I wish I could find a scent my husband really loves. He used to love Jailbait, but I wore it the other day and he didn't even recognize it. He told me it smelled nothing like Jailbait used to, to him.
There are very few that he absolutely dislikes, but I wish I had a scent in my arsenal that he would request and sniff my neck when I wear it. I feel like he tolerates my obsession, but it'd be nice if he could somehow benefit from it, too. Y'know?
I'm wearing Glitter right now, and I am SO not in the mood to be smelling like it. I thought it might cheer me up somehow, but it's not. I can't find MLST; it must be buried with Christmas stuff. Same with Alice and a few others. Nuts.
I wish I had something somber and still light. I don't need to find anymore scents to love, though.
I was talking to him yesterday about limited editions, and remarked that I don't think there's a single LE I love as much as my catalog favourites. Beaver Moon comes the closest. I REALLY like Cerberus, Lotus Moon, Et Lux Fuit, Storyville, Hungry Ghost Moon, and Halôa to name a few, but I think I would cry if Katharina, Whitechapel, Alice or Jailbait were ever discontinued and I really had to hunt for bottles of those. They are just breathtaking. They're perfect for me.
If I could make a huge order right now of GC bottles, I'd order Persephone (because I'm obsessed, even though I've yet to try it), Alice, Dorian, Euphrosyne, Regan, Mouse's Long and Sad Tale x2, Bewitched, The Lion, Tweedledee and Tweedledum, Arkham, Shub, Misk U, Black Opal, Port-au-Prince, Lyonesse, and La Petit Mort.
Heh. If only. But it's more fun to dream about it here than to put it all in my shopping cart and then close it off.
I will be generous with the spoiler tags, for those who plan on seeing it. First, I'll do generalizations:
It is visually stunning. There's no denying that.
The cast is amazing. I need to watch more foreign films, because it cemented my belief that I just don't have an understanding of interpersonal relationships anywhere but where I've lived. In other words, not all the interactions translate into my sphere of understanding, if that makes any sense. It's like anger in anime always seems way, way overdramatic and over-done to me. . . which is a bit of a simplistic way of putting it, but that's all I can really say about it right now.
It isn't what I was expecting from the trailer I saw- but I read enough reviews to know it wasn't exactly what I was expecting anyway, but it still wasn't what I was expecting.
It seemed a little... scattered? Thematically, I mean. That could be my lack of understanding (as mentioned above) in part, but not wholly. And here is where I get into spoiler tags. Note: A lot of this is critical because I think a lot of the good has been advocated already, but I did really enjoy the experience.
Spoiler
I am probably in the minority here, and I realize that.
I was originally under the impression that it was a fantasy movie, sort of in the vein of Labyrinth, Willow or Legend. Then I was under the impression that it was a movie about blurring those lines between fantasy and reality. I'm left feeling like it wasn't a faerie tale, and it wasn't religious and it wasn't historical, and it sort of needed to define itself.
If it was a fable, it wasn't a good one, because the "moral of the story" kept changing- it could've been about faith, but the last test was to not have faith, so that's not it.
There were too many stories crammed into the movie, and they didn't feel cohesive to me. It sort of felt like they were all neglected; like they didn't have enough time to get to any of them completely.
I would've preferred more focus on the fantasy aspect, obviously. I would have been happy, though, if any one aspect had been central, rather than all of them seeming peripheral.
Also, looking at it from a historical standpoint- from what I understand, there were no good guys in that war, so I felt a little uncomfortable with how sympathetic the "outlaws" were made to be. (Isn't that essentially Stalin's camp?) I appreciate how unflinching and stark the film was about it, but it seemed like it was mis-represented a little bit, perhaps.
Finally, since I'm not in a place where I can coherently express myself, I have a teensy bone to pick.
That awesome, awesome scene for her second task? The guy with his eyes in his hands? That pissed me off. This chick crawls into the belly of a tree, with bugs crawling all over her, to look for some toad and feed some rocks to, just because the faun told her to. But when he makes it really clear that the one thing she can't do while she's in the second task is eat, she falters? It's not like she's starving. Her family is well taken care of on that front. And it's not like she's never read a faerie tale! She's obsessed with them! So she should freaking know better! But she still eats! That was so infuriating to me. At least there could have been some clever trap for her to walk into, but it was just straightforward. "Ho-hum. I think I'll pluck some dinner off this table where this freaky guy is sitting with his eyeballs on the plate... mmm." No. Not believable. That girl knows better. Anyway, I'm going to end this here. Heh.
I hope my review of Pan's Labyrinth wasn't offensive to anybody! I still had a fantastic time, and I'm incredibly glad to have seen it on the big screen. I was just pointing out things I didn't enjoy about it, s'all.
I'm kind of pissed right now. I got my LotR essay back today, and the grade was considerably lower than I was expecting. I didn't fail, but I got a 4.0 out of english 101, and this is a LIT class (sort of), so I have a certain amount of expectations for my grades when it comes to writing, and I was pretty confident with what I had written.
Also, I love you guys. That's all for now! Must do homework, so I can then play Baldur's Gate 2! And then.... American Idol!
I can't believe I am so close to Convergence right now and I can't get there. That seems immeasurably unfair, and I just want to lay in bed and weep. It's within DRIVING distance, and we have $2 to our names.
There's never going to be a way to replicate this, either. Convergence will happen again, but the people attending this year are not all going to be at the next one, and I love Portland, and I just don't know how to handle this.
I think chocolate is in order.
As some of you might know, my sister decided to get a divorce this summer, a decision that floored me- but that I do support. She loves her kids and wouldn't do anything without a good reason. I've learned some of those reasons. They met in court yesterday to begin the proceedings- I don't know the precise terms, but they were supposed to present one another with papers or something. I had a therapy appointment yesterday. My husband was in the waiting room and my sister's husband walked into the building. He was carrying various folders and papers and whatnot, and greeted my husband, who probably wouldn't have noticed him otherwise. So therapy is hitting on some rough territory lately and I'm usually quite a wreck after them. We got into the car and my husband explains what he saw, suggesting that my sister's husband might've been meeting with a lawyer. I shook my head. He wasn't meeting with A lawyer. He was meeting with THE lawyer. I don't live in a huge metropolis, but if we had the equivalent of a hotshot media-whore sleazy big city lawyer, he would be it.
Last I heard, my sister was working with legal aid, or whoever does it for cheap, so I tried to get ahold of her all day to see if she knew. Last night, I finally did. She did know. It's ALL like something out of a soap opera. Apparently, she hadn't been aware that he'd had a lawyer until they both swept into court... because the lawyer wasn't even on the dockett. Huh? How does that even work? Is it legal to take a judge by surprise like that?
And I'm worried her lawyer isn't even competent.
Fun times. So, somebody I've been friends with for coming on seven years now has sort of just proven himself to be a rather awful person. The sad part is that I should've seen it coming, and I just wanted to believe the best about him. The really sad part is that other people are paying for my mistake with him. It's a huge mess. I'm pretty angry all around. And sad. I've spent the better part of a year (or more) trying to help him find his way, and all he's been doing is taking advantage of me and anyone close to me who wants to help me... Grrrarrrgggghhhhhhhhhrrrrrrrrrrggggg.
Odd little project:
I'd like to try scents that don't have a lot of reviews, so I'm going to list some here. (But this is not my wishlist, this is just for my own reference.)
Anathema
Death on a Pale Horse
Les Infortunes de la Vertu
Loralei
Nero
The Black Tower
The Bow and Crown of Conquest
This is to get a better feel for what I wear on a regular basis. So, beginning with yesterday:
4/16: Snow-Flakes
4/17: Pink Moon 2007
4/18: Boomslang, but it smells terrible. I'm going to wash it off and wear something lighter.
4/19: Whitechapel
Here's the rundown of everything that's been going wrong in my life of late. I'll do a more positive one soon.
-I got violently ill during finals week last quarter.
-I was violently ill the first week of spring break.
-I was PMS'ing, too.
-Surprise visit from my beloved cousin left little time for rest during the second week of spring break.
-Ugliness and misfortune from friend in previous entry.
-School starts. Yoga-ow. Math-ow. Archaeology-YAY. English-....
-Things resolve with friend, who gets kicked out of his apartment due to not paying rent. (This is a long story.) Instead of doing homework, I help him get moved.
-S.O. gets sick.
-Mom may have whooping cough. If she does, I will have to be tested for it as well.
-If mom has whooping cough, she will go straight to the hospital. Scariness.
-I get sick. I miss 3 of the first 8 days of classes. Catching up in math is going to be a bitch.
-Friend gets moved in here.
-English instructor is extremely condescending to me. It makes me sad.
-At the urging of my S.O., I realize that I can't take archaeology. This is heartbreaking news.
-A favourite uncle who has been really sick for a while now goes into renal failure and is on his deathbed.
-Favourite uncle consequently dies.
-I miss the funeral because it is out of town, and I've already missed too much school.
-The death brings up a lot of past issues.
-I'm still sick but attending school. My voice is mostly gone and I feel like shit, but I'm probably not contagious.
-I tell my archaeology instructor in person that I'm dropping his class, and when he gets concerned, I damn near cry, because his class is the only one I enjoy. This causes more concern from him. Luckily (for me) he has a class and can't stay, but reassures me that I'm not giving up and I have to do what's best for me and all the nice things people say.
-I cry. (In my car)
-I cry some more. (At home)
-For whatever reason, math just isn't sticking with me. I suck. I fail the first quiz.
-My first english essay is late.
-I cry some more. (In my car and at home)
-I don't have wedding invitations yet. This is not good.
-.... to be continued.
Not as in "making knots", but as in "not knitting".
Dude, I don't know what I'm doing, but it sure as hell doesn't resemble what she's doing on the knittinghelp site. Also, I've watched her continental casting clip ten thousand times, and I can still only get it started once in twenty-five times. Is there any reason I can't start with a slip knot and a single cast, and then do the rest with her double-casting style thingy?
Also? None of my knitting looks like any of the things she's demonstrated at all. Mine is all wavy and you can sort of see a braided effect if you pull it out really tightly, but then it springs right back into the wavy seam thing. WTF? I'm doing something, and it is making rows and whatnot, but it's nothing like anything I've seen today. Or ever.
I was going to post this in the title thread on the forum, but it's a little too involved to clog up the board with.
Okay. So, we've got a houseguest living here, because he fell apart. He's here on the condition that he gets help and works it out. We want to see him get healthy. So we go the route of trying to get him hospitalized. The hospital says that they can't even put him on the waiting list until he goes to see someone at the crisis response center and have an evaluation there, and then files for medical coupons with the department of social and health services-- and the waiting list is about two years. So we do all that, and try to get him outpatient treatment at the hospital, which they won't do until he gets evaluated by a specific ARNP in the area and gets a different medical coupon. At this point, they won't even evaluate him if he pays out of pocket. So we go to the specific ARNP, and I ranted about him before, because he told me to shut my mouth when I went to ask him to clarify his plan for my housemate's medication. Which still pisses me off, but also keeps me quiet (and that makes me even more mad, because I hate feeling cowed). He's a freak, and he isn't paying attention to what the housemate, S, is saying. He's condescending and just... rude. I don't like him. S missed an appointment with him, and when he went back, ARNP wouldn't let him in without a fee for missing the prior appointment, which S doesn't have. So ARNP told him to leave. The LDS church comes to our aid, and we go see a psychologist who is very nice and very patient, but eventually he insists that we go back to ARNP.
So we go to see the guy, and he's being a prima donna. Seriously harrassing S for never coming back (ARNP didn't offer to reschedule when he sent him away.), and treating him like shit, basically. This man is everything I hate about the mental health professional community. Let me count the ways:
1. He says that hospitalization is an option if S really can't do what he needs to do, so S explains what all we've done to try and get hospitalization. ARNP takes this story and goes, "They didn't tell you that you have the wrong medical coupon. They told you you're not sick enough for hospitalization." Uhh. He goes on to imply that S is faking his condition and that my husband and I will soon have no choice but to throw him out on the street.
2. He tries to put the fear of God into S about what hospitalization is like. Every horror story that ever went through my mind when I thought I'd have to be put away, he brought up. Gee, that's helpful.
3. He says that LDS-guy doesn't know what to do with him anymore, and that's why he sent him back. He says that everybody is frustrated because he's not helping himself, and that he won't put up with it. He tells S that he needs to pull himself together, and that eventually, he's going to look back on this and realize what a dick he is.
4. He reiterates that S is not sick and is using everyone. Then he brings up medication. He prattles on about how S won't notice any changes from any of these medicines, and that's fine- it's perfectly normal. He might notice a slight elevation in his moods at higher doses, but these won't really do anything for him at all. Great motivation to take the little bastards, then.
5. ARNP asks, "So, what do you want to do?" In my mind, I calmly reply, "I'd like to punch you in the face." S asks for clarification, and he snaps, "About the medication!" S is like, "Uh, take it?" So he talks some more about the medication, and I think some more about punching his face, and as he's sending us out, he's all, "It's a good thing I'm not your therapist, huh? You wouldn't like me very much. I'd just tell you to get off your ass." Nice. So then he makes another appointment, and is all, "If you don't make this appointment, then Godspeed. I wish you well. But find somebody else. You won't be coming back here." And I so desperately wanted to say, "There is nobody else, you fucktard! If there were, we wouldn't be here! We would never have come back, ever! But DSHS says that you're the only asshole in the area, so we're stuck with you. Isn't that nice?" But I didn't want to hand him that kind of power, so I just nodded and left. While shaking profusely.
Fucker. Thanks for helping not at all.
I'm feeling the weight of depression settling in on me this weekend, and I'm sort of afraid of falling back into that pit of awfulness. But! I got an awesome card from my switch witch, I'm preparing my switchee's package, and I've been trying Penance's tarts (and others) over the past couple of days. I love my tart burner. So! Goodness in my life:
-I'm very, very much in love with someone who is everything I want and need, all in one person, and I'm able to recognize how rare that is to find, and be awed.
-I'm NOT incapacitated by depression/anxiety. I'm in school, I'm doing things on my own- even things I don't particularly want to do, and I'm learning how to live life. I'm making mistakes, but who doesn't?
-There are these bunnies on my campus, which fill me with utter joy to see, and I tend to see them most every day. They are ADORABLE. I'm not in the midst of a huge metropolis or anything, but it's not exactly rural, either, so they're particularly exciting.
-I finally got a tart warmer thingy! And a ton of tea lights, because who knew they burnt out so quickly? But, yeah. So far I've tried a skindazzles Island Paradise one I got from Hawke last SW round (which was subtle and really, really pretty), Creme Brulee from 4 Fat Cats Wax Works (which I really like but the SO hates, sadly.), Peppercorn from 4FCWW which is amazing and lingers like you wouldn't believe, and I'm melting a Jack Frost from Yankee Candles that Hawke also sent me, and I haven't been out to sniff at the room yet, but I will. It smelled grand in the solid, though!
-I'm trying to teach myself to draw. I actually like some of the images I've sketched so far, which is... unusual. I would never describe myself as artistically talented by ANY stretch of the imagination. I started on the drawing kick as almost a joke, sort of inspired by my switchee (I'll explain once the round is over, in case she somehow stumbles across this), and found out that it was really soothing and I liked doing it overall. The SO has been really supportive.
-I'm changing my name! What's more is that I know what I want it to be, finally. I thought I knew, but when it came time to sign paperwork, it felt really awful. I've been trying to settle on something that's agreeable to both myself and the SO and sounds good with his last name, and I FINALLY found the right one. He brought it up, and it had been one I'd been too uncertain about to voice. I'm really excited about the namechange, anyway.
-Earlier this week, when I came home from school and got out of the car, I looked up at the sky and a thousand bits of cotton from cottonwood trees in the area were floating gently in the wind, and with the sun shining through them against the backdrop of a blue sky, they all looked like fairies, and it was breathtaking and I can't do it justice.
-I did really well on my last english essay. I'm getting more comfortable with the format of the class and with the people in the class. It's really more of a political science class, but as long as he is consistent with his course outline, I'll do well in the class.
-I got to hear the father of Fractals speak. (Which is all I'll say on the matter, because that's the most positive thing I can say about the experience, heh.)
-Despite the agony of giving up on Archaeology, I'm really enjoying the break between my classes. I've never done that before. I'm planning on doing it again in the fall.
-My wedding invitations are done! (They're not sent off yet, and they're not what I wanted them to be, but they're done.) This is cause for much rejoicing.
-I've found stuff for the bridesmaids, flower girls, and other people to wear, and my mother found a dress she loves. I'm excited.
-I've made it through half the quarter.
-I got a postcard from my switch witch today!
-Paris was eliminated from American Idol, and while it's sad for her, she's really the only one I felt deserved to go at this stage.
...Yeah, I'm done. Heh.
I HAVE to apply for financial aid for the '06-'07 school year very soon! Turns out I'm going to be taking a series of two math classes instead of this one I'm failing so miserably right now. It sucks, and I don't want to fail again. It makes my GPA cry. And by fail, I do mean fail. I'm trying to see the positive side, which is that I'll get to take more classes that I really want to try, to prepare for the career path I'm interested in before the pressure really sets in. Since when did 2 year colleges become 4 year schools?
I'm really, really tired.
With rabid support from my friends and family, I've sort of discovered that I have potential to learn to be an artist. I don't have technique yet, but I think I could do really well with it eventually. This is hilarious to me, because I've always thought of myself as the least artistic person in the room- can't draw a straight line to save my soul, and my stick figures come out malformed, and nothing looks the way it should- but even more, I had SUCH a horrible experience with my intro to art class I took last fall- My instructor was AWFUL. Like, really mean. Coated in sugar, but just always so negative. I almost wrote a letter to the dean about her, actually. Some of the things she did were highly offensive.
So anyway. Instead of rushing through math and science to prepare for the radiology program, I can take some art classes and other things that interest me- like foreign language, for instance- and see how I'm doing next year at this time.
I'll be married! And with a brand new name! I can't wait to change my name. I'm doing my full name, after we are married.
It's crunch time. I only just mailed off a vast majority of the invitations: Yeah, we're closing in on a month until the day. I'm so unprepared. I'm so very excited. I'm so extremely lucky... and now I'm off to bed.
I need to stay out of that LJ thread. It's making me upset and snarky and I generally try to be nice to people. I just need to take a breath, a step back, and focus on the fact that I don't always have to attack when I feel threatened. This, to me, is a safe place, and I don't want it to be unsafe... but I'm not the authorities. Yeah, I'm being silly. It's just so... irritating that people can be so freaking mean!
Gah. I need to do homework. The boys went to church.
Trying to focus on other things... meh. I hate when life gets turned upside down, even when it's best in the long run... But this..? This is just dredging up awfulness from the past and present. It'll get better, but... man, it sucks right now. I'll go into more detail when I can. I'm paranoid at the moment.
I think I just figured out a note I love! Finally! I mean, I know there are blends that work well on me, but I've never been able to really truly single out a note... and that note is white musk. I tested Katharina just now, and it was a little sharp going on, but then I noticed that it has white musk in it, and so does Whitechapel, so I figured that maybe it would dry down differently on me- and half an hour later, it smells fantastic. It's the same musk- I can actually pick it out. That is freaking awesome.
I need to lose weight. This is not an epiphany, obviously (the white musk thing was the epiphany). It's just... incredibly important to me. I was explaining this to one of my bridesmaids earlier this week. I want to go out with my husband, and have people look at us and think: "What is that girl doing with that guy?" Here's why: I think he deserves that. I want to make people sit up and take notice of him.
Please don't take that to mean I'm putting down his appearance; I'm very attracted to him. I just know that he doesn't have the physical appearance to match his heart- and trust me, if his phsyical appearance really did correspond to his heart, angels would weep and traffic would stop and there would be no more war and he'd be able to turn tap water into Shub Niggurath (the BPAL blend, not the Lovecraftian critter, because that would be seriously freaky- can you imagine? He'd have to get special glasses or something, because otherwise he'd unleash this terror onto the world... but yeah, getting off the subject here...) with a piercing glance and.... yeah. All that stuff.
He's that special. He deserves someone fantastic.
I don't think my addiction to the internet is a bad thing. I think people who are derisive of the internet are slugs. It can be a catalyst of bad things, but it can also be a catalyst of good things, and ultimately I think it balances out. I don't think there's anything wrong with the fact that I went through shaking, sweating, convulsing withdrawls over the past week I've been without the internet.
My wedding's in one week and six days. On monday, we HAVE to see about getting the license. I also changed my mind about my dress. I was going to wear a kimono, but it turned up all wrong and that's been distressing. So when my bridesmaid/flower girl tops showed up all gorgeous, I went looking through this site at the dresses. I'm having a custom tailored dress made for less than $50, and it should be here late next week. It's perfect. I'm getting the one in cyan, which looked more turquoise on my mother's computer, and now I'm starting to get worried. Not that worried. As long as I get married, I'll be happy. I'm less stressed than I ought to be. I think I'm more focused on surviving school this quarter. When it's over with, I'll go into full-on panic mode for the wedding.
There are about 10 people who aren't coming that I would love to magically transport here for the wedding. (And a couple of people who've passed on that I wish could attend as well.) I'd have 2 more bridesmaids were that the case. Ah, well. I know they'll be here in spirit.
My father did bring one blessing into my life- his mother. She was a dear, gentle woman and I miss her tremendously. Her death wasn't filled with grief for me, however. It was one of the easiest goodbyes I've ever said to someone I love, and I am not good with the farewell moments. It just felt like her time. I do regret not seeing her again before she died. I think she'd be glad to see me so happy, though. I need to remember to bring yellow roses to the wedding for her. She carried them at her wedding.
I am very glad both my brothers will be attending. I suspected one wouldn't be able to make it. Anyway... Off to do some homework. Or lounge around the forums s'more.
I grew up in the LDS church, also known as the mormons. I was baptised at age 12 because my mother and I were converts, and my dad wasn't active. I'm no longer active. I'm still feeling out my spiritual pathways. However, the LDS church is always going to be a part of who I am and, at least locally, they have a really great community of people. Most of the people helping with the wedding are members. I'm getting married in an LDS church building, by an LDS bishop. My mom is still an active member. My fiance decides that he wants to investigate the church to learn more about my background in it and to connect more with my mom, and also to attend with our roommate, who wouldn't go otherwise. This is all very nice, in theory. However, he hates organized religion. He's very liberal, politically speaking. He believes in God, but doesn't like all the dressings. When he met with the missionaries, it annoyed me, because I felt like he was there to waste their time. And he came back with snide remarks and his usual issues with the thought of organized religions- complaints about beliefs and accusations about oppression of women and just... all the same stuff. So I shrugged and told him not to do it. But he's persisted. So I tend to nod and sigh and remind him that he doesn't have to go there, and nobody's trying to force him into the beliefs. It just irritates me. He came home today ranting about how tithing is just rent for the church and they don't care about motivations and whatever. It's a freaking principle of the church. Don't act like you understand it, because you obviously don't. It isn't flexible. Organized religion has to have structure to it, otherwise it WOULDN'T BE ORGANIZED!!!
Ten days! I'm going to be married in just ten days! That's unbelievable. I'm so excited. Despite the fact that I don't have shoes. And our rings aren't here yet. And my dress probably won't be here for about a week. ...
Anyway, we got the marriage license today. Fun stuff. It makes it all so much more real. Guh, it's going to be such a hassle to change my name. I hope it all goes smoothly. Now I'm starting to get really nervous.
Woah. There is SO much to write about. It was a LONG day.
I woke up early- about 7:30. I got ready, and waited for my cousin/maid of honor to be ready. We left the house around 9:30.
I'm going to sound like a horrible person here, but my meltdown came when I went to make sure my mother would be up and at the church (because she had the key) and she was sick. She has a chronic illness and is genuinely sick quite often, but she also will tend to rely on it as an attention getter, which pisses me off to no end. I just really needed her to pull it together, and it was one more thing going wrong. Just couldn't deal. So I grabbed my dress and left in a hurry. I went to a coffee shop and had a coffee and tried to calm down. The boy called my mom to see what was up and my aunt and her two oldest boys were going to head over to unlock the building. So my cousin and I thought we'd go make sure there were people there setting up.
There weren't. It was just the three of them. So my cousin and I couldn't very well just be like, "Okay, see ya. Have fun with that!" We went in and helped set up and my aunt offered to help with my hair, but she had to run errands. Yeah. We didn't get out of there until after 12. She suggested meeting back up around 2. So my cousin and I ran to the nail salon where she had acryllics put on and that took forever. I never did find pretty underwear, but I found tights.
While I was in the store looking for tights and underwear, I remembered that I wouldn't be going home again until after the wedding (no time!) and I didn't have my aquamarine earrings with me. I phoned the boy, asked him to look for the earrings, and he came up with nothing. So I asked him to look for the ones 'snarky got me from the swap, and he also couldn't find those. That was my big meltdown moment. I couldn't very well walk down the aisle without earrings! I needed those earrings! I was going to DIE without those earrings! (They were in plain sight when we got home, much, MUCH later.) So much drama. Anyway. I needed something borrowed, so I asked one of my bridesmaids to bring me earrings, and then found out that another one already had some with her, and they were GORGEOUS. Pearls with diamonds. Really simple and just lovely.
We had to rush back, but the church was locked. However, we recognized cars, so we knew somebody was there. We're pounding on the doors and trying to get somebody's attention- It took about 15 minutes, and it was only due to the wonder of cell phones and luck that it was that fast. I'd forgotten any sort of hair-doing supplies, so my aunt and I ran to a store nearby and bought bobby pins and hair spray and a hairbrush and then ran back to the church. We scoot on back to the bride's room (It's makeshift; it's just one of the classrooms, but it was our base of operations, so that's what I'm calling it.) and get started on my hair. I'm not one for putting products in my hair, so it didn't feel that great- my hair is oddly really wavy, but hates holding curl.
Continuation: I got sprayed in the eye with hairspray, which sucked. My cousin Donna shows up with 2 of her kids, and we have a little reunion. Her dad died earlier this year, and it was the first time I'd seen her since. She brought me tic tacs from him and came to the rescue when I realized I didn't have "something old" to carry. The second of three bridesmaids shows up with the pretty earrings and lots of hair-doing supplies. It's about 3:00 at this point. Lots of family have arrived and I'm trying to get around to see everybody, but I'm sort of confined to the room, so people are coming around to see me. I'm sorta hungry at this point; haven't had much to eat. And thus, my favourite story from the wedding is born. (To be told much later) Bridesmaid #2 volunteers to get me food, so she runs off to subway around 3:30. I can't remember what else she was doing. (Gah. I should've continued this sooner. I know there's a ton of stuff I'm forgetting.)
And that, chickies, is where I must pause for the night, because... I'm so tired it's literally making me sick to my stomach. I'll pick back up soon.
So, my brother called me last night and announced that his mother told him that I don't have anyone helping with the wedding, so what all do we need done? Well, flowers. But it's wierd that she would say that, because all I've been hearing is that a million people have offered to help, so I set him straight on that. Flowers. Which will be the cost of the flowers themselves, but the arranging will all be free. Fine. So just now, I tell my mother what my brother told me, and she says, "Yeah, nobody's stepped forward to help." And I'm like, "Mom. Why is this the first I've heard of it? You've told me that offers of aid have been pouring in since September, so why would you now tell me that that's not the case? Why would you tell me that just 9 days before the wedding? Why???" Only not quite so dramatically. So she hems and haws and is like, "People just don't want to help anymore." Uh. Uhhhhh. Dude. My brain can't even handle this. I have my muthafuggin' math final tomorrow. No more stress. My wedding is in 9 days. No more stress. The rings arrived today and they're about two miles too wide. NO MORE STRESS!
Did I mention my whole math saga yet? I mean, the latest part of it. Just for the record, I don't like doing badly. So sucking in math this quarter has been a huge strain on my anxiety. HUGE. (Learning that I might be able to draw, however, has been priceless.) And I've sucked to the point where I'm not sure if I'll be able to pull a D-, which is a .7. I was pissed at myself when I got a 3.1 out of intro to Anthropology. That's just for comparison, so the sting of this is crystal clear. Monday, my instructor showed us our grades going into the final. Mine was a .5- I could lose my financial aid if I don't get at least a .7. This sucks. SUCKS! So I go in on tuesday, absolutely flattened because there's just no way I can see I'll be able to score high enough on the final to pull a .7; no way. She comes over again and goes, "Oh, I was mistaken. THIS is actually what you have right now." And points to a 1.7. Uh, that's quite a change. It also puts me into range for pulling a 2.0, which is what I need to move past college level algebra. Most importantly, it is NOT a .5!! Holy shit.
So now I don't want to screw up my grade. I want to do well on the final, and I have no idea if I can do that or not. I'm not prepared. I know I'm going to be taking it over again, but... it'd be nice to do it because I want to, not because I have to. Y'know?
