I don't like having rare scents. I thought I did, but it feels like there's too much responsibility involved, especially when they're scents I don't -love-. I'm over-anxious about swapping those scents, because I'd be really sad if they got stolen or lost in the mail. I'd be over the moon for a bottle of, say, Storyville, but that's because I can't imagine I'd ever want to get rid of it.
I held onto the Monster Bait scents for WAY too long, because none of them really worked for me, but I didn't want to regret getting rid of them. I swapped (or maybe sold?) Red Lantern and Smut way, way too quickly. I can't remember what I swapped them for- I think I may've gotten Lotus Moon out of Red Lantern, so that's a decent trade- I love Lotus Moon. Anyway, I digress.
Dude. I am having anxiety attacks non-stop. I think it's sugar and holiday stress and, oh yeah, my dad's first wife is dying. And my sister in law is being a complete bitch to my brother, which just blows my mind. It blows my mind that he is in a relationship where his wife can just act like that and, in her mind, it's completely acceptable to do that.
Yet, I really do love her and I think she loves my brother, and I know he loves her, so... it's frustrating. And I can't even think about what would happen to him if they did divorce, because she would fight DIRTY for custody of the kid, I think, and... yeah, my mind is just f'n racing right now. I don't want them to have a bad relationship. He deserves a really solid marriage. And then I feel guilty for judging from the outside, but I can't believe she would call him up like that to just... screech and call him every name in the book because her anxiety is bad. I get it. I thankfully don't know what it's like to be in her head, but I know a bit about anxiety, and she really needs help. She needs to take her f'n medication, she needs therapy for coping skills, and she needs to be accountable for how she behaves despite her condition. Those are hard things, but you learn to do them for the things in life that really matter... like your family.
I don't know all the ins and outs of married life. I'm newly married and I've only lived with my husband for just under a year. So I know I'm not speaking from a point where I can say I really understand what it's like to be living with somebody in a long term relationship for 6+ years, but it still seems like appalling behaviour.
The watchdog group still hasn't contacted me. Our line will be disconnected (rather than the service being interrupted- this means the number will be gone, etc.) on the 18th, and I think that will screw with our DSL connection. Can anyone tell me for sure if it will? I guess I could call Verizon to check on it. This is just giving me fits.
I'm applying for a student loan so that we can dig ourselves out of this hole we're in at least a little bit. My husband is applying for financial aid and plans to start school in the fall, which is very good news. It gives him a goal to focus on, rather than just idly sitting by waiting for more paperwork about his application for disability. He's still doing that, but school is a more immediate thing that is in his control.
My sister better really be moving back into town. I miss her, and it would be really great to get to know her kids. So, check it out! She's going to school for hair-styling, and we were talking recently, and I had commented that this summer I was going to chop all my hair off and give the length to Locks of Love, and I was thinking about dying it blue. My 40-year-old (and before people get offended, keep reading!) conservative, LDS sister was ALL FOR IT. She wants to do it. I love my sister. I would also love very much to look like her when I am 40. Actually, I would like very much to look like her 40-year-old self right now. I don't know that I've gushed about my sister enough here, so I'm sorry if I'm repeating myself, but it simply must be said, and my thoughts are running a mile a minute right now. (I just emailed the watchdog group. I really hope they get back to me.) Anyway, the awesome part about my sister is that she's always been beautiful, but she's never been snobbish about it. And I'm not being generous because I care about my sister, she is everything I would love to be, only I'd keep my hair. She is tall and thin and her bone structure is gorgeous- but she is the kindest person ever. She's strong and smart and really thoughtful and... okay, I miss talking to my sister.
I am so very glad that I got to have siblings, thanks to my dad's first wife. I do love them, though we are quite different in age ranges. I think we'll all four be together at Christmas, if my sister in law isn't a complete bitch, or if my brother can get time off- which he should be able to.
Okay, I think I've gone on long enough. I am just all over the place right now.