part of really wants these things to be real. But I know they aren't, and right when I think I've come to terms with it, I realize I still feel somewhat empty.

And thanks for your input too Lucretia. I think that's it - I want to believe but can't. And I really don't know why I want to so badly, other than a general feeling of 'something's missing' or 'ain't there more to life' or what have you. I think there are constant reminders that skeptics = cynics, or that because I can't believe in (god/magic/alien worship/fill in the blank) it's because I'm deficient in something, something spiritual or personal - in other words, I'm an automaton. Walking computer.

I think it's interesting that you've found a resonance with tarot. That's one area that I have no familiarity with yet. Perhaps I'll add that to the list of explorations

ps - I realize these rambling were mostly focussed on the wiccan/natural faiths, but recent discussions in the religion thread have reminded me that I have the same dichotomy with traditional religions too, and everything in between. (I wrote that whole thing about a week ago, it's taken me a while to post it, and I've been reading avidly in the duration).

Shollin, I find this all very interesting. Several years ago my girlfriends mother died. I was there with her during the last few days (while she was in a coma) and then back again for the funeral. Her mother was a Unitarian (not sure if it was that or UU, or what the difference is)

I recall being very impressed and surprised by the congregation. Everything from the members who visited the hospital at length, to having an art gallery in the church, to the 'greeter' who happened to be a transvestite, to the startling lack of the word God during the service. I was pretty confused as to what exactly made this a church, but given the stress of the situation, didn't give it too much more thought.

I had pretty much forgotten about them until now. (FWIW, my background is irish catholic upbringing until about 5th grade, when my family moved to the west coast, away from the grandparents, and all church-going abruptly ceased. Very secular family from there on out, and the only times I've been in a religious building of any kind since was for weddings and funerals, most of which left me feeling very excluded and reaffirmed my desire not to have anything whatsoever to do with religion.

However, at almost-but-not-quite 40 years of age, I have been noticing the gnawing of a slight spiritual crisis around my edges. I wonder if the UU'ers might be something to investigate.

There's much more to the story, probably, but this probably isn't the place (I should resurrect my own blog, I suppose) but wanted to say that I'll be following this should you post any more about it, as I'm very curious about it, and thank you.

I you, Snarky, I really do. What lovely pictures of our region's seasonal offerings! Makin' me hungry.

In the midst of our forest of fir trees, we have one lone strand of decidous trees (don't ask what kind, I'm an accountant, not a botanist!) that are currently blazing in New England-esque fall colors. Took me completely by surprise.

Enjoy your retreat - that looks wonderful! (ahem... and thanks for the idea! )

Oh, this is why I've never had a job that involves talking to the public. 'Cuz I would want to give answers #2, but I couldn't be nearly as creative on the fly.

Woop Woop! Have fun lady!

Belated response (I just realized these blogs even existed! doh)

I am annoyed by something similar, more general I guess, which is when any newbie posts a question and gets a reply like 'Haven't we discussed this enough already?' or 'I can't believe this has been brought up again...'

I understand that we're encouraged to use the search engine and not start new threads, but the forum has become quite large lately, and frankly it's hard to find things. And ieven if they find the thread, and it's 42 pages long, do we really expect them to read the whole thing before asking a question? Us old foks need to remember that everything was new to us, once, too.

Thanks for pointing this out, I'm glad others feel this way.