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BPAL Madness!
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About this blog

Life and all its randomness

Entries in this blog

 

I'm getting married!

I'm getting married!!! *bounces*   *calms herself* Now that I got that out...Last night was absolutely wonderful! Last week for our anniversary, Mr Man and I decided that we needed to do many more date nights, so we planned on for this week (last night). He said that he wanted it to be romantic b/c he didn't feel our anniversary had been good enough - and I bought it.   We went out to dinner at Bonefish. It was very nice and date-like. (I was still clueless.) I knew something was planned for after dinner, but I had no idea what. As we left the restaurant, he said he had to get my opinion on something. He asked if I was willing to do something mildly illegal that required some walking. O.o I said that I was willing to do it.   We drove down to the beach and parked at the Sheraton Resort. We walked down to the beach and then over onto Sand Key Park (it's closed after dark). He had everything. He laid out a nice blanket and use these nice big candles to hold down the corners. We had a radio tuned to the jazz station. He pulled out a bottle of champagne, and we had a toast to us. Then he got down on one knee in front of me and pulled out the ring. Eeee. He told me all that mushy wonderful stuff =) and asked me to marry him.   The rest of the night we talked about each other, how much we loved the other, all the wonderful things thought about each other, and more romantic/lovey-dovey things. We joked around some too. As we were going through everything, I kept counting in my head each time I started crying. I was like one of those Scrubs mental moments with a number ticker at the bottom of the screen. By the end of the night I was up 11. I told Mr Man about it around 6 - he got a kick out of that.   It was just a perfect night. Weeeee....I'm so floaty today. There is no way I'm going to get work done... :joy:

korshka

korshka

 

Workin' it!

I think I'm going to expand the focus of this blog and do more of life. We'll see how well I keep this up, but I'm gonna make new effort to try.   My new workout program officially started yesterday. I had my one-on-one orientation. It was actually kinda good. I started to worry about what it would be like when I found out that it was "orientation" and not personal training, but the girl was still really good and helped to set me up with a work out schedule. We discussed my goals and what I wanted. Then she went with me through what she wanted me to do and made sure I knew the proper way to use each machine. I now have an hour and half routine set up with half cardio and half weights. She has me using 4 different cardio machines, and I gotta say that elliptical machine works the hell out of my thighs!   I'm sore today, from head to toe, but it's a good sore. I worked my ass off kinda sore, and I'm going back today. For the first 2-3 weeks, I'm going to start of doing the cardio part ever day and the weights every other day (it'll probably be hit or miss on the weekends, though). I feel really good though, and I really want this to work. I need the change.   Tonight, I have a free 30 mins massage at my salon & spa. Yay - I'm looking forward to that relaxation. Welp, time to get back to work...

korshka

korshka

 

The Morning After...

Last night was much, much fun. I went to a local Irish restaurant. They put up a big tent with lots of music, including dancers and bagpipe band. They also had my favorite - bangers! Mmmmmm! Then there was the fun of beer - both green & Killian's, jello shots, and one random hit of Tequila.   Towards the end of the night, I needed to sit down, so I headed out of the throng of people in front of the stage. My friends were close behind me at first. Once I was out and found somewhere to sit, I turned to see they were gone. So I set down to try to figure out what to do. I give you drunk and lost:   I remembered that we had joked earlier that if separated we should head to the radio tent (my FI used to work for them). So, I got up and headed to it where I found them waiting for me.   The night was quite eventful, and there was much more to it. However, for now my head hurts, and I don't have the concentration to write it.

korshka

korshka

 

Ok - Let's do this thing...

Ok - I'm doing it. I'm adding a blog here. I will dedicate this blog strictly to BPAL - unless other parts of life leak in - it happens - we all know it. I plan to use it to help push me to review scents (I'm horrible at doing this), to update my wishlist, and track what I order.   I may also use it to post reactions to all things BPAL - like updates and BPTP stuff.   Overall, I have grad ideas. I guess in the end we'll see how many come to be.   Thanks for stopping by.

korshka

korshka

 

French Love & Inferno

So, I grabbed two from the big ol' pile of imps needing sniffing.   French Love: A warm, soft, sexual blend. Sweet and alluring. Used to entice new lovers and add an aura of temptation and carnal sin to your environment.   The name, of course, attracted me, so I put it on. It's like dragon's blood, but there is something else there. Something intriguing. I kept wanting to sniff it more. I never figured out what it was; it kept slipping away everything time I got close.   It doesn't react the same as dragon's blood - it stays more true to form with little morphing. Not bad. I think I'll keep the imp around for a little bit.   Inferno: The Dark Side of Fire: cinnamon, bitter almond, and neroli. Heavily spiced, torrid, and possibly conflagrant.   In the imp it is all almondy and cinnamon, very fiery and smoldering, but I know before it even touches the skin what it will be. Scents with cinnamon are always pure red hots on me and not thing else. And that is what it was. Even as strong as the almond was in the imp, once on my skin it was all cinnamon. *pouts* I wish I could wear cinnamon.   I was going to wear French Love today...but when I was getting ready - I was in a Tiger Lily mood all the way. *sniffs* Mmmmm...honeyed lilies. Spring is nice.

korshka

korshka

 

Can't...resist...the bunny musk...

I'm weak - I caved. I've been really holding back lately with ordering. I have a ton of stuff to try, so I kept telling myself that there was no use getting anything new until I did something about that huge pile of imps (and even a few bottles). But really - how does one resist the temptation of Enraged Bunny Musk or Monster Bait: Underpants (aka Monster in my Panties!). I just couldn't. But it's ok b/c I'm being put in for a big raise. Please let it go through. This is my little gift for me for getting it.   I didn't notice at first that the Monster Bait was only to be up for 24hrs. I would have been really mad if I held off until tomorrow or Monday and realized that I missed it.   Hmm...I should go get to smelling to make room for the new stuff!

korshka

korshka

 

Livid beyond words...

I am pissed this morning. Apparently, Someone told eBay that my auction (for Mitzvah) was a "counterfeit or unauthorized reproduction." Excuse me? Um...take a look at either one of the two pictures. It's the real thing. So then, they must think the pictures are fake - so then I want to know how they figure that. Trademark Infringement, my ass.   There are several reasons why someone may do this - rather out of spite, vendetta against me or eBay selling, price (not that I know what the bid was at last I saw it was only $12, but I was gone all evening), or what. Either way - I'm pissed because it is a sophomoric and bitchy way to handle the situation. Accuse me of Trademark Infringement, huh? How does Slander sound? Now, I feel like I need to do some sort of public announcement to inform the bidders of my other auctions of why the major one that they all were probably watching disappeared and assure them that I have been wrong accused all b/c some asshole can't use more appropriate means of expressing their issues. Grrr. At least with BPAL I do have a way that I can make such a statement.   Maybe, I am taking this too personally, but to me, this is a personal attack to my credibility. I have always try my best to be honest, straight forward, and fair - it's the damn Libra in me. It really hurts and pisses me off to have someone do this too me.   I have emailed eBay (in a much calmer manner), and I plan to follow up with them and get this sorted out. With any luck, I'll get the bottle re-listed soon. I hope that there is some sort of action that can be taken against my accuser, but I doubt there will be. Either way, I understand eBay's need to patrol and protect us from all the bogus auctions, but to just pull my auction without even checking with me or allowing me to defend myself. I would think there would be a better way...

korshka

korshka

 

Trying to straighten things out...

I also feel the need to make a public statement of sorts. EBay pulled my auction for the partial bottle of Mitzvah. The "official" reason was that the auction was for a "counterfeit or unauthorized reproduction". The reason given to me by customer service is that it they felt I had placed another perfume into the Lab's bottle or was otherwise using the Lab's bottle as a gimmick. I would like to assure everyone that this is not true. That what is in the Mitzvah bottle was bought straight from the lab and has always been in that bottle. I am talking with eBay costumer support to try to figure out what is going on. I hope to re-list it, but it is unknown if this will be possible.   I am still rather pissed about this...but I'm trying to work on getting everything straight.

korshka

korshka

 

Weekend with the Parentals

This weekend my parents were in town. I really enjoy being around them. They are lots of fun and easy going. When I think back and try answering the question, "What did you do all weekend," I kinda lack in an answer. For the most part we hung out.   They came in Thursday around noon, so we meet up for lunch at Frenchy's (off the beach) for some yummy grouper sandwiches. I've been craving a grouper sandwich for several weeks now. After that, I head back to work, and they headed to the beach. My parents are beach bums and enjoy nothing more than just relaxing at the beach. I feel kinda bad not being able to take off work to spend more time with them, but they also understand that I can't afford the time off right now. That night, Mr Man and I joined them up at their beachfront hotel for a relaxing night in.   Friday, I was back at work, and my parents were back on the beach. They spent most of the day there before switching to a cheaper hotel for the rest of the stay. Friday night we went to a yummy Mexican restaurant did more hanging out and talking.   Saturday was our one day of activity. We got up and meet at Joe's Crab Shack for lunch, for which MOH joined us. Then it was across the street to David's Bridal where I bought The Dress. =) We also looked for Mother of the Bride dresses for Sister's wedding and bridesmaid dresses for MOH. We are still fairly undecided on those for now. After David's Mr Man joined my parents and I for a trip to the mall. Momma still needed a dress, I need silver shoes for Sister's Wedding, and Mr Man needed a new suit. None of us can home with anything.   Next we head out to the wedding site - Sand Key Park. The fun thing was that we got there just before sunset, and there were two wedding that must have just ended b/c the bride and groom were still there taking pictures. Getting there at this time, however, was very helpful. I now know that the park does face due west, so I should angle the chairs more towards north as not to blind everyone. This is still good though because it means that I'll have the rock jetty in the background, which still makes for a lovely scene. The one negative thing is that I'm kinda half wondering if my wedding is a little too big for a beach wedding. Most of the ceremonies I've seen there are only 10-30 people, and I'm looking at 60-75. I'm worried about people in the back being able to hear us.   After that we continued on to the hotel and reception site - Holiday Inn Harbourside. This is also where we ate dinner at the Brewmaster's Steakhouse - (mini review is that it is not quite worth the money but still good food). There were a few receptions going on here as well - which is fun b/c it shows my parents more of what to expect. Actually, I think if it was for my mother being the voice of reason, my dad would have crashed the wedding reception going on in the room I'll be using.   Sunday, we meet up for breakfast at Country Harvest. After which Mr Man and I went out to find him a suit b/c he needed it for yesterday - which we did at Kohl's for a great price. I love Kohl's. Once back home, Momma and Daddy came over to our place. We just hung out and talked about everything. I made a lovely cake for after dinner. We fixed up some hors d'oeuvres and exchange Christmas gifts. (Yes, it took us this long to get together for Christmas!) I made some yummy lasagna for dinner, and we followed it up with the cake.   Yesterday, my parents headed home, and Mr Man left for St Louis. He is out there for a couple days for some training. Now my life is back to boring with work and home watching tv. I have to go out shopping tonight to try to find something to wear to Mr Man's boss's wedding on Saturday. Hopefully, at some point this week, my boss will find some time for my annual review. I need a raise to help pay for my wedding. It is so hard to find good stuff for the low budget bride.

korshka

korshka

 

Rediscovering Tarot

Over the past couple of weeks, I have been participating in the forum chat tarot readings, giving some lovely ladies readings. In doing so, I have learn things about myself.   First, a little history... I started reading tarot cards in high school, on and off with a friend's deck. When I went to college, I got my own deck of cards and started reading for my friends. I really enjoyed it, but I never did it for anyone I didn't already know. However, after college, I really didn't know anyone other than myself to do readings for, so I kinda stopped. Every now and then I would do one for myself, but other than that...my cards just set and collected dust. That was a few years back.   Then I found the thread for us to do tarot readings for each other. I went to a chat or two and just watched. I was a little to shy to speak up; I also had been feeling a little blocked and "off" spiritually. I got a hold of some TAL blends (white light, clarity, middle pillar), and try a cleansing and grounding ritual, which I feel really helped. The grounding part was due to other issues. I was a little light headed for the rest of the day, but I felt much better afterwards. The next day or so was another chat, and I gathered up the strength and offered to read, and I'm really glad I did.   Reading tarot in the chat room has done so much more for me than just brushing up on an old skill. I feel like I'm help those I'm reading for. I even learned new things about myself. I found out that I can make a connection with the person I'm reading for; even though, they aren't sitting in front of me - I can still "feel" them, and they have each felt different - which is really cool . It something that I don't think I ever made myself do when someone was sitting right in front of me. I think it was one of those things where you have to lose one sense to make yourself really use another.   I am also being able to impart my knowledge on others so that they can evolve as readers. I like that. I like teaching and helping others discover themselves. That is probably why I love my deck. It is so meditative and makes you ask yourself the tough questions about what you are doing rather than just telling your what you are doing - if that makes any sense.   It is all just inspiring me to want to do more all around and delve more into these gifts.

korshka

korshka

 

Heroine Circle and the First Set of Reviews

I'm slowly making my way through the Heroines. I would have thought that after spending so much time decanting these Friday night, that I would have more of an idea of them all. But this time, unlike with the Yules, I didn't really notice them as I was decanting. I blame the dogs and having to yell at them to keep them in line all night. The good thing is that since there are extras, I can take my time in trying each of them. So far, I adore Vasakasajja, like Khandita, and not so fond of Kalahantarika. (Khandita and Kalahantarika I tried out at the request of Indicolite in chat Sat night).   My little not so great reviews: Vasakasajja Khandita Kalahantarika As far as the decanting itself, it went much better this time. I was able to really knock my way through them. I think this partly had to do with wrapping my index finger up in gauze to protect it from the nasty little vial caps. After decanting the Yules (which were only 6 bottles) my poor little finger was red and had little circles up and down it from those little things. This time, my finger was protected, and because of that, it was much easier and quicker pushing down the little caps.   I think I really enjoy the decanting. I hope to do many more circles.

korshka

korshka

 

Out of Town

Ug - yesterday was a very bad day. That is all have to say about that.   Today, was mildly better. I'm in Naples for work. Yes - more fun with Wastewater this time. However, I must mention that this is an excellent wastewater plant that barely has any smell at all. The work itself was much slower than expected. Bleh. I worked until almost 7pm, and I'm still disappointed with my progress. I also still need to write up a few emails. Bleh and double Bleh. I can't decided what to do about tomorrow night. I'm not sure if I'll stay another night. I just don't know. I guess I'll see what happens tomorrow.   Oh well...due to braindeadness - I think that's all for now.

korshka

korshka

 

Wanna Tarot Reading?

I tried to join with Tarot Chat last night - but a mild migraine forced me to bed early. However, with Mr Man busy all night, I am willing to meet with anyone who wants a reading tonight or tomorrow night - just send me a PM and we can set up a time.

korshka

korshka

 

Wedding Stuff and Cake Decorating

Now that the initial - Holy Cow I'm Actually Engaged - it wearing off. There is actual stuff that needs to be done. Mr Man and I have decided to go check out possible reception sites next Sunday. Between now and then, I need to research options. We are checking out Clearwater Recreational Center. It's supposed to be a nice site and a good "blank canvas" to work with and fairly cheap. Other than that - I'm not sure where else to look. Of course if I'm going to compare it to a hotel - I need to figure out catering prices too as most hotels include catering. Ya gotta compare apples to apples, ya know? This also means that Mr Man and I need to nail down an exact date.   On a plus side, I picked up Tampa Bay's Premier Bride Magazine at my salon last week. I didn't have much hope as it was free, but I gotta say it has a lot of good info. In fact, I think its advertising to info ratio is actually higher than the $10 bridal magazines at the store. In addition, all the advertising is for local businesses and not just outlandish dresses and rings. So far I'm liking it and getting some good ideas. It is definitely worth is free price tag .   I still need a wedding planner book. I picked one up last weekend, but I'm having second thoughts and am starting to wonder if I should keep it or not. I'm just not sure what would be best to help me get though this.   I have cake decorating again tonight. I still have to make the icing when I get home from work. I had all plans of taking care of it last night; however, those plans were changed when I went quickly around the corner of our kitchen to head off Mika (and give Brutus a little break from her) and slipped on a big puddle of Brutus's piss. That damn dog. He was doing so well with potty training, but the past week or so he has backtracked some. I'm mostly ok from it, I just bruised up my ankle pretty bad. I had to hobble around for the rest of the night and try to rest it as much as possible. Which meant - no icing making. Thankfully, I had just taken the cake out of the oven when it happened. Unfortunately since Mr Man was sickly, I couldn’t just lie on the couch and get waited on - instead I had to do the waiting on.

korshka

korshka

 

A Night of Dreams

Last night, I finally had a nice and restful night of sleep. Of course, with restful sleep comes lots of dreams. Most of the dreams were very simplistic (characteristic of n-REM sleep which is the deepest sleep) and had to deal with icing - making icing, coloring icing, decorating with icing - lots and lots of icing! However, I did have two "real" dreams. One was almost nightmarish. The only reason I'm not calling it a nightmare is because I don't remember the bad part. The dream as I can remember it started after I had been kidnapped and tormented in a strange sci-fi type prison. It was the aftermath of hysterical crying and others plotting to bring revenge down on my captures. I would try to explain it more, but it was very weird.   However, the highlight of my night of sleep was the last dream I had. It started off as a fairly standard dream. I woke up and got dressed. I walked outside and into this beautiful green meadow. As I walked through it past some other people I suddenly realized I was naked. But instead of freaking out, I stopped and thought about. I distinctly remembered putting on clothes and not to mention that I even remembered going to bed clothed. This meant that I was dreaming. Usually, I then create some clothes for myself, STAT, but for some reason, last night I didn't care. I just ran full speed at the leering guys standing around a old truck and jumped up into the air. It was time to have fun flying. I swooshed and spun, dove and looped, and had great time.   This time though, instead of just being happy doing that, I climbed way up and up and up and into space. I stopped hovering over Earth, looking around at space, the stars, the moon, the rest of the planets, and the sun. At first, it was an oddly serene feeling - disconnected from everything, but then I started to get an uneasy feeling about being up in space - ya know - naked and exposed to cosmic radiation and the whole lack of atmosphere, but I put that aside, held my arms out to either side, and let myself just fall backwards towards the earth, flipping over at the last moment to swoop back up into the air. I was consciously suspending real physic and opting for funner Dream physics - as otherwise I would have been killed many times over in this dream. It was much more fun to simply realize it was a dream and enjoy flying. I remember at one point flying over to Australia in a matter of seconds. But as I went to land, I woke up.   I love lucid dream. I learned how to back in middle school. I used it mostly to put an end to reoccurring nightmares. It wasn't until the end of high school/college time that it occurred to me to use to go flying. Since then it is what I always do whenever I become conscious of the fact that I'm dreaming. The key is to concentrate on triggers that tell you that your dreaming - I have recently added the suddenly naked dream to that list, and so far it has been easy recognize and take control over.

korshka

korshka

 

Pictures, Pictures, and More Pictures!

I have bunches of pictures for you today. Maybe later I will write a real entry.   Mika and Brutus Playing   They are getting much better about playing and look how much Brutus has grown! Before: http://korshka.googlepages.com/IMG_1246-2.JPG Now: http://korshka.googlepages.com/Closing-the-Size-Gap.JPG   Other Pics: http://korshka.googlepages.com/Clash-of-th...uite-titans.JPG http://korshka.googlepages.com/PinDown.JPG http://korshka.googlepages.com/Playing1.JPG http://korshka.googlepages.com/Mine.JPG   My New Bling Bling I finally broke down and bought a scent locket from BPTP. I used my smellie money and a little from my tax return to pay for it. I was worried it would be too big, and it is fairly large, but I think it works. I love, love, love the design. It is very beautiful. Inside is an oval piece of black felt with Dragon's Milk. I thought when I first put it on, that Dragon's Milk is too soft a perfume for this, but it has gotten a little stronger. Now I get soft wisps of sweet, creamy dragon's blood. So nice - and no going all powdery like it does on my skin. Yay! Now I need to remember all the ones that smelt awesome in the bottle and did horrid things on my skin. http://korshka.googlepages.com/Locket.JPG

korshka

korshka

 

Bad Monday and Wedding Decor

Monday was ended up being a bad day. I would like to be able to point at some point and say, "That's when my bad mood started," but I can't. I know I was in a decent enough mood earlier in the day. However, by the time I got home from work, my mood was shit. I think it started b/c I had a headache. Not a full blown migraine, just an annoying, nagging, sharp pain in my temples.   I was trying to make myself go to the gym the whole way home, but as soon as I opened the door to my house, all possibility of going to the gym went out the window. I was greeted by the reek of dog shit. Brutus had taken a shit in his kennel at some point during the day, and then proceeded to track it all over his kennel and into his doggie bed. Great.   I spent the next hour cleaning his kennel and giving him a bath. He isn't the most horrid dog to bathe *glares at Mika*; he just stands or sits there and takes it, but it still isn't fun, and it isn't what I want to deal with as soon as I get home. I've never quite figured out why dogs dislike baths. Personally, I would think they would love them - it is basically a full body massage.   After bathing him and returning him to his kennel (for his own protection from me), the house still reeked of dog shit. I decided that I had to do something about it and ran over to the CVS to pick up some air fresheners. Once I picked out what I wanted and got up to the counter, I realized I left my wallet at home. I had to run back home, get my wallet, and head back to pick up my air fresheners.   After all that, then add that meanwhile Mr Man was having a bad a day at work with a few deals falling apart, so when he got home, he was in a shitty a mood. It just wasn't a good night. We also watched V for Vendetta, which I enjoyed, however, it did not make for a mood lifter by any means.   Yesterday was a bit quieter. The only main thing that happened is that apparently the second course in cake decorating was pushed back a week and half. Now I'm not so sure that I'll take it or what that'll mean. I may just wait a little bit before taking the course again.   Today, I have found it hard to concentrate on work. I keep thinking about the wedding and decorating. I think that is because I was looking at decorations last night a Michaels. If I go with CBRC, which I think I will, this is what I'm thinking. Here is the space (poorly decorated for a wedding) from a picture I took last weekend:   http://korshkaswedding.googlepages.com/IMG_1529.jpg   I'm thinking about a variation for an example shown on their website:   http://korshkaswedding.googlepages.com/IMG_0227v.jpg   Here is my quick sketch (what am I actually supposed to do work at work):   http://korshkaswedding.googlepages.com/Sketch.jpg   I am thinking about using a darker fabric to drape along the ceiling like a dark grey. Then I would pok holes in it and put Christmas lights (or the clear version of these) through them (that's what all the dots are). This would give it a "starry sky" like feel. The globes hanging down would be dark wine/maroon colored lanterns. I'm not sure how, but I'm confident I can figure out how to make these. I have some at home that I can use as shells to cover that have battery powered lights in them. Then use a few fake trees around the room to finish it off. The trees could also be decorated with lights or something cooler.   How does this sound a rough idea? Am I being a total dreamer thinking this set up could look nice and elegant? How much do think it would cost (not including the fake trees)? $300 or so? Anyone want to let me barrow their white Christmas lights after Christmas this year?

korshka

korshka

 

Wedding Ramblings

Mr Man and I had a small argument Thursday about wedding planning. Basically, he is only interested in wedding plans b/c he feels that his mother and I have told him he has to be, and he feels like I am pushing to plan too much too soon. Everyone keeps telling him that we are on the ball and ahead of things. In my opinion we are and we aren't. I think a lot of people don't realize how early you have to thing to make sure you get your first choice. Yes, you can wait longer to book things, but it just means that you may not get *exactly* what you want. This is especially true when you are trying to do all this on a budget. Deals go quick.   On the plus side, I think we've decided on the photographer - <a href="http://marciasimmons.com/intro.html">Marcia Simmons</a>. She is giving us a fairly good price for 4 hours of photography. I would rather <a href="http://bludomain10.com/daynaschroeder/">Dayna</a>, but the price she is giving us for only 3.5 hrs is $300 more. And while practically all of her pictures are at the quality shown on her website, Marcia can still hit about 85%, which for $300 I'm willing to do. I can use that money somewhere else.   I feel there are many things about the wedding that are beyond over priced; however, I gotta say, I didn't think i would be looking at spending $150-$250 on chairs for the ceremony. Just plain ol' chairs. *thud* When you look at it being only 2.00-3.00 a chair, you don't think much about it until you multiply it by 75. *sigh* So much money...I'm starting to see how people spend $10,000-15,000 on a wedding, and that is sad.

korshka

korshka

 

Parenting

I wrote this yesterday at the plant while I waited for my co-worker to finish up his part of the work.   To all the parents, I salute you.   On the way to the plant my co-worker and I got into a conversation about different decisions you have to make as a parent (he is one & we often talk about his kids as he has two wonderful little boys) and just parenting in general. It really got me thinking. With the wedding coming up, Mr Man and I have started talking about kids as well. (No, put the knitting needles away. It's not time start making booties yet.)   Parenting is hard (Duh - I know). Trying to decide what is best for this whole other life and not screwing them up for life. My parents did well by me, and I think I came out OK. However, the thought that I may one day be a parent, is rather scary. What if I screw up? There is no do over with parenting. How do I know that I'll make a good parent, and my kids will turn out ok? How does one weight what your child wants versus what one feels is right for them? There is so much that must be done to help develop the child into a functioning adult that can make the "right decisions" by themselves. I see a disfunctional child/teen, and I think that parenting must have gone wrong somewhere to make the child act in such a manner, but I don't know that I would be any better. I just don't know how you do it.   Ya know, it's really intimidating. Being a parent is a huge responsibility. I want to believe that I won't fail my childern, but how do I know? *sigh* I guess I just don't. I just need to have faith that I can somehow do it and hope that it'll work out.   Parents, I am in awe of what you do.

korshka

korshka

 

Very Sad News

My Grandmother is dieing. Her health has been up and down for awhile now, but she was getting better. She was even released from the hospital in time for Sister's wedding. But when she went back into the hospital this second time, it has been one problem after another.   I some how knew all day that I need to talk to my parents. I actually called and left a message on the home answering machine about 5 mins before my dad called with the news. They don't expect her to make it through the night.   I love my Grandmother. We didn't get along very well when I was younger. She wasn't the "milk and cookies" type grandmother that my Dad's Mother was. She may have missed the boat with my sister and I, but by the time my little cousins came around, she had learned how to be more of a grandmother. Over the past 10 years or so, we had actually grown closer. She had become a wonderful grandmother.   I will be going out of town for a couple of days...Take care everyone...

korshka

korshka

 

Plane Flight

Right now, I'm flying somewhere over Florida/South Carolina. I'm heading up to Raleigh NC to be Corporate Girl for a few days. It's some sort of training that they send us younger engineers on to show us the way. It should be interesting. I'm looking forward to the camaraderie part of it too. Too often I don't get to interact with the engineers on the "other side" of the office. I would like this chance to get to know them better.   My favorite time to fly is sunset. The most beautiful sunsets are above the clouds. Tonight's was no different. The colors are so rich and beautiful. However, while this may have been one of the better sunsets, it has also been one of the most turbulent rides. The pilot warned us that we will be going through some thunderstorms here soon. I hate thunderstorms. We just passed a huge black cloud - very ominous. Although, it also contrasts the beauty of the sunset very nicely.   One of the guys with us hasn't flown on a plane in since he was a kid. As such he had no idea about the liquid rules had to turn around at security to go check his bag. I had to check mine b/c of my moose. That doesn't come in travel size. Another of our group managed to misplace her boarding pass right before we boarded the plane. Thankfully that isn't an issue. Actually the truly amazing thing is despite my ditziness this afternoon, I haven't been the most flighty of our group.   Actually over the past two to three years I really have done a lot of flying. Between visiting family and visiting Mr Man before I moved down here, I feel like an airport veteran. Welp – time for me to put this away we are making our decent into Raleigh now.

korshka

korshka

 

Rest In Peace, Grandma

I'm back home. The past week has been very up and down, and very emotional. Below is my release of that.   I flew in Wednesday around noontime. Daddy picked me up at the airport, and we went back to the hospital where my mom was waiting with Grandma. Just seeing Grandma like that...so very sad. I had forgotten just how bad people looked so close to death. Grandma wasn't conscious or aware of much of anything. She had just gotten her morphine for the pain and ativan for agitation. We went to lunch and then came back for a little longer before heading to the house. We talked, and I did little things here and there, but for the most part I felt like we were just waiting for the phone to ring and holding our breath every time it did.   On Thursday, we headed back to the hospital, and Grandma was moved from the heart hospital to the general hospital and placed under "hospice" care. This pretty much just meant that she was terminal and there to be kept comfortable until she died. Thursday was horribly hard for me. Grandma was restless and moaning. She still wasn't very aware of what was going on, but she was notably unhappy. It really tore into me to see her this way. This was when I started wishing for her let go. I felt really horrible to feel that way because I felt that I should be wishing for her stay with us, but there was no hope for her to get better, and she seemed like she was in so much suffering. I wanted that to end and for her to move on to peace.   But she kept holding on...   Friday, I decided I could not handle another hospital visit and that I needed to get some work done. I did put forth a good effort to work, but I feel short only getting about 3 hours done. Instead, I called up a friend from high school and was able to go over to her house to visit with her. It was really good seeing her and her 3 little girls. After a while, I started feeling that need to go home, so I said good bye and headed back to my parents house. When I got there, my parents told me that they had gotten the call.   Grandma had died.   They had all (my Mom's brothers and sisters) and met up at the hospital after a few of them had had an appointment at the funeral home to make sure everything would be ready. Most of them had been there at one time or another over the past few days except one sister. It was shortly after she had left, that Grandma died. We think she was just waiting for her last daughter to come to her, tell her it was alright, and say goodbye.   I didn't start crying. I felt sad, but at the same time, I felt peace for her.   The week of July 4th is always the week that my mom's family goes to the beach for a week, and this year they needed it even more. So that night my parents hurried themselves packing and headed down to Myrtle Beach Saturday morning. I thought the time by myself at the house would help me start grieving, but I still couldn't. I held myself up so tight for the past couple days, that I still couldn't let myself go. I was just numb. I did, however, fell the need to binge out on B&J's ice cream. Saturday night, Sister and Brother-In-Law got in. It was BIL's birthday - poor guy.   Sunday, just existed, I don't really remember doing much. Today though was the visitation and funeral.   Grandma was all dressed up and looked quiet and sleeping. Under the nice outfit that she had worn at Sister's wedding was a red t-shirt. My little cousins had bought that shirt for her a few weeks back at Disney world. Grandma was in the hospital then, so they just showed it to her, and she was never able to wear it. At the visitation, I was still very numb. It came in little waves, but the big stuff was still being held back somewhere deep inside. We stood around and talked. I was able to see a few relatives that I hadn't seen in a long time. It was at the end of the visitation that it hit me.   I was standing outside waiting for Grandma to be moved to the awaiting hearse for the precession to the grave site. I was looking in the door and saw two men from the funeral home rolling the casket down the hall. All of the sudden it hit me. It was my Grandma, and she was being taken away. I wanted to jump out of my skin. I wanted to run to the casket and tell them to get away from my Grandma. She was mine, and they couldn't take her away from me. I want to scream out to her that I loved her and that I didn't want to lose her. Daddy must have seen whatever it was snap inside of me. He had gone to put something in the car, and I was just standing by myself. All I know is that all of the sudden he was by my side holding me as I just sobbed. My Grandma was gone. They were taking her away from me.   I watched as they put her in the hearse, and then we got into the car. I started crying again as we drove down the streets of Camden. At the first intersection, a cop car sat to block traffic, and the officer was standing next to it with his hat over his heart in tribute to our loss. It was very touching to see each of the cops doing this as we made our way through town.   The grave site funeral was short and very catholic. Afterwards, we talked so me more. Grandma is now resting next to Granddad, who died a little over 20 years ago.   I am still breaking out into tears every now and then. I'm really going to miss her. I imagine it'll be really hard this Christmas when she isn't there, and we aren't at her house. It is good that my family have this week at the beach together. I think it will help them grieve together and heel together.

korshka

korshka

 

Squeeful Post!

First off - New season of Eureka started tonight! Yay! I've so missed that show. Unfortunately we won't be able to watch the new episode until tomorrow night b/c we did get home until halfway through it.   We got home late b/c...   <b>We have bought a dishwasher! =) =)</b> We bought it tonight. Mr Man, as he put it, will be earning his "Mr Man" title by installing it Thursday with the help of one of our friends. *bounces* We're going to have a dishwasher *bounces* and it won't be me!

korshka

korshka

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