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BPAL Madness!
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Tumbleweeds abound

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Art

I signed up for the design class. It's my first class of the day! And then I have math! And then a break! And only then do I have my favourite instructor! This feels scary. Not to mention that I don't actually have any financial aid at the moment. All my classes are way far away from each other, too! Okay, the math to psych doesn't matter much, since I have my break then, but dude! They are really far apart.   Winter I'll be taking math, english 201 and. . . Dunno. Maybe another art class, if this one works out.   Spring. . . Biology and speech for sure. Maybe archaeology, too. Maybe art.   I'm obsessing, and that's never a good thing.   My emoticon favourites don't show up here. That's sad!   Ooh! I got my checks in the mail today! And I've got my license and social security card (I think I already mentioned those) and my new debit card! So friggin' exciting!

smallvoice

smallvoice

 

Review links: Earliest to most recent

Eris (Wow. This is sort of embarrassing. My nose was just so untrained... yeah. But Eris is special, because she was my first. I'd like to give her another go, now that I'm almost a year into it. Most of my early reviews are exceedingly painful, really.) Scherezade Moxie Eos Jailbait Aizen-Myoo Penny Dreadful (I'd like to try this one again.) Dragon's Milk Black Forest Zombi (Another I'd like to retry) Seraphim Numb (Another I'd like to retry) Inferno Midnight Hamadryad Lick It Hollywood Babylon Hell's Belle (I need to update this review to reflect an aversion to that type of musk.) Glasgow Red Devil Jester Whitechapel Dude! I really need to update this review! It's awful, and for one of my favourite scents ever!) Swank Grand Guignol (I really want to try this one again.) Bliss (I don't love this one so much anymore.) Madrid (Not as enchanted by this one anymore.) Velvet Dragon's Blood Dragon's Hide Dragon's Eye Malediction Blood Voodoo The Lady of Shalott Arkham (Revisited) Akuma (Be sure and read the review by WidgetAlley, which is right before mine.) Follow Me Boy Asphodel Florence Serpent's Kiss Sea of Glass Kali Grog Bluebeard Haunted Hunger Blood Lotus Blood Rose Lilith Block Buster Red Lantern Gingerbread Poppet Endymion Aunt Caroline's Joy Mojo Shub Niggurath Monster Bait: Closet Lolita Alice Rage Bloodlust Voodoo Queen Thirteen (13) Verdandi Tezcatlipoca The Hesperides Santa Muerte Cerberus Lotus Moon Shattered Villain Danse Macabre Debauchery Golden Priapus Coyote Khephra Hetairae Wicked O Morocco Enraged Orangutan Musk The Red Queen Vicomte de Valmont Katharina Hecate Aeval R'lyeh Carnal Port-Au-Prince Black Opal Eat Me Jack Xanthe, the Weeping Clown Chaos Theory: Strange Attractors MLXXVIII (1078) Mme. Moriarty, Misfortune Teller The Candy Butcher Gennivre, L'Artiste du Diable Theodosius, The Legerdemain The Organ Grinder Midnight on the Midway Carnaval Diabolique Devil's Night Thalia Undertow Bewitched Le Serpent Qui Danse Sleepy Moon F5 Et Lux Fuit Aglaea The Scales of Deprivation Miskatonic University Freak Show Halôa Euphrosyne Kurukulla Hymn to Propserpine Mouse's Long and Sad Tale Djinn Kathmandu Pele Eve King of Spades Mabon Nuclear Winter Doc Buzzard Monster Bait: Underpants Pink Phoenix Pumpkin Patch 2 Glitter Bengal Dana O'Shee Dublin Queen of Sheba White Musk Punkie Night Boomslang Bakeneko Australian Copperhead Zarita, the Doll Girl The Oblation Pink Moon 2005 Faith, the Siamese Twin Asp Viper Leo Mr. Nancy High John the Conquerer Bien Loin D'ici Medea Euterpe Beaver Moon Snow Angel Enraged Bunny Musk Night's Pavillion       That's it so far! I have a ton I need to write up, still, though. And I realize you can easily use the search function to see my reviews, but it's nice to just have at my fingertips. (151 as of Snow Angel)

smallvoice

smallvoice

 

Birthday woes

I don't know what to get the boy for his birthday. I can't think of anything. Wow, that's crazy. Any ideas?

smallvoice

smallvoice

 

Overload

I am a swapping fiend. I'm getting back on track with the GC swap- except for reviews! I took a chance on Baobahn Sith and swapped for 4 decants, and... I really don't like it. It's so floral! I also swapped for a couple of imps of Baghdad recently, and I'm disappointed in that one too! The one I got was full of glorious almond, and one of these has a breath of that memory, and the other one smells like sandalwood. I know they must all be different ages, but I really wish I had the almond one. I think I need to find an almond scent to soothe my soul. Actually, I think I'm set on scents. I don't think I need to find any new ones.   I want to try my hand at beading this weekend. But I really need to clean out my car. I was neurotic about anything being left in it until recently. Having two men who regularly ride in it in addition to school stuff has made me careless. I do not want my car to be dirty inside. I need to get to knitting, as well.   Things are starting to come together with my switch witchery package. I think it'll be pretty neat, but I don't know what she'll think of it. I am eagerly anticipating the round where I get to spoil my switchee the way I've been spoiled these three rounds. Until then, I'll make do with what I've got.   I'm considering selling some of my bottles off so I can get in on the inquisition. My sweet husband has promised that I can do the next one, but the treat scents look so incredible. I know. I'm all Ms. Grabby-hands. Gotta have it! I just love how spoiled BPAL makes me feel.   I had no idea that the recipe Lost For Words was lost! It smells fantastic. Anyone know what the notes are? I'm coming up blank.   I think I'm going to postpone writing my psych paper until tomorrow morning. I started it already, I just need to finish it up. Give it a quick polish and whatnot. I'm thinking he might be gone again. Class was cancelled today. Which I believe means there won't be a quiz tomorrow. This is good news! I've been awful about studying. And I need to go back to the gym.   Wow, this is a long entry. I just have a lot to say, I suppose.   I need to find all my imps and put them away before they get scattered and I lose important ones.   I'm swapping Manhattan away for Devil's Night, which rocks because I swapped for an imp of last year's version, and it smells amazing on me. Now I just have to wrangle a swap for Pumpkin Queen.   Eh. I don't need the inquisition this time. I'll live, and be durn happy with the wonderful things I do have.   I'm in a pretty good mood. That's kinda cool!

smallvoice

smallvoice

 

Anxiety

This is SO frustrating. I am having anxiety about going to school tomorrow. WHY? Other than my Lord of the Rings class, there's not a lot of stress there- and even that class is turning into something with potential to be enjoyable... but I digress. And it's late, and I should be asleep.... Guh.

smallvoice

smallvoice

 

From the Quiz Me! forum

For SW help and general fun:   1. What is your favorite season, and why? I love them all, but I really love early winter/late fall, when most of the bugs are dormant because it's so cold, but it's not bitterly cold.   2. What is the most awe-inspiring or beautiful thing you've ever experienced? Being in love. Getting married. My sacred memories, too.   3. Which songs are guaranteed to make you cry? I Hope You Dance. 4am by Our Lady Peace used to do it to me, too, but for a very different reason.   4. Which ones are guaranteed to make you dance around like a giddy idiot? Breathless. Video Killed the Radio Stars. A few others.   5. Which book most changed your life or outlook? The Chronicles of Narnia   6. What was the most awkward time of your life? High school.   7. What do you adore the most in all the world? If you're really asking me what, it's my ever growing freedom from anxiety and depression ruling my life. If you're asking who... My husband, my mother, my cousin, my best friend, my cat, my sister, brothers, their children and my in laws.   8. What irritates you the most? People who drive really slowly when I'm in a hurry.   9. When were you happiest (besides now)? My wedding day.   10. What is the perfect meal for you? So long as it has a good dessert...   11. If you could dress in the clothes of any era, what would you wear? 1930's glam   12. What are your best dreams about? Life   13. What is your best "I was so drunk..." story? My husband's "Donnie's dead!" story- I've never been drunk.   14. What is the story of your first love? The story? Exhiliration, little birdies singing disney songs outside my window every morning, a ray of hope like nothing I'd ever experienced entering my heart, excitement like nothing else, feeling beautiful for the first time in my life, that sense of breathless desperation like, "This is IT. It HAS to be...", being incredibly naive and learning my lesson about trusting something that's too good to be true, becoming cynical and angsty and heartbroken and angry and self destructive only to eventually find my way to my husband, who would have formerly entered the category of "Too good to be true" but really, he's too damn good not to be true. There is no end to the story.   15. What is your favorite painting? It really depends on my mood. I ADORE Renoir- there's something about seeing the pieces in person that changes my whole perspective.   16. Who is your favorite Shakespearian character, and why? I don't know.   17. What is the best concert you've ever attended? I don't like crowds enough to go.   18. What is your favorite indulgence or vice? Indulgence: BPAL. Vice: Sweets.   19. What is your greatest regret (again, "no regrets" doesn't count!)? That I can't say I have no regrets. I would do things differently, given the chance, so it's a good thing I can't.   20. What is your favorite physical aspect of yourself? My hair.   21. What is one very interesting fact about you that hasn't yet been shared? I was in New Orleans just over a week before Katrina hit.

smallvoice

smallvoice

 

Too long

There's something up with my inner ear. I've had an earache all weekend, and my balance is messed up.   It's been too long since I wrote in here. So here I am.   Knitting has come to a standstill, as I sort of began feeling hopeless with it. It also got pushed way down on my list of priorities.   I am going to be baking cookies to include for my switchee. Possibly fudge.   So, my husband and I had a long conversation about weight and stress. We need to bite the bullet and just stop. And I can do that if he tells me that's what we're doing. But if he wavers at all, I'll hit a craving and justify it like woah. So, no more snacks. Instead, we will have real meals. And salads. With Newman's Own dressing.   I pointed out that when we need time to ourselves, away from the housemate, we always go out to eat. We could easily go walk around Hastings and pick up a game or a few books for what we spend on eating out. We need to reward ourselves in other ways. For me, that's easy- BPAL, Villainess, and other e-tailers that I've grown fond of.   Noumenon wrote something in (If I recall correctly) a wanted post recently, and it really sort of hit home for me. She said something to the effect of: I've been here a short while now, and I spent the summer nailing what I wanted in the GC. Now I want to seek out some limited editions.   I haven't done that. Even though I tend to enjoy the GC scents more, I am obsessed with LE's. OMGWTFBBQWhatifInevereverseeitagain!!! This could be my One Chance!   I still want Pumpkin Queen and Sol Invictus, but I think I need to focus on the catalog for the time being. There's no reason for me not to have bottles of Alice, Sudha Segara, Dorian, Arkham (!), Port-au-Prince, O, and others. Even though I've loved Arkham since Kmasden was nice enough to send me a decant in February, I believe, I didn't order a bottle when it was brought back. I love Alice! I sing her praises constantly! But no bottle.   So I'm going to lay off the LE's, and I'm going to treat myself, when I can, to GC bottles. First up: Arkham.   I am going to try and participate in NaNoWriMo. I'm worried I'm stretching myself too thin, with school and swaps and knitting and the holidays and everything going on. But I am already writing down the dares I'm pondering adding to my story. It should be entertaining.   Take care, loves. I'm out of steam.

smallvoice

smallvoice

 

Meep

I have a math exam and a presentation in speech today, and I am freaked out. And really tired. Mostly freaked out.   I'm going to be so glad when today is over with. SO. GLAD.

smallvoice

smallvoice

 

His birthday

I hope my next birthday is loads better than this one. But now it's his birthday! For the record: Birthday BPAL of '06: Lotus Moon. Mmmm!

smallvoice

smallvoice

 

Brain exploding

Trying to focus on other things... meh. I hate when life gets turned upside down, even when it's best in the long run... But this..? This is just dredging up awfulness from the past and present. It'll get better, but... man, it sucks right now. I'll go into more detail when I can. I'm paranoid at the moment.

smallvoice

smallvoice

 

Anxiety

I don't know why, but my anxiety is all wonky right now. Like, really badly. And there's sort of not a whole lot of reason for it to be especially high.   On the upside, I'm hoping that the BPAL birthday package my mom ordered me will be arriving within a week or two. (I'm trying to be generous with the time!) I think I will positively love Manhattan! I already know I love Katharina. I'm really excited to find out what my chaos theory smells like, and I think she got me a CD. Xanthe, maybe? Or Gennivre? I know it wasn't the Organ Grinder, because I had some amount of panic about that, and then found a decant of it available. The cool thing about a CD bottle in my hands is that if I love one of my decants more than it, I'll probably be able to swap for whichever bottle I love more.   Is it silly that I get so freakin' excited about frimpage, too? There's usually 2 per bottle, so I could end up with De Sade, Severin, the Jersey Devil, Ladon, Cockaigne, Phobos, Tintagel, and Euphrosyne! Yeah, I know, the middle three probably won't happen, but they might! Really, I'd prefer Les Bijoux over the Jersey Devil.   It's amazing to me that prattling on about BPAL allows me to forget about anxiety. Heh.   How long does it take an inept knitter to knit a scarf? Or 15 scarves?

smallvoice

smallvoice

 

...

Isn't there a point where you're just physically unable to cry anymore?

smallvoice

smallvoice

 

Flashbacks

It was a geography class of some sort. Everything about it was unfamiliar. Faces, carpet, desk, rules. . . Everything. It was painful. I wanted to cry all the time. It was so very hot during the day; unrelenting heat, and so early in the year. Everything was wrong. I dreamed about home everytime I closed my eyes.   A scrap of paper was delivered, and it was a small note; pre-typed and a single word scribbled out: home. I was going to be excused from the rest of my classes because I was going home. Home didn't mean the drab little tent in the RV park where we lived. I was certain to the core that home meant leaving this cruel desert and returning to my beloved desert.   As it turns out, I was right.   I wish I knew what happened to the little girl who lived next "door" to us. She was a sweet kid.   Over the course of one or two months, I lost about 40lbs. There was just no money for food. I had lunch at school. That is a diet I would fall back on several times in my life.   It didn't help.   I left that place, but it never left me.

smallvoice

smallvoice

 

Knotting- helllllp!

Not as in "making knots", but as in "not knitting".   Dude, I don't know what I'm doing, but it sure as hell doesn't resemble what she's doing on the knittinghelp site. Also, I've watched her continental casting clip ten thousand times, and I can still only get it started once in twenty-five times. Is there any reason I can't start with a slip knot and a single cast, and then do the rest with her double-casting style thingy?   Also? None of my knitting looks like any of the things she's demonstrated at all. Mine is all wavy and you can sort of see a braided effect if you pull it out really tightly, but then it springs right back into the wavy seam thing. WTF? I'm doing something, and it is making rows and whatnot, but it's nothing like anything I've seen today. Or ever.  

smallvoice

smallvoice

 

Who's an asshole?

I was going to post this in the title thread on the forum, but it's a little too involved to clog up the board with.   Okay. So, we've got a houseguest living here, because he fell apart. He's here on the condition that he gets help and works it out. We want to see him get healthy. So we go the route of trying to get him hospitalized. The hospital says that they can't even put him on the waiting list until he goes to see someone at the crisis response center and have an evaluation there, and then files for medical coupons with the department of social and health services-- and the waiting list is about two years. So we do all that, and try to get him outpatient treatment at the hospital, which they won't do until he gets evaluated by a specific ARNP in the area and gets a different medical coupon. At this point, they won't even evaluate him if he pays out of pocket. So we go to the specific ARNP, and I ranted about him before, because he told me to shut my mouth when I went to ask him to clarify his plan for my housemate's medication. Which still pisses me off, but also keeps me quiet (and that makes me even more mad, because I hate feeling cowed). He's a freak, and he isn't paying attention to what the housemate, S, is saying. He's condescending and just... rude. I don't like him. S missed an appointment with him, and when he went back, ARNP wouldn't let him in without a fee for missing the prior appointment, which S doesn't have. So ARNP told him to leave. The LDS church comes to our aid, and we go see a psychologist who is very nice and very patient, but eventually he insists that we go back to ARNP.   So we go to see the guy, and he's being a prima donna. Seriously harrassing S for never coming back (ARNP didn't offer to reschedule when he sent him away.), and treating him like shit, basically. This man is everything I hate about the mental health professional community. Let me count the ways:   1. He says that hospitalization is an option if S really can't do what he needs to do, so S explains what all we've done to try and get hospitalization. ARNP takes this story and goes, "They didn't tell you that you have the wrong medical coupon. They told you you're not sick enough for hospitalization." Uhh. He goes on to imply that S is faking his condition and that my husband and I will soon have no choice but to throw him out on the street.   2. He tries to put the fear of God into S about what hospitalization is like. Every horror story that ever went through my mind when I thought I'd have to be put away, he brought up. Gee, that's helpful.   3. He says that LDS-guy doesn't know what to do with him anymore, and that's why he sent him back. He says that everybody is frustrated because he's not helping himself, and that he won't put up with it. He tells S that he needs to pull himself together, and that eventually, he's going to look back on this and realize what a dick he is.   4. He reiterates that S is not sick and is using everyone. Then he brings up medication. He prattles on about how S won't notice any changes from any of these medicines, and that's fine- it's perfectly normal. He might notice a slight elevation in his moods at higher doses, but these won't really do anything for him at all. Great motivation to take the little bastards, then.   5. ARNP asks, "So, what do you want to do?" In my mind, I calmly reply, "I'd like to punch you in the face." S asks for clarification, and he snaps, "About the medication!" S is like, "Uh, take it?" So he talks some more about the medication, and I think some more about punching his face, and as he's sending us out, he's all, "It's a good thing I'm not your therapist, huh? You wouldn't like me very much. I'd just tell you to get off your ass." Nice. So then he makes another appointment, and is all, "If you don't make this appointment, then Godspeed. I wish you well. But find somebody else. You won't be coming back here." And I so desperately wanted to say, "There is nobody else, you fucktard! If there were, we wouldn't be here! We would never have come back, ever! But DSHS says that you're the only asshole in the area, so we're stuck with you. Isn't that nice?" But I didn't want to hand him that kind of power, so I just nodded and left. While shaking profusely.   Fucker. Thanks for helping not at all.

smallvoice

smallvoice

 

White musk scents to try

Is Chinese musk the same as white musk? I've seen it used several times and wasn't sure. So these are white musks, golden musks, and musks of indeterminate color. Dragon's Musk (with 5, one is bound to be white!) Aeval (I didn't like this one the first time, but white musk warrants a re-try) Black Pearl Fae Lampades (sensual musk could be white) Lurid Ode on Melancholy Zephyr Death on a Pale Horse The Bow and Crown of Conquest The Great Sword of War (Yeah, it's red musk, but it sounds so perfect.) Bluebeard (I'm pretty sure I tried and disliked this one) Imp (not white musk, but golden musk sounds so lovely!) Kitsune-tsuki Kuang Shi Villain (citrus musk) Grandmother of Ghosts Pietho (warm musk probably isn't white, but it sounds pretty) Queen Mab (Chinese musk) Thanatopsis (pine, juniper and musk... yeah, those first two scare me. This is way low on my list.) Cordelia (Chinese musk- this has all my favourite things in it.) Juliet Oberon (orchid too!) Endymion (tried once already) Psyche Vicomte de Valmont Berenice (if I can find some!) Usher (as above) Mantis (golden again, but sounds lovely) Fallen (golden musk) Aglaea (musk type isn't specified [except 'bright'], but sounds like it could be white) Euterpe Urania Zorya Bengal (skin musk)   I think that's all, for now!

smallvoice

smallvoice

 

Legal!

I went and got my driver's license info updated yesterday. I realized that my signature looks awkward, even for being left handed and not so good with the neat handwriting in the first place. I need some serious practice.   It feels like a fake ID. (Especially since it's that paper stand-in you get before they send you the fancy plastic) Somebody called me Grace! I updated my social security card, too. Now I need to do billing records and bank account and library card and credit cards and school records... this is a really huge undertaking.   It will be my two year anniversary for having my driver's license on my birthday.   Tomorrow is my one-month wedding anniversary!   Awesome.

smallvoice

smallvoice

 

Some shallowness

So, yesterday, one of the many people snapping zillions of pictures at my wedding brought over a collage style picture frame with the pictures in question in it... and it was sobering to see myself in a picture. Like, embarrassing. To the point where I've had enough. Eating habits must change this summer. Workouts must be performed regularly in the fall. I may be so drastic as to join a gym. I am tired of ze flab. It will be eradicated. I'm just not sure how I'll do this. It's all well and good to look at the pictures and resolve not to do it anymore, but I've got a serious addiction to combat. One day at a time? Should I try a twelve step program? Should I just cut it out of my life, cold turkey?   I really felt like I looked great at my wedding, but to see the photographs... appalling.

smallvoice

smallvoice

 

Want!

I totally want these socks!   Feeling a little better. Not sleeping like I should be. Still looking for neat and relatively easy patterns to try. Working on the one thing, and now I'm a little worried about how it is going to turn out. Anyway.   I am going to work out next week. If I do not, please thwack me. It is for my own well-being. And, honestly, it'll be good to start early in the quarter instead of waiting to the very last moment.   I'm nervous about school starting, still, but also still excited. I got these super cute pants that are in a size I never want to purchase again, and a few shirts, with the gift cards from our wedding.   It was nice to get out today. I got a few things mailed out and the aforementioned clothes. I didn't get much knitting done, though. This is not good.   I love the song Ladylike, and I can't get it out of my head. I need it for my ride to school.   My witch gave me an awesome mixed cd; it's got David Hasslehoff on it, in German! Plus the black rum song, and Charlotte Church. I love it. And I don't know if my lips are just wierd, but the bonnie bell lip smacker's stuff has made them softer than most things I've tried recently-- which is a lot!   Jarvenpa read my husband's chart for me. It was really quite breathtaking. I like thinking that the stars and the planets are an intrinsic part of our lives.   Back to the subject of school: Re: Art: I'm really worried about it. I don't know if it's just self-doubt or if it's intuitive, but I have this really nagging feeling that I shouldn't be taking it. Then again, I have similar feelings about most of my classes. So, I dunno. I'll see how things unfold next week.   Annnyway. That's it.

smallvoice

smallvoice

 

Update mania

I think I've figured it out. I sold the two bottles I had up for swap. If I can choose between Dorian and Alice, I'll make a big (for me!) order now and then snag one or maybe even two CD scents. Possibly a set of decants. Possibly a few decants eventually. If there are 13 scents, that's $65. Cripes. I don't know why that surprised me so much, heh. (I'm guessing about the 13 scents.) So I'll grab decants of whichever ones interest me most and then... gah. What about the BPTP update? The one it was insinuated/suggested would be a lot like the inquisition... That's what is keeping me back now.   Ugh. I'm just driving myself nuts.   An observation about shipping prices: It usually more than pays for itself in frimpage. That's kind of cool.

smallvoice

smallvoice

 

Working out

I know I need to work out more. I do. I've seen the wedding photos, and I want to be healthy. I need to be healthy.   Here's the thing. This is week 7 of 12 in the quarter. I have 6 hours logged- which is better than I've done in the past, for sure! But instead of needing 14 hours, I need 25. Here's the other thing: The lab will be open the week of Thanksgiving, but we don't get credit for working out that week. Whahuh?? And I don't think we can work out week 12, though I might be wrong. So I need 19 more hours. I kind of want them done before Thanksgiving... so I'm going to be going in every day this week and working out the full 90 minutes, instead of an hour as I've been doing. (I can only get credit for the first 90 minutes I work out per day.)   So if I work out for 90 minutes for the next 5 days that'll be an additional 7.5 hours, for a total of 13.5 hours. Then, week 8, I'll do all 6 days for another 9 hours will be 22.5... Which means I'll have 2.5 hours for week 9. Bwahaha! It's a pipe dream, to be sure. But it'd be nice to just get it out of the way.

smallvoice

smallvoice

 

What the Bleep

One of my favourite movies is about quantum physics. It's one of those mid-level films that a lot of people heard about and then promptly forgot. What the Bleep do we Know? There are little touches to the movie that I love-- glimpsing herself, the crazy mad scientist looking guy, and of course the water.   What we believe creates our own reality, says the movie.   It's also impacted by collective belief; we are not islands.   So, yeah. I totally believe that I'm filthy rich and unchanged by money and seriously, no monkey's paw clauses. That shit freaks me right out.   I'm honestly trying to change my view of myself, though. It has to start small, or it won't work with me. I have to really convince myself.   Not that I'm wealthy or that I can fly or anything; just that I can deal with life better and respond to the needs of people around me without losing who I am.   Anyway. Enough quantum physics.   We had therapy today. Things need to change, but the ways we can go about making those changes are limited. Suggesting hospitalization is all well and good, but we checked that option out months ago. Hopefully having the therapist as an advocate in the matter will open some doors, but there's a lot of red tape. We're having to retrace the steps we took months ago, and that's frustrating, because none of those steps helped at the time.   It's absurd to suggest that he start the process of moving out onto his own. He's barely existing with us prodding him to take a freaking shower. Put him into a situation where he's alone, and it's just going to end badly. Not to mention he doesn't even have a job, his credit is shot, and he's not particularly interested in finding a job. So unless we're talking about him moving out to live under the bridge, it's not viable.   So what is viable? If those two things are out, what next?   I wish I knew.

smallvoice

smallvoice

 

Snake Oil

I found my imp of Snake Oil yesterday and dabbed a bit on my hand. I remembered that I wasn't too fond of it, but couldn't remember why. I actually thought maybe it was just that my nose wasn't developed enough, or sensitive enough to the scents, but it just doesn't work on me. Why? Patchouli. It's all patchouli, all the time on my skin. And I don't mean that in a good way. It just doesn't work. I don't like it. I have a dear friend who loves patchouli, though, so I'm thinking I'll send it to her.   I found a whole tin of imps that I've been missing. Silk Road and Dragon's Millk are the ones I'm really excited to find. The rest I'm all kinda meh about.   Dude! I'm going to be in art! Just a little over a month to wait. Art, math and psych. Plus fitness! I just need to make sure I'm going to the fitness lab all quarter. I know I've said that for the past two quarters, but I mean it now. Really! I'm going to do it this time. Things will be different.   I'm learning to cook so that we don't have to eat out so often. I was annoyed at spending so much money on meats, and then realized that we spend the equivalent (and often more) on fast food that's so bad for us. So instead of doing my 'stop eating' thing that's 'worked' so well in the past (because he won't let me, mostly.), I'm working on healthy alternatives.   I bought onions today!   Did I brag about my boy's tomatos yet? He planted tomato plants, and they're finally red! They're small, but they taste amazing-- and I'm not a really big fan of tomatoes, generally speaking. Except lately.

smallvoice

smallvoice

 

Death and Suicide

I think I need to crawl into the land of the sims now.   I hate when people die. And I feel guilty if I haven't spoken to them in a while.   I've been thinking about my friend, Charlie. He died about two years ago. He's been on my mind all week. I cried so hard when I found out.   "I could never commit suicide," he once told me, when I was feeling particularly suicidal. "It goes against my religion. I don't want to go to hell."   I don't believe he's in hell.   I miss him a lot.     Love you, Charlie.   Love to you, Cove and Judy.

smallvoice

smallvoice

 

Scarf or coinpurse thingy

I have size 15 needles that I was going to knit a scarf with, but I think I'll go back to the size 9 set. I sort of want a pretty scarf that's really easy, but I haven't had luck finding any good patterns. Any thoughts would be welcomed gratefully.   I also want to do a small coinpurse, but I think I may just wing that one.   I think I need circular needles! They seem to be necessary for -everything- cute. Dude! I also need to pick up a tote bag for knitting stuff.   Anxiety is high but I'm doing reasonably well. I found the new address of the site I mentioned last night and I still recognize a lot of names.

smallvoice

smallvoice

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