I can knit! I'm really awkward, and I don't know any sort of technique for holding the needles, and I'm excruciatingly slow, but considering that my 9-year-old tutor couldn't remember how to cast the yarn onto the needle, I think I'm doing fairly well. She also told me that I couldn't take the first needle out of the line of stitches until the next line was all done, instead of sliding them over to the second needle as they're being done (does that make sense? The explanation, not the technique, which is absurd. Heh.) I basically couldn't move my needle by the end of that one row. So I figured out how to do it and I"m slowly getting better. I don't know anything, though. Just the basic casting stitch thing. I think. I don't know. It looks pretty, though! And it's more versatile than crochet, I think. I'm pretty excited. It's given me something to focus on and not think about life. Yay for knitting! I've got a small piece of a rather wide scarf-- it's about two hands wide. Wide hands; they're mine. My needles are really long, and they're 10... uh, gauge? I don't know the term. But that's the number.
I wish the needles weren't quite so long, and a little thicker. I may have to do some shopping. I want to knit something for my nephew, who shall be arriving into the world in December-- here's the problem my husband pointed out. He's kind of in the south. Like, southern Mississippi, near New Orleans. It's just not very cold there. He doesn't need a lot of blankets or hats or anything. So, any ideas?
I know I'm not always the most tactful person in the world, but why do people have to be rude? And why do they have to perpetuate drama? It frustrates me to see the forum degenerate into name-calling and snide remarks masked in smilies. Delivering an insult with a smile is still an insult, and is often more offensive that way. I understand wanting to have the last word, but you don't always need it. Go vent about it elsewhere. Start a blog. Do whatever you need to do, but work it out. Stop campaigning for your cause, because nobody cares.
I don't agree with everyone, and I get my hackles up if I feel insulted (which has happened once, and I did react really harshly.) or protective of a friend, or both. But sometimes just let it go. The forum isn't life or death, and if it is, you really need to see about chilling out.
Who am I talking to? That's a good question. (I was just remarking that I hate when people talk like that- rhetorical questions that they immediately answer. I think I saw it on Shark when I mentioned it. Anyway.) If you think I'm talking about you, you probably have good reason to think that, and it's probably true. I'm not talking about one single person, or one single side. Right or wrong, it gets absurd on both sides. Then again, I'm not talking about anyone who is reading my blog, probably.
Conflict is a part of life, and how we deal with it says a lot about who we are as people. I'm obviously a little(!!) unbalanced, but I'm trying to work out my flaws there.
I don't think people are bad. I just think sometimes you've got to take a step back.
I wish I were better at picking out notes. I got my Chaos Theory in the mail on the first, and I'm not sure what I think of it. It feels almost perfect for me in some ways- like Beth was actually checking out my preferences or something- It is similar to Cerberus, but lighter. There's a slight sweetness and what might be blackberry wine. Wine often turns to kitty litter on my skin. I'm pretty sure the blackberries are what did me in with MB: Closet.
Manhattan isn't me. It's rather aloof and polished and a little bit masculine. It's a pretty scent, but it doesn't work for me. That's sad, but it means I get to make a trade for something I really want- Alice, Les Bijoux, Arkham, Misk U, and Baghdad all spring right to mind. I'm tempted to update my swap post right now, but I'm not sure I'm ready to part with it.
I'm undecided on Xanthe. I must test it out, but I'm sort of nervous, because I want to keep the bottle pristine, for some reason. Hah. I LOVE the trading card, and I must find all of them. I can't afford to have all the bottles, but surely people will be willing to part with the cards, right?
Finally, Katharina. So much love. So much goodness. White, musky goodness, and apricot with orange blossom goodness. Mmm.
Of the 8 frimps, I've only tried 2 previously, so that's cool. I'm going to need some imps to toss along with my school things so I can have them handy.
I must learn to knit socks. I love these things. Snarky, I love them! My feet rebel against my other socks, since having the royal treatment. It's my new obsession. Maybe I'll swap BPAL for socks! But I want to make my own. What's a garter stitch? I hear it mentioned in patterns a bit, but I don't think I've seen an example anywhere.
Also, my backwards knitting site doesn't have a section on how to do anything but cast on, knit and purl. That makes me nervous about trying other things. Dude! I can't believe I'll be back in school in less than two weeks! Annnnd enough about that. I'm all done for the night; gotta go snuggle with the boy.
I ADORE him. Have I mentioned that lately?
I am about sick of money issues coming up. I know I shouldn't be complaining, because it's not like we're starving to death or anything, but it's awfully frustrating being the only one of the three of us with any sort of income. Car insurance and gas money tacked on to everything else is just sort of almost too much to deal with. And here's the thing with insurance: My mom had been taking care of it because she had the money and it was just cheaper for her to do it for a number of reasons. Well, when we went in to have it switched over to my name, they initially quoted a rate that was within our budget, but recanted when they noticed that we didn't get the multiple car discount that my mother has. The rate they quoted then was about double the original one. We went in a couple of days ago to finish up the paperwork and when I asked for the quote again to put in my records, we were given the lower rate- which I didn't notice until we got home. I like the lower rate, but I don't want this to bite us in the ass. Do we go in and bring it up to them? Just wait on it? Oh yeah, and here's something else fun: My windshield is cracked. Got trapped behind two big semi's riding side by side, with rocks piled into the back, completely unprotected, and several of them pelted the windshield. I didn't notice the crack until this week. We can apparently get it fixed for $70, which we don't have to spare, or we can file a claim and have the insurance rate increase. Does that seem right? I'm a bit naive about insurance, apparently, but I've been exceedingly distressed since my husband told me that any claim we make will bump up our rate.
If I had the energy, I'd shriek in frustration.
Steven Colbert just said "cock-blocked." Is there a clean reference that I'm missing; one that has to do with roosters or something? Because otherwise? Woah. Not bleeped or anything.
My husband's cat is still not venturing out of the room- not often. When she does, my cat immediately chases her back under our bed... and she runs. There's no fighting back.
Today he told me that we're probably going to need to get rid of one. Being who he is, he presented it as us needing to get rid of his cat. The cat he flew in from Tennessee. The cat he loves. And I just can't let him do it. It's cruel to keep this going on, so one of them does need to go- or they just need to go at it, but we haven't been able to instigate that.
I love my cat. LOVE. And I don't know of anybody who can take her. I don't know what I'm going to do without her. Why does everything shift to bleak in an instant like that?
I am just wiped out. 3 more days of classes and then I'm done with this quarter, and I am SO READY for it to be over.
So the birth of my new nephew has me daydreaming about having a baby, which I know is so incredibly wierd in light of my recent total spaz-out over the thought of a parasite living inside me, but... I don't know. It's not quite as disgusting as before, because babies are just so amazing.
Yeah, I'm a freak. But my nephew is frickin' gorgeous. (And I really wanted to be able to go down there for the holidays to see him. Sigh.)
It will be a few years before we make any decisions in that area, though.
Yeah, poor me. Hah. I am actually okay. My husband and I were grumpy at one another tonight and so I was in a bad mood- it's strange, because we rarely have arguments; we're pretty good at straight-up communication, I think, but every now and then we just sort of misfire and get on one another's nerves, and that's what happened tonight. BUT I'm trying to let it go.
I made six loaves of bread today, and studied in between. SIX, people! I gave one to my parents. Does anybody know how many cups are in a gallon, approximately? I need to figure out how many loaves of bread I get out of a gallon of milk.
So, when I was brand new, a few people sent me free imps just to get me hooked. Every now and then, when the spirit moves me and I have extras, I offer to send some out. I did that recently with someone I'd been corresponding with and feeling pretty friendly with. So I sent them to her, and it's like she fell off the face of the planet. She quit coming to the forums a few weeks after it should have arrived, and I sent her a couple of messages telling her it was on the way, and then asking if it had gotten there safely, and I heard nothing from her. This bugs me. It's not like I wanted her to shout it from the rooftops or anything; I know plenty of other people do this, but just some acknowledgement via PM or SOMETHING would have been nice. Arg.
My brain is all over the place. And I can't remember where in the brain Wernicke's area is.
Finals are scary!!!
I don't even have an episode of Heroes recorded to soothe my wounded soul from today.
My math teacher? Is insane. No calculators on exams or the final. This is an algebra class. He also does pop quizzes and collects homework randomly, and doesn't make use of the online math center that helped me so very much last quarter. This blows.
Math was the class I was least worried about.
Now I have to upset my whole schedule, and it's just aggravating, and I just don't like the guy, right off the bat.
Although I hated my english teacher early on and we're on good terms now.
I think I'm going to drop math this quarter and take it next. Now to figure out a good class to pick up in its stead...
My eyes ache from my earlier hysterics.
I mortified myself this morning.
I rushed to get to school and was about ten minutes early, and the math classroom was empty except for the instructor, who looked like he was grading papers. So I came in and looked over my math, and I thought about running over to the admin building to get the add sheet I'd forgotten to pick up yesterday (and again today!) but decided against it. People slowly filter in, and this girl sits next to the instructor and starts asking him questions, so I don't want to interrupt that, but I do want to catch him before class starts, so I go over there, pull up a chair, and listen to what they're discussing while I wait my turn. Finally, I'm like, "Hey, I don't mean to be rude, but I forgot to grab an add sheet." He stares at me blankly and is all, "Add sheet?" So I say, "Yeah... to add me to the class... I spoke with you yesterday about it?" And he laughs, and loudly says, "Oh, I'm not the instructor." He glances back and then points to the guy walking in the door. "He's the instructor." Mortified. So I slunk back to my seat in shame. How awful. And everyone heard the exchange, but seriously, I'd only met the guy yesterday and I didn't really remember what he looked like, and... yeah. So freaking embarrassing.
The rest of the day was fine, though, surprisingly.
It's late, and I'm tired, so I know that's mostly why my emotions are all over the place.
I suck at this dieting thing, even though I love salad and fresh fruit and wheat bread... I'm just not doing well with it. I need to add exercise, but I'd have to clear out the front room to really do that, plus I don't have the energy to divert in that direction at this point.
I found some old floppy disks that had files and photographs on it from years ago, and there were several of the man I don't think I've ever fully recovered from. I love my husband, and I am completely his, but because there was something so raw about the relationship I had with this other guy, my heart still aches a little at the thought of everything that happened.
I wouldn't be with my husband if it hadn't happened like that, though.
Anyway, I've been feeling nostalgic for all these old things/experiences lately, and I realized that nothing ever stays the same. The saying "You can never go home again"? Really applies to me right now. Not physical homes, but online communities.
I miss Charlie.
Anyway. I'm going to go play mind-numbing games until I can sleep.
Stupid Verizon. I'll update about them later.
We got some sleet tonight- I'm praying for a thaw by monday.
Trinsic sent us another bill. How messed up is that? It's in the pile to be faxed to the utilities commission, assuming we have the right number for him. I can't find where I wrote it down.
My husband says that swaps are stressing me out too much and he'd really prefer it if I stopped. So, I've stopped. But. I'm unhappy about it.
Not so much the regular swapping, but I really wanted to get into starting decant circles. We have the money right now for the supplies, but he says we should save it, which means he doesn't want me spending the money on perfume, and I wish he would just say that, because it's not like anything EVER gets saved. We blow it on stupid things, and I would just as soon have the decanting stuff. I get where he's coming from, but I am so frustrated because I'm fixated on the vials right now, and I desperately want to try Hope and Faith. I'll test them at Convergence, though. (Assuming they're going to be among the throng.)
I should just sell all my perfume before Convergence.
I'm in a mood.
Oh! I should be setting up an appointment with a real, live therapist next week sometime. (Not going to the appointment next week, but setting one up for hopefully sometime soon.) That's quite a relief... I will sing the praises of medication for depression and anxiety until I'm blue in the face, because they've helped me so very much... but I think I've reached the limit of where they can take me. It's pretty impressive. I wouldn't have believed it a few years ago, but I'm the happiest I've ever been. I just don't want to slide back into depression, and I feel like I could do that.
So, yeah. Instead of buying decanting supplies, I went switch witch shopping. Okay. I have GOT to stop obsessing over this.
My bio class was all full, so I had to sign up to take it from someone else, later in the day. Ugh. So here's my schedule, for now:
9-10: Intro to Linguistics
11:30-12:30: Cell Biology
12:40-1:40: History of Modern Middle East
I don't know if that's what I'll keep, though.
I'm going to start therapy as of March 12.
....
This is a good thing, but I am rather scared. I need it to get me to an even keel, seriously. I can't afford to be a wreck next quarter, though. The classes are getting more difficult and more important.
And I'm still upset that I can't take archaeology. Heh. I still tear up thinking about when I dropped it- LAST SPRING. I love my instructor.
Ah, well. I'm looking forward to all of my upcoming classes, actually, though I may try and get into the bio class that my archaology instructor's wife teaches instead of this one. I don't actually know anything about her, or the guy I have right now, so I guess it only matters if he sends me home in tears or something. Which, I guess, isn't such a difficult task for the first day of classes. They aren't until April 2nd, and winter quarter ends April 21st! This is causing me great joy. Stupid Lord of the Rings.
We are 9 weeks into a 12 week quarter, and last week, my LOTR instructor complained that our second 100 point essays (of which there will be three, out of a total of something like 700 points, I want to say- but each thing is worth essentially 100 points, except for the reading quizzes, and do NOT get me started on those.) anyaway, he complained that our essays were too focused on FORM and not enough on CONTENT. He went on to explain that he isn't looking for your standard 5 paragraph essay that you learn in english 101, which is what the fricking prereq was, but nevermind that- no, he just wants us to write, concisely and impeccably, about the subjects we are given.
You can't really tell from the way I write here, but I am really good at writing papers for school. I learn what my instructor wants, and I do it. I got a 4.0 in english 101 writing political crap that I don't believe, for the most part. There are no words to describe how completely pissed off I was when he explained the format (or lack thereof? I don't really know, still) he was expecting from our essays. We've already written 2. I'm pissed that mine have been no higher than 85.
This is so frustrating, because of the way he has handled class the entire quarter. He keeps contradicting what he wants from us, and I sort of don't even want to do ANYTHING for the class anymore.
He gives a reading quiz every monday over the 100 pages we had to read the previous week. I do just as well when I don't read the pages as when I do. Don't ask for crazy details that I won't notice on my first time reading it through- and nothing in the course description even implied that it would be necessary to have read the trilogy, but that's how he has handled the class. Also, if you don't want english 101 papers, don't put that down as the stupid prereq! ARRRGH. I can't even get across how stupid and frustrating this is for me.
I don't even want to read the books anymore.
Anyway. Wow. That was a sucky and negative post. But... I dunno. I've just been feeling so very lackluster lately.
Stupid Lord of the Rings. Arrgh. I seriously want to email my 101 instructor and be like, "Do you believe this freak??? OMGSRSLY!" I don't really want to, but I wish I knew if he would be surprised that my papers are rating so poorly.
I was so tired today that for a brief moment, everything I looked at was this odd shade of orange.
I have a presentation to give in my speech class on thursday. How stressed about that am I? Very little. Less than I probably should be.
Guh.
I didn't even get to nap today. And I haven't been to the mailbox, and I have swaps that need to go out. Speaking of swaps, I haven't heard anything further from Duck Mountain, though I imagine she's got a few things to get in order. I guess I was expecting that to be sort of straightened out when she sent the message.
I have never wanted a BPAL tee shirt as much as Pink Moon... and my mom snagged it for me! That sucker is going to be so very worn out it's not even funny.
Is it summer yet? Why is there another quarter of classes before the break? I want summer break noooooow. I'm hoping next quarter changes that mindset for me, though.
What'm I going to take in the fall? That's a good question. It's something fun to obsess over! A&P 1 for sure. Other possibilities: English 201, Statistics, Pre-calc, Speech, some sort of literature class, physical anthropology... Dunno! Probably statistics and literature.
Do you ever really get over that person who evokes the first exhilirating burst of love? Not your first crush, nor the first person you went out with whenever that began, but the first person you could actually feel in your soul; the one you could see yourself with, growing old together, the very first person to take your breath away and make you rethink everything you've ever heard about the concept of love? Does that one ever really heal?
I love my husband with all my heart, truly I do. I don't want anyone else. So why do I find myself still looking for this other person? Actively looking. It doesn't make sense.
I was all excited about placing into the college level algebra... went in today, and the instructor jumped into chapter 5. Chapter 5!!!@#$#$!!~@@#!!~!#$%&(#! Dude, I'm not that smart. Seriously. And it's the first day! I don't have my freaking books! I didn't get the financial aid check until saturday!! Then, she tried to play it off like it was school policy for us to have to get the customized book with the cd-tutorial thing so that we could all take our quizzes from it or some crazy shit, but when I went to the bookstore, the manager (not some student employee, but the actual manager) seemed flabbergasted that we'd be required to get that book. Also, a bunch of people in the class had already gotten the book, and hadn't gotten the one with the tutorial, which cost them an extra $40. And I knew it'd be hard, but I wasn't expecting it to sound like she was speaking a foreign tongue.
So I looked over the homework, and none of it is making any sense to me. At all. And it makes me feel awful, because it's not even that advanced, I just don't have the foundation I need, apparently. And I'm starting to panic because I need this class... If I can't cut it, I'll have to spend 3 quarters on JUST math. Which means it'll be a whole year of waiting to accomplish the prereq's for the radiology program, so it'll be pushed back to the summer of '08 instead of next year, and that's if I'm lucky and all the stars align and.... Wow, I'm insane. And english is sounding like it may become a class I'll hate, sadly. But I'm going to stay with it because I think I may like the instructor... tentatively. I don't know. I'm pretty insane.
So, yesterday, one of the many people snapping zillions of pictures at my wedding brought over a collage style picture frame with the pictures in question in it... and it was sobering to see myself in a picture. Like, embarrassing. To the point where I've had enough. Eating habits must change this summer. Workouts must be performed regularly in the fall. I may be so drastic as to join a gym. I am tired of ze flab. It will be eradicated. I'm just not sure how I'll do this. It's all well and good to look at the pictures and resolve not to do it anymore, but I've got a serious addiction to combat. One day at a time? Should I try a twelve step program? Should I just cut it out of my life, cold turkey?
I really felt like I looked great at my wedding, but to see the photographs... appalling.
I got a package from Ms. Snark containing the last of my Spring Switch Witchery, and wow! She knitted me a stunning pair of socks, and included the pattern and... I can't stop looking at them! They're like art, for my feet!
Thank you so much, darlin'. That made my day!
So! I am going to be in Portland for a couple of days for Thanksgiving, and I know there are a few Portlanders out there- if anybody would like to meet up, drop me a PM. I also know it's a busy time and a lot of you might be out of town, so I'm not banking on it or anything- I just thought I would offer. Aaand... I should know what part of Portland, right? But I don't; not for sure. I think Milwaukee. I'll have my car there, and I'm pondering a trip to Powells- anyway, just let me know.
So! I went to Portland for Thanksgiving and we just got home and there's already a bunch of stuff to write about, but I have to talk about meeting up with Snarky! We ended up getting together Wednesday evening, and we drove around trying to find someplace that was open and even Starbucks was closed! Well, Ms. Snarky found a little cake shop that was closed, but the owner said we could come in while she finished her receipts and she'd make us coffee. We were going to try to find somewhere else to go, but the owner sort of insisted that we stay, so we did, and we learned that she had this award-winning cake. The carrot cake was not particularly wonderful, so I think I should have gone with the special cake, but eh. Anyway! It was a great meeting and she's every bit as wonderful in person as you would imagine she is from here. I got to try a bunch of scents I haven't had a chance to test yet and it was just loads of fun. I was very tired, so if I nattered on a bit, I apologise. Okay... gotta go unwind a bit now. Hope everybody who's local had a great Thanksgiving!
Okay! Here's the deal, folks. I have no idea. I got an auto-reply from the watchdog group saying that they'd be gone until after the 20th, so nobody has gotten in touch with us, which I find really strange... Hopefully they can do something about this, but I'm pretty sure my dsl won't work without an active phone line in the house, so I may be gone for a bit. If that is the case, please remember: Happy holidays, whatever you celebrate! I'm thinking of you and will be going through massive bpal.org withdrawls. I love you guys!
I don't know if my line is gone yet or not, but I'm still online for the time being. I'm not confident I will be later, but just thought I'd pop in while I still can.
I have no idea what to get my mother for Christmas. We got a gift card to Sears from the wedding that we're using for it, though. Soooo.
I'm also going to nab her some books and a few other things. My mom loves unwrapping gifts, and she loves having gifts that are for her. Childhood trauma and all. Plus, who doesn't love presents? Heh.
It was a great day! I am so, so, SO tired. Hee, my fetching gloves garnered lots of compliments, including one from my sister-in-law with whom I was mightily pissed recently.
We got a gift card to Pier 1, which is odd. I like the store, but we don't do a lot of shopping there. Ah, well. I guess we'll have to browse.
Highlights include:
My watch, of course! It is really lovely, and has no clasp- it's kind of like a bracelet style... wow, I don't know jewelry, obviously. I don't know how to describe it, but the band sort of expands and my wrist slips through a gap. Anyway, it's silver and has a large, round face and is gorgeous. So I shall retire my first watch to the watch box, which is really quite exciting.
The project from my husband- A gorgeous, framed note, written around "ENDURE" which was the central focus of the piece... anyway, it was about how that word sums up our relationship, and that while life's uncertainties make it impossible for him to promise a lot, but he does promise that we will endure. So incredibly romantic and sweet and yes, I cried, and we kissed, and it was awwwww. I wish I could describe it better.
Firefly on DVD! Awesome.
It was the best Christmas ever. Until next time.
