Jump to content
Post-Update: Forum Issues Read more... ×
BPAL Madness!
  • entries
    216
  • comments
    248
  • views
    4,709

Just thinking aloud...

Sign in to follow this  
smallvoice

129 views

I don't like having rare scents. I thought I did, but it feels like there's too much responsibility involved, especially when they're scents I don't -love-. I'm over-anxious about swapping those scents, because I'd be really sad if they got stolen or lost in the mail. I'd be over the moon for a bottle of, say, Storyville, but that's because I can't imagine I'd ever want to get rid of it.

 

I held onto the Monster Bait scents for WAY too long, because none of them really worked for me, but I didn't want to regret getting rid of them. I swapped (or maybe sold?) Red Lantern and Smut way, way too quickly. I can't remember what I swapped them for- I think I may've gotten Lotus Moon out of Red Lantern, so that's a decent trade- I love Lotus Moon. Anyway, I digress.

 

Dude. I am having anxiety attacks non-stop. I think it's sugar and holiday stress and, oh yeah, my dad's first wife is dying. And my sister in law is being a complete bitch to my brother, which just blows my mind. It blows my mind that he is in a relationship where his wife can just act like that and, in her mind, it's completely acceptable to do that.

 

Yet, I really do love her and I think she loves my brother, and I know he loves her, so... it's frustrating. And I can't even think about what would happen to him if they did divorce, because she would fight DIRTY for custody of the kid, I think, and... yeah, my mind is just f'n racing right now. I don't want them to have a bad relationship. He deserves a really solid marriage. And then I feel guilty for judging from the outside, but I can't believe she would call him up like that to just... screech and call him every name in the book because her anxiety is bad. I get it. I thankfully don't know what it's like to be in her head, but I know a bit about anxiety, and she really needs help. She needs to take her f'n medication, she needs therapy for coping skills, and she needs to be accountable for how she behaves despite her condition. Those are hard things, but you learn to do them for the things in life that really matter... like your family.

 

I don't know all the ins and outs of married life. I'm newly married and I've only lived with my husband for just under a year. So I know I'm not speaking from a point where I can say I really understand what it's like to be living with somebody in a long term relationship for 6+ years, but it still seems like appalling behaviour.

 

The watchdog group still hasn't contacted me. Our line will be disconnected (rather than the service being interrupted- this means the number will be gone, etc.) on the 18th, and I think that will screw with our DSL connection. Can anyone tell me for sure if it will? I guess I could call Verizon to check on it. This is just giving me fits.

 

I'm applying for a student loan so that we can dig ourselves out of this hole we're in at least a little bit. My husband is applying for financial aid and plans to start school in the fall, which is very good news. It gives him a goal to focus on, rather than just idly sitting by waiting for more paperwork about his application for disability. He's still doing that, but school is a more immediate thing that is in his control.

 

My sister better really be moving back into town. I miss her, and it would be really great to get to know her kids. So, check it out! She's going to school for hair-styling, and we were talking recently, and I had commented that this summer I was going to chop all my hair off and give the length to Locks of Love, and I was thinking about dying it blue. My 40-year-old (and before people get offended, keep reading!) conservative, LDS sister was ALL FOR IT. She wants to do it. I love my sister. :boogie: I would also love very much to look like her when I am 40. Actually, I would like very much to look like her 40-year-old self right now. I don't know that I've gushed about my sister enough here, so I'm sorry if I'm repeating myself, but it simply must be said, and my thoughts are running a mile a minute right now. (I just emailed the watchdog group. I really hope they get back to me.) Anyway, the awesome part about my sister is that she's always been beautiful, but she's never been snobbish about it. And I'm not being generous because I care about my sister, she is everything I would love to be, only I'd keep my hair. She is tall and thin and her bone structure is gorgeous- but she is the kindest person ever. She's strong and smart and really thoughtful and... okay, I miss talking to my sister.

 

I am so very glad that I got to have siblings, thanks to my dad's first wife. I do love them, though we are quite different in age ranges. I think we'll all four be together at Christmas, if my sister in law isn't a complete bitch, or if my brother can get time off- which he should be able to.

 

Okay, I think I've gone on long enough. I am just all over the place right now.

Sign in to follow this  


3 Comments


Recommended Comments

I know how it feels to want to gush on and on about your siblings. Your sister sounds amazing - sometimes I wish I had an older sister. I am the eldest and I feel like I don't do a very good job of it!

 

Even when I am angry at them (which is rare, but being a Taurus I can't be very stubborn about letting go of it), I can still admit that they are pretty awesome. Mine live far away too and I miss them both so very much. I never tried very hard- and still don't - to make friends because I had two of the very best friends ever built right into my family.

 

Wow, this post of your read exactly how you must be feeling...I got very anxious reading it myself! I hope your situations get resolved soon, the holidays shouldn't be so stress filled. At least not that sort of stress, anyway :blush:

Share this comment


Link to comment

Have I ever told you that I like how you change the name of your blog every now and then? It cracks me up, because the names are always so great.

 

Anyway, I hope the stress in your life abates, and very soon. Holiday stress compounded by other stress... arrrggh! I hope the red tape is cut so your hubby can get disability. It is such a hassle -- I know someone else who went through that, but it does eventually work out. You're handling it much better than I would.

 

And I think having family members, like your sister, just gives a sense of security and "okay-ness" to the world that help you believe that you will work through difficulties and problems in life. I think your comments about your sister are wonderful and really kind of awe-inspiring. My family wasn't as well put together, but I am always glad to hear about great sibiling relationships, because it's how it should work.

 

And rare scents? Most of them don't work very well on me. Smut and Underpants are exceptions, but they aren't the very, very best. The Buddha said life is craving, and the LEs tend to bring out a lot of craving, and since the Buddha also said that craving leads to suffering, I tend to try to keep my cravings to a minimum, but I'm human and I crave plenty o' things. :hug: Rare LEs just happen to be one of the things where I can hold cravings in check, but then it's always easier to not crave something that you know you probably won't like once you have it!

 

Arrrgh! I'm getting too philosophical! I hope you're curled up with your honey right now, enjoying the thought of your first Christmas together as a married couple! :blush:

Share this comment


Link to comment

I know how it feels to want to gush on and on about your siblings. Your sister sounds amazing - sometimes I wish I had an older sister. I am the eldest and I feel like I don't do a very good job of it!

 

Even when I am angry at them (which is rare, but being a Taurus I can't be very stubborn about letting go of it), I can still admit that they are pretty awesome. Mine live far away too and I miss them both so very much. I never tried very hard- and still don't - to make friends because I had two of the very best friends ever built right into my family.

 

Wow, this post of your read exactly how you must be feeling...I got very anxious reading it myself! I hope your situations get resolved soon, the holidays shouldn't be so stress filled. At least not that sort of stress, anyway :)

 

I'm sure you do a fanstastic job! I've heard you talk about your sisters, and it sounds like you have a really wonderful relationship. Sorry to make you anxious, though!

 

Have I ever told you that I like how you change the name of your blog every now and then? It cracks me up, because the names are always so great.

 

Anyway, I hope the stress in your life abates, and very soon. Holiday stress compounded by other stress... arrrggh! I hope the red tape is cut so your hubby can get disability. It is such a hassle -- I know someone else who went through that, but it does eventually work out. You're handling it much better than I would.

 

And I think having family members, like your sister, just gives a sense of security and "okay-ness" to the world that help you believe that you will work through difficulties and problems in life. I think your comments about your sister are wonderful and really kind of awe-inspiring. My family wasn't as well put together, but I am always glad to hear about great sibiling relationships, because it's how it should work.

 

And rare scents? Most of them don't work very well on me. Smut and Underpants are exceptions, but they aren't the very, very best. The Buddha said life is craving, and the LEs tend to bring out a lot of craving, and since the Buddha also said that craving leads to suffering, I tend to try to keep my cravings to a minimum, but I'm human and I crave plenty o' things. :hug: Rare LEs just happen to be one of the things where I can hold cravings in check, but then it's always easier to not crave something that you know you probably won't like once you have it!

 

Arrrgh! I'm getting too philosophical! I hope you're curled up with your honey right now, enjoying the thought of your first Christmas together as a married couple! :blush:

 

ETA: You probably won't read this again, but just in case: Hee. I appreciate the comment about my blog title. I change it when the mood strikes me, or when the old one feels like it's no longer appropriate. This one was inspired by an episode of Scrubs, but it feels right, which sounds odd. But, yeah. Anyway! Thank you.

 

I appreciate the quote about cravings, because it feels extremely true to me. So it's not too philosophical at all!

 

My family isn't well put together, but I have great siblings. :hug: I guess nobody has a perfect family, though.

Share this comment


Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×